RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait?

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 5:25:50 AM

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I have an uber dry, sarcastic sense of humour that I know comes across as condescending to those with a fragile ego and/or thin skin. But I am here for MY entertainment, not to coddle the fragile so......meh.

If some see my words as rude, my opinion, their problem not mine. I'm either here to enjoy the experience or I'm not here. Pretty fucking simple.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/23/2013 5:29:41 AM >

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 5:41:14 AM

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I am condescending at times. I hope not so frequently as to make it appear to a personality trait.

It works the same in the other direction. A little occasional condescension is not a crime, if the situation makes it hard to resist. If it's just they way things are, though... well, y'know... I wear tigers for a reason.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 6:15:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When you observe a dominant being condescending to another person (online, as an example, on a message board here if someone asks a dumb question), do you consider that an attractive trait? Do you admire their take charge attitude?

How in the world could anyone equate condescension with having a take charge attitude? Anyone can be an ass.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 6:46:53 AM

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Its a lot easier to be unintentionally condescending online than in person I feel, especially when your warmest disposition is still rather dry and sarcastic. Its definitely not something limited to dominants though - I identify as sub, but there are plenty of times I have been unintentionally condescending on Collarchat. I don't think its a particularly attractive personality trait, but I also wouldn't come to a judgement on someone based on what they say online; it just doesn't give enough of an impression of someone and there is too much room for misinterpretation. However in real life I don't tend to have much time for people I perceive to be condescending. I think its quite a negative character trait.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 6:59:35 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

When you observe a dominant being condescending to another person (online, as an example, on a message board here if someone asks a dumb question), do you consider that an attractive trait? Do you admire their take charge attitude?

Akasha

(Akasha, I hope this doesn't come off as an attack because I do think much of you as a poster.)

I wonder who this OP is directed at? I'd be amazed if anyone answered 'yes, when I see someone being condescending I think that's attractive and domly' since 'condescending' is a loaded word - it's kinda like saying 'Do you think behaving like an ass is an attractive trait?'. The question seems like it might be a passive-aggressive dig at someone in particular instead of calling them out directly.

In truth I have seen - and made - condescending posts, though they are usually in response to someone acting inappropriately. I usually take it as an expression of exasperation at what seems like a ridiculous/offensive/poorly-thought-out post. I don't see it as dominant/non-dominant, it's just a very human response.

If someone behaved like that constantly, I'd probably just roll my eyes. Having a superior attitude in general usually hints that a person is insecure and/or clueless so I try to ignore it. And I do think context is important. There's a big difference between someone asking an 'obvious' question in a genuine attempt to learn and someone who is being stubbornly ignorant or deliberately offensive. I try to be understanding to the first person but not the second. I probably misjudge sometimes. I also try hard to explain to newbies in a nice way when they have made a faux-pas, because I hope they will stick around to learn, but it's very possible that I might come off condescending to some when I do that.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 7:09:38 AM

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FR

If someone is intentionally stupid or dishonest, I will be intentionally condescending.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 7:10:06 AM

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I consider a condescending attitude to be rude. Dom/sub/whatever is irrelevant. I think being patient and polite is a more dominant attribute. Keeping cool and collected definitely gives off a more "in charge" appearance, in my view. Not being able to handle yourself appropriately in a social situation is not a "dominant" thing.

I also think sarcasm is a very common example of being condescending. Again, orientation is irrelevant. There are times when sarcasm can be funny and light-hearted, but there are times when it's just unnecessary and rude. To me, it can make the person come across as easily ruffled and snippy. Whether or not that's their actual personality, I don't know, but that's how it appears to me. I find tact and social grace to be more attractive.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 7:10:43 AM

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I think condescension has its place and time. Of course, not replying is the higher road, or replying in a more respectful manner even when someone else is being an idiot is the mature thing, but do we all do it. NOPE.
Being an arrogant rude ass from the very beginning, in example, to someone who is asking a question, that might seem stupid to you but they sincerely dont know, is really not impressive behavior. It shows no empathy or regard for others. BUt if you reply in a manner trying to educate and with respect, and they respond as an asshat, well let the condescending begin. LOL. ITs not easy being civilized. IN fact sometimes its just plain not fun!!!! ITs BORING! SInce I use this site sometimes for entertainment and not just education, well I like to be an ass sometimes.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 4/23/2013 7:19:43 AM >

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 7:23:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When you observe a dominant being condescending to another person (online, as an example, on a message board here if someone asks a dumb question), do you consider that an attractive trait? Do you admire their take charge attitude?

There are times when I think it's fine but often especially when dealing with new posters I think less of them as human beings and don't consider such behavior healthy for a community.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 7:27:06 AM

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quote:

Having a superior attitude in general usually hints that a person is insecure and/or clueless so I try to ignore it. And I do think context is important. There's a big difference between someone asking an 'obvious' question in a genuine attempt to learn and someone who is being stubbornly ignorant or deliberately offensive. I try to be understanding to the first person but not the second. I probably misjudge sometimes. I also try hard to explain to newbies in a nice way when they have made a faux-pas, because I hope they will stick around to learn, but it's very possible that I might come off condescending to some when I do that.

This. I'm never trying to be condescending, though sometimes it may seem like it to others. The line between educating and condescending, especially on the internet, can be very blurry, especially with people who don't know what they're getting themselves into.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 7:41:55 AM

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I'm with littlewonder on this, a lot of it depends on context.

That being said, condescension is something that people do to make themselves feel superior over others. In the case of somebody incredible insecure, they do it all the time, because they need to feel superior all the time to compensate for their own inferiority complex.

However, most capable people who have confidence in themselves sometimes also struggle with a -sometimes well founded- feeling of superiority towards others. It's human nature to constantly measure your own capability against others, and if you consistently find you come out ahead, it's sometimes hard not to feel superior. Most capable people don't give into that feeling regularly though, because they know it's not a productive, useful way of approaching others, and giving in to the tendency to sometimes feel superior too often will give you a skewed perception of yourself eventually.

It's why context is so important to me here.
If somebody's attitude is mostly, and continuously one of condescension, I'm going to assume their a very insecure person overcompensating.
If it's the occasional snare at somebody very obviously being a complete dumbass, then I just assume they're having a moment of self-endulgence to deal with a very normal emotion is a way that doesn't inhibit them from productive interaction in general.

In the second case, I don't see it as a weakness in dominants, because I don't see it as an indication that they can't control themselves. On the contrary, I see it as an indication that they generally are very much in control of themselves, and are that moment self-endulging in a guilty pleasure.

I don't expect dominants to be stoic or devoid of faults, so I generally have much more respect for somebody who can find a balance between "productive interactions" and "self-endulgance in less than productive interactions" than with somebody who has the need to overcompensate and try to project this image of themselves as a perfect flawless human at all times.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 8:47:55 AM

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I am a reasonably alpha sub who tends to date alpha men. One of my tests for whether I like a man is to see how he treats other people - not people from whom he can gain advantage but how he treats those people who work for me or him or who serve us. having the best manners and being truly kind to everyone around you is terribly attractive to me and how I live my life and want the man in my life to live his. Luckily think every boyfriend I have had has always treated others well. Condescending usually means the person being so feels a bit inadequate or is just a nasty person and best avoided or feels they have something to prove. They probably have a very small penis.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 8:57:24 AM

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I agree with others that condenscending should be taken in context.

My boss is condenscending to his wife. He tries it with me. It doesn't fly.

When people like to play captain obvious with me, I have been known to be condenscending.

Noones perfect.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 9:43:46 AM

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~FRing it~

I really like what AthenaSurrenders said...and was wondering the same thing myself.

I agree that context is important. Also what one person feels is condescension may or may not be the opinion shared by others reading the same exact thing. So making blanket generalizations one way or the other doesn't make sense. Condescending attitudes are not the exclusive domain of one role or another.

I keep one very simple concept in mind when it comes to forum communication. It's just written word on a computer screen. It lacks the vast majority of what constitutes communication as we know it. No tone of voice, no facial/body expressions, etc. It's just words on a screen. So because of that, I tend to not make judgment calls about who people are based on what I see on a computer screen.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 4/23/2013 9:44:54 AM >

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 1:42:00 PM

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Condescension is in the eye of the beholder. I have seen a number of instances which I thought were condescending, insulting, patronizing, and downright rude that others seem to think was fair and just. And vice versa...I enjoy those with a sharper tongue and I don't see condescension where others do...I see brevity;lack of fluff.

I think we're so used to having dissenting opinions couched in political correctness that if someone criticizes us without apologizing or making allowances, we think they're being condescending. But really, maybe they're just saying what we don't want to hear and we label it something unattractive so we won't have to pay attention to it.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 2:33:23 PM

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I wonder what kind of trait it is when submissives are being condescending? Is this thread a way get people to have a go at dominants, by calling attention to possible inappropriate behavior exhibited by human beings in general?

I think examples ought to be shown with a preponderance of evidence showing this, before we discuss it as a personality trait attributable to dominants. M

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 3:10:04 PM

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Considering I see subs online being condescending as often as dominants, I don't consider it to be relevant to one's relationship orientation.

Sometimes I applaud it and sometimes I'll call them on it. Depends if I think it's deserved.

But not, not attractive in real life. We live in a college town. Every time the semester changes the local restaurants get new kids as wait staff. Many of whom are clueless. I'm more likely to believe this shows fault on the manager who didn't bother to train them then on the kid's fault when being asked to do a job sink or swim.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 3:30:44 PM

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I find that anyone who is condescending just to be a jerk,doesn't deserve any respect.I don't care if it a dom,sub,switch,whatever.We are all human beings first and theres this thing called "common courtesy".Treat others how you would like to be treated.When I see anyone being condescending to others just to make themselves feel better,those people usually lack respect for themselves the most.If I saw someone act like that,I can probably tell I wouldn't want anything to do with that person anyways.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 4/23/2013 3:31:33 PM >

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 4:32:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I find that anyone who is condescending just to be a jerk,doesn't deserve any respect.I don't care if it a dom,sub,switch,whatever.We are all human beings first and theres this thing called "common courtesy".Treat others how you would like to be treated.When I see anyone being condescending to others just to make themselves feel better,those people usually lack respect for themselves the most.If I saw someone act like that,I can probably tell I wouldn't want anything to do with that person anyways.

Amen to that. Common courtesy can get you far in any situation (other than a full-blown bar fight), and not enough people practice it these days.

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RE: Dominants being condescending - personality trait? - 4/23/2013 5:49:09 PM

Aswad

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~fr~

I used to think I knew what "condescending" means, but after reading the various replies here, I'm suddenly realizing I have no idea... is the term really this protean?

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