How can I be the perfect straight sub?

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How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 5:29:44 PM

iamwhoiamabc123

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What would be your perfect submissive little bitch?

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 5:34:28 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
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For starters, a guy that didn't assume I wanted a submissive 'bitch'. Didn't have a preset agenda/life picture and one that was smart enough to listen, pay attention and think about me/us before he thought of how pleasing to him I could be by making him my little bitch.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 6:53:34 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

Not looking for a bitch here either. Perfection is really in the eye of the beholder. What I consider perfect FOR ME is going to be different than what is perfect for another. It's honestly not like all dominant women had a meeting where we laid the criteria for what constitutes "the perfect submissive bitch."

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 6:57:01 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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OP, you might find a number of Dommes who aren't particularly thrilled with anybody who wants to identify as a term that has been used as such a derogatory one against women for the most part. Yes, it may sound hot for you to use it but at the same time, it may be a real turn off to those who have become used to it being the type of term that is used against strong, confident women.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 8:44:20 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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First of all, stop being a submissive little bitch, or a**hole for that matter. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 5/6/2013 8:45:28 PM >

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 8:53:18 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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Well, first of all, the perfect submissive IMO would not be a "little bitch" at all. He would be a strong, confident man with a mind and opinions of his own, yet he chooses to submit to me. Not to just anyone, but to me specifically. Of course there would be other things too, like common interests, both vanilla and kink, a personality compatible with mine, he'd be looking for the same things out of a dynamic as I am, blah blah blah. You get the drift.

NBMG

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 8:56:49 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1788
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
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Since I recently became owned,I have found myself trying to learn to be a better slave for her.For one,I never suggest what I would like her to do to me.I leave that to her to make that decision.Whatever makes HER happy.In return,I have found my happiness by being of service to her.If I have an issue to mention,I'll talk to her about it personally.Not go on a public forum and try to find new ways to have my Mistress "punish" me for being "bad".Thats not my goal either.I want her to be happy to have me as her slave.Thats the whole point of this for me.Perhaps the best way to be a "perfect" sub,try following some of the advice given here on collarme.It may or may not work.It worked for me.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 9:11:41 PM

littleclip

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Joined: 5/31/2012
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be yourself and read some of the profiles of the Dom/Domme and see what they like and be respectfull as honest being used like you want would be more for play as after play there is a whole lot more life to live and do things like shopping and cooking ect

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/6/2013 10:33:44 PM

MistressDarkArt

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I wouldn't want a bitch, perfect or otherwise.

I've got what I want: mature men with youthful outlooks in fully formed relationships with me. What more is there?

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:24:33 AM

iamwhoiamabc123

Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
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Alright really people I think after the third post I get that bitch is a bad word, now idk lets use ourr thinking caps and try to move passed a FUCKING WORD OR I DONT KNOW MOVE THE FUCK ALONG!

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:30:31 AM

iamwhoiamabc123

Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
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LIKE HONESTLY PEOPLE WHAT ARE YOU GUYS FOUR YEAR OLD CHILDREN, thank you for the helpful advice from like two people and as for the rest of you I'm not trying to be a slave I just wanted to know some more FUCKING INFORMATION ON IT AND INSTEAD ALL YOU PEOPLE DO IS BICKER AND BITCH ABOUT ONE FUCKING WORD, GET A FUCKING LIFE PEOPLE AND OPEN YOUR FCKING MINDS TO SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT MORE ENTERTAINING, OR HERE IS A THOUGHT DONT EVEN BOTHER POSTING, YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE ITS CALLED FLAMING AND IF ANYBODY ELSE WHICH I KNOW WILL BECAUSE TAHTS LIFE DECIDES TO POST AGAIN ABOUT THE TERM BITCH I WILL HAVE THEM REPORTED FOR FLAMING.

This is supposed to be an educated forum not a flaming rape rage over one fucking word.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:40:12 AM

stef

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Lighten up, Francis.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:43:57 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Fast reply

There is no such thing as a perfect sub, any more than there exists a perfect parent, perfect employee, or perfect president. There are, however, people who do a great job in their specific circumstances. If I am looking for a sub who likes quiet evenings at home, can recite Shakespeare and looks good in a dress, and the next woman wants someone who loves to go out clubbing, can scuba dive and is extremely masculine in appearance and dress, then there is no possible way you can be perfect for both of us.

So you are asking one of three questions:

1) How do I make myself a appeal to a dominant woman?
Be a good person. Take a look at your flaws and see which of them you can work on. Make yourself interesting - cultivate some hobbies and skills, be able to converse on a wide range of subjects. Show her you are interested in her as a person, that you are flexible and more than happy to meet her needs rather than just focusing on what gets you off. Practice good personal hygiene. Offer more than just your kinks (since there are hundreds of guys offering those). Date her and get to know her. Get out in the community and build up a reputation as a trustworthy and pleasant guy. Be patient. Much like appealing to a 'regular' woman.

2) How do I make a d/s relationship successful?
Pick a partner who has compatible needs and something in common outside the bedroom. Get to know each other. Communicate in a calm, non-accusatory way when problems arise. Be willing to work together and to support each other through rough times. Treat her with respect. Be willing to adjust the parameters of your relationship as you go along so that you both continue to get your needs met. Take an interest in each other, and set aside some time to focus on each other. Much like any relationship. Actually submit - that means (within your negotiated limits) DO AS YOU ARE TOLD even if it isn't sexy or fun at that time. Understand that it takes work and doesn't happen all at once. Expect that it won't all be about your kinks and getting off, it will mostly be about serving her in whatever way she decides.

3) How do I get an awesome porn-style scene that I fantasise about?
Complete parts 1+2 and your partner will most likely to happy to indulge your kinks from time to time. Alternatively, pay someone.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:44:29 AM

iamwhoiamabc123

Posts: 78
Joined: 5/4/2013
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I'm trying, really I am but honestly I came here looking for answers. I already know there is no perfect slave or submissive, that why I put what would your be and instead I got a bunch of worthless messages relating to one word. Like people get a life and stay the fuck away from my forum.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:46:12 AM

iamwhoiamabc123

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I'm actually hoping a moderator will just delete worthless waste of space on the forum.

Please just delete this thread. Thank you!

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:49:37 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: iamwhoiamabc123

Alright really people I think after the third post I get that bitch is a bad word, now idk lets use ourr thinking caps and try to move passed a FUCKING WORD OR I DONT KNOW MOVE THE FUCK ALONG!

Well gee whiz, you know. First of all, using all caps is the internet equivalent of screaming/yelling which is not necessary to get your point across. Secondly, except for the first sentence of my post, I thought it was all actual advice, and not accusatory either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Well, first of all, the perfect submissive IMO would not be a "little bitch" at all. He would be a strong, confident man with a mind and opinions of his own, yet he chooses to submit to me. Not to just anyone, but to me specifically. Of course there would be other things too, like common interests, both vanilla and kink, a personality compatible with mine, he'd be looking for the same things out of a dynamic as I am, blah blah blah. You get the drift.

NBMG

In case there's any doubt, I'm being Nice and not Mean right now.

NBMG

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:54:35 AM

SlightlyScared

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Joined: 2/25/2013
From: The Middle bit of the UK
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Hi, I'm not a Domme so have nothing but a bit of advice borne of observation.

ON-TOPIC: I think there might be a couple of threads already existing in this vein and the answers I've seen are generally things along the lines of "I don't want a bitch, I want a man who obeys me" and "perfection is relative, what works for me might not work for you/ your Lady" and some things along the lines of "compatibility between me and him outweighs all other considerations"

I admit to being curious as to why you asked.

OFF-TOPIC: You've probably just changed the topic of this thread by getting mad and the mods don't really mind what you think is flaming but in this case is the protests of the women you asked to the language you used. Flames are unnecessarily abusive in nature, tend to use bad language and tend to get people in trouble.

I have a spot of linguistics for ya, too. If you're going to get ranty about it, I recommend skipping it but do what ya like.
The Forum is the collarchat.com and everything within it. This is your thread (in which a single discussion is typically held) and this is my post (in which a single contribution is typically held) I hope this helps to prevent further confusion.

I have assumed, for the sake of convenience that you're not claiming to own the forum.

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 12:56:46 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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fr

I really wish I had seen the temper tantrum before I bothered typing out a sensible 'benefit of the doubt' type of reply.

I don't know a single dominant woman who wants a sub who stamps his feet and swears at people when he gets called on his bad behaviour. So perhaps you might wanna work on that as a starting point.

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 1:03:29 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

One of the beauties of this forum is that posts don't get deleted in most cases just because somebody makes an error in judgement. OP, you wanted to know what Dominant women thought. We told you. The reaction that you had to the information that we provided doesn't get erased just because you didn't like what we had to say. Basically, you got told don't be offensive. That shouldn't be too difficult to manage.

The best way to be a good sub is to begin by being a good person. Most Dominant women want people with good qualities and character traits. How you treat others is on that list. Acting poorly or blowing up at the people who responded probably isn't going to be high on desirable qualities.

Think about the kind of people that you want in your life. Does it matter if they are honest? Do you care if you can trust them? Do they know how to have mature relationships that include good communication, rather than manipulative tactics? Are you good friend and/or partner material? It's no different than any other part of life.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: How can I be the perfect straight sub? - 5/7/2013 1:11:27 AM

MsNatascha

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/15/2005
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In very brief and speaking very generally: You should take care of yourself physically and learn to express yourself verbally, both with clarity and with respect. Subs are responsible for stating their limits, and anyone who is looking for a no limits sub is not responsible enough to be topping. BDSM is a dialogue, and you need to learn to keep up your end. This is not something you are going to learn anywhere in the vanilla world. Basically it's about being assertive, but always respectful and deferent at the same time.

Aside from putting some energy into being attractive, you need to tune into your empathetic and intuitive side. An ideal slave/sub is capable of anticipating his Mistress' needs and fulfilling them without expecting to be heaped with praise and accolades. It's a great and pleasant surprise when a sub knows you well enough to behave as you need without being asked. It makes that sub unique and valuable. Listen, pay attention, learn body language, communicate, never nag or ask twice unless absolutely necessary. Dommes have a bit of an impatience with sycophants who are always asking if they are doing well or if this is what you want. At least I do. If you don't hear anything it means you're doing well. Keep it up.

Finally, keep your hard boundaries. Just because you are a sub or slave does not mean you don't deserve respect and dignity as a human being. On the contrary, it's most crucial that you be accorded those basic dignities in this particular situation. If someone is exploiting you, and if someone is acting more like a sociopath than a Domme, set your boundaries and/or GTFO. BDSM leaves everyone feeling good. Boring, old violence and coercion leaves no one feeling good. If someone is using BDSM as some means to act out their particular craziness, then get away from that person. They will damage you, both as a sub and as a human being.

So that is my basic, general advice. Tune into your Mistress' needs and desires, make your own clear in the form of respectful requests, keep your hard limits, and keep them dearly, never subjugate your human dignity to the role you are playing, take care of yourself and have your own, full life and interests, and above all, have fun. Because if it's not fun, it's just fucking wrong.

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