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RE: hazing new posters - 12/6/2014 10:50:34 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The lack of visual cues is true of any written item. I doubt students are cut any slack because they wrote a paper that was not clear.
I doubt most bosses would accept that either.

So people who can communicate clearly in other areas of their lives are somehow incapable of using those same skills when they are on a forum?

Sorry, I don't buy it.

If I am unclear, it is incumbent on me to apologize and improve my communication. Both online and off.
The same holds true for everyone else.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/6/2014 10:51:17 AM

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Its true they could be looking for dialogue.

I guess to me its just silly to then link them to a fet community and say "here you go!" That isn't really a dialogue either? and in asking for dialogue I think one must just accept that not everyone will share your enthusiasm or opinion on a given matter...

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/6/2014 5:24:44 PM

Posts: 3289
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I coddle children, not grown ups. YMMV.

If you don't want to coddle anyone *shrug* whatever.

But I think it would be nice if people didn't get attacked because of things they didn't say but because other posters filled in the blanks with the most negative possible assumptions.

I think it would be nice if people didn't get attacked for having kinks that aren't popular here.

I think it would be nice if people didn't get attacked for starting a thread that had been done before.

If you see any of this, do please use the report feature. What has happened in the past is one thing and what will happen now and in the future may be something else. If you question something, do report it so that staff can review it.

As I have said previously, I won't moderate snark, but will not allow out right attacks, especially for something as silly as a topic used too often and most especially over a kink as long as that kink is allowable on the site to start with.

I realize you saw a thread and thought the same old, same old stuff, but I wasn't allowing this to be discussed on that thread for various reasons. I still cannot explain what was going on there and would hope that you would give me the benefit of the doubt when I say, there was more to the story.

We may be discussing something that is actually in the past and isn't a current issue. Please consider that.

(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/7/2014 8:20:27 PM

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
The first thing happens often because OP posts, leaves, forgets about it and doesn't come back to give clarification. Then the whole thread derails into personal opinion land rather than advice for the OP...because OP went *poof*

I've seen that happen and I suppose if the OP's never going to read it the assumptions being correct doesn't matter too much. I've also seen it where some posters would jump to negative conclusions rather than asking for clarification. Though to be fair it has been a while since at least somebodies advice in about every relationship thread was dump the significant other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I don't see people getting "attacked" for having kinks that aren't popular here. What I DO see is people saying "Not many folks are into that here..." fairly often.

Which said that way is quite reasonable. I don't see the "here" part too often. I do see rare here getting turned into rare period. I see rare getting turned into fantasy with statements to the effect that there's nothing in it for anyone else. With the poster getting maligned as unrealistic, selfish, horny net geek, etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I agree about starting a thread that has been done before- the search feature on here sucks, and really if they have an ice cream cone- shouldn't be attacked. But again- I don't see that often. Unless the poster started the topic 6 months ago and said the same thing.

There are certain topics which admittedly have been done to death that have a track record of getting new posters tarred and feathered, take this thread for instance: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4757132/tm.htm If Lookie wrote exactly that with a post count of 1 what do you think would happen?

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/7/2014 8:56:49 PM

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I never comment on Lookie's threads for THAT reason.

I do think you and I have different sensitivities to what constitutes an "attack".

I want to point you in direction of this thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4757551/tm.htm

I answered OP honestly, politely. He took offense. I really answered the question I felt he was asking though. And he flew off the handle at me. I think if what I said there is considered an attack...then really, its coddling. I don't want a poster who is going to throw a tantrum over stupid shit like that. And I felt the pile on there was a little appropriate because of his reaction to my innocuous suggestion.

(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/7/2014 9:47:19 PM

Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
The first thing happens often because OP posts, leaves, forgets about it and doesn't come back to give clarification. Then the whole thread derails into personal opinion land rather than advice for the OP...because OP went *poof*

I've seen that happen and I suppose if the OP's never going to read it the assumptions being correct doesn't matter too much. I've also seen it where some posters would jump to negative conclusions rather than asking for clarification. Though to be fair it has been a while since at least somebodies advice in about every relationship thread was dump the significant other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I don't see people getting "attacked" for having kinks that aren't popular here. What I DO see is people saying "Not many folks are into that here..." fairly often.

Which said that way is quite reasonable. I don't see the "here" part too often. I do see rare here getting turned into rare period. I see rare getting turned into fantasy with statements to the effect that there's nothing in it for anyone else. With the poster getting maligned as unrealistic, selfish, horny net geek, etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I agree about starting a thread that has been done before- the search feature on here sucks, and really if they have an ice cream cone- shouldn't be attacked. But again- I don't see that often. Unless the poster started the topic 6 months ago and said the same thing.

There are certain topics which admittedly have been done to death that have a track record of getting new posters tarred and feathered, take this thread for instance: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4757132/tm.htm If Lookie wrote exactly that with a post count of 1 what do you think would happen?

I'll bet when Lookie wrote his post #1 here, he didn't write that way. I'll bet he posted with the sensibility of being new to an existing discussion forum. That is something that many "hazed" new posters fail to consider.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

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(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 4:24:24 AM

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I never comment on Lookie's threads for THAT reason.

Which is a perfectly reasonable response, some people have been presenting the options as coddling or verbal abuse but there are a host of other options such as the tolerance you're showing for Lookie.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I do think you and I have different sensitivities to what constitutes an "attack".

I want to point you in direction of this thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4757551/tm.htm

I answered OP honestly, politely. He took offense. I really answered the question I felt he was asking though. And he flew off the handle at me. I think if what I said there is considered an attack...then really, its coddling. I don't want a poster who is going to throw a tantrum over stupid shit like that. And I felt the pile on there was a little appropriate because of his reaction to my innocuous suggestion.

If you look at the first response, he was met with snark right away:

quote:

ORIGINAL:
I don't think many are running into this problem here because most aren't seeking to cyberdom every attractive maso they come across.

I don't think you said anything that was an attack, but by the time you got there I think he was primed to take everything the wrong way. Personally, I walked into that thread and walked right back out again, I didn't think there was anything I could say that would be helpful.

Not to say that every poster would be able to acclimate or even that this guy would have but if one looks at these threads there's often a pattern where the new poster gets heckled into behaving badly at which point the people into that sort of thing can pat themselves on the back about being outright verbally abusive.

P.S. To answer your question in the other thread about where I was, I went to the Boston Invasion this weekend.

< Message edited by GotSteel -- 12/9/2014 4:29:27 AM >

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 9:37:50 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He isn't a new poster. His first thread was about 18 months ago and was just like this one, a rant about women who have profiles he dislikes.
His profile shows him to lack relationship skills. Which has been pointed out to him with suggestions of why he isn't having any luck.

His response to everyone has always been just like in this thread. No matter what's said to him, he responds defensively and doesn't want to make any changes. Yet he wants the outcome to magically change.

So I think people are justified in not wanting to deal with someone who fulfills Einstein's definition of insanity.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 10:52:05 AM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 11:11:14 AM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

This was that sticking-in-the-oven dude, right? OMG...OMG, he's still on this site? I shall say no more.

When Doms stick up for (other) 4sshat Doms, it just makes them look like one, too.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 11:13:29 AM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

This was that sticking-in-the-oven dude, right? OMG...OMG, he's still on this site? I shall say no more.

When Doms stick up for (other) 4sshat Doms, it just makes them look like one, too.

Yes, it was. But don't worry, he won't actually make her do that. He just wants her to obey if he should change his mind.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 11:14:09 AM

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

In my opinion, he's harmless. Just wanking to other men on the internet and likely won't take his fantasies offline because he seems quite happy doing the "second life" thing. And I get what GotSteel is saying in regards to Lookie. I imagined it as a first time poster and his opinions are valid in such regard. I tell it like it is regardless of who I am addressing for the record.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 11:49:12 AM

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

I was gonna go on a whole thing about that guy too, but my guy was all "you're gonna be late for work..." So I had to stop this morning.
I'm glad Rocka came around to say this..

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 12:21:25 PM

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

BiTcH!!!! You will be nice to me!!!!!

Signed
Entitled Twat Dom Master Overlord Punisher Cootchie Owner Uber Dude Sir

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to RockaRolla)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 12:29:21 PM

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
ETA- I had another thought...

I know you'd like it if more of us referenced where to find folks "into" some kinks that not a lot of folks around here are. Do you think these folks will stay around this forum if we hand them a link to fet?

I expect they'll leave and go hang out where they fit in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
and why is it my responsibility to google something for someone?

It's not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I found all these things by using my head. I think if they are coming in here to ask about some of these things its either a) deliberate laziness b) trolling or c) wank fodder/profile views seeking.

I knew I was kinky before the internet, didn't know there were other people like me or that my sexual differences were harmless and completely achievable. Even after the internet it took me a good deal longer than it should have because I didn't even know I should be looking, that it was an achievable thing. So when people muster up the courage to come out of the closet here only to be told that their completely achievable kink is unachievable, dangerous and nobody wants that it saddens me because who knows how long it will take for those people to muster up the courage to look again.

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 12:52:49 PM

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

I knew I was kinky before the internet, didn't know there were other people like me or that my sexual differences were harmless and completely achievable.... I didn't even know I should be looking, that it was an achievable thing. So when people muster up the courage to come out of the closet here only to be told that their completely achievable kink is unachievable, dangerous and nobody wants that it saddens me because who knows how long it will take for those people to muster up the courage to look again.

You say that you know that your predilections "were harmless and completely achievable." That's your perception, that you personally didn't need a reality check.

The dude who wanted to sign over his Social Security check so he could sit in a tank of shit all day long in some sadistic bitch-bastard's basement. Seriously??? How are you gonna think your kink-fetish is harmless when you aren't thinking with your big head in the first place? Or if having a brain doesn't mean that you have one iota of sense, or that you're not delusional. How are you going to find out what is realistically achievable or not, unless you listen to what others have to say and then mull it over? By assuming that there is a horde of sadistically depraved bitch-bastards running around constantly on the prowl to keep toilet slaves captive down in their basement Dungeon?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 1:37:21 PM

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

BiTcH!!!! You will be nice to me!!!!!

Signed
Entitled Twat Dom Master Overlord Punisher Cootchie Owner Uber Dude Sir

Jus sayin

So THAT'S what ET stands for.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 2:00:23 PM

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
ETA- I had another thought...

I know you'd like it if more of us referenced where to find folks "into" some kinks that not a lot of folks around here are. Do you think these folks will stay around this forum if we hand them a link to fet?

I expect they'll leave and go hang out where they fit in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
and why is it my responsibility to google something for someone?

It's not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
I found all these things by using my head. I think if they are coming in here to ask about some of these things its either a) deliberate laziness b) trolling or c) wank fodder/profile views seeking.

I knew I was kinky before the internet, didn't know there were other people like me or that my sexual differences were harmless and completely achievable. Even after the internet it took me a good deal longer than it should have because I didn't even know I should be looking, that it was an achievable thing. So when people muster up the courage to come out of the closet here only to be told that their completely achievable kink is unachievable, dangerous and nobody wants that it saddens me because who knows how long it will take for those people to muster up the courage to look again.

Personally- I've never had a good experience at a munch or educational event. I'm a BDSM pussy. I have limits coming out my ass.
The last group of kinksters I hung with in NJ, basically all sucked this one doms dick, and then when I told him, politely, no you are not shoving a catheter from god knows where in me, he went around telling everyone some really nasty rumors, had a huge meltdown and him and his basically just berated me on fet until I left it all together. Lots and lots of "If you have limits you're not really into BDSM! You can't choose what you want to do! Thats your dom's job!" etc. etc.

To me, the reception here was a lot better. So I guess its a matter of perspective.

(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 2:04:24 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

I knew I was kinky before the internet, didn't know there were other people like me or that my sexual differences were harmless and completely achievable. Even after the internet it took me a good deal longer than it should have because I didn't even know I should be looking, that it was an achievable thing. So when people muster up the courage to come out of the closet here only to be told that their completely achievable kink is unachievable, dangerous and nobody wants that it saddens me because who knows how long it will take for those people to muster up the courage to look again.

Why the hell do you care about what strangers have to muster up?

How does this even affect you?

Unless one of your kinks is to be the guy on the white horse who saves misguided kinksters from being hazed when they profess their all too often delusional fantasies.

THEN I could see how you could spend such an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to "fix" the forums.

Otherwise stop telling me and everyone else how to act.

(in reply to GotSteel)

RE: hazing new posters - 12/9/2014 2:26:20 PM

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Like DesFIP stated, that guy was NOT new. His posting history is full of uber-dom bullshit and included a profile critique, which alerted several users to some red flags in his profile. His kinks include forced bi, an hour a day of blinding pain, and obedience so strong that if he ordered his girl to commit bodily harm or criminal acts, she would be required to do it without hesitation. He has no care in the world for his potential partner, and I just plain don't like the guy.

Was what I said nice? Hell no.
Do I care? Same answer.

I am not required to be nice to anyone on these forums, especially if I think they're an entitled twat who thinks calling himself a Dom means something. I'm respectful to the people who have my respect.

BiTcH!!!! You will be nice to me!!!!!

Signed
Entitled Twat Dom Master Overlord Punisher Cootchie Owner Uber Dude Sir

Jus sayin

So THAT'S what ET stands for.

Jus sayin

BINGO, Roxie-roo xoxoxoxo

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to RockaRolla)

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