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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:07:16 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

I've been reading the forums for quite a while and one thing that stands out are the married men who come here to look for sex. The assumption is that women on a kink site are loose and immoral and are lining up to satisfy old men who blame their wives for a sexless marriage. Of course, they (the men) want to keep the security of staying married while willy-boy has a good time.
The tone of the posts is "poor me, my wife won't have sex with me. She won't indulge my kinks. What else can I do but cheat?"
Then, they get annoyed when the hot, young subbies don't want to give them a whirl.

As Spock would say:

Fascinating.

I've spent a lot of time working in traditionally male jobs. When my married male coworkers would complain about lack of sex with their wives, I would ask follow up questions, and it would quickly become clear that 1. they wanted an active sex life without putting in any effort and 2. they had no idea how to flip the female switch.

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(in reply to OvrThRainbow)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:18:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: trustandesire

I am a straight Dominant man.

Based on what I've read here and in your profile, you aren't the least bit dominant. You've masturbated to an on-line fantasy for a decade, and you've essentially lied to your wife. You've never succeeded in getting anyone to submit to you, despite trying for a decade. And you use the weak excuse that your wife's asthma is responsible for your sexual ineptness. So remind me again, what makes you dominant?

quote:

Not much experience.

After a decade of masturbating to on-line porn and thoughts of an unrealistic fantasy.

quote:

My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school.

Then why the f*ck are you trying to turn her into the exact opposite after 30 years of marriage? More importantly, why do you think it's fair to introduce a young, petite hottie into the relationship if your wife doesn't agree to cooperate with your completely unrealistic fantasy?

quote:

We have very limited sex life due to her asthma

Please explain to me how asthma prevents you from having sex. Please. I beg you.

quote:

Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years.

You don't. You either:

a) Divorce her (and watch her take all of your assets).
b) Hire a prostitute and hope your wife doesn't find out.
c) Keep masturbating to your fantasies like you've been doing for the past decade.
d) Learn to be a better partner and lover, and find great sex and a fulfilling marriage right there in your own home.

quote:

I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys.

Actually, according to your profile, you're looking for a YOUNG, petite, hottie who is willing to relocate to be near you, get a job and pay her own bills, and be available to you for "discreet" sexual encounters a few times a week. Why would a young hottie want that? Lets forget BDSM or D/s for a moment and just think about the vanilla world for a moment. How often do you get hit on by young hotties? When you flirt with hot young women, do they respond positively, or do they think that you're a creepy old man? I think we all know the answer to these questions, but are you honest enough to admit to yourself that you can't get hot young women in the vanilla world? If you can't get hot vanilla young women, what makes you think that young kinky girls are going to be any more attracted to you? Here's a clue; they won't be. They're going to think that you're a creepy old man who wants to cheat on his sick wife. Then they'll probably tell you just how disgusting and distasteful they find you to be.

quote:

My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance....... She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists.

And that's the saddest part of all. After being on this site for over a decade, you still haven't built up the courage to even mention any of this to your wife. You, my friend, are pathetic.

You really should change your user name. The word "trust" doesn't belong anywhere near you. Perhaps "Liesandlusts" is a more appropriate name. Think about it for a moment, and I'm sure you'll agree with me.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:30:20 AM

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I appreciate all the replies. It has given me very much to think about.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:40:32 AM

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Status: offline

Hey, Roch. If I haven't remembered to tell you how fantastic you are yet this week, I thought I'd take this opportunity to do so.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 8:30:55 AM

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trustandesire
I appreciate all the replies. It has given me very much to think about.

Your're welcome.

Dude... I understand that if you were sex-starved then the idea of some hot nubile woman willing to do whatever you want whenever you want is appealing. But there ain't no such thing as easy money. Ishtar was certainly correct, at least for Carol. Collectively, the things Ishtar listed Carol calls "wrapping my wing around her". That's her payout in this.

Put differently, people agree to do nice things for you when you do nice things for them.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 8:54:05 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OvrThRainbow

I've been reading the forums for quite a while and one thing that stands out are the married men who come here to look for sex. The assumption is that women on a kink site are loose and immoral and are lining up to satisfy old men who blame their wives for a sexless marriage. Of course, they (the men) want to keep the security of staying married while willy-boy has a good time.
The tone of the posts is "poor me, my wife won't have sex with me. She won't indulge my kinks. What else can I do but cheat?"
Then, they get annoyed when the hot, young subbies don't want to give them a whirl.

As Spock would say:

Fascinating.

Ditto. It really makes me laugh at how delusional this is.

The word severe narcissism comes to mind.

(in reply to OvrThRainbow)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 9:10:33 AM

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Thanks, LP.

I usually try to give kind, helpful advice. But in this case, a harsh dose of reality seemed more appropriate. But I do hope the OP realizes that despite the harshness of my words, there really was some helpful wisdom in there.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 9:26:54 AM

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

descrite post39: My primary sub has asthma, and sometimes uses her inhaler prior, during, or just after a scene. It can be worked in well, if you learn to communicate. It can even take on a form of bretah play, if done properly.

There are dating sites for younger women to find older men (http://www.agemingle.com/); in fact, many young women are drawn to the mature, established, secure, experienced older older male-- the archetype exists. Even mainstream sites such as OKCupid.com can skew that way. Currently, only one of my subs is older than me.

Unfortunately, your wife probably will not be able to adapt to a relationship with new parameters in a timely fashion; it is probably best for you and her to part ways amenably, so that you might both find fulfillment elsewhere. Good luck.

I like the way you were willing to stand out, descrite, and not follow in the name calling.

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to descrite)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 9:31:25 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm

quote:

descrite post39: My primary sub has asthma, and sometimes uses her inhaler prior, during, or just after a scene. It can be worked in well, if you learn to communicate. It can even take on a form of bretah play, if done properly.

There are dating sites for younger women to find older men (http://www.agemingle.com/); in fact, many young women are drawn to the mature, established, secure, experienced older older male-- the archetype exists. Even mainstream sites such as OKCupid.com can skew that way. Currently, only one of my subs is older than me.

Unfortunately, your wife probably will not be able to adapt to a relationship with new parameters in a timely fashion; it is probably best for you and her to part ways amenably, so that you might both find fulfillment elsewhere. Good luck.

I like the way you were willing to stand out, descrite, and not follow in the name calling.

The difference between you and he is that you are seeking a third as a couple. He is just looking to dip his dick in a pretty young thing behind his wife's back.

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No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to Extravagasm)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 9:40:52 AM

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Is it just me that finds the OP's nick rather ironic and even hypocritical

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to trustandesire)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 9:47:57 AM

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From: United States
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I found it massively ironic.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 10:02:13 AM

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
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quote:

searching4 post49: The difference between you and he is that you are seeking a third as a couple. He is just looking to dip his dick in a pretty young thing behind his wife's back.

Not quite. There are thousands of differences between each of us. You don't get to decide.

I repeat my compliment, descrite post 39 gave similar advice as other posters, but without veiled name calling.

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 8/12/2013 10:06:29 AM >

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to searching4mysir)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 10:27:42 AM

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Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Is it just me that finds the OP's nick rather ironic and even hypocritical

People invest what meaning they do into their nicknames. But yeah, the "trust" part makes me squint. That being said, to the OP's credit he is forthright in his profile.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 12:37:32 PM

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm

I repeat my compliment, descrite (post 39) gave similar advice as other posters, but without veiled name calling.

And you've made the same point 3 times. Now what? Do you think your comment gains potency if you repeat it over and over?

See, I didn't even call you a name.

(in reply to Extravagasm)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 1:17:26 PM

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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I actually have more respect if you can call it that for people who speak up when they know the marriage is a sham, than those who hang in there, all the while cheating, while allowing the spouse to remain clueless. I find way too many are unwilling to leave the security, money, mostly grown children, and STUFF, so they justify cheating by saying their spouse is sexless. Please. Sex doesn't disappear on its own. It gets turned off slowly due to inattention.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes
I can't tell you how many posts I have seen on my mom's message board where a young mom is on there compltely broken. She thought her marriage was great. Everything seemed fine but out of the blue her awful half says sorry but I am not happy so I have been screwing around on you and I have decided I am done playing husband and daddy.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 1:22:43 PM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

they justify cheating by saying their spouse is sexless. Please. Sex doesn't disappear on its own. It gets turned off slowly due to inattention.

Exactly.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 1:28:49 PM

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I really don't get the guys issue here.

1) If you are rich. You'd have no problem finding a mistress. Keep the wife clueless and get sex on demand with a mistress.
2) If you aren't rich. Carry on having those one-time liaisons with other women. Again, keep the wife clueless.
3) If you aren't rich. Suggest to the wife about re-starting the sex life. That maybe with a little bit of spice you can slowly move her to what you want. If she says no, then you have option 2 to fall back on.

Seriously, you are just making a rod for your own back here, asking such an moral and ethical question. You are old enough to know what to do.

By the way, I do not condone such behavior. I'm merely pointing out the options here.

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 1:33:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

they justify cheating by saying their spouse is sexless. Please. Sex doesn't disappear on its own. It gets turned off slowly due to inattention.

Exactly.

Actually, it can happen for medical reasons and frequently happens due to so-called "Moral Awakenings".

Personal experience from a coupla decades ago speaking there. All of a sudden, anything that doesn't lead to progeny is morally wrong, disgusting and "Against God's Way".

ETA. Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 8/12/2013 1:47:48 PM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 1:42:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

they justify cheating by saying their spouse is sexless. Please. Sex doesn't disappear on its own. It gets turned off slowly due to inattention.

Exactly.

Actually, it can happen for medical reasons and frequently happens due to so-called "Moral Awakenings".

Personal experience from a coupla decades ago speaking there. All of a sudden, anything that doesn't lead to progeny is morally wrong, disgusting and "Against God's Way".

I would have to agree that there is a lot of reasons why it happens. To label it as in attention to me is as narrow and silly as the fool that uses lack of sex as a reason to cheat.

Great relationships adapt and grow to the challenges life brings them. Changing sex drives is just one of the challenges that one could face of many in a relationship. I would add I am pretty sure Alandra didn't see her dropping sex drive as a result of my lack of attention. Nor did I see it a reason to go fuck around behind her back either.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 1:47:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

they justify cheating by saying their spouse is sexless. Please. Sex doesn't disappear on its own. It gets turned off slowly due to inattention.

Exactly.

Actually, it can happen for medical reasons and frequently happens due to so-called "Moral Awakenings".

Personal experience from a coupla decades ago speaking there. All of a sudden, anything that doesn't lead to progeny is morally wrong, disgusting and "Against God's Way".

Absolutely. Something as small as a shift in med dosage that somebody has been on for a decade can kill sex drive overnight.

Spousal lack of interest in sex isn't necessarily always caused by inattention, nor is it always slowly turned off.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

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