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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:00:24 AM

littleladybug

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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

And chatting people up in the street is a definite no-no. Nooo fucking way.
Unwarranted attention without an invite is tantamount to harassment and an arrestable offense.

Generally not when someone is just trying to strike up a conversation.

In the case of YouName's anecdote, what should this guy have been arrested for? Talking?

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:07:39 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO
It doesn't matter what you wear. I've had cat calls wearing a parka, jeans and boots.

It really shouldn't matter what you wear either. Different men have different ideas of what is sexy. As long as they can see curves, it's sexy to them already. And is it the 70's or the 80's where women used to wear baggy oversize shirts and pants, back then, I bet even though their "assets" are not on display, they still get harassed.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:10:05 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO
It doesn't matter what you wear. I've had cat calls wearing a parka, jeans and boots.

It really shouldn't matter what you wear either. Different men have different ideas of what is sexy. As long as they can see curves, it's sexy to them already. And is it the 70's or the 80's where women used to wear baggy oversize shirts and pants, back then, I bet even though their "assets" are not on display, they still get harassed.

Equating how much unwanted attention you get, with how you are dressed, leads to a very slippery slope of "She was just asking for it, dressed like that".

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:22:05 AM

smileforme50

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I was hoping someone would start this topic after I saw a piece on CNN.com about it. http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/29/opinion/robbins-street-harassment/index.html?hpt=op_mid

There were a lot of comments on the CNN piece from people who said that she dressed in a provocative way and invited all the attention.....which I think is ridiculous. Just because she isn't 400 pounds and/or dressed in a burqa does not mean that she is inviting any unwanted attention.

I don't think that saying "Hello" to a passerby is harassment, but what she was getting was not just friendly hellos. I'm sorry....but in my book, "DAMN!" is not a friendly greeting equivalent to "hello". "DAMN!" is a commentary on how he sees her body and nothing else, which is actually insulting.

You can also say "Sure...if she walks around for TEN hours OF COURSE she's going to hear SOME comments from SOMEBODY. The point wasn't to demonstrate how often it might happen in ten hours, the point of the video was to demonstrate how it happens SO OFTEN that it literally happens EVERY DAY for some women, and it happens so often that it gets VERY annoying and in some cases downright scary. Most men don't realize that even in this day and age a lot of women are still brought up and taught to be wary of strange men. "Don't talk to strangers" "Don't hitchhike or take rides from strangers" "If you meet someone online....meet them in a public place". We have been....and still are....brought up and taught to be aware of the possibility of sexual assault and our vulnerability to such things. For some women, it's a thought they always have in the back of their minds. A lot of women...even today....feel kind of nervous when they find themselves in a situation where they are surrounded by strange men. To be walking down the street and have to walk down a virtual gauntlet of strange men with many or most of them making (direct or indirect) comments about your body and appearance, very often is not taken as a compliment, it is taken as a potential threat. A couple of the guys in the video got a bit upset when she ignored them, and some men don't take being ignored very well....who's to say that any one of those men weren't going to get pissed at her ignoring them and strike out at her in some way? There's also the possibility that if she would have acknowledged any of these men in any way that they would have taken it as an invitation to try to pursue her, and if she isn't interested in pursuing further contact with a stranger on the street, that's her right to do what she can to discourage them from going any further.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:32:03 AM

shiftyw

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what I really don't understand what men get out of this in the first place.

I mean, who does this work for?
What do you gain?

I've never made friends with someone who cat called me...

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:33:29 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
what I really don't understand what men get out of this in the first place.
I mean, who does this work for?
What do you gain?
I've never made friends with someone who cat called me...

Perhaps another better question would be, have any man on collarspace been ever guilty of doing any of that as shown in that video? And what the hell was going through his mind?

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:39:56 AM

smileforme50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
what I really don't understand what men get out of this in the first place.
I mean, who does this work for?
What do you gain?
I've never made friends with someone who cat called me...

Perhaps another better question would be, have any man on collarspace been ever guilty of doing any of that as shown in that video? And what the hell was going through his mind?

Three EXCELLENT questions.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:40:51 AM

Greta75

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ci7XYHY1eI

Hehe this video is funny on how women should respond to street harassment.

I have done something like this before intentionally, it totally freak out the guy and he walked away lol.

But it was not like street harassment, he walked up to me and chat me up and I decided to put my super whiny self forward and see his reaction. That I am okay, as it's not like yelling at you as you walk past. If they walk up and privately spoke to you gently and respectfully. Still, it's my kinder way of rejecting a man, rather than saying no, not interested, I behave unattractively, that will definitely make them regret approaching me ha. But no feelings get hurt, he'd just be like OMG, she's horrible when she opens her mouth.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:43:59 AM

YouName

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

what I really don't understand what men get out of this in the first place.

I mean, who does this work for?
What do you gain?

I've never made friends with someone who cat called me...

I Think they are either a bit dim, a bit chauvinistic, a bit horny or probably a mix of it.
So they get to vent their stupidity, their chauvinism and their hornyness for a moment and maybe, maybe one in a hundred bites late at night. : )

But...I must add this. I may be wrong. I Think the homeless guy I saw was neither. I Think he was just genuinely happy to talk a Little bit with someone like that girl, probably felt a bit empowered and just thought she looked good and wanted to give her a compliment.
I doubt he had any illusions of hitting it off with her.

< Message edited by YouName -- 11/3/2014 7:52:54 AM >

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:52:30 AM

searching4mysir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

what I really don't understand what men get out of this in the first place.

I mean, who does this work for?
What do you gain?

I've never made friends with someone who cat called me...

They aren't looking to make friends, shifty.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 7:55:13 AM

Zonie63

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

NYC is just screwed up!

Watch this poor man being harrassed too by both men and women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InUeOWlgebM

It happens to men, too. Some people in this thread are saying that "this doesn't happen to men," but that's just not true at all. However, I would concede that it probably happens a lot more for women than for men.

Of course, I'm not sure how much influence any of these videos will have to curb some of this behavior. The kind of people who yell stuff out on the streets and call attention to themselves are not exactly what I would call "self-conscious" or would necessarily be influenced by any public campaign to stop such behavior. I remember an SNL skit from the 70s which did a parody role-reversal of some female construction workers harassing a young Dan Aykroyd. So, it's an old theme; people have called attention to it on so many occasions, yet nothing ever changes.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 8:43:13 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

what I really don't understand what men get out of this in the first place.

I mean, who does this work for?
What do you gain?

I've never made friends with someone who cat called me...

The chance that they could pick up and get a date with a woman on the street is pretty much nil. So they're just letting out their inner nasty child.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 9:13:31 AM

Zonie63

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
what I really don't understand what men get out of this in the first place.
I mean, who does this work for?
What do you gain?
I've never made friends with someone who cat called me...

Perhaps another better question would be, have any man on collarspace been ever guilty of doing any of that as shown in that video? And what the hell was going through his mind?

I've never acted the way these guys were shown in the video, but I've known guys who do. They may not have anything to gain, but nothing to lose either. If we're talking about men who have no sense of shame or decorum, then they probably don't even give a shit how they're perceived or what anyone says about it. That's why any kind of "public embarrassment" factor which might show up in this video would be looked at in different ways (which explains the wide range of commentary from both sides that this video has apparently spawned). Even the creepy guy who followed her for five minutes, if anyone tried to get a rational answer out of him as to why he was doing that, they wouldn't get one.

If they're standing on the sidewalk all day with nothing else to do, then they might say stuff to dozens or even hundreds of women passing by. There may be one or two who respond favorably, so a lot of guys just play the odds and hope for the best.

For the most part, a lot of men may not really believe any of the protestations about it being harassment. They might believe that women are actually secretly flattered by the attention. I've talked to guys who behave that way, and that's what they seem to believe.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 9:14:53 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

The chance that they could pick up and get a date with a woman on the street is pretty much nil. So they're just letting out their inner nasty child.

I did notice that none of the men in the video that harassed her looked like they could possibly ever get into any woman's pants ever, physically unattractive and also, no proper social skills.

But it also speaks alot about their level of education. A good experiment would be to interview every single man who disturbed her, what is the level of their education and if it's co-related and it probably is.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/3/2014 9:15:24 AM >

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 9:31:48 AM

sexyred1

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I have walked around NYC for years and gotten all types of cat calls and weird attention.

You develop a thick skin, believe me.

Also, getting older helps since you get less attention with so many young chicks around.

Be careful what you wish for.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 9:36:58 AM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO

It's definitely NOT an American thing. Here is a list of countries other than the US where I have experienced cat calling:

United Kingdom
France
Germany
The Netherlands
Italy
Spain
Belgium
Canada
Mexico
Japan

Agreed. I would add to that various parts of the Caribbean. Lived it, lived it, lived it. One of the benefits of having a male escort. However I simply smile and wave goodbye or say thank you and continue walking. It lessens the harassment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I had so many things happen to me in philly that make this look tame.

Twice I had some guys whip it out and start masturbating. Once on the subway. He told me "thanks for the great morning" when I got off.

Another time this guy would not let me leave this Chinese food place without "helping me walk home", even after I insisted I was fine, he followed me to my doorstep.

Not to mention all the times someone will bring up my weight when cat calling me "I bet you're the grateful type!" "You look like TONS of fun."

We had construction next to our dorm for the first year, they took interest in my one friend, three of those guys surrounded her and started telling her how sexy it would be if she wore more skirts and dresses. Then they asked her if she wanted to run a train on them.

I think it's way out of hand, it's threatening, and unnecessary. And truly it has happened to every lady I know.
There is a way to meet someone without being a creepy weirdo.
All it takes in my opinion is some thought to figure out if you're being an asshole. Let the blood flow return to your head that does the real thinking and keep quiet.

By the way shifty, I love your new avatar, you're simply gorgeous, forgive me for saying so suddenly. Also it's unfortunate you had an experience like that. I usually never have someone do something that horrible or I swear I would pepper spray them or threaten to call 911. You don't have to take that sort of treatment. And yes, it is very true about construction workers. However I have been cat called by different men since I was 11. When I was younger, like the girl in the video, I simply avoided the eye contact. It was extremely persistent.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 11/3/2014 9:46:52 AM >

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 9:57:34 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

Have you guys seen this video: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman

It's about street harassment and is causing quite a storm of debate on YouTube. Would be interesting to hear the opinion of people on here.

that shit used to happen to me a lot.. men would gaulk at me from age 13 on (even some of my teachers).. couldn't walk down the street and not have cat calls, honking horns, guys making fools/ijiots/arseholes of themselves.. (haven't guys figured out that is what they look like to women they are harassing???) what woman wants to be with a guy like that??

now I wear dark shades when I walk down the street and I have a serious, all business look on my face.. people don't usually mess with me but there have been a few times.. just walking down the street and a car is driving slowly.. even once when I was going to do my laundry some guy was sitting outside in his vehicle trying to get my attention.. guys asking if I want a ride... yeah sure buddy, you are just looking for a desperate girl that you can pay for sex.. and yes, that is what some of those guys were looking for cuz the area wasn't the best or it was a commercial area.. I have just learned to ignore them/men and give them a "WTF is wrong with you" look of disgust.. I will say that its most often younger girls/women that get harassed because they are young and inexperienced and easier prey.. statistically, younger girls are more likely to be raped.. once you get older you learn to be much more cautious and keep yourself out of danger, to size people up.. and you are more likely to tell those arseholes to get lost..

seeing this video tho.. makes me never to want to go to NY.. ever..

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 9:59:41 AM

littleladybug

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I did notice that none of the men in the video that harassed her looked like they could possibly ever get into any woman's pants ever, physically unattractive and also, no proper social skills.

But it also speaks alot about their level of education. A good experiment would be to interview every single man who disturbed her, what is the level of their education and if it's co-related and it probably is.

I would agree with the lack of social skills part. I don't know that I would associate it with educational level-- I've known some VERY book smart people who have no clue how to act when around other people. For a lot of people, knowledge and appreciation of "boundaries" have nothing to do with how far they went in school.

I would think this has been an issue for as long as men and women have been milling about in open society. Which certainly doesn't make it right....but it also makes me seriously wonder how meaningful a video like this is.

Many states have enacted "anti-harassment" laws, but the chances of a wolf-whistle, or someone looking you up and down as you walk by disappearing are slim to none. This stuff happens...and has happened for eons. Press the "ignore" button and move on. (Note....there is a distinction here between the "one time" comment, and someone following or threatening....)

Speaking of the "ignore button"...that reminds me of what my mom used to say to me when my brother was being a pain in the butt. The key was not to give him any satisfaction. As hard as it was not to lash out at him...the best course of action was to ignore it. Once he realized he wasn't going to get a reaction, he backed off.

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 10:37:35 AM

shiftyw

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Thanks Manko.

Which I actually want to say...a lot of you lovely folks have said how pretty it is. However, I have been a part of this community for a while now and kind of am familiar with all of you and I appreciate your compliments.
Plus that is sorta what it is there for.

I'm actually surprised I didn't get called out earlier for having accepted compliments about the picture but whined about catcalling, to me they are different things.

I've never been comfortable being told or shouted at that I'm pretty from a stranger. This forum to me is a community, however Broad St. philly is not a community. Certainly don't follow me. I just find this behavior pretty entitled and unnerving and indecent when some stranger (mostly men) shouts explicit things at me and I have no defense. You can't say thanks or engage because they get encouraged. You can keep walking, but then they call you a stuck up bitch. Or worse. Or you can tell them to fuck themselves and expose yourself to the risk they might assault you. No one wins why do it?

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RE: 10 hours of walking in NYC as a woman - 11/3/2014 10:54:18 AM

smileforme50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Thanks Manko.

Which I actually want to say...a lot of you lovely folks have said how pretty it is. However, I have been a part of this community for a while now and kind of am familiar with all of you and I appreciate your compliments.
Plus that is sorta what it is there for.

I'm actually surprised I didn't get called out earlier for having accepted compliments about the picture but whined about catcalling, to me they are different things.

I've never been comfortable being told or shouted at that I'm pretty from a stranger. This forum to me is a community, however Broad St. philly is not a community. Certainly don't follow me. I just find this behavior pretty entitled and unnerving and indecent when some stranger (mostly men) shouts explicit things at me and I have no defense. You can't say thanks or engage because they get encouraged. You can keep walking, but then they call you a stuck up bitch. Or worse. Or you can tell them to fuck themselves and expose yourself to the risk they might assault you. No one wins why do it?

But the difference between people here giving you a compliment and strange men on the street shouting cat calls at you is

1. Even if you've never met most of us, you probably don't consider us to be total strangers. Most of us have shared intimate "secrets" about ourselves with others here that we would never share with these men standing on a street corner. And....

2. We're not in close physical proximity so that even if someone does send out verbal harassment....as happens very often in our private mailboxes, there is no threat of physical harm....all we need to do is hit "delete"

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“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

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