Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent to monogamy?

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Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent to ... - 8/6/2006 10:28:15 AM

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How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/6/2006 11:58:09 AM

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Where are you searching? Online.

Odds are hugely stacked against you online.

I guess its frustrating, but really, you should be glad all these guys are eliminating themselves from the pool so quickly and easily.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/6/2006 1:19:12 PM

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Everyone gets to make their own decisions about what safer sex practices they are willing to put up with. If yours are not compatable with your partners, and both of you are not willing to negotiate, then the relationship has no starting point, and thus will not be good.

why are you posting this in the switches forum?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/6/2006 2:07:25 PM

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any blowjob that you give on line is by definition prophylactic, or would you rather color me fuckin' stupid (a puce, in my mind)

Ron

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/6/2006 2:20:22 PM

ArchangelMichael

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Not every guy is like that. I always value a friendship first before becomming lovers. This has allowed me to maintian friendships with most of the women I've been intimately involved with even after the relationship ended. And not a single one of them is a "friend with benefits." They are just friends.

If you want to be certain that any potential partner is clean, make sure they get tested and ask to see documentation. But, of course, you should definitely take the time to get to know someone before you even think about having sex with them. It looks like you have a pretty good mindset there and unfortunately, I lot of guys are just after sex or they are primarily looking for sexual compatibility. But not every guy out there is. Yes, sexual compatibility is important, but it's not the only thing. If that's all I thought about, I'd still be with my psycho ex because the sex was good, but not much else was.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/10/2006 2:17:49 PM

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From a different perspective (not taking D/s or other kink into account), in my ample dating experience, I've found that women who want a "friends first" or "take it slow" approach almost unfailingly end up not interested in dating me, and often times are dating other guy(s) in which they developed a stronger chemistry within the first 3 dates. Many men want to avoid unclearly defined relationships in which they are pursuing her for dating purposes and she is allowing him to treat her out, go to events as a couple etc, but she doesn't have the intention of dating him. Men feel taken advantage of in situations like that. Guys would describe a woman doing this as "leading me on".

So, some of the more dom type guys take the opposite approach -- they apply the "3 date rule" and screen out women who aren't interested in expressing their chemistry physically. The idea is, if you're not feeling it now, you most likely will never feel it. Plus, if he's investing that amount of resources in pursuing somebody who's holding out, the risk (opportunity cost) to him increases dramatically (he could have been pursuing someone else more interested in him).

Please note -- I'm not condoning or criticising either approach, just that I understand why men would behave this way. When I'm in my more extroverted/Dom moods, I have applied the "3 date rule" to great success. Of course, that filter leads to finding sub girls. It would certainly not work if i was seeking a Domme.

Some guys are trolling for sex and nothing but -- they want an NSA casual encounter pure and simple. They are misguided. The Net is NOT the way to acheive that.

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/12/2006 12:23:46 AM

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As a member of the male species, I have come to wince at the thought of being friends with someone I have a sexual interest in. My experience has been that either you are a friend or a lover and you are rarely allowed to transition between. I also play by the 3 date rule, but if I am not wanting to break that rule by the 2nd date then I seriously start reconsidering the relationship and it will probably just digress to friendship.

(in reply to hkwolf)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/12/2006 5:09:04 AM

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Ok, the risk of getting AIDs through oral sex is very, very low. I'm serious, look it up. You pretty much have to have an open wound in your mouth and probably on the guys penis to get it...

And I sourced it.

http://www.gaylib.com/aids/aids22.htm

(in reply to shadevarr)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/12/2006 6:10:33 AM

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LOL, I played by the three year rule. After some relationship disasters, I determined that I'd have to date a guy 3 years before I knew him well enough for marriage. And for me sex was for marriage, so nobody got anything like that from me in the dating arena. My relationship with my husband began as friendship and went from there. If it hadn't, I doubt we'd be together. I have to say, I can't imagine a good sexual relationship if there wasn't a solid friendship there.

zuma

(in reply to pmyshkinp)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/12/2006 6:21:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?

deleted

< Message edited by marieToo -- 8/12/2006 6:25:19 AM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/12/2006 11:02:00 AM

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This is such an interesing post...you are damned if you do (put out) and damned if you don't...being a single BBW woman with a high libido...I try to control myself, but what can I say? I like sex...

Is there ever a NSA encounter that then turns into a relationship?? Hmmm. Like the Shakespeare question, "To be or not to be" ...

What do guys really want???

Signorina C

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/12/2006 5:28:35 PM

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What guys really want? Gods, I don't think we will ever get to know the answer to that. At least hollywood provided us with the answer for what women want :D Also as far as risks of aids and STDs goes, it has been my personal experience that those who engage in a lot of drunken one night stands tend to be more at risk than those who have one or a few steady partners that they trust.

(in reply to SignorinaC)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/13/2006 9:47:22 AM

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Ok... I have been putting this link out on different threads because I find it might possibly be helpful. Hopefully it will be helpful to you as well so here it is:

http://www.aslavesheart.com/subscorner/acidtest.html

Good luck!

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to shadevarr)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/13/2006 11:01:00 AM

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From: leeli
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defiantbadgirl

i understand you completely. It is a hard, long road to find thr Real Deal. But then again- when i am trying to type a reply to an note or send my best wishes to a sick friend- i placed between ads saying hundreds of women want to f**k you tonight and some 19 year old wanting you to view her privates on her webcam.

i have held out for quite some time now. i have defined, refined, asked questions and learned. i realize there are as many reasons to be on this site as there are individuals. Each in T/their own way here for the right reason.

After over a month of IM with a "master" we never got past the turn on your cam i want to see you point. So i simply said we were not a good match. Others just seem to desire nasty phone sex ot cyber or? Perfect for some that have wives, children not available RT -yet they are not what i seek as a LTR D/M.

i am now hearing from some very similar D/M s/sl and it is so refreshing to be able to share points of view. Discuss goals and hopes, what the future would be like if W/we joined together as a team. Oh yeah! A team, just like those icky vanilla people. i first look for a foundation to grow upon, i enjoy chatting about all kinds of non sex topics, sex is such a small part opf a 24/7 RT Household.

i am very much like you in that i am not into weekend kink or a quickie play scene. i come from an area where the walking dead are everywhere- so when you hear someone say-"It is safe, check out the research".... i always tell people- researches are hired by companies to "back up" the claims of their products and goods. A researcher that does not give the desired "results?" is not going to be hired that often. Testing and research? Check out the millions of lawsuits against drug companies for not mentioning their product may cure this but it can also cause that or even kill.

Trust your instincts. you know what it is you desire and what you have to offer. This is a wonderful time for you. Owning your own collar - you have the freedom to ask questions, state ideas and facts. Once you do find a good match the dynamics will change a bit.

my best wishes that W/we all find a good match while keeping true to O/ourselves. To change certain values, beliefs and such- would only lead you to living a lie and W/we know it would be doomed from the beginning.

(in reply to JessieMe)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/13/2006 7:26:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?

I think it is wise of you to be open about your preferences. I can't state why they are reacting this way. Are these individuals you've contacted directly or has the reverse occurred? My profile is pretty straight forward and the responses are generally mixed. I would hope it would deflect those seeking penile relief but alas comprehension isn't everyone's strong suit. I wouldn't waste my time wondering about those that are clearly not suited for you. Or attempt to understand their behavior patterns either. You own your time. Use it wisely.

porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/13/2006 7:40:43 PM

Skier

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I'm seeking monogamy as well.

(in reply to porcelaine)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/14/2006 12:18:21 AM

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No one in their right mind wants to eat Cinnamon, Toast, Crunch for breakfast every morning. Sometimes you've just to throw in some Frosted Flakes, or Lucky Charms.

If porcelaine's pic isn't the goddamn hottest fucking thing on CollarMe right now, I'll eat my boxer briefs for breakfast.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 8/14/2006 12:20:07 AM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/14/2006 10:10:05 AM

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TreSwank, you ain't too hard on the eyes, either :)

Signorina C

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/14/2006 10:12:38 AM

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Fry 'em up and get out the ketchup.

The truism of life is that there is always someone who has better, does more, is tougher......ad nauseam.

I am enamoured with the way she writes, tho.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TreSwank)

RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/14/2006 10:18:38 AM

impishlilhellcat

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I like you too am baffled by this concept. I had an ex that would sleep around with several girls without protection. I brought up the issue of how did he know that he was being safe and that he wasn't bringing something home one time and he flipped on me said he knew these women were safe. It baffled me that the women could be so careless with their health and that he could do the same. You never know if someone's safe... Especially if you are sleeping around and so in fact are the other person your involved with. Yes you can get tested but you need to get tested for HIV they say every six months that should tell you something right there. I have been fortunate enough to find a partner who isn't in it just for the sex although that is a nice benefit. I was very open and honest and blunt about what I was looking for in my profile and yes it cut down responses but you do get a few good emails every now and again. Just don't compromise your ideals....

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