Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 10:17:41 AM   
newbabygirl16


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2016
Status: offline 		By not allowing me to initiate contact first he is teaching me patience and reminding me that there are times when he may be busy working or what not and I need to not think of only myself

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 10:21:09 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newbabygirl16

By not allowing me to initiate contact first he is teaching me patience and reminding me that there are times when he may be busy working or what not and I need to not think of only myself


I would disagree, but if you feel it's working for BOTH of you, then congratulations and good luck.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to newbabygirl16)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 1:28:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Nah, it just lets him troll other girls instead. But hell, op, if this turns you on, go for it.

Myself, I far prefer people who have communication and relationship skills.

It's pretty obvious that the opposite is true for you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 2:09:04 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		This is a fast reply.

Hold on here folks, we really do not know what happened to cause this "punishment". Or if it had been talked about before, or if the OP was being problematic in their contacting, and this is an object lesson for them.

With little information, there is very little anyone can say about what is actually happening. Jumping to condemn the dominant is not warranted as far as I have read.

From what the OP has posted, they admit their problem with impatience, and their remorse over causing the problem. So, who is to say this wasn't deserved?

To the OP: Could you please explain, in detail, if this was discussed prior to the 'punishment' and also, if you were, in fact, in the wrong here?

The way I see it, he is trying to teach you patience. It is a terrible thing that it has caused you this level of anxiety, but perhaps, you can step back a bit, and look past your angst and try to learn something from this. For myself, I would never punish my submissive without giving a full reason for it, and then explaining the lesson that I want to be understood. Did he do that? Did he cut off contact with you completely or did he simply tell you that you could not initiate contact with him and he is still talking with you?

I once had an impatient sub, she could not control her mouth and spread things around about our relationship to some people that I didn't want them to know about. I tasked her to remain totally silent for two full days. During that time, I also played with her, and tasked her with remaining totally silent through that too. She was upset with the lesson, but she understood why I did it, and she did learn to guard her tongue.

I await your answers.



_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 2:33:41 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
Jumping to condemn the dominant is not warranted as far as I have read.


I'm not condemning the Dominant and I'm not questioning whether she deserved it. I'm asking what he is doing beyond the punishment to set his submissive up for success. (I found her answer to that question to be like a parrot repeating a phrase)

Punishment without rehabilitation, doesn't work. ie: Where you said that you wouldn't do it without explanation. It's about doing it in a healthy manner as opposed to doing it in a manner that will end up eating the relationship.

I'm also curious to hear if he's addressing her feelings of anxiety.




< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 9/27/2016 2:35:04 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 3:32:39 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newbabygirl16
By not allowing me to initiate contact first he is teaching me patience and reminding me that there are times when he may be busy working or what not and I need to not think of only myself

Bold mine and the reason I'm going against the grain on this one.

The OP has not returned to say why, so I might be reading into this. I really am the type of person that if I'm at work, I'm at work. If something is not important, time sensitive, or urgent, don't call me or text me at work. You're not deprived, emotionally abused, or treated terribly because I've imposed this simple rule.

I also prefer not to be called/sent text during time periods that you know I'm driving, out with other people, volunteering at the club, or things that you know I'm busy without you. If you didn't know, that's a different matter but if I told you I would be busy Thursday evening, again, not urgent don't call/text.

If you (general you) can't get that, I could absolutely see myself imposing this. (Emergencies excepted, of course) until you do learn my rule on this. It might not be how other people handle their relationships but it is an expectation in mine.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to newbabygirl16)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 3:45:30 PM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		I'm on the other side of the slash LadyPact and I have similar rules. at work I don't do social media, I'm working, I"m not into cell phones like most people and my boss is trying to clamp down on it in the work place, thankfully.

I prefer any Dominant that I'm involved with not to call me at work, work is work, everything else is everything else. Never had an issue with that but if I did, I would have to reconsider my submission to them.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 4:14:24 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

. I really am the type of person that if I'm at work, I'm at work. If something is not important, time sensitive, or urgent, don't call me or text me at work. You're not deprived, emotionally abused, or treated terribly because I've imposed this simple rule.

I also prefer not to be called/sent text during time periods that you know I'm driving, out with other people, volunteering at the club, or things that you know I'm busy without you. If you didn't know, that's a different matter but if I told you I would be busy Thursday evening, again, not urgent don't call/text.





M and I have an understanding that during the day, communication is primarily via text and if we don't reply, it's because we're busy and we will reply when possible. But, we also each own our own company, so I'm not on someone else's dime while texting.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 10:13:10 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

I'm on the other side of the slash LadyPact and I have similar rules. at work I don't do social media, I'm working, I"m not into cell phones like most people and my boss is trying to clamp down on it in the work place, thankfully.

I prefer any Dominant that I'm involved with not to call me at work, work is work, everything else is everything else. Never had an issue with that but if I did, I would have to reconsider my submission to them.

All these things are perfectly okay. As long as these parameters were set very clearly right from the beginning and both agree it can work for both of them.

I mean, hell, even with fuck buddies, we discuss these boundaries carefully. Like where and when they can contact me or where and when I can contact them. How often do we want to be in contact. We actually communicate and discuss all these thoroughly upfront, so that the fuck buddy relationship can be mutually happy and peaceful and in harmony without conflicts. We set boundaries and pre-agree on the dynamic from the onset. And I will always tell each fuck buddy that my dynamic with every different man is unique, and whatever is pre-agreed between us on how it's gonna be. Some I talk to every day. Some we don't talk unless one of us is looking for a fuck. It it's all different. Some we become very emotionally close friends and share with each other deepest feelings and thoughts. Some are just acquaintances and we want the relationship to be very surface and light, and not want to know too much about each other.

I strongly believe in open communication to solve problems. Regardless BDSM, D/S, or Vanilla, or just Casual sex.

I just feel her dom is not communicating properly with her to explain his position and why he needs things to be a certain way.

And I don't buy this, "teaching patience" thing. My gut is, she got a little needy towards him, and he decided to punish her for it by cold treatment, rather than working with her to address her needy issues, and why she feels this way. And assure her, that he needs his space but he will always come back to her. Just take care of the real issue ya know.

Her crime is feeling too attached to him, and she is getting punished for it.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/27/2016 10:29:18 PM >

(in reply to LilJuly76)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 10:23:27 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
For curiosity's sake, how would you expect to be punished in this situation?

I don't do punishment dynamic in my D/S.
I don't need punishment in my life and am not looking for a father.
Clearly they got a Daddy/Baby Girl dynamic going on.

But I always look at it like, if this was a real father and daughter relationship, is it good for the parent to tell their child who was acting out of wanting and craving for their love and attention that their child is not allowed to talk to them until they initiate contact first? Is that being a good parent?
Her anxiety is normal in such a situation, someone she is attached to and wants to talk to everyday is basically, shutting her out and punishing her for feeling for him so much.

I just think there is an emotional issue there, that needs discussion and to be resolved. Also, using cold treatment and make this into a D/S punishment to solve a real emotional issue that she is dealing with, is seriously just that dominant living in fantasy and not taking care of her as a human being.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/27/2016 10:26:28 PM >

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 10:35:27 PM   
Greatlilbabygirl


Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Nah, it just lets him troll other girls instead. But hell, op, if this turns you on, go for it.

Myself, I far prefer people who have communication and relationship skills.

It's pretty obvious that the opposite is true for you.


That is quite a jump in logic.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/27/2016 10:49:43 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newbabygirl16
I do not feel as my punishment is wronf. I was wrong I shouldn't have been inpatient and selfish. I accept the punishment it's just hard I over analyze everything and no being allowed to intitate contact is something I am
Of used to but I know I will not be inpatient or selfish again

I am always very disturbed when I read something like this.
To me, women who over analyze everything are usually feeling insecure. When you feel secure, you will naturally stop over analyzing anything and be like totally chill whether you hear from him or not, you'd have absolutely faith, he will contact you when he is finish with whatever he is busy with.

But he is punishing you for your insecurity feelings. And in my opinion, punishment INCREASES insecurity. Doesn't exactly solve the problem.

So my question is, IS he trying to solve the problem? OR is he punishing you to just to satisfy his own kinks of making you more anxious and making you squirm and more frightened.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/27/2016 10:50:27 PM >

(in reply to newbabygirl16)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 7:39:31 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
But I always look at it like, if this was a real father and daughter relationship, is it good for the parent to tell their child who was acting out of wanting and craving for their love and attention that their child is not allowed to talk to them until they initiate contact first? Is that being a good parent?
Her anxiety is normal in such a situation, someone she is attached to and wants to talk to everyday is basically, shutting her out and punishing her for feeling for him so much.
But he is punishing you for your insecurity feelings. And in my opinion, punishment INCREASES insecurity. Doesn't exactly solve the problem.


You're reacting like her punishment is a blanket punishment for any kind of transgression and it's not the case. This scenario as no different from taking away your video games because you have been playing them in excess. Yes, it's just cruel when the reason for taking them is not related to your enjoyment of the game, but it's the only thing that makes sense when the problem has to do with them.

He is restricting her free and indiscriminate access to his attention because she abused it (and threw a tantrum at him). OP tells us plainly it is because she got mad at him that he was too busy to respond to him that day. Their dynamic has been in place for, 2 years, she said? And she has been allowed free and indiscriminate access to his attention without issue throughout this time, so having the access is not the problem. The problem was she abused it. Given the reasons leading up to this punishment, it looks less to me like punishment than disciplinary action.

You're also reacting like she hasn't heard from him at all, but that is also not the case. She is allowed to talk to him when he initiates contact, and he has been doing so normally, per OP.

Her feelings of insecurity are normal, but it is important to recognise that she is not being punished for them, or for wanting to connect with him all the time, she's being disciplined for going overboard and being an entitled brat about it. It's also important to recognize that her insecurities are not because he has cut her off, but because she is being restricted from doing it as often and flagrantly as she used to (being on a restricted diet vs being starved).

"until further notice" is a flag if left as a long-term solution without discussion, I admit, but it's only been 3 (4 now?) days so this is still in the "wait and see" stage.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 8:18:51 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newbabygirl16

By not allowing me to initiate contact first he is teaching me patience and reminding me that there are times when he may be busy working or what not and I need to not think of only myself


It is also re-enforcing self-control.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to newbabygirl16)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 9:01:11 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
Their dynamic has been in place for, 2 years, she said? And she has been allowed free and indiscriminate access to his attention without issue throughout this time, so having the access is not the problem. The problem was she abused it. Given the reasons leading up to this punishment, it looks less to me like punishment than disciplinary action.


Actually, she did say that she had been punished this way before, but didn't say if it was for the same issue.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 9:10:30 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Actually, she did say that she had been punished this way before, but didn't say if it was for the same issue.


I missed that. Did you mean this?

quote:


I've been punished before but not being allowed to text and say I miss you or good morning or good night or anything has me filled with anxiety, stress, remorse


I took that to mean she has been punished in other ways before.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 9:57:50 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		There is not enough you for me to form an opinion therefore I must give my answer on all available evidence

Have you tried talking it over with his wife?

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 2:35:37 PM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		I didn't say that wasn't the problem, I was actually thinking the same thing, she's too needy with him and he's handling it wrong, instead of communicating and solving the problem with her. Every Dominant I have ever been involved with, even for just play, communication was the main thing no matter what.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 2:40:14 PM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		this is exactly the reason why I don't get attached to the Dominant's I serve, I don't want to feel anxiety like that or too emotional.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety - 9/28/2016 2:50:12 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta


I've been punished before but not being allowed to text and say I miss you or good morning or good night or anything has me filled with anxiety, stress, remorse


I took that to mean she has been punished in other ways before.


You're right, I misread that.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: My masters instructions have left me full of anxiety Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.129