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RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 8:50:59 AM

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If it was advice she was giving, I could see it. It wasnt. But to each their own. I had forgotten white knights also tend to rescue Dom's in distress as well.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 9:06:14 AM

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..

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 9:09:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Very well written sugar coating reply by a 22 yr old! I'm with sugar coating camp!
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" doesn't always work for everybody, except those with tough hide. But if they were tough in the first place, they would not be crying here.

Allow me to point something out here: the "What the fuck is wrong with you?" that you keep throwing around came from me. It was a statement about why I didn't follow my degree into becoming a relationship counselor. Never at any point did I aim that comment at the OP.

In fact, the advice that I gave was:

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

So, you're miserable, but won't leave because you love him. He keeps talking the talk, but not walking the walk. (Actions speak louder than words) You're not going to change him, only he can change him.

I'm also curious about the statement, "what a real Dom is supposed to act like". Allow me to point out: this is your first D/s relationship, you're no expert on what is real. And what is real to me, may not be real to someone else.

This isn't a D/s problem, it's a relationship problem. (How long is that relationship, btw?) I suggest you ask yourself, would you stay if this were vanilla and you'll have your answer.

Yep, that was just flat out mean of me....

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 9:59:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Allow me to point something out here: the "What the fuck is wrong with you?" that you keep throwing around came from me. It was a statement about why I didn't follow my degree into becoming a relationship counselor. Never at any point did I aim that comment at the OP.

Actually..., some posters were commenting to OP that she's 38 and should grow up, and that is another way of saying "What the fuck is wrong with you?", because you're 38 and should be made of sterner stuffs.
I didn't thought you were using that at OP, but I used it because I thought it was an excellent encompassing phrase to represent the reactions here sometimes.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/31/2013 10:03:08 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 10:08:44 AM

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Actually, Greta, I think you need to read the thread again... carefully.

Only one person told the OP to grow up, and that was Kana after her verbal attack on him for being a fake.

The only other person to tell anyone to grow up was LL, and that was in response to Happyman there.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 10:19:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Actually, Greta, I think you need to read the thread again... carefully.

Only one person told the OP to grow up, and that was Kana after her verbal attack on him for being a fake.

The only other person to tell anyone to grow up was LL, and that was in response to Happyman there.

Nice but mean girl too and LittleWonder too, they may not say "grow up", but certainly focusing on her age being 38 is indirectly telling her she's too old to be having issues like that.
And I definitely have notice that, when a very young like 19 yr old post and cries about her dom, people are slightly more understanding. But if someone alot older does the same, tough love comes out.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 10:30:59 AM

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quote:

LittleWonder too.

Is Kana's submissive. He was on her account. He admitted to that already.

quote:

ETA That this is Kana

Oh funk. I mean seriously? A grown ass woman all of thirty freaking eight and you need a group of strangers to tell you what's right for you? WTF is wrong with that picture?

NiceButMeanGirl only made one post I can find on this thread....

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4452876

She mentioned age, she never told the OP to grow up. I mentioned age. You mentioned age. Many people mentioned age. No one but Kana mentioned she needed to grow up.

As far as her age, yeah, 38 is a bit old to be that vague and wanting advice for an issue no one can ever hope to understand because we dont have enough information to give advice. Its possibly not a well known fact, but advice will change depending on the issues, not the people.

If a woman, 19 or 38, comes here complaining that her Dom wont do as she wants... grow the fuck up.

If a woman, 19 or 38, comes here complaining she is being abused... get the fuck out... do you have some place to stay? are there shelters close to you? Dont stay with an abuser.

See how the advice changes irrespective of the age?

But 38 is a bit too old to be playing games when asking for advice.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 2:34:47 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

But there's been a damn lot of talk about how we should treat newbies, but I ain't heard anyone mention the regulars perspective. Like you, and many of this threads participants, I've been here a looooong time. In that time, I've seen pretty much anything and everything run across the boards. And ya know, sometimes it gets damn tiring reading the same old drivel, the same ridiculous issues that have been beaten to death a hundred thousand times on here. For crying out loud, how many times can you read nonsensical postings before they get under the skin from time to time. I mean, is another Fin-dom forum needed? hell fucking no. But sure as the sun rises, we'll get another post complaining about em within five days

This is pretty much the point I was making to tazzy. That there's nothing new in D/s topics & dynamics etc - EXCEPT - the people partaking of them. So topic-wise, yeah, when you've been in the lifestyle awhile, there comes a point where long-termers just see the same ol' topics repeating.

What's tiresome to me is when those "lifers" start bitching and whining because some newbie starts a topic that's inevitably been done ("to death") before. The problem (IMO) isn't the newbie or whatever *innocent* question they ask, it's the old-timers who can't accept themselves as being jaded and weathered from their own greater experience.

Nothing truer than "variety is the spice of life" and nothing makes you feel your own mortality like a newbie starting out. So the newbie gets jumped on for basically being new and having it all before them. That's envy - envy from the old, the tired, the jaded, the burnt-out. I mean, W-T-F-?, it's up to the newbies to entertain the lifers by starting a whole new D/s topic that no-one's ever thought of before???? In other words, the onus is on the new to do what their older, more experienced detractors can't? That's outrageously unfair BULLSHIT!

So yeah, rather than dismissively point the newbie to the 'Search' feature, I'm more inclined to point those who damned well orta know better to the 'Back' button. It ain't just newbies who occasionally need a dose of "grow tha fuck up!". The new replace the old - that's the truth of life itself. I'm against it, too, but it ain't any newbie's fault that I'm the one getting old and past it. It's not their fault you are, too, from what I'm reading of your comments above.

So when you say your chin is out - not convinced...!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Kana)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 3:07:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Tactics? Maybe in your mind....

Tactics, yes. A mode or procedure for trying to gain advantage. Case in point, calling Kana a flippant dick and a horse's arse, accusing him of heaping shit on people, characterizing my observation as a cheap shot, and dismissing everybody who disagrees with you as just Kana's mob/clique/bandwagon. Like that, see?

Take II - if Chi allows....

Ahhh, calling it as I see it. Pretty sure I don't have a mortgage on doing it or claiming it.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Kirata)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 3:12:11 PM

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quote:

This is pretty much the point I was making to tazzy. That there's nothing new in D/s topics & dynamics etc - EXCEPT - the people partaking of them. So topic-wise, yeah, when you've been in the lifestyle awhile, there comes a point where long-termers just see the same ol' topics repeating.

I think I come up with some pretty interesting topics.. when the mood strikes... lol Not everyone agrees, but they do spark some interesting discussions and get people to thinking.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 3:26:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
This is pretty much the point I was making to tazzy. That there's nothing new in D/s topics & dynamics etc - EXCEPT - the people partaking of them. So topic-wise, yeah, when you've been in the lifestyle awhile, there comes a point where long-termers just see the same ol' topics repeating.

What's tiresome to me is when those "lifers" start bitching and whining because some newbie starts a topic that's inevitably been done ("to death") before. The problem (IMO) isn't the newbie or whatever *innocent* question they ask, it's the old-timers who can't accept themselves as being jaded and weathered from their own greater experience.
Focus.

And why is it that people these days, given the fantastic tools called A SEARCH can't be assed in using it??

I mean, c'mon Focus.
I think that's why the old-timers get more than a bit peeved at newbies asking the same-old crap on a daily basis.
It's not like it's an old topic or one that's buried deep in the archives - a lot of similar stuff (with the advice to go with it) is often very very recent.
I see the same old - gimme the answers NOW coz I can't be assed to look for myself - scenario on quite a few forums that I frequent (and not all of the same subject of CM either).
It gets extremely tiring and if you're having a bad hair day you'll lash out or be a bit more snarky than usual.
If that newbie then retorts with a personal insult, you can expect some lifers to retaliate even if they are adversaries.

You say age doesn't come into it. I disagree.
At 18/19 etc, you haven't really had that much adult life experience to draw on or compare with.
At 38, you should be heaps more empowered with your 20+ years of adult experience to call upon - even if you were only ever in a single vanilla relationship up to that point.
Unless you've been a total hermit/recluse all your life, you aren't quite that 'green' any more.

So yes, I'd be a little more forgiving for a 19yo than someone who is 38 and still can't work on some common sense.

Just my

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 3:39:05 PM

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1 - Search doesnt always work.
2 - If you are new, you wont know how to use the search feature to find what you are looking for
3 - Its not all that problematic to revisit a topic... or to even pull up a few threads for someone new who is asking.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 3:58:07 PM

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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Allow me to point something out here: the "What the fuck is wrong with you?" that you keep throwing around came from me. It was a statement about why I didn't follow my degree into becoming a relationship counselor. Never at any point did I aim that comment at the OP.

Actually..., some posters were commenting to OP that she's 38 and should grow up, and that is another way of saying "What the fuck is wrong with you?", because you're 38 and should be made of sterner stuffs.
I didn't thought you were using that at OP, but I used it because I thought it was an excellent encompassing phrase to represent the reactions here sometimes.

You know what Greta? There are a shit load of women who aren't competent of living independently and think that being a sub is a good way to avoid it. After all, they don't have to make decisions, they don't have to deal with life. Everything about their life is taken care of for them. That's what they think. Then they find out that D/s relationships still require them to have a modicum of responsibility too and they can't handle it.

If you reach the age of 38 and you are so butthurt sensitive because you love someone who doesn't love you back the way you want, and then you come crying on an internet message board expecting everyone to take up the "poor little you" cause, you are shit out of luck.

Oh yea, and like tazzy pointed out, she gives this very vague description of what is going wrong (likely in the hope of getting everyone on her side). No one can really talk about what is going on because they couldn't fucking bother to tell us. So we go on the bare bones facts they told us.

Yes, she was told very bluntly that she needed to get out because things weren't going to change. She was told that we needed more information if she wanted more detailed advice. Then Kana makes a joke and she calls him a "controlling, abusive dick." Gee, she had no problem expressing her displeasure there, did she.

Life isn't rainbows and lollipops. At some point you need to grow up and face the world like a grown up. I'm really tired of this "treat the newbie with kid gloves or they will leave," shit. I don't give a fuck if they stay or not. If the worst they suffer in their life is us telling them the blunt truth, then they are ahead of the game. If they can't handle it, I'm sure Oside can help them find a qualified therapist because D/s isn't the answer to their much more deeply rooted problems.

Now, I could have responded much like that to the OP. That would have been harsh. What I said, however:

quote:

You know what they say, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. You are new here, so you haven't a clue who Kana is, but let me assure you that in the ways he is a dick, his slave a quite a few years is ok with it. After all, she is not the one posting boo-hoos on a message board, is she?

Since you haven't been with him your whole life, I'm not sure what the hell is has done his whole life that you can't handle, but I have to question if you knew this going in, why did you bother? Now your heart is all mixed up and you can't separate the chaffe from the wheat so to speak.

As Red said, we have all been "hopelessly" in love with someone who wasn't right for us. But we made the hard decisions, as adults, to do what was best for us (even if for some of us, it took a really long time, me included).

Love does NOT conquer everything. If, at 38, you are still living under that delusion, you need a therapist to help you, not a bunch of internet strangers.

was not harsh at all. It was blunt, but it was polite. I even politely pointed out to her that since she was new, she should really get to know someone before calling them a dick.

If you can't take the heat, get the hell out of the kitchen. That goes for you and the white knights that think women are delicate little flowers that need protection.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 4:01:40 PM

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Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I need protecting!

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 4:58:40 PM

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From: Northern New Jersey
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Ok. You get some protection. But just because we need your Google skills, lol.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 5:00:43 PM

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Yes! I always need protection from myself!!!

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 6:35:54 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
This is pretty much the point I was making to tazzy. That there's nothing new in D/s topics & dynamics etc - EXCEPT - the people partaking of them. So topic-wise, yeah, when you've been in the lifestyle awhile, there comes a point where long-termers just see the same ol' topics repeating.

What's tiresome to me is when those "lifers" start bitching and whining because some newbie starts a topic that's inevitably been done ("to death") before. The problem (IMO) isn't the newbie or whatever *innocent* question they ask, it's the old-timers who can't accept themselves as being jaded and weathered from their own greater experience.
Focus.

And why is it that people these days, given the fantastic tools called A SEARCH can't be assed in using it??

"assed"? If you mean politely pointed in the right direction, yeah, that happens maybe one in ten. The other 9 would be more about dismissively/impatiently/contemptuously *telling* them it's at the upper/right of the page, usually accompanied with all the niceties that tone implies.

quote:

I mean, c'mon Focus.
I think that's why the old-timers get more than a bit peeved at newbies asking the same-old crap on a daily basis.
It's not like it's an old topic or one that's buried deep in the archives - a lot of similar stuff (with the advice to go with it) is often very very recent.
I see the same old - gimme the answers NOW coz I can't be assed to look for myself - scenario on quite a few forums that I frequent (and not all of the same subject of CM either).
It gets extremely tiring and if you're having a bad hair day you'll lash out or be a bit more snarky than usual.

See, I gave my thoughts on that. You've even quoted a relevant section. If you disagree, how about a fresh perspective rather than pretty much repeat the very words & attitude I was addressing in what you've quoted. Getting dizzy here....

quote:

If that newbie then retorts with a personal insult, you can expect some lifers to retaliate even if they are adversaries.

And even dizzier.... lol Perhaps you missed terms I've already used like mob/clique/bandwagon/etc and the responses drawn?

quote:

You say age doesn't come into it. I disagree.
At 18/19 etc, you haven't really had that much adult life experience to draw on or compare with.
At 38, you should be heaps more empowered with your 20+ years of adult experience to call upon - even if you were only ever in a single vanilla relationship up to that point.
Unless you've been a total hermit/recluse all your life, you aren't quite that 'green' any more.

So yes, I'd be a little more forgiving for a 19yo than someone who is 38 and still can't work on some common sense.

Yep, I've done this to death, too...!

Lol, how about we go with your "I disagree"? Or, there's this "Search" function....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 6:50:40 PM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

This is pretty much the point I was making to tazzy. That there's nothing new in D/s topics & dynamics etc - EXCEPT - the people partaking of them. So topic-wise, yeah, when you've been in the lifestyle awhile, there comes a point where long-termers just see the same ol' topics repeating.

I think I come up with some pretty interesting topics.. when the mood strikes... lol Not everyone agrees, but they do spark some interesting discussions and get people to thinking.

Lol, "interesting" isn't nearly the same as new.

Pretty much any topic about D & s dynamics will bring me a runnin'. There is no "done to death" there, IMO. But I think beyond questions like "What's sub-space?", it's damned hard for the inexperienced to start such topics.

You ask when you don't know. But when you don't even know that you don't know, you won't be starting any topics.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 6:56:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Life is harsh and blunt. my girl friends know better than to ask me for advice unless they want the blunt honesty.

I'm the same way. It's one of the reasons I didn't continue as a relationship counselor. (Because saying, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" isn't the response that people want from their counselor)

I've been in WIITWD we do for 20 years. I've watched a thousand newbies ignore common sense because they're too wrapped up in their fantasies. Blunt gets through. Patting them on the head gets stuck in the cotton.

Blunt only gets through if someone is intelligent and takes their emotions out of the picture.

I am sick to death of people who call what goes on here a clique.

It actually says more about the person thinking that, than of the group in general. A clique is something that many people feel ostracized from, or they want to be included in a clique.

So accusing people who have the same type of posting style (blunt and up front) of being a clique is showing some insecurity on that person's part. Would you also call the people with the touchy feely, make everyone feel warm style a clique? No, thought not.

Here is the thing: it is always civil to give your opinion to a newbie or whomever on these boards, but it is the forthcoming attitude of the OPs that determines the outcome of the thread. People are not usually snarky without a good reason. And if they are? It is an anonymous message board, that is the internet.

The white knights and the ones who think we are all bullies should really self examine what exactly they are complaining about.

Last time I checked, we are all grown ups. I also treat kids and teens like people who sometimes need more honesty, than coddling.

It is always more helpful to be honest.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 5/31/2013 7:01:09 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Need Adivice ASAP - 5/31/2013 7:07:56 PM

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mosimeow

after reading six pages containing mostly drivel from forum creepers...

There's something psychologically very peculiar about all this name-calling and smartassery coming from people who say we should be kinder.

K.

Not to mention fucking hypocritical, but again, she is 22 so likely does not understand hypocrisy.

Was that snarky enough? Hope so. (no offense to the smart 22 year olds who do understand hypocrisy).

(in reply to Kirata)

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