Reflectivesoul
Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
I will note that while you can say that he (the man in question in the OP) says something or states something when it suits your purposes but you ignore the other things we are told he said and did. Both of them are things we are told he said -- he hasn't posted.
You're exactly right, he has NOT posted. I did not say he said anything, I reinforced the fact that the women said the husband had tried counceling, medications, therapy all of the above.
How is it that I ignored something? Seems to me that you are making the choice to ignore that he does NOT have to put out in order to make someone else happy.
You keep saying how he should be responsible for her feeling bad, that he should leave a relationship that he feels happy in, that he should feel bad for making a decision based on his wants and desires, and at the same time talking out the other side of your mouth about how the hurt partner has the right to expect him to to either put out or leave her. That makes complete sense, sure.
quote:
Your first post in this thread (page 4) was based on a mistaken assumption that folks were saying that if he didn't have sex that meant he didn't love her. That was not what anyone had said.
It was not a mistake assumption and you keep reiterating that fact over and over again because the men that love the women will provide for her sexual desires... WRONG... love does NOT have to do with sex and I will stand by that as long as I live because as I have said sex does not and can not make or break the relationship. You can not base a relationship on sex period, no matter what side of the fence in which it falls.
quote:
But you (page 7) wanted to believe that was what was said so from that moment on you had to keep making claims that we were only hearing one side so we shouldn't judge. Then you had to go make some general comments about all women saying or complaining about all men -- all of which sounds pretty judgemental to me, Ms.-we-only-have-one-side-so-we-can't-judge, unless of course you've heard from all women and all men.
I did not say ALL women... please reread that, and I also said that it was a generalization. Period. I am also not the only person that has stated the same thing, so why do you choose to take it personally when I say something but not when someone else has said the exact same thing?
It also wasnt based to just this thread either,
Go ahead spew how wrong I am but you cant denounce the fact that
A.) Women bitch about men who profess strong sexual urges, these men get called pigs, and are accused of only wanting one thing.
B.) Women bitch that men wont have sex and therefor label him as an abuser.
You yourself labeled the men in the second catagory as abusers, so please do tell me I am wrong in stating it again, because then you have to admit you are wrong in calling them abusers.
quote:
Plus you keep ignoring the fact that the woman in the OP is taking control and starting to take responsiblity -- you apply this to everyone apparently who has even mentioned the similar problem except for yourself I guess. You expect her to just snap her fingers and she'll be fine? In some posts you don't but in others you sure seem to think it is that easy -- which is it?
Again thats not true at all, I have gone out of my way to address other women on this board in other fashions and to offer up support to them in their situations because they DID stand up and say I know I am responsible for myself. You are having a problem with the way I handled one poster here so dont try and say I handeled them all the same, oh wait who was it that was making gross misgeneralizations again?
Please do show me exactly where in my posts I have said that if someone snaps their fingers they are magically all better. ..... oh you cant find one? Gee I wonder how come? Could it be because I never said that and yet you choose to make my words out to be something they are not? Oh but god forbid that would happen because I am the judgemental one right?
quote:
At every turn you can't possibly see how the other person in these RELATIONSHIPS could have any responsibility -- nope its all on the person who is hurt cause as you said above no one else is responsible at all in any way.
I have never said that the other person is not or should not be responsible for themselves, however I did point out how the other person was responsible for taking himself to the doctors, trying to seek help and failing, again thats the point you keep choosing to ignore.
quote:
Exactly what makes you think anyone in this thread has made this decision to stay or that they are equipt yet to make that decision?
Well lets see, ALL of them have said that they realized the situation was bad but they were still in that situation so uhmm you are arguing with that why? Or was that another thing you chose to ignore?
quote:
Some of these people had their partners leave them or die -- they never got to that point where they could make a decision.
Susan herself said she was going to leave and wanted to leave then her husband got sick and she chose not to leave. So how is that her not making her own decision?
I am the one who had the partner leave, but I had already made my decision to stay.... so pelase tell me where I did not willfully make my own decision.
quote:
Others are in the process of reaching out and reaching in as they work toward making a decision.
Incognito has made her decision, she is just trying to make it ok with herself so that when she does leave she doesnt feel so much hurt and guilt for herself and twords her partner, so again how does that say she hasnt made that decision?
quote:
How dare you tell them how fast this process must go.
Please show me where I specified a time line saying that they had X amount of time to leave....
quote:
No one ignored the problem they said the best advise they could give, if someone doesnt like the way it is worded, frankly, oh well. Dont put your business out there and expect everyone to sugar coat everything just to make it easier to swallow. < this was mine all the way>
quote:
How dare you use one person's choice as an excuse for another person's choices, actions, and words.
Read a little much into that one didnt you?
I never said that it was an excuse to act or say anything, what I did however say was dont put your shit out there and expect someone else to sugar coat anything to make you swallow it any better.
quote:
Take some responsibility.
Isn't that what you say?
Or is it really tell others to take responsiblity so you don't have to?
Please do show me where I have not stood my ground to the EXACT thing that I have said time and time again, so please do show me where I have not taken responsibility for my own actions.
quote:
It is a clever plan, it really is. Convince others that only they have any responsiblity and it frees you from all responsibility.
Again please show me where I have NOT been responsible for anything that I have said.
quote:
Just think of it. Now you can say and do anything you want to anyone you want.
You can, its called freedom of speech. But atleast I choose to express mine without insulting, name calling, and being nasty about it.... can you say the same? Nope, didnt think so...
quote:
Someone thinks it is wrong or something feels bad -- who cares? Not like it has anything to do with you because you aren't responsible for anything but yourself.
No, read some more into stuff didnt you?
What I have said though is that if someone feels bad for something *I* have said it is not my responsibility to go fix them because they took it how they wanted too....
quote:
It works great for relationships too -- things fall apart, it can't possibly have anything to do with you, you don't have responsibility to anyone other than yourself
Funny, I did post about my responsibilities inside my own relationships, and have several times across this forum, so uhmm how was I neglecting responsibility in my own situations?
quote:
Oh, wait there are these exceptions for "real abuse" and for children and for illegal things...
Yes, because real abuse is different from give me sympathy because I cry victim to a situation because I made the choice to stay and now I am unhappy. There is real abuse and there is percieved abuse and abuse labeling when it fits ones own needs to gain justification for their own behaviour. ( which is also called manipulation...)
quote:
WHY? By the logic that you can choose your emotions as well as your actions you don't need ethics or morals or laws any more -- that's all part of that nasty blame game stuff. Its all up to the individual how things affect them.
You do choose your own actions, and in turn you should be RESPONSIBLE and ACCOUNTABLE for those actions. Just because you chose them doesnt make them right.
< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 6/22/2006 9:50:03 PM >
_____________________________
ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!
Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..
Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!
|
RE: Submissive in sexless marriage - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread