RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....?

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:14:47 AM

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I had an interesting couple of convos on FET about this some time back.
2 simultaneous threads were going where Daddydoms were called pedophiles and the exact same women were saying "You GO girl" in a thread about 'cougars'.

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:22:25 AM

TwoHeartsBeatOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

I believe you are being sincere in merely wanting to understand the "Daddy/daughter" complex, Two Hearts... I really do. However I also think you're going to get eaten alive by the posters.
I'm learning that although these forums are meant to (among others things) educate, if you question (in any way) something that enough people are into, they feel personally ATTACKED and their answers become a human hailstorm. That said...

I have to admit that I don't understand the premise, either.

While you question the "Daddy/daughter" complex against pedophilia, I've considered (after reading some of the profiles of interested parties and visiting the chat rooms) if this isn't some underlying incest interest.
Comments like "come sit in Daddy's lap while he runs his hands under his little girl's skirt?" "Wearing Daddy's favorite panties." "Squirming in Daddy's lap to get him excited."

I'm putting on my suit of armor now! LOL

I have been trying to find answers to these questions for a few months, to no avail. Questions about Daddy Doms - no problem, about littles, middles, tweens, babies, daughters, princesses, etc... no problem. The answers are there... but not about the red flags.

Yes, I've seen forum threads blow up, but even so, more often than not, I've found people stick with it, and I'm able to learn things here.

If I am "attacked" personally, for asking a question in a way someone doesn't like, I'll consider the source. If what I am saying is refuted - then I've learned! Goal met! I'm reading with an open mind and a respectful heart. I am grateful to anyone who answers, because it can be risky to break silence on an uncomfortable issue of any kind. Hat's off to each of you. :)

I'd like to be more explicit as to why I even have these questions, but in doing so, I think I may compromise someone's privacy. Let it suffice to say that I have been in a DD relationship. Or, was he something else?

I spent a few days composing and revising my questions before posting here. The examples you listed do highlight what I encountered along the way, too.

Thank you for recognizing my sincere interest.

_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:22:45 AM

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I think there are some very pertinent questions here and I think you are very brave to ask them. I do however, wonder why you don't go to FL where there is an abundance of groups and in depth discussions about such matters.
I think this is a very worth wile subject though and one that is often misunderstood in both the vanilla world and the fet world.

I'm not going to answer every question individually because I don't know enough about the psychology behind 'ageplay' to give definitive answers. I will however, give my views on this subject.

Ageplay and regression do not equal pedophilia. This is something done between two consenting adults. Whilst the submissive may be in a regressed state of mind, she is still physically an adult. When someone adopts qualities or a mentality that is child-like it in no way makes them appear physically as a child.

A little about pedos. They are generally very selective and can only be attracted to a very specific age, all of which are pre-pubecent. They need the real thing. An adult woman pretending to be a child would not be attractive to them.

Can we just get one thing straight here. A man who fancies under age youth and acts upon it is not a pedo but a sex offender. Sex offenders often act on something they find titillating such as a young female who first starts wearing makeup and high heels. Both harmful I know but very different animals.

I did know of one 'Daddy' his late 40s and dating a 19 year old. She had all sorts of insecurities as well as a co-dependent personality and he most certainly homed in on that. The whole thing felt unhealthy.
We will always get leeches no matter what our kink but lets not tar all 'Daddy Doms' with the brush I tarred this guy with!

Many women use the title 'Daddy' as nothing more than a term of endearment. Some women will only use it with their dominant when they hit a rough patch and need looking after. Others will make it an absolute lifestyle, though how that works I really don't know. Its fantasy and so long as the dominant understands the difference between fantasy and reality and so long as the woman understands the difference between fantasy and reality then I believe its a perfectly healthy fetish.

As far as letting men into our homes and allowing them to integrate with our young offspring, I would always be cautious but that goes for all men and not just a 'Daddy Dom' I would find him no more a threat than any other man I had met off the Internet.

So my summing up is, This is a fantasy fetish that for the most part is absolutely harmless. If it means that a 40 year old man can get a 20 year old woman, that doesn't make him a potential anything, it makes him an older guy who likes a younger ADULT woman. The girl gets her 'daddy' and the guy gets his young bit of stuff.... everyones happy.

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:24:06 AM

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Since I'm not a dom and have not been in a Daddy/daughter relationship, from my encounters with Daddy's is most are not into "age" play.. From what I have experienced it is more about nurturing, guiding, mentoring, teaching, you know the daddy role not so much being a "Daddy" ... The majority of guys that I have ran into that call themselves daddys, are using it as a way to distinguish themselves from sadistic Doms; pretty much the same way I have seen "sensual" Doms distinguish themselves from other Doms..

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:29:14 AM

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Maria, every time you post information on a kink I feel like it needs to be stickied for future reference.

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:31:23 AM

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First of all, I don't believe you have to explain why/ what/ who brought on these questions for you.
Questions and curiosities are formed from all kinds of reasons. : )

As for recognizing the sincerity in your interest...it isn't difficult, given my questions in this forum are the same way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

I believe you are being sincere in merely wanting to understand the "Daddy/daughter" complex, Two Hearts... I really do. However I also think you're going to get eaten alive by the posters.
I'm learning that although these forums are meant to (among others things) educate, if you question (in any way) something that enough people are into, they feel personally ATTACKED and their answers become a human hailstorm. That said...

I have to admit that I don't understand the premise, either.

While you question the "Daddy/daughter" complex against pedophilia, I've considered (after reading some of the profiles of interested parties and visiting the chat rooms) if this isn't some underlying incest interest.
Comments like "come sit in Daddy's lap while he runs his hands under his little girl's skirt?" "Wearing Daddy's favorite panties." "Squirming in Daddy's lap to get him excited."

I'm putting on my suit of armor now! LOL

I have been trying to find answers to these questions for a few months, to no avail. Questions about Daddy Doms - no problem, about littles, middles, tweens, babies, daughters, princesses, etc... no problem. The answers are there... but not about the red flags.

Yes, I've seen forum threads blow up, but even so, more often than not, I've found people stick with it, and I'm able to learn things here.

If I am "attacked" personally, for asking a question in a way someone doesn't like, I'll consider the source. If what I am saying is refuted - then I've learned! Goal met! I'm reading with an open mind and a respectful heart. I am grateful to anyone who answers, because it can be risky to break silence on an uncomfortable issue of any kind. Hat's off to each of you. :)

I'd like to be more explicit as to why I even have these questions, but in doing so, I think I may compromise someone's privacy. Let it suffice to say that I have been in a DD relationship. Or, was he something else?

I spent a few days composing and revising my questions before posting here. The examples you listed do highlight what I encountered along the way, too.

Thank you for recognizing my sincere interest.

(in reply to TwoHeartsBeatOne)

RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:36:29 AM

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What an insightful, interesting post, Maria! Just the kind that I believe the OP was looking for, and I was hoping for.

Thank you for that!!!

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:37:47 AM

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Thanks Lynnxz thats very nice of you to say

SinFix, I think that is a really good point. The few 'Daddy Doms' that I have known for any length of time are the gentle caring types.

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:53:23 AM

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good lord HELL NO. I didn't have childlike faith and intimacy when I was a kid. I have to REALLY trust someone to allow that to happen now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

I admit I don't have a grasp on how "childlike faith and intimacy" are separate from any woman's personality. Isn't that simply a part of all of us?

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:56:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

1. Or come down from your pedestal long enough to be kind and helpful. (Even though the word "DADDY" is part of your screen name.)

2. If you are referring to a bible passage, I'm afraid I don't have one in my studio.

3. I can see now that I should have paid closer attention to the words beneath your avatar.

I'm on no pedestal. The OP's mind was made up, before the post was written and I'm under no duress or obligation to provide information to anyone that simply can't be bothered to look it up. Which brings me to:

You seem to not know that not having a bible at your fingertips is no reason to not be able to figure out what a bible verse references. Here's a hint: The interwebs isn't just for porn, anymore, dear.

Yes, the words below my avatar show how much I am concerned for people that think that I owe them something merely because they see it as being so.

As I have stated, previously, I posted a wonderful essay in a previous thread. There, again is the whole "do your own research" thing. People that truly seek knowledge can find it here on the interwebs. Good luck to you.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 8:56:32 AM

TwoHeartsBeatOne

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I'm going to respond in the body of your response...

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I think there are some very pertinent questions here and I think you are very brave to ask them. I do however, wonder why you don't go to FL where there is an abundance of groups and in depth discussions about such matters.

I did read a lot on FL, too. I did "searches" here and there. I read sites dedicated to littles, Daddies and DD relationships. I also attended R/L, lifestyle gatherings and have spoken, one on one with others. What remains to be answered, are the questions in my original post here.

I think this is a very worth wile subject though and one that is often misunderstood in both the vanilla world and the fet world.

I'm not going to answer every question individually because I don't know enough about the psychology behind 'ageplay' to give definitive answers. I will however, give my views on this subject.

Ageplay and regression do not equal pedophilia. This is something done between two consenting adults. Whilst the submissive may be in a regressed state of mind, she is still physically an adult. When someone adopts qualities or a mentality that is child-like it in no way makes them appear physically as a child.

A little about pedos. They are generally very selective and can only be attracted to a very specific age, all of which are pre-pubecent. They need the real thing. An adult woman pretending to be a child would not be attractive to them.

I'm not being confrontational... but how do we know that a pedo needs the real thing? Consider rape play. Does it have to be "real" to be sexually exciting? Does the person have to be a rapist to be excited by this? Don't props, words, the "story" all contribute to the fantasy?

In other words, can't someone have a dark desire AND be socially, morally and psychologically whole enough to want to NOT act on it?

Can we just get one thing straight here. A man who fancies under age youth and acts upon it is not a pedo but a sex offender. Sex offenders often act on something they find titillating such as a young female who first starts wearing makeup and high heels. Both harmful I know but very different animals.

I did know of one 'Daddy' his late 40s and dating a 19 year old. She had all sorts of insecurities as well as a co-dependent personality and he most certainly homed in on that. The whole thing felt unhealthy.
We will always get leeches no matter what our kink but lets not tar all 'Daddy Doms' with the brush I tarred this guy with!

Many women use the title 'Daddy' as nothing more than a term of endearment. Some women will only use it with their dominant when they hit a rough patch and need looking after. Others will make it an absolute lifestyle, though how that works I really don't know. Its fantasy and so long as the dominant understands the difference between fantasy and reality and so long as the woman understands the difference between fantasy and reality then I believe its a perfectly healthy fetish.

As far as letting men into our homes and allowing them to integrate with our young offspring, I would always be cautious but that goes for all men and not just a 'Daddy Dom' I would find him no more a threat than any other man I had met off the Internet.

So my summing up is, This is a fantasy fetish that for the most part is absolutely harmless. If it means that a 40 year old man can get a 20 year old woman, that doesn't make him a potential anything, it makes him an older guy who likes a younger ADULT woman. The girl gets her 'daddy' and the guy gets his young bit of stuff.... everyones happy.

_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:00:19 AM

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Question 1

Is a Daddy Dom a pedophile psychologically, but he behaves physically/sexually only with adults?

No. The term Daddy has a lot of different definitions within the kink community. Not all Daddies are even in Daddy/lg or boy dynamics. If you look at the leather culture, the term Daddy gets used for everything from a less strict leather household, to those who teach the beginning steps in the leather world, to those who are not as closely focused on obedience and form more guidance based relationships.

Question 2

So, if a guy is sexually aroused and attracted to all things youthful and he acts on it, it’s a crime and a horror. But, if that same guy channels those feelings into mutually consensual behavior with another adult, or adults, then I think we’d all want to support that “use” of those feelings, right?

I think you just laid some personal interpretations to the term Daddy that aren't necessarily correct for a lot of people. You're hitting on exactly the same incorrect assumption that had a lot of vanilla folks thinking that kinky folks *must* be drawn to UMs and that's where the perversion lies.

Question 3

Daddy Doms and pedophiles “groom” the focus of their attention, using praise, gifts and a sense of dependence. But do they share these other qualities as well:

-a self-image as being younger than they really are?

-inability to maintain peer relationships?

-a need for isolation, control and secrecy?

-shame, self-loathing, but with a charming façade?

- (fill in the blank with your own observations)?

Where are you getting these observations from in regard to Daddy Doms? I'm sitting here somewhat flabbergasted because of all of the names running through My head that are in the leather community who prefer the title of Daddy that are such complete opposites of what you describe above that I am trying to make the connection. These are men who have worked tirelessly in the leather community for decades, are renowned authors, educators, and have helped to change the acceptance of both the kink and homosexual lifestyles. Maybe you can clarify this.

I am skipping question four, as I haven't seen the movie.

Question 5

As a submissive who is also a parent, how do you handle both your own emotions, and your responsibility to protect, knowing the Daddy Dom’s preference for youth?

I haven't read the thread, but I'm suspecting right about now, there are a number of folks who prefer the title of Daddy or those who call their Dominant "Daddy" are getting pretty darn offended by now.

Question 6

As an aging human, how does it feel to be with a guy who is attracted to a look – an illusion – that will become more difficult to create with each passing day? I’m assuming that this feels good, or at least okay, but I wonder how that is achieved.

Question 7

To Daddy Doms & those they partner with & with everyone in our community…

What is being done already to protect innocents from harm? (This is at the core of what frightens me… is there a difference, if so, how can we tell?)

Wow. Why don't you just ask what is protecting people on the street because I'm a sadist and that must mean that I want to harm anyone that I come across? I enjoy inflicting pain, so that must relate that I am out to inflict it on anyone and everyone.

I think it would be really beneficial to you to stop doing you research on the internet and get out to your kink and/or leather community so you can have some of your false premises debunked.

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:02:26 AM

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For the most part daddy doms that I have known were not into some kinky version of "come here little girl, I have candy." They were more along the lines of nurturers. If they had partners where there was a sexual element I never witnessed the sort of behavior that goes on in CHAT rooms (where things are not real). Of course, I was not privvy to their bedrooms and did not witness that, but from what I personally observed it was a relationship just like any other.
I would also mention that those few couples I knew were not raising children. And that of the 3 couples, only 1 of them was significantly older than his "little girl".

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:22:01 AM

TwoHeartsBeatOne

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LOL, okay, I stand, corrected!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

good lord HELL NO. I didn't have childlike faith and intimacy when I was a kid. I have to REALLY trust someone to allow that to happen now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne

I admit I don't have a grasp on how "childlike faith and intimacy" are separate from any woman's personality. Isn't that simply a part of all of us?

_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:24:11 AM

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Is sadism or the sadist a rapist psychologically ? Is a slave a doormat psychologically ? Is a switch bipolar...psychologically ?

You could go on and on couldn't you ?

The so-called daddy dom is a creation of the Internet. Back a few years ago, I had coed subs and others under 30 since. Not a single one ever called me daddy let alone perceive me as one or a pedophile as of course they were all of age.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 2/6/2013 9:29:37 AM >

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:33:21 AM

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This is a fast reply, to the OP.
I admit, I had to think hard about how to respond to you without coming off as if I was attacking you or your "thoughts" regarding daddy dom's.

A HUGE difference that you should keep in mind when comparing a daddy dom/ baby girl relationship and the relationship of a pedo / victim.

Both a Daddy dom and his baby girl or little are consenting ADULTS.
Where a pedo doesn't get the consent of his victim nor are they both adults.

I am a Daddy’s girl.

In-fact I have a lifestyle tattoo that represents that. It's a beautiful heart, with cuffs and a red rose with the letters DG on my right calf.

A Daddy Dom, is simply a dominant partner in a d/s relationship.

A daddy dom doesn’t consider himself my father or me his child. A daddy and his baby girl are not role-playing that they are “father and daughter” nor is a daddy and a little role playing that they are “father and daughter.”

A daddy dom is in charge of his baby girl or little. Although they do not pretend to be their father, they do take on a parental role. In the sense that they make the rules, there is discipline that occurs, they protect, love, and nurture their baby girl or little. Not all that different from the “normal” d/s relationship.

A daddy dom, isn’t attracted to a baby girl or a little because he wants to fuck his daughter or any child for that matter. A baby girl or little isn’t attracted to her daddy because she wants to fuck her father. They are attracted to one another as the adults they are, but a daddy dom is also attracted to the child-like qualities that his baby girl or little hold. Their innocents, their behavior.

The title daddy is just that a title. I don’t get the same feeling from calling my Daddy, daddy as I do when I call my father daddy. Like many words this word can and does have different meanings.

Don’t think simply because someone identifies themselves as a daddy dom that they can’t be sadist or that a baby girl can’t be a masochist. They can be.

Some would say, that a baby girl or little is a little or baby girl because of childhood trauma or sexual abuse.
That may be the case for some, but not all. Just as not all submissive / slaves identify as such because they are emotionally unstable or from abusive situations.

Although you see more daddy/baby girl relationships there is another dynamic that falls into this same group.
Those are the Mommies. Which are the exact counter part of the daddy, except women.

ETA: There are also baby boys and male littles which are the male counter part of a baby girl and female little.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 2/6/2013 9:41:50 AM >

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:36:40 AM

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FR

TwoHeartsBeatOne,

I am a little shocked at how your questions were slanted towards the negative.

I do understand that if you have never been in, had a desire to be in, or had an opportunity to understand a relationship such as a Daddy/lg.. it may be confusing.

I have been in, and continue to be in such a relationship. I can reassure you that I have never met a man that was a "Daddy" that was also a pedophile. I can only speak from my personal experience, and my relationships never involved a creep factor of..."come sit on Daddys lap while he runs his hands...etc"

In my relationships it's always been more of a mental and emotional connection. I sent you a Cmail... please read what I attached. I'm hoping it gives you a better understanding.

Allie

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:44:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

The so-called daddy dom is a creation of the Internet. Back a few years ago, I had coed subs and others under 30 since. Not a single one ever called me daddy let alone perceive me as one or a pedophile as of course they were all of age.

I beg to differ. Daddy Doms existed before the internet.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 2/6/2013 9:45:50 AM >

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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:50:36 AM

TwoHeartsBeatOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Since I'm not a dom and have not been in a Daddy/daughter relationship, from my encounters with Daddy's is most are not into "age" play.. From what I have experienced it is more about nurturing, guiding, mentoring, teaching, you know the daddy role not so much being a "Daddy" ... The majority of guys that I have ran into that call themselves daddys, are using it as a way to distinguish themselves from sadistic Doms; pretty much the same way I have seen "sensual" Doms distinguish themselves from other Doms..

I had originally thought (as a vanilla newbie) that DD relationships were Sugar Daddy/gold-digger types. What you've written is what I "knew" before entering into a DD relationship. I had a mentor who told me all of the above.

He never mentioned age-play, or incest-play, though. Over time, what I thought was a D/s relationship, morphed into a DD/girl relationship. But, still newish, I thought "girl" meant something other than the equality model of relationships. Daddy, to me, meant protective, nurturing, etc... as you've described. It never entered my mind that age play or incest play was a possibility. (hey, new is new!)

So, I loved the guy and did the reading, did the writing and wore the pony tails... I let him bathe me, dress me, do my hair, decide what I would eat, and in general, gain his approval and make him happy.

That led to an un-discussed and un-welcomed incest play. Suddenly, this aging - struggling with impotence, guy, couldn't be stopped. I felt traumatized! That ended it for me, but we remained friends. As he began to find others here, he discussed with me what he was looking for like this... and I quote: "I need a sub with poor self-esteem and Daddy issues." Not long after that, he devolved into drinking himself into a stupor. During a football game, he saw a commercial with an 8 yr. old and said she was "hot." (vomit) That was the end of that!

See, as a newbie, I fell into a trap. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I don't want it to happen again. I'm taking at least 6 months of only socializing with lifestyle people in R/L as friends.

This guy was a self-identified DD. Over time, I discovered the lies, the alcohol abuse and the attraction to children. So, from what I know, the lies and the alcohol alone would mean that he was not a Dom of any sort.

So, this is why I am left with these questions.

I really appreciate the time and thought people are putting into this topic, but I am still waiting for more people to offer their answers to the questions I've asked in my OP. It's a lot to consider, but perhaps answering even one of the original 7 would be great.

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― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to SinFix)

RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 2/6/2013 9:53:45 AM

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

@I'm not being confrontational... but how do we know that a pedo needs the real thing?

You need to understand what you are saying before you say it, especially with a subject like this that is so evocative. I am not going to go into details of how I know but I suggest you take your research from here to some proper research papers and gain a thorough first hand understanding of what a pedo is, how he thinks, how he feels and why he targets very particular age groups.

Consider rape play. Does it have to be "real" to be sexually exciting? Does the person have to be a rapist to be excited by this? Don't props, words, the "story" all contribute to the fantasy?

So are you suggesting that every man who plays around with consensual rape is a potential rapist? Rape isn't about sex, its about control. The moment a woman consents to consensual rape it isn't rape, its fooling around.

In other words, can't someone have a dark desire AND be socially, morally and psychologically whole enough to want to NOT act on it?

I think in some cases yes but its like all BDSM. If a man couldn't flog his submissive would he be physically abusing a woman? In the main its going to be 'no'

I have many dark desires when it comes to BDSM. I have no interest in un-consensual though and so would never act out those desires without a willing partner. I think the majority are like myself but there are exceptions to everything.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

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