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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent to monogamy?


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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/10/2006 7:23:49 PM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bluebird

Remember, though, even if the risk of AIDS is low enough for you to feel comfortable with (!), you can catch a whole host of other nasty, although treatable, diseases, even from oral.  Gonorrhea in the throat, clap in your eye, warts, herpes - and for most of these, you will never notice the symptoms until it is too late.  Cervical cancer has direct links to genital warts, which have direct correlation with men with multiple sex partners (current or past).  So, either long term mutually faithful monogamy (or faithful polygamy) is the only truly "safe" way, but condoms are a heck of a lot better than bareback if your dom has any level of concern for your safety and well-being.  And if he doesn't care about that - why are you with him? 


I can get what in my throat? That just raised the squick factor...

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/11/2006 3:40:39 AM   
FangsNfeet


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Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent to monogamy?

It's natural for males of most species to want to reproduce/populate as much as possible. Nature has made us want to have sex. Not all of us may want kids but men aren't the ones who give birth. The sex is worth having kids for men. When one woman is pregnant or unavalible for sex, it's a natural tendency to want to reproduce somewheres else. It's not that this is to justify cheating on a mate but that it's just a natural tendency that nature as put in us to keep our existance as a race. Numbers equal survival. The natural urge of always wanting to pass along your seed can easily conquer the fear of STDs.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/11/2006 4:09:50 AM   
AquaticSub


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But you aren't passing on your seed in a blowjob.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/24/2006 2:20:55 PM   
Wanderlusty


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It's simple. To avoid the financial risk, go dutch for the first few dates! I am always extremely uncomfortable with allowing a guy to pay for me without reciprocation. If he insists on paying, then the next time, I insist.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/24/2006 2:55:41 PM   
Grlwithboy


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Flavored condoms, dental dams, latex gloves cut open if you don't have a dam. As for sensation - try this test, put on an exam glove and suck on your fingers -- still pretty good.

Risk factors aside, better safe than sorry. I just assume everyone's got something till I know otherwise. But I also sexually matured during the height of the AIDS crisis, long before "it's more a chronic illness than a death sentence" was unthinkably futuristic, so I'm used to latex everything.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/24/2006 10:29:42 PM   
SweetDommes


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I'm sure that someone has already said this, but ...

Since when does someone who doesn't want monogamy automatically mean that said person is risking getting HIV/AIDS?  I understand if poly isn't for you, and I'm not at all implying that the guys you are talking about (who, from what you have said in the OP, are players) are poly ... but non-monogamy does not = high risk behavior.  Some of us non-monogamists are smart and protect ourselves at least as well as monogamous people.  Just a thought, stemming from your thread title ....

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/29/2006 6:49:00 PM   
defiantbadgirl


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Correction..........monogamy or faithful polygamy.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/29/2006 7:09:34 PM   
Jamcd


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Doesn't "faithful polygamy" completely contradict monogamy?

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/29/2006 7:18:58 PM   
defiantbadgirl


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Yes it does, but this thread is about unsafe sex practices. Although polygamy does involve more than 2 people, faithful polygamy involves the same people who don't step outside of the circle. Polygamy is definitely not my thing, but if partners are faithful to each other, it provides the same protection as monogamy.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 12/29/2006 7:21:50 PM   
marieToo


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all this shit just makes me never wanna fuck again.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/4/2007 4:29:52 PM   
devoT


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Interesting question...
In general, it's because we're hardwired to spread our seed around. That's, in simple evolutionary terms, what we're for. A man can commit to the most wonderful woman on earth, but if she ain't givin' him any, his eyes will start to wander.

Having a friendship first is a lovely romantic ideal in many people's eyes, but in practice it very rarely works. Most people categorise new people they meet as a 'yes, no' maybe'. Once in a category, it's hard to move out. Guys who get put in the friend category find it very hard to move into the lover category, which is why many prefer to start out as a lover and hope it moves onto something long term. If it doesn't, there's always the next.

As far as online dating goes, I had great success, back in the days when I was single. I had many women offer me sex in direct response to my profile (online flirting is an art!), before even meeting. I would expect sex on a first date, and would never go beyond 2 dates if it didn't happen. In my view, too many women want commitment before sex, but the world isn't like that any more. We're not all Victorian virgins desperate to hook up with the first person who says yes. Far better to find out if you're sexually compatible before making a commitment. Personally, I never had sex with women that I didn't think there was some chance of a long term thing happening, having already ascertained (via my profile) whether we had anything in common or not. The trick is to have a good profile, that screens out the crap. OK, so maybe there's always some dumbass who can't be bothered to read your profile, and just thinks 'hey a woman! I'll go for it!', but hopefully you possess the class and intelligence to screen them out before responding.

I have to say though, online dating might be good, but it sure doesn't beat real time meeting people. You just need to meet the right people at the right time in the right place. It can be tough, but it's SO worth it:-)

Good luck.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/4/2007 4:59:31 PM   
TPEOwner


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/4/2007 7:11:06 PM   
junecleaver


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?
 Let me know when you find the answer to this question.  I suppose many people use the internet as an outlet for their sexual fantasies and maybe that's why you bump into more people who are focused on simply fufilling their fantasy, not necessarily building a relationship. Who knows what guys want?  To act so simple, they are suprisingly complicated.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/4/2007 7:16:33 PM   
TxBlkMistress


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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?


wow..you rarely receive any emails because of this?   I have that on mine too, and I still get tons..lol   I've found that the majority don't even read emails...not even the top line...lol  I think I'd prefer few emails as to getting all the time wasters.

please tell me your secret....LOL

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/4/2007 8:53:14 PM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?


wow..you rarely receive any emails because of this?   I have that on mine too, and I still get tons..lol   I've found that the majority don't even read emails...not even the top line...lol  I think I'd prefer few emails as to getting all the time wasters.

please tell me your secret....LOL


Apprently people don't look at userpictures either. I got two e-mails this week asking if I had a dominant. How much easier can I make this other then making my name "OwnedSubHereForFriendsNoSex"

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/4/2007 9:25:52 PM   
RobertCloud


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This is actually a reply to several of the previous posts.
First... though it is rare... there are some men that are more than willing to wait beyond that first date, way beyond for anykind of sexual relations. In fact, I would rather know that there is something truly there, some other kind of connection before even the scening begins. Sex and Scening are not the only things important in a relationship if it is going to survive. It needs much more, and a friendship is the most important thing it needs. A friendship cannot be there if there is no communication, so there is your founding step.

In my personal experience it usually is not me that brings up sex first. I might tease some after it is brought up, but I intentionally let them know it is only teasing and that I seriously want to wait on the sex in the relationship until we have gotten to know each other much better.

Once they find out I have been celebate for three years though it seems I am the one being pushed to have sex, and even without protection.... lol.... okay.... I know I am STD free, I know I am drug free... and I have no doubt of those in my mind, but I do not know that about the person I am meeting. So why would I want to risk my life for that. I still would rather take my time.

Now, as far as pictures. I look at every picture of a person I may email, I often email submissives that are owned based upon their profiles and just chat as friends. I love the idea of developing friendships without the strings of any other relationship ties involved. I invite them to introduce me to their Master's or to give their Master's my regards.

However, I also in every single case of emailing someone, whether it is an email of friendship or an email seeking (which right now I am not doing) once I have sent the email I hit the hide button. This does two things, one it keeps me from sending them a second email if they do not respond to my first. That way if they have no interest in me then I do not and am not interrupting them on a further basis, secondly I am not wasting my time by sending them more emails when the first was not wanted or possibly not even read or deleted immediately after being read.

If they respond to me then I add them to my favorites and we can continue talking until they no longer talk on any regular basis. I find that the best way to handle it in all fairness and it keeps my area and email free of clutter.

It also currently means that when I log into CollarMe the only people that show up in the profiles area are New People that have signed up, or people that have changed their profiles. Otherwise it says No Profiles Found. For within my search perameters I have hidden everyone.

Many of them I never emailed for they had not even been online in ages, or they were from states too far away to even consider a realistic relationship. I am not like many people, I am very different, and I just do not like wasting my time where my time is not appreciated.

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/5/2007 7:15:53 AM   
kinkiminx


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Hmmm. I don't know.
I'm looking for a relationship, and don't get as many replies as when I first entered the scene and was open to all avenues of exploration. Partly that, and partly that my profile doesn't say "18" or "inexperienced"! lol

It shocks me how many people will have unprotected sex even with complete strangers. If its casual, with me, its condoms on straight away, for oral too. I won't go as far as saying I'd never sleep with someone on the first date, I slept with my ex Dom on the first date and it didn't do us any harm -we were still together three years later!

I'm not sure about a three date rule singling out the subs though - I have as much self-control as I want to exercise, whether that's one date or many, when I sleep with someone is up to me, after I consent, less of it is up to me! ;)

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/27/2007 8:03:18 PM   
QuietlySeeking


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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
Let me know when you find the answer to this question.  I suppose many people use the internet as an outlet for their sexual fantasies and maybe that's why you bump into more people who are focused on simply fufilling their fantasy, not necessarily building a relationship.Who knows what guys want?  To act so simple, they are suprisingly complicated.


Would you care to retract this statement, j....considering your current situation?

*laughing*

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 1/27/2007 9:10:15 PM   
LadyOunce


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As has been said, online is often a bad place to look for just rfiends. Personally, I would see it as a good wy of seperating the chafe from the wheat.

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Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. -Jackson

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. -Einstein

Do not consider painful what is good for you. -Medea

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RE: Why would men rather risk getting AIDS than consent... - 2/5/2007 6:10:25 PM   
Adrenochrome


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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How does a woman go about finding a man who doesn't want a friend with benefits? Ever since I stated on my profile that I wasn't into casual sex, I rarely receive any messages. I've even tried vanilla chatrooms and it's the same way. When I tell a guy I want to start out as friends first and don't have sex on the first date, he's not interested. Many men have offered to wear condoms during intercourse, but expect oral sex. Do they not realize that HIV is spread through oral sex or do they all have a death wish?


This attitude is unique to men, and men alone? Wow, who'd a thunk it.


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"Guidance is internal." -- NASA Countdown

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