Duskypearls
Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Focus50
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ORIGINAL: Duskypearls
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ORIGINAL: Focus50
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ORIGINAL: Duskypearls
Personally, I would much rather my future Dom be more interested in changing and improving me on my insides, making me better than I already am. To me, THAT is exciting and something to look forward to.
A bit "cart before the horse", no? I mean, don't most relationships begin with a spot of personal/mutual attraction? Obviously the Internet can be an exception - and I'm done with starting there....
Focus.
Perhaps, and that being the case, I should better have explained myself. I do not mean to minimize the value, nor exclude the possibility, of gladly altering my outer shell to be more pleasing to another's eye or pride. To me, though, its takes second place, as it speaks only to the corporeal and the temporary. It is the inner work of growth, understanding, learning, loving and healing I desire most, and that is the currency that holds greater value for me.
I see this as more about already being in a relationship, ie, with someone you really wanna be with. Even in D/s, this works both ways, IMO.
A Forum question that occasionally recycles is "Who disciplines the Dom?". Much mighty Dominant that I undoubtedly am, my answer is that my girl does - albeit indirectly through my own pride and principles of leading by example.
When I'm on my own, there is no "Dom" here because that aspect of my being is as irrelevant as being hetero. And being the outdoorsy type, I couldn't care less that the house probably should be cleaned occasionally or at least vacuumed more than once a year. But, you know....., I've got better things to do blah blah. IE, when most newbie subs imagine a Dominant to be some discipline driven drill instructor, I'm pretty much a stereo-typical male slob whose home decor ranks as "contemporary crime scene".
Inject (the right) "sweet n shy lil fem/sub" to that environment, and *everything* changes! I'd never approve of her home being a "crime scene" (though I'd make allowances for it being a home, not a shop window display) which means I have to set an example - because ol' mate in the mirror insists. Ergo, by default, she makes me a better person for it - we do for each other.
But all this is at least part way into a relationship. First, you've both gotta like what you initially see. And I really don't know how to get around that short fem hair bizzo (laffs), esp when too many middle-aged women connect hair to approving of them per se'....! (laffing ends, head begins shaking)
Focus.
I see where you're going with this, Focus, and for the most part, cannot disagree. Obviously, we are all different, with varying different degrees of what it is we find attractive in others. My eye is not at all blind to male beauty, from the minimally to the breathtakingly attractive fellow. I only make the distinction that for myself, physical attractiveness is not the criteria with which I lead when meeting, connecting with, or opening my heart and self to strangers, friends, prospective male partners/mates, etc. Perhaps I am more different than some folks than I realize. It is the goodness of one's mind and heart that attracts, opens me up, lures me in and keeps me there. I have found when a fellow is able to do this for me, even if he is physically unattractive, by most peoples standards, he is beautiful to me. I must sound like an oddball, may very well be one, and you're more than welcome to consider/call me one, but that is what works for me.
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RE: How far would you be willing to go... - 
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