RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent to monogamy?

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 2/10/2007 12:29:46 PM

Tslaveboy

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I would suggest finding an older man whose hormones have cooled off a bit. Maybe someone in their 50s or 60s.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 2/12/2007 12:58:09 AM

venusdiva429

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I sincerely hope that men can control their bodies. It'd be a crying shame is National Geographic controlled your dick. I'd love to hear that in divorce court: "Well, Your Honor, I heard that it's just what I'm genetically predisposed to do! I was just sowing my oats with Bambi!" See how far that gets you. If you are sexually active, you are completely and totally responsible for who you stick your junk in, and you are also responsible for the fallout. Therefore, if you want to sleep around, have a blast...but don't be shocked when you lose the woman you love, and potentially your kids, reputation, savings, etc.

Monogamy is an agreement. If you make an agreement, keep it. Would you mess around with a major work contract, simply because you were moved to go outside and frolic at the beach? Probably not.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 2/12/2007 7:42:21 PM

Meerkad

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Eh. Maybe men don't want to go for monogamy because they get dealt with badly in it and by the system. I was faithful. I'm just thankful she didn't give me anything and we didn't have kids.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 2/16/2007 8:00:58 PM

pickingrinnin

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There are men of all kinds out there. You just have to cast a wider net - in addition to Internet, meet as many people in real life as you can, since you never know who might introduce you to a great guy some day. Go to all the parties, munches, etc. you can, even if you don't think there will be any interesting guys there. The more you spread out your social contacts, the more likely that you'll meet someone.

It might not hurt to examine your criteria, too. Do you have height restrictions? Do you only tend to be attracted to aggressive men (in the vanilla sense)? What are some types of guys that you don't usually look at, but who might turn out to be hidden gems (ex. shy guys)?

Most of my male friends are pretty obsessive about STD prevention, but I have known some who aren't. In my experience, those men have never really grown up and learned to temper their instincts with reason. The same goes for women, though - there are a LOT of women out there who don't insist on protection, and even some who ask that a man not use a condom. I have even heard swingers - who are at high risk of STD exposure - claim that other swingers are "safe" and that AIDS is not present in the swinging community.

I have never had sex (oral, anal, or vaginal) with someone without first discussing sexual histories and getting a full range of STD tests (so no sex on the first date). Even with that, I use a condom every time, including oral sex. I have no desire to pick up a disease (particularly an incurable or fatal one), so I try to be as safe as possible.

You may have stopped receiving responses to your ad because you used the phrase "friends first." The phrase "let's just be friends" carries a lot of negative emotions for many men, because women have used that phrase with them as a euphemism for "I don't find you attractive." Though "friends first" would imply something different for me, there are probably a lot of men out there who would see that combined with "no casual sex" and assume that it means that you are opposed to sex before marriage, or that you would make them wait a really, really long time before having sex.

That isn't to say that you shouldn't have those two phrases in there, of course. They may even be acting as a good weed-out filter for you. My advice would be to remain patient and pursue other avenues.

- Jesse

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/7/2007 4:45:10 AM

Lucius

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Wrong question.

"Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than practice celibacy?"

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/7/2007 5:50:53 AM

instynctive

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I'd rather not be lumped into a broad generalization.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/7/2007 9:06:36 AM

GhitaAmati

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Why is it that those of us who happen to have an active sex life are always lumped into the "evil, bad, immoral" category??

Ok...I do definantly have a problem with people who troll for a relationship when all they really want is sex...but what exactly is wrong with being honest about the fact that some of us really ARE just looking for sex??

Im gonna quote myself instead of retyping everything..so this is from another recent thread about unprotected sex in the health and safety section

quote:

I guess Im what youd call one of them swingers out there.....

When my Sir and I first met, almost 5 years ago, we both got tested within the first month of dating...we also continued to have protected sex for about the first 8 months of our relationship (yes oral too)..only stopping the condom wearing after a second test. Yes, we do more than the three basic tests but I couldnt tell you now what they all are, we go to our personal doctors, not the health clinics though. After those 8 months, we have continued to have unprotected sex with each other each and every day...and sometimes twice on sundays...I wouldnt have my two beautiful babies if we were still using condoms. (we do still use condoms for anal though..cause it just makes for easier clean up)

I have had unprotected sex before, when I was younger, I thought birth control was the important thing and I was stupid and also very very lucky. I wanted to mention that I had my oldest son on birth control, taking the pill regularly isnt always fool proof either.

Now, we have protected sex with anyone but each other, every single time. I dont care how long we have known them or how often we have had sex with them. I have recently learned about those new polyurethane condoms....they taste a whole lot better so Im definantly happier about that (feel better too..oral and vaginally)...but I was always willing to taste rubber if I had to. We went to our first actual swingers "club" this past week...and there were bowls of condoms everywhere. I never saw anyone complain about wearing them or even act like they were surprised it was expected. Up until recently all of our swinging was done within a very tight knit circle of friends...thanks to some hints about websites to check out from people here on collarme, we've been branching out and meeting alot of really great people. I have never talked to anyone who didnt expect and even insist on condom use. Maybe that has something to do with the caliber of people we choose to swing with, im sure there are plenty who dont care...but I havent run into them yet.

Ok, so I know that doesnt directly answer the OP...but, it IS possible to have "friends with benifits" and multiple sex partners while still taking the STD risk into consideration

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/7/2007 9:10:21 AM

LaTigresse

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A one year old thread brought back from the dead!

God dammit!!!!!!! I started reading and got all excited because I thought Spanky was back to gracing us with his presence.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/7/2007 9:26:58 AM

GhitaAmati

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lol..I didnt even look at the date of the OP....

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/7/2007 11:51:43 AM

RaynaSub

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Maybe you are looking in the wrong places for a partner.
It could be that you are choosing the right type of partner.
All men are not like this, I hope you can find one of the diamonds in the
rough.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/7/2007 7:18:58 PM

ExquisiteFeline

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadevarr

What guys really want? Gods, I don't think we will ever get to know the answer to that. At least hollywood provided us with the answer for what women want :D Also as far as risks of aids and STDs goes, it has been my personal experience that those who engage in a lot of drunken one night stands tend to be more at risk than those who have one or a few steady partners that they trust.

Shouldn't it be what do ppl want, i dont think there can be gender specifics on such things, girls are sluts, guys are sluts and both are monogamous.
Guess some ppl are here for a good time not a long time, it not a guy thing it is a personality thing.
6 years ago i carried my HIV infected, dead friend's coffin 300 mt, she weighed a mere 35kg at death, 6 of us carried her and it did my back in, that sticks. At times (when i believe the relationship may be going somewhere) i am not always as protective as i should be, and then i beat myself up for it, but i get checked regularly, i have never contracted any STDs, but i wont be tempting fate too many times :)

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/8/2007 12:09:51 AM

LongBeachMaster

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Why do people always get into the celibacy/monogomy or disease debate. I am a Dom Top Master that has a very active sex life. I get tested regularly, and am HIV neg and disease free. It's all about the approach to your play. Sanity and sexuality is not incompatible. I've fucked well over 200-300 men over the course of the last year and the only man I fuck without a condom is my, my boy. That is not to say that guys have not tried to take the condom off or have begged me to breed them raw, especially in Europe. So play often and play safe!

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 8/8/2007 8:03:06 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucius

Wrong question. "Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than practice celibacy?"

Very good point. A recent survey in the UK showed that about half the women asked would not mention having a sexually transmittable disease to a partner. Considering the bits Leonidas said about one in five kids (national average; two in five if you live where he does) have a different biological father than the man who thinks he is. A quick logic applied to this, tells us there's a fair chance a presumed monogamous partner isn't, and isn't using protection, and won't tell us if they contract something.

That said, HIV isn't exactly the main concern. There are other STDs that are a lot more likely to be transmitted, as I recall. And while decidedly unpleasant, treatments have by now come a rather long way. For the same thread GhitaAmati quoted, I made a fairly simplistic calculation that, if correlated to the statistics linked on the first page, indicates you'd have to (unprotected) give head 400 times- or take it up the rear 6 times- with randomly chosen partners each time to get the same risk as the California highway poses, as far as HIV is concerned. Having people screen themselves regularly reduces the risk further. Condoms reduce it by a factor of 50 or so.

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