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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/19/2006 8:41:40 AM   
BrutalAntipathy


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Nothing wrong with monogomy. Heck, I had a big monogomy dining room set at one time....
 
Seriously now, biology plays a part. The book The Myth of Monogomy, by Barash and Lipton covers the subject exhaustively ( and somewhat dryly ).

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/19/2006 11:16:54 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?

I'm curious where your morbidity and mortality statistics are coming from with regards to this statement.  Mind putting some numbers in front of us to validate what you're trying to say????? 

I've been referred to www.avert.org by friends who run the Guardian Health Project up in CT, and they've got the following to say about a more recent study of oral sex and gay men with HIV:

"In June 2002, a study conducted amongst 135 HIV-negative Spanish heterosexuals, who were in a sexual relationship with a person who was HIV-positive, reported that over 19,000 instances of unprotected oral sex had not lead to any cases of HIV transmission. The study also looked at contributing factors that could effect the potential transmission of HIV through oral sex. They monitored viral load and asked questions such as whether ejaculation in the mouth occurred and how good oral health was. Amongst HIV-positive men, 34 per cent had ejaculated into the mouths of their partners. Viral load levels were available for 60 people in the study, 10 per cent of whom had levels over 10,000 copies. Nearly 16 per cent of the HIV-positive people had CD4 counts below 200. The study, conducted over a ten year period between 1990 and 2000, adds to the growing number of studies which suggest varying levels of risk of HIV transmission from oral sex when compared to anal or vaginal intercourse."

The above study was an NIH-sponsored study.  I'm really dying to know where your statistics come from that you can say something so definitive and hardcore.

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 8/19/2006 11:22:09 AM >


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Pandora
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"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/19/2006 11:25:21 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Invictus754

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrokenDoll
respectfully Sir I would like to say that I dont beleave this to be true. While what you say may hold true for the resipiant of the blowjob the giver is at signifacently higher risk if the resipiant has the virus. Any exchange of fluids poses the risk of passing it.


I went to the CDC page to gather proof of my claim; I found that I am spouting old information.  I stand corrected, and offer my humble apologies. :)

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/oralsexqa.htm

However, using my home state of NC as an example, there are only 10,891 cases of AIDS reported in NC for men.  From an approximate population of 8.3 million, that is a 0.13% (13 hundredths of a percent or 13 times out of 10,000) that a woman will find a man with AIDS.  And, if she only engages in oral sex, then there is only an 8% chance she will contact AIDS from the encounter - which makes it .0104% - 104 times out of one million - chance of getting AIDS.  So, it is true the odds are better than winning the lottery, but the odds are certainly against you getting it.  There are only 3187 reported cases in NC for women, so men have a much smaller chance of catching it...assuming they are heterosexual.  So choose your state wisely.

In 2004, even gay men only had a 7.8 percent chance of contracting HIV through an unprotected blow job, and 40% of them had oral open sores, broken dentition and/or bleeding gums.  I have a really hard time believing that the stakes are that much higher for hets.

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Invictus754)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/19/2006 11:27:00 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WildnWicked

HIV is no longer a death sentence. It is viewed as a chronic illness much like diabetes. The sooner someone knows their status, the better off they are.


And HIV isn't what you should be so alarmed about.  HCV is the new incurable killer and it's running rampant.  Look at the CDC numbers and compare them to new HIV infections!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to WildnWicked)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/24/2006 4:36:06 AM   
RobertMaddox


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Here's an interesting thing: Why WOULD some men sleep around without protection?  It seems pretty simple: they're not worried about having to defend themselves.  There's a reason the Leathermen community has lost a full generation of wonderful people.  Why the Old Gaurd is so stinking rarified.  I'd give a fair shake that many of those were also unafraid or even unaware of the need to protect themselves.  No-one can impose thier will or authority on another person until they accept the validity of that control, either.  Bosses and the President and the IRS are given the autrhority to mess in our lives, or not, as we choose to validate thier right to control.  If you're worried about protecting yourself, do it.  In the final reckoning, anyone who chooses to put themselves in harms way has no-one to blame but themselves.  There's a major fallacy of logic presumed by so many people:  no-ne can MAKE you do anything, but the converse is also true: You are only responsible for your own actions.

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/24/2006 4:44:05 AM   
RobertMaddox


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However, using my home state of NC as an example, there are only 10,891 cases of AIDS reported in NC for men.  From an approximate population of 8.3 million, that is a 0.13% (13 hundredths of a percent or 13 times out of 10,000) that a woman will find a man with AIDS.  And, if she only engages in oral sex, then there is only an 8% chance she will contact AIDS from the encounter - which makes it .0104% - 104 times out of one million - chance of getting AIDS.  So, it is true the odds are better than winning the lottery, but the odds are certainly against you getting it.  There are only 3187 reported cases in NC for women, so men have a much smaller chance of catching it...assuming they are heterosexual.  So choose your state wisely.

When do we ever listen to a weather forecaster predict the next week by percentages without some measure of doubt that it will turn out to be something entirely different?

Tell the guy that died from a lightning strike that he had a better chance of dying in a car wreck.
The guy's still dead.
Spin the wheel and place your one life as the bet, chances are, you won't die today.  Oh! Bad luck sir...
Yeah, I'm getting tired and grumpy.  Sorry about the sarcasm.

(in reply to RobertMaddox)
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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/28/2006 1:32:35 PM   
Aubre


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Find another switch. Buy each other chastity belts and hand the other the key. If they won't agree to that move on to the next. Keep a supply of flavored dental dams and condoms and you should be all set.

< Message edited by Aubre -- 8/28/2006 1:34:09 PM >

(in reply to RobertMaddox)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 11/20/2006 4:47:07 AM   
LadyAyla7053


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadevarr

Also as far as risks of aids and STDs goes, it has been my personal experience that those who engage in a lot of drunken one night stands tend to be more at risk than those who have one or a few steady partners that they trust.


I would like to disspell that myth right here and now.  Very recently I found out that I am HIV+ and it nearly shattered me.  Luckily I have an awsome support group here of both people in the lifestyle and those that aren't.  However my point is this.  I can count on one hand how many people I have been with sexually.  When I was 12 I was raped so I don't count that one and for ten years every six months I got tested and each time it turned out negative.  This last time it was simply my yearly physical and as I've been doing for years I got the whole kitten caboodle.  I was clean except for being HIV+.  I am 31 now and when I first found out it was like the world was closing in around me.  In the past I always made my future partner get tested and because I required that I did it myself and we didn't do anything sexual until the results were in.  I also got tested if the relationship ended.  So even though a person may only have a few steady partners it only takes one dirty partner to contract the HIV virus.

(in reply to shadevarr)
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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/8/2006 10:25:39 AM   
LTRsubNW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hkwolf

From a different perspective (not taking D/s or other kink into account), in my ample dating experience, I've found that women who want a "friends first" or "take it slow" approach almost unfailingly end up not interested in dating me, and often times are dating other guy(s) in which they developed a stronger chemistry within the first 3 dates. Many men want to avoid unclearly defined relationships in which they are pursuing her for dating purposes and she is allowing him to treat her out, go to events as a couple etc, but she doesn't have the intention of dating him. Men feel taken advantage of in situations like that. Guys would describe a woman doing this as "leading me on".

So, some of the more dom type guys take the opposite approach -- they apply the "3 date rule" and screen out women who aren't interested in expressing their chemistry physically. The idea is, if you're not feeling it now, you most likely will never feel it. Plus, if he's investing that amount of resources in pursuing somebody who's holding out, the risk (opportunity cost) to him increases dramatically (he could have been pursuing someone else more interested in him).

Please note -- I'm not condoning or criticising either approach, just that I understand why men would behave this way. When I'm in my more extroverted/Dom moods, I have applied the "3 date rule" to great success. Of course, that filter leads to finding sub girls. It would certainly not work if i was seeking a Domme.

Some guys are trolling for sex and nothing but -- they want an NSA casual encounter pure and simple. They are misguided. The Net is NOT the way to acheive that.


Nicely put.  (Wish I'd said that).

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to hkwolf)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/8/2006 2:34:02 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

quote:

ORIGINAL: hkwolf

From a different perspective (not taking D/s or other kink into account), in my ample dating experience, I've found that women who want a "friends first" or "take it slow" approach almost unfailingly end up not interested in dating me, and often times are dating other guy(s) in which they developed a stronger chemistry within the first 3 dates. Many men want to avoid unclearly defined relationships in which they are pursuing her for dating purposes and she is allowing him to treat her out, go to events as a couple etc, but she doesn't have the intention of dating him. Men feel taken advantage of in situations like that. Guys would describe a woman doing this as "leading me on".

So, some of the more dom type guys take the opposite approach -- they apply the "3 date rule" and screen out women who aren't interested in expressing their chemistry physically. The idea is, if you're not feeling it now, you most likely will never feel it. Plus, if he's investing that amount of resources in pursuing somebody who's holding out, the risk (opportunity cost) to him increases dramatically (he could have been pursuing someone else more interested in him).

Please note -- I'm not condoning or criticising either approach, just that I understand why men would behave this way. When I'm in my more extroverted/Dom moods, I have applied the "3 date rule" to great success. Of course, that filter leads to finding sub girls. It would certainly not work if i was seeking a Domme.

Some guys are trolling for sex and nothing but -- they want an NSA casual encounter pure and simple. They are misguided. The Net is NOT the way to acheive that.


Nicely put.  (Wish I'd said that).
[/quote]
 
I don't envy those in the dating scene these days. I'd probably join a convent.

_____________________________

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LTRsubNW)
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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/8/2006 2:48:41 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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I agree.

Except there's no fucking way I'd wait THREE dates.  Just send me a note when you're ready.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

quote:

ORIGINAL: hkwolf

From a different perspective (not taking D/s or other kink into account), in my ample dating experience, I've found that women who want a "friends first" or "take it slow" approach almost unfailingly end up not interested in dating me, and often times are dating other guy(s) in which they developed a stronger chemistry within the first 3 dates. Many men want to avoid unclearly defined relationships in which they are pursuing her for dating purposes and she is allowing him to treat her out, go to events as a couple etc, but she doesn't have the intention of dating him. Men feel taken advantage of in situations like that. Guys would describe a woman doing this as "leading me on".

So, some of the more dom type guys take the opposite approach -- they apply the "3 date rule" and screen out women who aren't interested in expressing their chemistry physically. The idea is, if you're not feeling it now, you most likely will never feel it. Plus, if he's investing that amount of resources in pursuing somebody who's holding out, the risk (opportunity cost) to him increases dramatically (he could have been pursuing someone else more interested in him).


Nicely put.  (Wish I'd said that).

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/8/2006 2:53:41 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I agree.

Except there's no fucking way I'd wait THREE dates.  Just send me a note when you're ready.



(This is why YOU sit in the BIG chair!)

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Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/8/2006 4:08:20 PM   
beltainefaerie


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I wouldn't be too concerned about the drop-off in replies.  Not ALL guys are just looking for sex, but many who are online seeking are.  If you compromise your beliefs, you will get hurt.  You might want to seek out some munches and discussion groups as a way to meet people as well.

I have always had in my profile that I'm not seeking a relationship, just friends, and yet I still get emails from people who are seeking sex ASAP.  Go figure.  Maybe some of them can't actually read.

Good luck finding someone whose needs match yours!  : )

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/8/2006 10:01:26 PM   
theRose4U


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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreSwank
If porcelaine's pic isn't the goddamn hottest fucking thing on CollarMe right now, I'll eat my boxer briefs for breakfast.


Would you prefer milk or jam with those? She doesn't play on that team and the pic is an avitar (cartoon).

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(in reply to TreSwank)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/9/2006 3:59:03 PM   
Missokyst


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I think that people, will take the option for what ever is easiest for them.  Recently I exchanged emails with a perfectly nice gentleman with whom I discussed nilla topics, being careful to steer away from kink for the time being.  It was great.. then in my last email to him I mentioned that I was not ready for anything intimate as yet.  I haven't heard from him since.  I assume he took the easiest exit out since it was not going to head to play.  I understand that.
In a forum like this where people are hoping to hook up, or nilla dating sites with the same intent, those that are looking for easy sex will move along to the next target.  I say let them move along.  I wouldn't want my moist parts touching theirs.. and 50 of their priors. 
Ick.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/9/2006 5:11:14 PM   
TreSwank


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The urge to procreate is a biological imperative. Anything other than a fairy-tale, superficial desire for "monogamy" on a man's part is unnatural..............unless, he happens to be at that age where lonliness and the desire for companionship happen to be the overriding factors in his decision-making.

I tried to explain this concept to a female friend of mine, who immediately derided the cold, hard, scientifically sound facts as "horsefeathers".  Anyone with a (naturally occuring) vagina could never understand the trials and tribulations of the male gender.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 12/9/2006 5:12:20 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/9/2006 10:58:32 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
I think you're just searching the wrong places for guys or you're putting out the wrong signals. Most of my friends are women, and while some of them have been interested in me sexually, most of the time we're just really good friends, the kind that you can tell intimate secrets to without having to become "intimate".

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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/10/2006 1:22:41 AM   
Lordandmaster


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But there is much more to sexual desire in human beings than just the urge to procreate.  There's a huge literature about this, and at 4:20 A.M. I confess I'm too lazy to start citing any of it--but it's out there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreSwank

The urge to procreate is a biological imperative.

(in reply to TreSwank)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/10/2006 4:07:26 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


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The little head rather than the big head is doing the thinking.

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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/10/2006 7:18:18 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?


~Fast Reply~

*blinku-blinku*

Condoms + oral sex generally = you can't feel a damn thing. From what I've been told anyway. Why you want to use them is kinda beyond me anyway. They taste nasty and if you are worried about get a test done. If you are so worried about that after the test you are still worried, that is a huge red flag that means you shouldn't be sleeping with them anyway!

Sex is a risky business. We are betting, with our lives by some views, that our partners will be honest with us and will use safe sex practices if sleeping with others. Even in a marriage, it's a gamble. He might go out and pick up a hooker while you are visiting the in-laws.

Also, I believe saliva actually kills the HIV virus. Regardless you couldn't transmit it to them unless you have an open wound in your mouth. However, you could still get it from them, I believe. So, like I say: Get them tested. If you don't trust the test, you shouldn't be sleeping with them anyway.

Edited to add: Why did you post this in the switch forum?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/10/2006 7:19:48 PM >


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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 60
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