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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 2:10:29 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: trustandesire

I am a straight Dominant man. Not much experience. My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school. We have very limited sex life due to her asthma and other issues. Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years. I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys. My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance but knows I am dominant as she also is. She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists.

Good luck with that and with your upcoming divorce.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 2:21:35 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

Absolutely. Something as small as a shift in med dosage that somebody has been on for a decade can kill sex drive overnight.

Spousal lack of interest in sex isn't necessarily always caused by inattention, nor is it always slowly turned off.

While my experience is of course not statistically significant, in every case I heard about it was inattention, rather than those other (admittedly legitimate) possibilities.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 8/12/2013 2:22:22 PM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 3:14:26 PM

dollenburg

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You can't convince a vanilla wife to be kinky any more than you can convince a straight person of being gay (or vice versa).

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 3:49:09 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dollenburg
You can't convince a vanilla wife to be kinky any more than you can convince a straight person of being gay (or vice versa).

Really? I'll be sure and tell Carol that. She's going to be shocked. Here's my rule:

You can get anything in the whole world out of your partner if you have the chips to pay for it in whatever the partner's coin of the realm is. Want your monogamous vanilla wife to let strangers paw her? No problem... if you have the chips. It's just a lot of chips is all.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 3:50:44 PM

MasterCaneman

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Them must be some goooood chips to get away with that...

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 3:58:51 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
Them must be some goooood chips to get away with that...

They are. I've paid into the pot thoroughly and over a long period of time. Believe it or not that one is pretty light weight by my measures.

Common wisdom says otherwise but ours is not a common marriage.

Of course, by common wisdom that makes me "not a true master" because I earn my keep rather than relying on "the eye" and my mechanic boots :)

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/12/2013 3:59:38 PM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 4:04:51 PM

ResidentSadist

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^ I seen a lot of leopards change their spots in my day, even helped a few. I think Jeff is talking the gospel here.

Hell, I like fish & chips . . . you could prolly coerce me into a lot of stuff with a good batch of beer batter fish & some chips with malt vinegar. Toss in a scotch egg for breakfast or shepherds' pie for dinner and I'll stay another day.

ETA: added quote, Jeff replied too fast. lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Them must be some goooood chips to get away with that...

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 8/12/2013 4:05:38 PM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 4:12:39 PM

Missokyst

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I am right there with you. Most cases of no sex have among the people I have chatted up are not medical. Hell, if it were medical, I would be content. lol right now I am depressed, exhausted and without an outlet but my sexual need is still as high as ever. Among my married friends, sexless marriages happen all the time, even though both parties might still have needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Absolutely. Something as small as a shift in med dosage that somebody has been on for a decade can kill sex drive overnight.

Spousal lack of interest in sex isn't necessarily always caused by inattention, nor is it always slowly turned off.

While my experience is of course not statistically significant, in every case I heard about it was inattention, rather than those other (admittedly legitimate) possibilities.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 4:19:00 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

While my experience is of course not statistically significant, in every case I heard about it was inattention, rather than those other (admittedly legitimate) possibilities.

My husband and I went from 'fucking like mad rabbits trying to save their species from extinction' to 'no sex at all' back to 'rabbits', because a move, and a subsequent change in physician got the dosage of a medication that he'd been on for years off by 5mg a day.

Not statistically relevant either, other than that you now have got one instance in which 'inattention' wasn't the cause.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/12/2013 4:22:47 PM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 5:43:06 PM

littlewonder

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When I was with the ex Dom yet, I lost all desire for sex, even the little bit that I did have and it wasn't due to medical or moral reasons. It was due to the fact that he ignored me, he stopped paying any attention to me so I felt no reason whatsoever to put out and couldn't even if I had tried.

Then I met Master and while it's still not high as compared to a lot of women, he does get me aroused and I want sex with him because he gives me attention and he shows he loves me all the time.

And then there's the past few months where my libido has fallen due to meds and being tired from work and then these past few days due to an incident last week that has left me with some emotional issues.

So yes....these and others could be reasons why his wife doesn't want sex with him but I'm betting high stakes that the reason is the first one I gave. He's too busy jacking off to his fantasies that he now holds a grudge against his wife and feels nothing for her anymore except for some kind of moral duty to stay married to her even though she's probably sick and tired of him because she's in a sexless marriage and most likely does not provide any help around the house or with the children and never woos and romanticizes her anymore.

It's sad that people forget what attracted each other in the beginning. They fall into this trap after years of being together. They take each other for granted and let themselves go thinking they no longer have to do anything for each other anymore. And then they wonder how they got where they are.

Sad

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 5:44:07 PM

Anatolium

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Them must be some goooood chips to get away with that...

+1
Damn good chips!

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 6:18:05 PM

Hillwilliam

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Y'all are going to get pissed at me and I don't care.

First and foremost ladies. Before you pile on to that EVULLLLLLLLL shiftless husband, READ THE FUCKING POST.
the OP says he wants her to suggest or accept a third. That means he wants poly, not to cheat. he wants her on board. How many of you have said "if your wife is on board"?

I get really fucking sick of every attached female who comes on here with a problem, it's "Oh your poor dear, you must leave that asshole because he obviously isn't looking out for your needs." but a man posts with a problem and it's "You fucking slimebag, pay attention to your woman and love her exactly as she is because you should be glad I'm wasting the time to type this".

I'm going to let you ladies (and I use that term loosely tonight) in on a secret.

I've been in that situation.

The person I promised to love "until death do we part" literally shut off overnight. because she got fucking religion. We went from "You'll never lack for this baby" to "That's disgusting and against God's plan" within a week.

I spent years. That's right kids, YEARS as a fucking celibate sleeping beside the person I loved and wanted more than anything in the world but I was 'Disgusting'. "Till death do we part" sounded better all the time. I know what a shotgun barrel tastes like OK. I finally decided that I could just pack my shit and leave or be a miserable SOB for the next half century or so.

Counseling? I suggested it and was told "Just because I'm not a pervert like you doesn't mean I'm crazy".

Judge not lest ye be judged because in a significant number of the problem marriages, it just MIGHT not be the "all males are assholes" syndrome that is in effect.

Some women are just bitches.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 6:23:19 PM

descrite

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quote:

While my experience is of course not statistically significant, in every case I heard about it was inattention, rather than those other (admittedly legitimate) possibilities.

Weird. In every case I've personally been privy to, it was a shrew wife unilaterally turning off the faucet...and even (in some cases) going so far as to require the beleagured hubby to not jerk it to sweet-sweet porn. This went on (in more than one case) for YEARS, as the dedicated husband stayed for the kids and companionate love...and because the wives would not grant no-fault divorces.

Our experiences seem to differ. That would have nothing to do with our genders, would it?

And thanks for the compliment, Extravagasm. I don't know why so many on this board are so quick to judge and exorciate someone asking a truly-felt question that just doesn't happen to jibe with the respondents' preferences.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 6:37:57 PM

angelikaJ

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Some of us went further than the post and read the whole profile.

For me, it wasn't the post, but the profile, and his saying her issue with sex was primarily that she was asthmatic.

Some women are just bitches, and some women have a pathological aversion to anything sexual... (and sometimes the latter looks a lot like a bait and switch thing).

I am glad you are alive, Hillwilliam and are out of a very unhappy situation.

But some of us have responded to the OP the way we have because of the way he comes across, in his profile.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 6:44:58 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Not statistically relevant either, other than that you now have got one instance in which 'inattention' wasn't the cause.

A casual perusal of the talkaboutmarriage.com website will reveal a wide variety of reasons including "she was cheating on him" -- much more common that I would have pesonally guessed.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:00:18 PM

metamorfosis

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Try reading the OP's profile. In it he makes perfectly clear that he's planning to engage in BDSM behind his wife's back. He has at least planned to, and perhaps has done so. And now he's talking about finding a way to sell her on the idea of bringing in a third person.

There is a reason he's getting the reactions he is.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:05:59 PM

metamorfosis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
I get really fucking sick of every attached female who comes on here with a problem, it's "Oh your poor dear, you must leave that asshole because he obviously isn't looking out for your needs." but a man posts with a problem and it's "You fucking slimebag, pay attention to your woman and love her exactly as she is because you should be glad I'm wasting the time to type this".

I get sick of that too.

And, for the record, I like aggression, passive or otherwise. Beats the hell out of the sickly sweet and insincere. Or, for that matter, sitting in silent judgement. (...wanders off to contemplate if that was passive aggressive...)

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 8/12/2013 7:10:17 PM >

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:13:40 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

Try reading the OP's profile. In it he makes perfectly clear that he's planning to engage in BDSM behind his wife's back. He has at least planned to, and perhaps has done so.

And has been for YEARS.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:24:15 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

First and foremost ladies. Before you pile on to that EVULLLLLLLLL shiftless husband, READ THE FUCKING POST.
the OP says he wants her to suggest or accept a third. That means he wants poly, not to cheat. he wants her on board. How many of you have said "if your wife is on board"?

Leaving the fact of whether he currently still wants to cheat on his or not out of the equation for a second, my post that 'as long as he keeps thinking with his dick he's never going to be the type of man that make a single woman happy, let alone two' still stands.

The fact that he's still thinking with his dick -or at least still was thinking with his dick when he made the opening post, follow up responses from him indicates that he MAY be thinking some of the replies over- was very apparent in the opening post alone, by his statement that he wants a young 'simple dominance' domestic and sex slave.

All he's at this point is thinking about is his dick, what he wants to get from women -both his wife and his potential third- without giving even a second of thought in what HE needs to bring to the equation to offer something of worth to these women to make them happy.

He wants a no-fuss young chick to obey him because.... well... because he wants her to.

D/s doesn't work that way, hell RELATIONSHIPS don't work that way. He wants to cash in credit he doesn't have, with chips that are non-existent, and without having to for a moment even having to consider how to earn the chips that one day will make his fantasies come true. This is especially evident by the fact that he's been attempting to get this for about a decade, and STILL hasn't build up any sort of credit -both in the way he approaches his wife as well as in the way he's advertising for the slave girl he wants- by being the type of man that women would WANT this type of relationship with.

He wants his first favorite thing, and he wants it now.... behavior and attitudes like that I personally find questionable in a young 20something dude... let alone in a 50 year old.

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RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? - 8/12/2013 7:30:34 PM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
I've been in that situation.

The person I promised to love "until death do we part" literally shut off overnight. because she got fucking religion. We went from "You'll never lack for this baby" to "That's disgusting and against God's plan" within a week.

I spent years. That's right kids, YEARS as a fucking celibate sleeping beside the person I loved and wanted more than anything in the world but I was 'Disgusting'. "Till death do we part" sounded better all the time. I know what a shotgun barrel tastes like OK. I finally decided that I could just pack my shit and leave or be a miserable SOB for the next half century or so.

Counseling? I suggested it and was told "Just because I'm not a pervert like you doesn't mean I'm crazy".

Judge not lest ye be judged because in a significant number of the problem marriages, it just MIGHT not be the "all males are assholes" syndrome that is in effect.

Some women are just bitches.

well.. my ex was an asshole! he wouldn't put out! I know exactly what you are talking about cuz that was my ex! well.. except he was a he and not a she, cuz I am the she.. that makes sense, doesn't it????

I had years of no sex and sticking with the dude.. (sigh).. why,.. why,.. why did I end up with the only freakin guy in North America that decided he didn't want sex anymore.. the only freakin guy in North America that would throw me off when I jumped his bones in the middle of the night.. the only freakin guy that got tired of deep throat bjs.. Its not fair, I tell ya!!!

No, I am not pissed at you.. I understand, I really do..

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