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The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 2:27:09 PM

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The purpose of this thread is to explore a tangent I picked up from the "a thread on moderation" thread. I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation.

What has changed?
Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things?

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 2:29:55 PM

Level

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The primary example to me, is the number of regulars that have left, for whatever reason. I don't see it as being correctable.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 2:31:41 PM

Kana

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"People come and go like busboys in a Chinese restaurant."
That's life

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 2:37:01 PM

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About once a year we see a "Decline of Collarme" type thread. Us old timers miss the good ol days.

It's different, but does that mean worse?

I do think some awesome, wise people have left, and that has changed things quite a bit. I also think things are better than they were about a year ago, with the multiple personality briggade.

It's an ebb and flow thing.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 2:40:32 PM

hlen5

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

...... I also think things are better than they were about a year ago, with the multiple personality briggade.

It's an ebb and flow thing.

Has that been a year ago already?

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 2:44:09 PM

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Since their arrival, I think so!!

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 2:50:43 PM

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I have been about at least 5/6 years now (I forget) and still like it here :)

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:01:32 PM

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Is it the discussion that is declining or does
participating in the discussions long enough make
you out grow them?

-Aries

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:13:47 PM

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That a question I had Aries. And again I wonder at the reasons for that. Logic would seem to indicate that with BDSM on the rise in the larger culture you'd expect an influx of new shit to talk about. Yet what we here is the same old stuff over and over. My own very tentative but leading hypothesis is that this is due to a rejection of new stuff (findomme anyone?). So instead of getting talked about here it gets talked about in more private and open-minded forums (living rooms predominantly in my case). About the only online place I know of where it's remotely possible to get away from the BDSM bible is the "BDSM Theory" group on Fet.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:19:13 PM

Level

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Jeff, what is it about that fet group that would be unwelcome here? Just a general willingness to be open or?

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:31:25 PM

TwoHeartsBeatOne

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I've been reading the CM message boards for @ 18 months now. Is that still "new"?

I simply love debate. I love finding out if I am dead wrong about something. I love the exposure to opposing viewpoints on a given subject. I love the generosity expressed when the more experienced pass down some wisdom to newbies, or the not-so-new, but previously clue-less on a given topic!

I had noticed a growing number of discussions that devolved into personal attacks, which saddens me. I wondered what could be done to boost morale. It's not that those who rant about the destructive elements don't have valid points based on experience... it's just that I was finding it difficult to see the best of who and what is here. Kind of like trying to hear over the din.

So, I started a new game last night. It's a version of The Person Beneath Me, but this one asks for a response that highlights something positive in the BDSM lifestyle. I thought a game might add some balance and reality, whether for newbies, or for the possibly browned-out veteran here. You know, a place for positive experiences, in a one-liner-ish fashion, that aren't limited to "romantic" relationships.

Well, no responses at all! Perhaps I did a poor job of describing the focus. Anyway, if someone else has an idea or wants to revise what I attempted, by all means... I'm open.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:38:06 PM

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There are many forms of relationships were the people in the relationship just run out of new things to talk about.

For CM, those in the long term relationship will watch as new-comers come with excitement with what the more seasoned generations deemed to be basic information, and we give them the easiest answer, "Go look it up." as though they were children asking how to spell "guitar".

Sometimes a bit of new thought comes to the collective, either from a regular or new comer. That's when we get excited and the hive goes abuzz.

i don't see a decline. Rather, i see it as "mellowing with age". This is just the way things go, imho. i'm not worried, still waters can run deep, ya know ?

e2a
i've been a site-member since 2007, but had to replace my account in 2009.

< Message edited by FelineFae -- 12/26/2012 3:39:38 PM >

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:39:45 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things?

Updating this ancient, broke-ass forum software would be nice.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:43:29 PM

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i thought i may respond to this thread, and really intended to in a different way to how i am. but when it came to it i thought 'oh i can't be arsed'. maybe that's the problem. people just can't be arsed anymore.

needles

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:45:42 PM

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I like reading just because I like reading. I tend not to engage in long debates which I find boring. It is ultimately this I think that makes people exit the site. So old regulars who were here and posting for years get tired of arguing the same point ad-nausem. I know I get tired of reading the same point over and over. So.. I don't. People come and go. Old regulars were a nice read but so are many of the new influx of members. Nothing stays the same a it shouldn't. No one is irreplaceable nor should they be. If people get tired and move on, they do. No loss really in the scheme of things. If they leave out of boredom or out of frustrations due to moderation I wonder why. In boredom you just stop reading for a while. In frustration over moderation .. well.. why? I think I have been moderated one or two times in my years here. Maybe it is because I am not interested in the long debates where I MUST be right, until finally moderation has to step in. Nothing here is worth getting my panties in a bunch over some strangers comment.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 3:47:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Jeff, what is it about that fet group that would be unwelcome here? Just a general willingness to be open or?

I'm not sure that "unwelcome" is exactly correct. I guess the way I'd say it is that the moderation on that group pushes towards critical thinking rather than bible thumping. Accordingly, if I want to venture off the beaten path (LOL) that's a better place to do it. For the more challenging conversations though I still find that group substantially inferior to face-to-face.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Level)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 4:01:39 PM

SacredDepravity

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Well, in a different form, I've been here for at least six years. I came in very new, not necessarily clueless, but a little less than ready for the real world of bdsm. I found just about anything discussed to be fascinating and informative on any number of subjects. I asked questions and, as I gained experience and confidence, I started answering questions. I started talking to people offline from the boards and eventually met with them in real life, developed friendships, and more. I also found that the deeper in I went, the weirder the waters got. I found the weirder things got, the less I felt at home. It was a mixed bag back in the day (like two-ish years ago). I had my own issues and found some foilables in others. Some of the best and worst I found here was my own creation.

Now, as I have returned recently, there's a lot of other water under the bridge. A great many things have change and one of the biggest of those has been me. I have been too far, seen too much, experienced things. I have to look through all of this with that set of lenses now and I have to say that I have come to feel like there is so much bs, fantasy, and something bordering on mental illness in a lot of the new stuff being discussed. It isn't that it wasn't always there, but I see things less as interesting and more as real or not. Is this concretely possible and appropriate in the real world? Most is not. Some are but must be handled with much care. Other things are real enough that I don't even think of these things in terms of bdsm anymore. They just are.

Long story short, I don't think it is a matter of decline. I think most of it is a matter of a shift in personal circumstances and perspective. I don't participate like I did back in the day. I just can't go through the same subjects over and over again. I can't see the dysfunction and stay silent or parse out unheeded advice. I can't be bothered to pat anyone on the head, feed cookies, or seduce trolls. If I feel like offering then I do. If not, then I am not going to take time out of what I am doing to rehash, argue, or bash my head up against a wall. I think we get a lot of the beginner stuff without a whole lot of deeper, more experience questions. My issue lately has been with new people coming with legitimate and respectful questions and having their their threads turn into shouting matches of regular, but dissenting posters, or regulars ganging up on troll posters to the exclusion of actually helping these people with their questions.

But heck, what do I know? My profile says I've only been around six months.

SD

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 4:03:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

The purpose of this thread is to explore a tangent I picked up from the "a thread on moderation" thread. I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation.

What has changed?
Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things?

It hasn't changed at all. I've been on bdsm sites since 1996. They never change. They just ebb and flow. Collarme isn't any different. It hasn't changed ever. It's just in one of those ebb and flows like it goes through every few years. The ones who complain that it has changed are usually the ones who have not been around long enough to experience the numerous ebbs and flows. This is their first one.

I nave no thoughts on improvement. It's just fine the way it is.

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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 4:16:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

The purpose of this thread is to explore a tangent I picked up from the "a thread on moderation" thread. I noted many of the regulars lamenting some sort of decline in collarme. Given that I happen to like this site I thought I'd ask for people's thoughts on this that are NOT related to moderation.

What has changed?
Do you have any thoughts for how to improve things?

I no longer get 85 cents per post. I'd like to see that resolved.

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: The decline of collarme - 12/26/2012 4:21:37 PM

kdsub

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Jeff to me many if not most people who venture to this site" politics and religion" and "off topic" is of little interest to them. We who spend time here are nothing but a sidebar of little importance.

Of those that venture here and constantly complain that collarme is in decline are those just loosing too many arguments or finding the political climate is changing by some members leaving and others joining.

In the old climate they were usually in the majority and had a false sense of superiority… some think they are geniuses and when challenged feel the less gifted will bow at their feet…lol. I personally like change and new people with new perspectives…even if I don’t agree with them.

I complain about some of the changing rules publicly and personal favorites by the powers that rule privately…but even that is fun for me to watch.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 12/26/2012 4:27:36 PM >

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