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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Considering that I've kind of been there, here are My two cents.

The concept of can a Master accept someone who is a submissive and not a slave, understanding that they will not have as much power/control over that person, and won't have as much authority in the dynamic if they believe M/s is stricter than D/s is possible. I'd say that really boils down to how important that person would be in the M's life and if the M is willing to accept those circumstances. The questions the M should be asking is, basically, is it worth it and is the level of submission now compatible with the dynamic.

I happen to be an over time, rather than over night person. However, something about the original post gives Me the vibe that, personally, the level of submission wouldn't be enough for Me. It's all about coaxing, pleading, and persuading for the submission to happen and that's not My style. I also don't have any compatibility for willful and bratty. Others have personalities that will be happy with that. I'm just not one of them and I do happen to be a strict "obey" type. When I want obedience and all I'm getting is constant challenges, I'm not going to be happy. The reason I'm saying this is because, if you aren't close enough to middle ground, or wherever the two of you can be in the same field, at minimum one of you isn't going to be satisfied with the arrangement and the awesome sex isn't going to be worth the resentment.

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
The task in question that I refused was that he wanted me to drink a small amount of his urine - about half a small glass. I hadn't listed it as a 'hard limit' because it didn't occur to me. And besides, it isn't a hard limit, it's just a really, really stubborn one. He is completely confused as to why I don't want to be obedient, after all the other outrageous things we have done in our short relationship. In a way he's right - it isn't dangerous, it isn't going to hurt me - but I just really don't want to.

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
If your gut instinct is telling you that it's not going to work, is it worth trying to make it work anyway?

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
The task in question that I refused was that he wanted me to drink a small amount of his urine - about half a small glass. I hadn't listed it as a 'hard limit' because it didn't occur to me. And besides, it isn't a hard limit, it's just a really, really stubborn one. He is completely confused as to why I don't want to be obedient, after all the other outrageous things we have done in our short relationship. In a way he's right - it isn't dangerous, it isn't going to hurt me - but I just really don't want to.

I would consider being fluid bonded to be something that doesn't happen in a new relationship.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: MissokystDamn... how tacky. He tells you intimate details of what he did with prior partners? First, notice that they are not in his life now, for what ever reason. Perhaps it was those things had something to do with it? Second, you DO know that when he finds the next partner tales of your sex life will be open for discussion, right?

Hi Missokyst. I think you may have jumped the gun there. "What he got up to" could be stuff like cuttings (you know how some folks are about permanent marks) or watersports or whatever else. Something like a cutting could make somebody very scared if they don't like sharps or blood. At the same time, him telling her about his past scenes at least gives her the idea of what kind of experience that he has in it. Let's face it. If I had a scalpel in My hand, I would hope that the bottom I was about to slice open would want to know if I've done it before.

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ORIGINAL: JanahX

There are certain things in fetish that I will never do - not for anyone. It would fuck me up - and if I cant even imagine myself doing it, chances are, there is no way in hell Im doing it.

Now there have been conversations on the boards as of late - with basically the questions posed to the sub/slave/bottom > how far would you go for your owner. The answers were mixed. Some would go as far as body limb removal, some said they'd be out the door with out blinking twice...

I myself - look for people that actually care about my best interest and actually are aware that Im a human being, and that I need to function reasonably well outside the kinkroom. To press something on me that I have clearly explained why its not a good idea for me - and will fuck me all up mentally, is not someone that is thinking about me, they are just thinking about themselves. It also gives me a good indication that somewhere down the line Im going to be disposable. Selfish people more often than not operate that way.

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ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

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Part of the problem is that when it comes to these forbidden tasks, I want him to encourage, persuade and coax me - I want him to train me and make it doable for me - whereas he wants brute obedience, obeying just for the sake of it. If he has to persuade, then it's no fun for him. He gets frustrated by my lack of obedience, and I get frustrated that he wants me to be something I'm not.

Of course it is natural for you to want or to crave his training.
This element of need erases any feelings of fault that you may have felt.
It justifies your acceptance to leave the responsibility to your D.


However,
It seems that if he wants brute obedience for you to breach your limits, he has broken the illusion of trust.
You cannot walk a tight rope at 100 feet in the air the first time with no net, and anyone that expects you not to balk should be assessed.
A D has so many responsibilities to those he owns, and one of them is proper preparation for untraveled roads.


I liken this to not giving a 16 year old a ferrari, he's just not going to take care of what he owns right.


Those that push without concern to what it is doing internally are a huge red flag.

That's not to say you can't be pushed there...sometimes you should be, especially if you want it, it's simply to point out that you need to ask him why he thinks that blind submission of hard limits is not irresponsible on his part.

It's so much better when your D knows what he's doing.

When they don't, they tend to ” expect”
When they do they usually don't even need to ask.

Good luck to you both.

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ORIGINAL: JanahX

I myself - look for people that actually care about my best interest and actually are aware that Im a human being, and that I need to function reasonably well outside the kinkroom. To press something on me that I have clearly explained why its not a good idea for me - and will fuck me all up mentally, is not someone that is thinking about me, they are just thinking about themselves. It also gives me a good indication that somewhere down the line Im going to be disposable. Selfish people more often than not operate that way.

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ORIGINAL: theRose4U

I'm smelling bullshit! Just because he TELLS you he did things that make your heart stop with "twue no wimit swaves" doesn't mean these women exsist!!! I'm smelling a sadits that gets off on I want what I want & will bully until they give in or discard ruining self esteem on the way out the door. He's getting off more from making you go farther than before than the task at hand.

If this works for you for whatever reason make him learn patience. Respect is earned trust is earned & he doesn't seem to want to earn anything. I want I want gimmie gimmie stops being cute about age 2. Its certainly not attractive. In someone pushing for edge play...forget edge play & no limits early on.

My vote is these women exsist in his spank bank or left because he's selfish and/or caused them injury/harm. Someone that has to bully isn't dominant & certainly hasnmastered themselves!!

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

To me, those kind of deep kinks should not be given away lightly to the first duminant who chest thumps for them. While I dont want a virgin, and dont shy away from experienced people, it is rather special to be the first to do something with someone.

I find it sad that some hear bitchiness and a.lack of submission in the OP's post. I see a strong woman with standards who desires a deeper relationship before she deepens her submission. Frankly, its the sort of trait I seek in a partner. Someone who submits effortlessly is unlikely to make a good slave to me.

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ORIGINAL: SirElegance7

Greetings,
Here is my two cents. I want to piggy back on "Toysinbabeland" because I agree with it so much. I do believe anything is possible and there are always exceptions to the rules as far as Master and sub working out. But it in your case it seems to me "he" wont be satisfied. He wants slave behaviors but wont train you. And you don't want to be that person but want the forbidden things to be doable and he wont train you. You made it easy for him by telling him how to possibly make it happen and he is not going with that. Good luck, but I think he is making it super hard for you.