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"Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 1:07:00 PM

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
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On a Group list a few of us were teasing a sub about flogging her at an upcoming party. Suddenly we get this announcement from out of the blue that she is "protected" by xxxxxx and if anyone contacts her she will refer us to HER The ALMIGHTY PROTECTORESS !!!

OK We immediately replied back on list that We did NOT have any idea she was "protected" and withdrew our offers.Now at the Play party We will not flog her or have any thing to do with her.

Doesn't the Dom usually Post that so and so is MINE , Protected etc.?

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RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 1:12:14 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: artglfr
Doesn't the Dom usually Post that so and so is MINE , Protected etc.?

No, it's usually the sub who is more proud and wants to throw around being protected as a shield/badge of honor.

The whole concept is fairly ridiculous and completely plays into the notion that sub = unable to act like a mature responsible adult.

But plenty of novice subs LOVE pretending to be an immature irresponsibile adult who needs protection. And plenty of doms LOVE being the protector/knight in armor who can cast their sheild of protection (+2) against the vile sins of this bdsm land.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to artglfr)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 2:18:46 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

perhaps she forgot that there is fun but also safe, sane and consential and that without the consent the flogging would not happen of course on the other hand when newbie myself someone was always offering protection which really meant they didn't think i was smart enough to take care of myself. hmmm have done fine so far and nothing i did not want to happen has happened. Sounds like a really insecure newbie and well she might improve with time and leadership from the Doms that don't wish to speak to her now. Oh well just a thought. Have fun anyway.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 2:25:55 PM

kiska

Posts: 160
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: artglfr

On a Group list a few of us were teasing a sub about flogging her at an upcoming party. Suddenly we get this announcement from out of the blue that she is "protected" by xxxxxx and if anyone contacts her she will refer us to HER The ALMIGHTY PROTECTORESS !!!

OK We immediately replied back on list that We did NOT have any idea she was "protected" and withdrew our offers.Now at the Play party We will not flog her or have any thing to do with her.

Doesn't the Dom usually Post that so and so is MINE , Protected etc.?

The teasing might have spooked her a bit ... I've gotten spooked before.

Maybe once she sees all the fun she's missing out on, she'll come around a bit. I think its a bit harsh to simply have *nothing* to do with her ... Just make it clear that you're not going to cross certain boundaries and she should get the idea that you're not all a bunch of pillaging war lords.

_____________________________

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue ...

(in reply to artglfr)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 3:03:21 PM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I had a protector when I was a novice, in the form of a mentor. This is the person that kept me from getting conned by the guys that just wanted to take advantage of me. He guided me through the scene, gave me advice and gave me someone to hide behind when it became overwhelming. And it was overwhelming, it was like being fresh meat in the lion's cage.

As novice submissives, many of us are/were so eager for approval and trusting that we'd allow ourselves to get talked into stupid situations.

In that context, I think the protector/mentor is a valid thing.

That said, I see a lot of guys that offer protectorship when the reality is that they'd like to have a sexual relationship with the protectee. Hoping to be the guy there when she decides to lose her BDSM D/s cherry. I also see it from women that would rather hide behind someone than tell someone "No, I'm not interested." In these contexts, I think it's a joke.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kiska)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 3:21:38 PM

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

"As novice submissives, many of us are/were so eager for approval and trusting that we'd allow ourselves to get talked into stupid situations."

how very true that is.......i (yes i've changed from girl to i, me, mine and my) remember when i was new to the lifestyle and got talked into many a stupid situatioin where i ended up having my heart broken or far too many bruises for my liking....

i took my Mentors advice this time around and have gone to Him with many a question when i wasn't sure of the answer and was glad that i did so.

yes i am a mature adult that can simply say no, dump those that need it into the ignore bin, and block emails, however there is a time when trying to put one's foot down that we need help from someone outside the situation at hand.

if my Mentor were to tell me every time i got an email that i couldn't talk to so and so because He felt they weren't going to give me anything but grief (and yes i am going through that right now but that's a different subject for a different time) i wouldn't have gotten to do half the stuff i have done recently.

at any rate it's been one of those days i wish i had a never ending fountain of chocolate and some Ben and Gerry's Ice Cream to drown my problems in.

good luck and Blessed Be

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 4:58:56 PM

Posts: 129
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

I protect my ownself, it's what a half dozen years of kick boxing and Karate do for you.....however, I eventually become tied and helpless....Friken Bastard...LOL and that's just not fair.

(in reply to cariad)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 5:03:05 PM

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

(Fast reply)

i honestly...don't get it. Yes, i agree that she may have been spooked...but at the same time, i think it was a bit much to have an email like that sent.

Is the person that's supposed to be protecting her someone you know? Or...is it a possibility that it's just her? Y'know, pretending?

(in reply to kickinchick)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/15/2006 10:44:35 PM

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

quote:

Is the person that's supposed to be protecting her someone you know? Or...is it a possibility that it's just her? Y'know, pretending?

nine times out of ten i have found when a slave says they are being "Protected," they are by someone they know and not necessarily someone you may know.

on the other hand i have also come across those who are just saying it to get out of having some fun or to be spiteful.

that is a question best left to her and if the email offended you, you can A) say something, B) walk away from her, C) complain til you're blue in the face and hope something changes or D) ask who her Protector is.

if that sounds harsh i do apologize but i've seen it all in the many years i have been in the lifestyle.

take care and i hope it gets resolved soon.

Blessed Be

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to trippingdaisy)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 5:23:04 AM

littlelostbunny

Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

No, it's usually the sub who is more proud and wants to throw around being protected as a shield/badge of honor.

The whole concept is fairly ridiculous and completely plays into the notion that sub = unable to act like a mature responsible adult.

But plenty of novice subs LOVE pretending to be an immature irresponsibile adult who needs protection. And plenty of doms LOVE being the protector/knight in armor who can cast their sheild of protection (+2) against the vile sins of this bdsm land.

I'm guilty of that. Then again, I'm an immature, irresponsible, VERY YOUNG ..."adult." Is it wrong of me to want someone (a mentor?) to step in and tell others to back off when I "get spooked?"

After reading this thread, I will do better about taking care of myself.

--bunny

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 6:43:09 AM

kiska

Posts: 160
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

At one point I was informed that submissives do NOT under ANY circumstances attend certain BDSM events *without* a dominant escort as protection. It was never presented to me as if it to say that the submissive was not capable of making adult decisions; it was more like a nod to his/her innate desire to be pleasing at all times and it allowed the submissive to enjoy themselves more fully and not have to be so 'on guard' about every little thing they do or say at the event.

I'm sorry but I disagree with LA when she says, "The whole concept is fairly ridiculous and completely plays into the notion that sub = unable to act like a mature responsible adult." I am a mature, responsible adult, however I have been placed in situations I'd rather not be in because some dominants are very foreful and very good at manipulation. Being responsible simply means that I accept that it was indeed partially my fault for ending up in a situation that made me uncomfortable, however, having a "Protector" with me, someone who was well aware of my personal comfort zone and someone who would quietly step in so I could extricate myself without being disrespectful would have been a nice thing to have ...

I think there are immature and ridiculous ways to present the concept of Protection. I'm sorry but online protectors make no sense to me. Its online ... If you don't have the balls to turn off the computer then you probably shouldn't be involved in human interaction of any kind; let alone BDSM. For a real life thing though, especially for someone new and uncertain, I think a Protector can be a wonderful thing.

_____________________________

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue ...

(in reply to littlelostbunny)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 6:56:32 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlelostbunny
I'm guilty of that. Then again, I'm an immature, irresponsible, VERY YOUNG ..."adult." Is it wrong of me to want someone (a mentor?) to step in and tell others to back off when I "get spooked?"

After reading this thread, I will do better about taking care of myself.

--bunny

As long as you admit you ARE immature, irresponsible and unable to make good choices for yourself at this point, I think you're ok.

Though one must then ask the question- how can you trust your judgement and make a good choice in your "protector" then? This is the inherent problem with "protectors" If you actually NEED one- how can you trust yourself to find a good one? If you can trust yourself to find a good one- why do you NEED one?

I love the bunny name :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littlelostbunny)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 7:00:11 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiska
I think there are immature and ridiculous ways to present the concept of Protection. I'm sorry but online protectors make no sense to me. Its online ... If you don't have the balls to turn off the computer then you probably shouldn't be involved in human interaction of any kind; let alone BDSM. For a real life thing though, especially for someone new and uncertain, I think a Protector can be a wonderful thing.

So why do you to tell people online that they simply lack balls, but it's not ok for me to tell people offline that they simply lack basic adult skills?

Sorry, but submissives don't get a "pass" on responsibility just because of some bs about "pleasing natures." This is what feeds into everyone saying that subs can't take care of themselves, that subs ARE weaker, that subs are NOT mature adults.

More than a few people in the scene are more than willing to play into that idea.

There simply is no reason for a mature responsible adult to need protection in the bdsm scene. If they feel they do, it's because they refuse to take responsibility and make the right choices for themselves.

If they are UNABLE to make the right choices for themselves, how can say it's ok for them to choose a protector for themselves?

I rail against it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kiska)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 7:12:39 AM

littlelostbunny

Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

As long as you admit you ARE immature, irresponsible and unable to make good choices for yourself at this point, I think you're ok.

Though one must then ask the question- how can you trust your judgement and make a good choice in your "protector" then? This is the inherent problem with "protectors" If you actually NEED one- how can you trust yourself to find a good one? If you can trust yourself to find a good one- why do you NEED one?

I love the bunny name :)

-snip-

That's a very good point. I'd like to think I know what I'm doing and that I'm a decent judge of character, but... I don't and I'm not. I'm doing my best not to rush into anything, at least not until I'm more mature and can make good choices.

Thank you. :) Love the picture, but the poor thing is gonna get squiiished! :o

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 7:14:32 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlelostbunny
That's a very good point. I'd like to think I know what I'm doing and that I'm a decent judge of character, but... I don't and I'm not. I'm doing my best not to rush into anything, at least not until I'm more mature and can make good choices.

Thank you. :) Love the picture, but the poor thing is gonna get squiiished! :o

heh worse...

My standard advice is not make a commitment to ANYONE for at least 6 months. That gives you time to get your bearings and figure the basics out for yourself so that you CAN trust your own choices.

Keep exploring, experimenting, examining- just don't COMMIT.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littlelostbunny)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 7:33:09 AM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiska

At one point I was informed that submissives do NOT under ANY circumstances attend certain BDSM events *without* a dominant escort as protection. It was never presented to me as if it to say that the submissive was not capable of making adult decisions; it was more like a nod to his/her innate desire to be pleasing at all times and it allowed the submissive to enjoy themselves more fully and not have to be so 'on guard' about every little thing they do or say at the event.

I've been informed that the Holocaust never took place and that non-white races are inherently inferior. Folks are ready to "inform" folks about a lot of things that are just downright silly. You heard another one.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to kiska)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 7:55:52 AM

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

"Oh no!!! Don't turn the crank! Helllppp meeeeeee!" Great picture and sense of humor.

Your logic makes sense also.

_____________________________

Kink Forever
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Docents_of_Museum/

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 7:59:44 AM

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

When people speak of having "collars of protection" "mentors" "trainers" I am SO happy. It means I should be spending my time looking for someone with a brain and I am not yet speaking to one.

Harsh but effective.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 8:14:07 AM

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

Excuse Me! Why don't submissives try using oh yeah CODE WORDS?

YOU DO HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR...

someone tells you a submissive cannot go to events without a Dominant to teach and protect them and you apparently take this nonsense to heart and yet you comment on someone "me?" not having the balls to get off the computer.

I was humorously "negotiating" with the submissive trying to break the ice and see if she really wanted flogged at the next Play Party ,Saturday by the way. Yes the Protector is a real person, I have met her .

As jerri My submissive said to tell you "SAFE WORDS work really really well especially at Play Parties and around like minded people." she should know Safe Words Work.

Submissives...Please learn , remember and use SAFE WORDS Any situation you are ever in that goes further than YOU are comfortable with Please Use Your Safe Word!

Any Group event if a Safe Word is used and the Dom does not immediately quit, cease and desist There Will be someone saying "STOP!" If your Dom doesn't respect your code word, I have one other word of advise...Get the hell out of that relationship

_____________________________

Kink Forever
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Docents_of_Museum/

(in reply to kiska)

RE: "Protected "submissive - 6/16/2006 8:26:10 AM

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Fuck safe words and the trend they rode in on...same with SSC...as far as I am concerned they should all be piled on a mound of "collars of protection" and burned.

Like patriotism, they are the last refuge of the scoundrel.

(in reply to artglfr)

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