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RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 7:18:10 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLogansSub

thank u to focus and to TNDommeK. as for kana u r exactly the proof to me that a lot of men get into Dom lifestyle just so they can be controlling, abusive, dicks to women. not for the pleasure or the pleasure of pleasing each others fantasies. I was warned of this when I got into the lifestyle, that many men have no idea what and art form BDSM is and what a great responsibility it is to care for their subs and to keep them safe emotionally as well as physically. The subs should be held in high regard for choosing the lifestyle not abused in a negative way or used to get to other women. Thank u kana for helping me realize that i will have to be extra careful if ever taking on another Dom that He knows what a real Dom is supposed to act like and not choose another like Him or you, women haters


You know, we get a ton of newbies and clueless people coming to the message boards and posting really upset about a failing relationship.

You did not really come here asking for advice; you know what you need to do and just wanted to vent.

You got some realistic replies asking for more info and then you got a snarky reply from one of the most respected guys on the boards.

You act like a spoiled kid when you did not hear all touchy feely posts and you have NO clue about Kana; you should be so lucky to find a guy with such an innate understanding of D/s and more importantly, self aware, upfront and take no prisoners guy. He is not everyone's Dom cup of tea, but don't be dissing Kana, 'k?

Next, as to your relationship; it sounds like it sucks. He doesn't listen, does not seem to care if you are happy so for that alone, why stay? You love him? Pfft.

We all loved guys who were not fab to us and we all had to get through it.

You have two choices: stay and be miserable or leave and be miserable in a better way until it gets better for real.


I will second this.

You know what they say, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. You are new here, so you haven't a clue who Kana is, but let me assure you that in the ways he is a dick, his slave a quite a few years is ok with it. After all, she is not the one posting boo-hoos on a message board, is she?

Since you haven't been with him your whole life, I'm not sure what the hell is has done his whole life that you can't handle, but I have to question if you knew this going in, why did you bother? Now your heart is all mixed up and you can't separate the chaffe from the wheat so to speak.

As Red said, we have all been "hopelessly" in love with someone who wasn't right for us. But we made the hard decisions, as adults, to do what was best for us (even if for some of us, it took a really long time, me included).

Love does NOT conquer everything. If, at 38, you are still living under that delusion, you need a therapist to help you, not a bunch of internet strangers.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 7:34:46 PM   
inchargeinca


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/26/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLogansSub

Im not happy anymore. Im a very good sub when Im happy but I feel things r too one sided here. Am I just not being a good sub or do I not have some boundaries that should be respected? Looking for advice from other Doms because He is my first and only but I have read up and feel He is not adhering to His role



A BDSM relationship is similar to a vanilla one in a lot of ways. If you're not happy, don't feel you're being respected and you have tried to address this without success, it might be time to move on.

(in reply to SirLogansSub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 7:39:47 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

You have two choices: stay and be miserable or leave and be miserable in a better way until it gets better for real.


You dominant partner is the constant - he won't change.

As sexyred1 says, YOU are the only variable in your situation.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 8:01:16 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLogansSub

oh i have talked it to death and its always promised to be different but never is. I know what I need to do but I am just not doing it cause I love Him. Thank u for the advice


Then leave if you're not happy. Simple.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SirLogansSub)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 8:02:23 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLogansSub

thank u to focus and to TNDommeK. as for kana u r exactly the proof to me that a lot of men get into Dom lifestyle just so they can be controlling, abusive, dicks to women. not for the pleasure or the pleasure of pleasing each others fantasies. I was warned of this when I got into the lifestyle, that many men have no idea what and art form BDSM is and what a great responsibility it is to care for their subs and to keep them safe emotionally as well as physically. The subs should be held in high regard for choosing the lifestyle not abused in a negative way or used to get to other women. Thank u kana for helping me realize that i will have to be extra careful if ever taking on another Dom that He knows what a real Dom is supposed to act like and not choose another like Him or you, women haters




I'm sure you all get what I'm thinking. No need for more words.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SirLogansSub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 8:07:52 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLogansSub

thank u to focus and to TNDommeK. as for kana u r exactly the proof to me that a lot of men get into Dom lifestyle just so they can be controlling, abusive, dicks to women. not for the pleasure or the pleasure of pleasing each others fantasies. I was warned of this when I got into the lifestyle, that many men have no idea what and art form BDSM is and what a great responsibility it is to care for their subs and to keep them safe emotionally as well as physically. The subs should be held in high regard for choosing the lifestyle not abused in a negative way or used to get to other women. Thank u kana for helping me realize that i will have to be extra careful if ever taking on another Dom that He knows what a real Dom is supposed to act like and not choose another like Him or you, women haters

ETA That this is Kana

Oh funk. I mean seriously? A grown ass woman all of thirty freaking eight and you need a group of strangers to tell you what's right for you? WTF is wrong with that picture?
That's simply sad. So I took the posting with exactly the appropriate amount of earnestness.
(And if there was any question about my intent, the smiley face at the end shoulda given it away)
50 shades of drama, much?

For crying out loud-it's a relationship. Nothing more. Nothing less. Treat it as such and you'll be fine.
This is BDSM. It ain't for the thin skinned and it certainly ain't for the whiners. If you walk away for your first interaction with nothing but some slightly hurt feelings, big freaking deal. Could have been a whole lot worse. Hopefully, you'll learn something.
But don't come bitching about trite crap and expect a whole shit-ton of sympathy. especially here, where the boards are populated, in part, by sadists.
Want my real advice? I'll tell you what an old man told me once a long time ago. Grow up. Show up. Shut up. take some control of your life and responsibility for your choices and actions.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, since I'm being earnest and all, I obviously need to work on my mastering skills. (I know this cuz a newbie told me so.) That is, if you folks think I can overcome my lack of caring and/or responsibility for her physical and emotional well being (Silly me, here I was thinking as a grown woman a slave should be responsible for her own mental flipping health) as well as misogynistic tendencies.
Can you please, pray-tell, I beseech thee, steer me towards an appropriate mentor?


Wasn't so funny the first time but now you're just being a horse's arse about it....

<shrugs>

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 8:11:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		heh..I thought it was funny <shrug>

Sorry but at 38 years old and still needing everyone to give her hugs and kisses on a website...well, yeah, like Master said, I'm not going to take her all that seriously. If at that age you still don't get it then that's not my issue, it's hers. I don't come here to baby people and I definitely don't come here to make people feel all touchy feely.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 8:26:19 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

heh..I thought it was funny <shrug>

You'll just hafta imagine my surprise there....


quote:

Sorry but at 38 years old and still needing everyone to give her hugs and kisses on a website...well, yeah, like Master said, I'm not going to take her all that seriously. If at that age you still don't get it then that's not my issue, it's hers. I don't come here to baby people and I definitely don't come here to make people feel all touchy feely.

Well I'm 58 and there are times I still appreciate a hug.

Looks like it's the OP's first day here. Guess I'd make a very different kind of host than you. Maybe one of us could lighten up a touch - you being all appreciative of "humour" n such....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 8:38:02 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6672
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

heh..I thought it was funny <shrug>

You'll just hafta imagine my surprise there....


quote:

Sorry but at 38 years old and still needing everyone to give her hugs and kisses on a website...well, yeah, like Master said, I'm not going to take her all that seriously. If at that age you still don't get it then that's not my issue, it's hers. I don't come here to baby people and I definitely don't come here to make people feel all touchy feely.

Well I'm 58 and there are times I still appreciate a hug.

Looks like it's the OP's first day here. Guess I'd make a very different kind of host than you. Maybe one of us could lighten up a touch - you being all appreciative of "humour" n such....

Focus.

I'll lighten up. Grins
Point of fact-I thought I already had. Hence the smiley face at the end of my original comment. :-)

Thing is though, and this is something I wonder lots about life-not just CM, are we doing a newbie a disservice by padding our opinions. Tell people the truth, shoot from the hip, get em ready for a world that's not all a happy fun wonderful newbie welcoming place.

ETA-and yeah, from time to time, big bad Kana needs hugs too. Don't tell anyone-I'll lose my standing in the One Twue Doms Union.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 8:47:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		hey I'm all for hugs...but don't lie and say you're looking for advice when all you want is a hug and agreement.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 9:09:41 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Maybe one of us could lighten up a touch - you being all appreciative of "humour" n such....


Kana made a joke and the OP called him controlling, abusive and fake. If someone needs to lighten up it's not Kana.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 9:17:55 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		but but but...we're supposed to be nice and protect the newbies, no matter what they say! You big meaning Oside!


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 9:51:05 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Something's seriously wrong.

It sounds to me like you're driving the relationship. As though you have your own idea about what it should be like. You tell him, and he just gives you some lame promise to shut you up. He doesn't tell you what he will REALLY do, and he doesn't share HIS vision of what he wants the relationship to be.

He's not in control. And it sounds like he's not the Dom here. Which could be the source of your discontent. If you want to keep the relationship alive, ask him, for a change, what HE would like to see in the relationship. Basically, empower him. If you want to keep it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 10:47:30 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Thing is though, and this is something I wonder lots about life-not just CM, are we doing a newbie a disservice by padding our opinions. Tell people the truth, shoot from the hip, get em ready for a world that's not all a happy fun wonderful newbie welcoming place.

As opposed to heaping shit on them ("objective" cheer squad et al in tow) and assuming one little typed smiley face means all should just naturally be familiar with your particular brand of humour?

Not convinced mate....


quote:

ETA-and yeah, from time to time, big bad Kana needs hugs too. Don't tell anyone-I'll lose my standing in the One Twue Doms Union.

Before when you wrote "ETA", I thought that stood for something like "Edited to Add"...? But since I don't see CM's accompanying "Edit" stamp this time, it means something different altogether? Estimated Time of Arrival makes no sense.... And no smiley face - so that rules out another attempt at humour, right?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 10:50:39 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
]Before when you wrote "ETA", I thought that stood for something like "Edited to Add"...? But since I don't see CM's accompanying "Edit" stamp this time, it means something different altogether?
If you edit within the first minute or so of making the post, the edit stamp won't show up.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 11:40:59 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6672
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Maybe one of us could lighten up a touch - you being all appreciative of "humour" n such....


Kana made a joke and the OP called him controlling, abusive and fake. If someone needs to lighten up it's not Kana.


This.

And with that, I'm making like Snagglepuss and exiting stage right. Color me gone from this thread.
Tips hat, bows to all.
Disappears, leaving naught save a ring o'smoke and a caption that says "poof," fifties Hanna Barbara style

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/26/2013 11:50:07 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLogansSub

thank u to focus and to TNDommeK. as for kana u r exactly the proof to me that a lot of men get into Dom lifestyle just so they can be controlling, abusive, dicks to women. not for the pleasure or the pleasure of pleasing each others fantasies. I was warned of this when I got into the lifestyle, that many men have no idea what and art form BDSM is and what a great responsibility it is to care for their subs and to keep them safe emotionally as well as physically. The subs should be held in high regard for choosing the lifestyle not abused in a negative way or used to get to other women. Thank u kana for helping me realize that i will have to be extra careful if ever taking on another Dom that He knows what a real Dom is supposed to act like and not choose another like Him or you, women haters


If you thought Kana is bad, you are really going to hate me, but here is my take anyways.

You got great advice from others, so you dont need an answer from me on what to do. I was in a similar situation. I got out.

As to the above... honey... you got sold nonsense.

What I may consider a fabulous Dom.. (And, yes, I do consider Kana one of the good one's around these parts, even when he and I disagree) you may consider that person being the biggest ass you ever met.

And that is perfectly fine. What I like, you may not. However, that doesnt make someone a fake, or a woman hater. Do yourself a favor and get rid of that stereotype. You are sitting prey for a guy who knows how to manipulate that into making you believe every man you speak too is abusive EXCEPT him.

The subs should be held in high regard for choosing the lifestyle not abused in a negative way or used to get to other women.

Where did you get that piece of "wisdom" from? I want a man who can respect me outside of the bedroom for my intelligence, my sensitivity (ok, all you folks who are laughing at that part can stop. I can TOO be sensitive!) and my compassion. What i also want is a man who can dominate me in the bedroom, reduce me to a puddle of flesh, debase and even humiliate me appropriately to my needs. Nothing turns me on more than a man who isnt afraid to tell me I am being a fucking cunt and wont change that position regardless of my reaction.

This is your first. I doubt the next will be your last. I am not being snarky when I say that, just honest. Your post came across as one of those "my submission is a gift" ideology where the sub should be placed in a pedestal.

My belief about pedestals... its a long way down. I fall often, I am not perfect. I bump my knee, get a bruice and scrapes, I start crying. Runny nose and swollen red eyes are rarely pretty. Give me a man who can keep me firmly on my knees.. and in my place.. and I am smiling rainbows.

Find a man who makes you smile by giving you what you NEED... not what you WANT.

If you dont know the difference between the two, take some time before your next relationship to find out. It took me years. I discovered my wants were fleeting. My needs do not change. A man who gives you everything you want, yet cares nothing for your needs, isnt what a submissive should strive for.

Just my opinion.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SirLogansSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/27/2013 12:17:55 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
And with that, I'm making like Snagglepuss and exiting stage right. Color me gone from this thread.
Tips hat, bows to all.
Disappears, leaving naught save a ring o'smoke and a caption that says "poof," fifties Hanna Barbara style


Typical... Even controlling when you leave a thread...

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 5/27/2013 12:22:38 AM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/27/2013 12:23:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/27/2013 12:43:58 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		If it were easy to change someone else to suit ourselves, it wouldn't really matter who it was we spend our time with.

Truth? There is only one person we can change. And even that isn't easy.

Good luck, doll. Whatever you decide to do.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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