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RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 6:00:24 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Matthew, you should have asked her why she thought the guys were creepy. Since you didn't, you simply assumed she was wrong, and my girlfriends RockaRolla and kittenluv assumed she was correct.

I am home sick, and this is as far as I have gotten, but I gotta say, as usual, I think Steven nailed it.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 6:26:24 AM   
satanscharmer


Posts: 376
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio

I go to a BDSM club and have several friends there. I was talking to a woman who was complaining about all the spam, fakes and perverts on dating sites. She showed me her account on match.com and her mailbox was flooded with men wanting to meet her. I looked at their profiles and they seemed like normal men. I asked her, "What about him?" "What about this guy?" She would say, "Eckk!! No!" "He looks creepy." With one swoop with her hand, she called them all creepy, pervs, etc. Including this site.

The reason women complain is because they don't give anyone a chance. I realize that a lot of men just want sex, but not all do. Many want an authentic relationship.

Don't you think that women have more OPPORTUNITY then men on dating sites?


Haven't read this entire thread, but when I read this I actually feel for your female friend. Maybe I'm biased, or maybe it's the pessimist in me, but I see all that as having a greater chance for a MISSED opportunity. I don't know the numbers, don't have personal experience in the online dating world, so I don't know exactly how many real opportunities women have over men.

I've known a few women who passed by someone (not on dating sites) because of something they didn't like, only to find out later (usually due to persistence on the suitor's part) the person is a good catch for them. I did it myself because he didn't fit fully into my criteria originally.

Are women generally picky? Maybe, it's possible, and I think they have every right to be. I don't believe it to be unreasonable, especially if they are receiving as much messages claimed. People are going to use their past experiences to help make quick decisions. Those are like stereotypes, in a way, and may not always be accurate but it helps whittle the numbers down. If a woman did receive 50 messages in a week, it's really not reasonable to insist she correspond to each and every one. So, yeah, there may be a missed opportunity out there.

Is it really her fault for passing by a "good" one, or the fault of the "good" one for not standing out and differentiating himself from the rest? Neither party is a mind reader so they use what they have. Sometimes things work out, sometimes not. It's life.

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 6:32:04 AM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio

I never said or implied that "women are jerks for not responding to every message."

You have implied throughout your thread that women are acting like jerks (in so many words) for not "giving anyone a chance" who in your opinion meet the baseline for personal consideration, which is seeming "like normal men." So now your definition of normalcy is the new default standard for a woman to allow a man access to her, rather than in her trusting her own gut instincts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio

I looked at their profiles and they seemed like normal men. . . . Including this site.

The reason women complain is because they don't give anyone a chance.

Don't you think that women have more OPPORTUNITY then men on dating sites?

What you keep failing to understand is that Opportunity /= Desired Result despite what multiple women posting here have been trying to explain to you. This is not much different than what we regularly encounter when those of us who do respond in a polite fashion, which is the denseness factor -- if not outright belligerence and nastiness in some of their reactions, which only reaffirms the correctness of our instinctive decision in turning those characters down in the first place.

Further, "more OPPORTUNITY" for what? For unwelcomed and unsolicited on-line interactions?
This type of mentality displays the wrongful assumption that somehow quantity equates to quality of experience, which it doesn't by a longshot. Maybe that's why you find yourself caught up in an existentialistic dilemma of your own making by your errant imaginings.

There are many more snippets of yours I could include here, but that would be overkill.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio

"straight white men gripe" ??? where is this coming from???

You are straight.
Your profile also indicates you are Caucasian, hence white.
You are male.
You do not represent an underprivileged social class.
You are bitching and moaning about single women as a whole, in an ill-disguised manner. (Baroana was being nice by characterizing it as "gripe." )

DreamLady

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 6:57:49 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		I'm with IcarusBurning.....this is out of hand, I'm out.

(in reply to dreamlady)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 7:05:30 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		ok, read the entire thing, and I gotta say, I think nearly every person who posted to this thread is discussing a different subject.

I do believe the OP has been given a bad rap though. I didn't see anything he posted that deserved the viciousness he has received.

Now off to nap, it's been real though.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 7:29:39 AM   
MathewIndio


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/4/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
If you are such a baby that bad words from a stranger online upset you, get off the internet and message boards. Grow up and learn to be a man who,is not afraid of discussion. And stop hating women, that could turn bad for you.



I never said I hated women. There you go again, putting words into people's mouths and calling people names. If you are unable to stop using vulgar language, calling people names and putting words into people's mouths, why don't you get off the internet and message boards?

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 7:37:59 AM   
MathewIndio


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/4/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

ok, read the entire thing, and I gotta say, I think nearly every person who posted to this thread is discussing a different subject.

I do believe the OP has been given a bad rap though. I didn't see anything he posted that deserved the viciousness he has received.

Now off to nap, it's been real though.



Thank you. I do read people making negative comments about women but for some reason some people are thinking I'm saying these things. People are bringing up different issues, and although I have commented on some, they were not the issues I brought forth. Yet, some people think I brought them forth.

All the sudden some people are making an issue that I'm white, single and straight. Would they feel differently if I was a different race, other than single, not straight?

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 8:38:30 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio


quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

ok, read the entire thing, and I gotta say, I think nearly every person who posted to this thread is discussing a different subject.

I do believe the OP has been given a bad rap though. I didn't see anything he posted that deserved the viciousness he has received.

Now off to nap, it's been real though.



Thank you. I do read people making negative comments about women but for some reason some people are thinking I'm saying these things. People are bringing up different issues, and although I have commented on some, they were not the issues I brought forth. Yet, some people think I brought them forth.

All the sudden some people are making an issue that I'm white, single and straight. Would they feel differently if I was a different race, other than single, not straight?


I'm very curious to know the specifics of your case. How many women do you write to? How far apart are they from you in age and location? What do you say to them? How many write back?

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 9:03:59 AM   
MathewIndio


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/4/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
I'm very curious to know the specifics of your case. How many women do you write to?
I basically go to the BDSM clubs and chat with people. Personally, I believe that is the best way to meet people. I've written to about 10 on this site who live near me.

How far apart are they from you in age and location?
My preference is to be with someone 5 - 7 years younger up to 2 - 4 years older. I would like to meet someone within a 70 mile driving distance.

What do you say to them?
The 10 I have written to live near me and I let them know I enjoy going to the BDSM clubs and it would be great to meet a friend to go with. I do have friends who go there but they live far away.

How many write back?
Out of the 10 emails I've written, one wrote back and we met at Starbucks.


Personally, I don't have difficulties meeting people. It's about getting out there. The point I was making is that it seems that women have more opportunities than men on dating sites.



< Message edited by MathewIndio -- 3/19/2015 9:22:41 AM >

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 9:23:53 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio
The 10 I have written to live near me and I let them know I enjoy going to the BDSM clubs and it would be great to meet a friend to go with.


Did these women indicate in their profiles that they are interested in going to clubs?

If someone mailed me saying this, I wouldn't be inclined to respond. Even if I were interested in going to clubs, I'd like to go with someone that I actually had something in common with. You know, the whole "friendship" thing.

How do you choose women to write to? Is it just within your preferences of age and location, or do you have other factors? Your profile doesn't say much, if anything, about you. Why would someone *want* to spend time with you?

In my situation, my man had a photo on his profile of him and his pack llama on a local hiking trail. Though I did initially send him a snarky mail about not knowing about wild llamas in Washington, fact was that I was drawn to the obvious "outdoorsy" side of him. That started the conversation, and the rest is history, as they say. The point is though, that there was something *there*, something that we shared, aside from a mutual interest in kinky fuckery. Even if I had only been looking for friends, it would be the same. You're a good looking guy, probably "nice", what else have you got?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio
Out of the 10 emails I've written, one wrote back and we met at Starbucks.


That doesn't seem to be a bad return rate to me.

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 9:39:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you're getting a 10% response rate with a nearly empty profile, that's astounding.

FYI, writing to strange women telling them you want to meet them at a dungeon will imply to them that you will expect them to play/sex with you. And that is creepy.

If all women wanted was NSA then we could go to the local bar. We wouldn't need to go online. It's wanting a quality relationship that is so difficult, here and in vanilla life. Guys here tend to have profiles like yours, absolutely no info about them as a person and what little there is, is entirely about play/sex.

What that tells us is that the writer is only interested in play/sex and views every woman as a fetish delivery system. Not that he's seeking a long term relationship.

Because what you choose to put in your profile says to us that this is your main interest. Women are not going to respond to stranger spam with a form of 20 questions, asking if you like dogs or cats, have children, enjoy reality tv, etc etc. If it was important to you to let people know this, you would have put it in your profile in order of importance.

However, you have made it clear that you don't care how women feel by invalidating everything a woman says including telling her a guy isn't creepy when she tells you he is. Your assessment is not more important than ours. Nor should it be. Yet you consistently act and speak in such a manner. Honestly, to me, that's creepy. You telling me some guy isn't creepy when I think he is also tells me that you will ignore my hard limits because you believe they are as invalid as my feelings are to you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 9:47:00 AM   
dreamlady


Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
What do you say to them?

The 10 I have written to live near me and I let them know I enjoy going to the BDSM clubs and it would be great to meet a friend to go with. I do have friends who go there but they live far away.

TMI, especially for an introductory message. You haven't even gotten your foot in the door to pique a woman's interest in considering you. By bringing up BDSM clubs, which not everybody is into, and which a newbie female submissive might not feel ready to try (not like going to a munch) or comfortable accompanying with some strange man she hasn't met yet, you are unnecessarily excluding yourself by possibly turning off your intended invitee (with whom you didn't take the courtesy of waiting another message or two to bring up the subject).

You may not see it in this light, but you started off putting the cart before the horse before showing any personal interest in a woman as a woman, and not just a convenient female escort for you to fulfill your own agenda.
First rule of thumb. Stick to neutral subjects and personalize your message toward her interests, not yours, then in finding out more about her interests in subsequent messages.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
How many write back?

Out of the 10 emails I've written, one wrote back and we met at Starbucks.

The 1 out of 10 who was not put off by the thought of going out BDSM clubbing with you and/or who didn't mind being rushed into a meeting (possibly, if you're the type who presses to meet right away). . . at a venue where there is little conversational privacy.
Pretty good odds, I should say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio
Personally, I don't have difficulties meeting people. It's about getting out there. The point I was making is that it seems that women have more opportunities than men on dating sites.

DreamLady

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 10:04:25 AM   
MathewIndio


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/4/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
However, you have made it clear that you don't care how women feel by invalidating everything a woman says including telling her a guy isn't creepy when she tells you he is. Your assessment is not more important than ours. Nor should it be. Yet you consistently act and speak in such a manner. Honestly, to me, that's creepy. You telling me some guy isn't creepy when I think he is also tells me that you will ignore my hard limits because you believe they are as invalid as my feelings are to you.


I know women who go to their email boxes, click all the emails and deletes them (Deleted, Unread). They wave their hands and say, "All these men are creeps, pervs, etc." Then they ask why can't they find a good man? My one friend let me look at her emails before deleting them. I ask her, "Why is this guy creepy? He looks normal to me." How can these women know they are creepy without even looking at their profiles or reading their emails?

You are accusing me of not caring how women feel, I invalidate women because I'm curious how does she know all these men are creeps and pervs without even looking at their profiles or emails.

How is it I'm ignoring your hard limits?

Would you be so kind as to tell everyone on the forum how do you know all these men are creepy and pervs without looking at their profiles or reading their emails?



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 10:11:04 AM   
satanscharmer


Posts: 376
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
I'm very curious to know the specifics of your case. How many women do you write to?
I basically go to the BDSM clubs and chat with people. Personally, I believe that is the best way to meet people. I've written to about 10 on this site who live near me.

How far apart are they from you in age and location?
My preference is to be with someone 5 - 7 years younger up to 2 - 4 years older. I would like to meet someone within a 70 mile driving distance.

What do you say to them?
The 10 I have written to live near me and I let them know I enjoy going to the BDSM clubs and it would be great to meet a friend to go with. I do have friends who go there but they live far away.

How many write back?
Out of the 10 emails I've written, one wrote back and we met at Starbucks.


Personally, I don't have difficulties meeting people. It's about getting out there. The point I was making is that it seems that women have more opportunities than men on dating sites.




I'm a little impressed with how you've handeled yourself on this thread. I don't see how the questions above pertain to the original question either, yet you've answered them anyway...and without snark.

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 10:15:30 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3315
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		MathewIndio: Try something: create a profile on the other side as a female, in the same age range as you are. Make her sound moderate and looking for a relationship, not too extreme (don't make her a large breasted no limits slave into gang bangs and imprisonment and heavy s&m).

Read the emails you get and the profiles of the men who send them. I bet you will have fewer questions left, if you have any ability to step out of your own "I want" headspace.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 11:06:12 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

MathewIndio: Try something: create a profile on the other side as a female, in the same age range as you are. Make her sound moderate and looking for a relationship, not too extreme (don't make her a large breasted no limits slave into gang bangs and imprisonment and heavy s&m).

Read the emails you get and the profiles of the men who send them. I bet you will have fewer questions left, if you have any ability to step out of your own "I want" headspace.


I have to say this is honestly good advice, I was chatting with a sweet subbie fellow who had negative things to say about FinDommes, some views I shared before collarspace. I gave him this exercise and two weeks later, he was floored, LOL. He followed up with me and was bewildered by how some of these men behave. I was impressed, he actually put real effort into the exercise and embraced the role for that time like a Lifestyle Domme seeking a relationship. I was happy his perspective changed.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 12:45:20 PM   
fania


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MathewIndio

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla
But your position is that women should be dutifully shoveling through that nonsense to find the good guys. Not because it'll end in a potential match for them, either. But because the good guys deserve it. So I ask you, do women join personals sites for their own needs, or yours?


I believe that if a woman wants to find a significant other she is going to have to put in a lot of energy and effort. This includes going through her emails, instead of clicking them all and then deleting them (Deleted, Unread). Since you wrote, "shoveling through that nonsense" I assume you believe that all the emails you receive are from men you have no desire for. I'm saying that in the onslaught of emails you are receiving there are a few good men.

I believe that a lot of women join personal sites in order to find a good man. The ones who find the good ones put in the energy and effort to do so. The ones who are complaining that "I can't find any good man" and they are getting 100's of emails are not putting in the energy and effort that is required.


Doesn't that make it fair and equal? They get more first messages from good matches, but they also get more from bad ones, larger in the same proportion. It neither makes women more lucky, nor makes the task any easier. As you said, they "have to put in a lot of energy and effort" to pick those few good men. I would hardly call that "more opportunity." Women are as likely to fail as men are: every relationship that forms or breaks has two sides. Statistically speaking, that's exactly the same winning or loosing opportunity/chance as men have. Even in terms of work and energy, men have to put in a lot of energy and effort to approach a large number of potential mates, and women have to put a lot of energy and effort to filter through all those requests. You can either call it equal, or just refuse to compare the energy/effort in the two groups because that's a matter of personal preference or aptitude. And about how a particular woman chooses to accept or dismiss these approaches, well, that is going to directly affect her own chance of winning a good relationship. Ultimately she will be paying the price if she is acting shallow or otherwise badly, or win the prize if she selects smart. On the dating sites compared to the outside world, women have more opportunity to receive and respond to suitable proposals, and men have more opportunity to send out suitable proposals (without risking a slap on the face). All fair play.

Things have little to do with three holes and tits, as some of those first replies suggested ;) Nature knows its way, bro. Trust it.


< Message edited by fania -- 3/19/2015 1:30:12 PM >

(in reply to MathewIndio)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 1:43:09 PM   
jerry292


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/19/2014
Status: offline 		Brings up an interesting thought reading some of these replies...
If a man was truly submissive, wouldnt he have a more passive personality? He's not likely to be the one that runs laps around a bar asking any woman out he can until one happens to say yes. If someone is sending multiple e-mails a day to 50 different women, I wouldn't think that kind of aggression would be a hallmark of a "submissive." Instead, a real sub would be the one that sends one single thoughtful email that he had to work up courage to send. (Unfortunately, his message will likely be lost in the pile.)

I mean it just seems like a personality mismatch to be THAT aggressive while saying you are submissive.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 2:06:48 PM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jerry292

Brings up an interesting thought reading some of these replies...
If a man was truly submissive, wouldnt he have a more passive personality? He's not likely to be the one that runs laps around a bar asking any woman out he can until one happens to say yes. If someone is sending multiple e-mails a day to 50 different women, I wouldn't think that kind of aggression would be a hallmark of a "submissive." Instead, a real sub would be the one that sends one single thoughtful email that he had to work up courage to send. (Unfortunately, his message will likely be lost in the pile.)

I mean it just seems like a personality mismatch to be THAT aggressive while saying you are submissive.


sounds like someone got "shy and timid, meek type who walks around quietly with downcast eyes" confused with submission.

< Message edited by Kittenluv954 -- 3/19/2015 2:07:05 PM >

(in reply to jerry292)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Women Have So Much More Opportunity - 3/19/2015 2:12:23 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jerry292

Instead, a real sub would be the one that sends one single thoughtful email that he had to work up courage to send.


I have no issues with sending e-mails to random people-- but then, I'm not submissive to random dudes on the internet.

Am I not *real*?

(in reply to jerry292)
Profile   Post #: 120
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