tasha_tart
Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
OK, I'm trying to get this straight in my head. sissify (et al) - I can sympathise and empathise with your frustration, but please try to read this and see the situation clearly? I will likely be alone the rest of my life too after all, for very like reasons.
I tend to share that feeling, though I try to view it in a more positive light. Though alone, I am free (within reason, and the limits I impose on myself) to be myself. Of course, it's only been three years or so...check back later.
Many CDs are upset, because most genetic women dont find the idea of their man wanting to adopt a female appearance a sexually motivating one. Many CDs complain that genetic women tend to lump all CDs as one, and tend to reject them as a group without getting to know them individually. From the experience and views of most CDs posting here, this seems to be the case. From the experience and views of some women here, this also seems to be the case; the former based on whats been posted and the latter based on their actual experience of finding all they have encountered as being similarly oriented, primarily on crossdressing.
I try not to get too exercised by others' attitudes to crossdressing in general, or me in particular. I've met exceedingly few people who just couldn't stomach it (though that maybe kind of a circular argument there); a fair number, male and female, who don't understand it, but don't let somebody else's "thing" bother them; and quite a few very supportive friends of all sorts of sex'n'gender combinations.
On the other side of the coin, I try to be accepting of others' inclinations.
The problem though, is that heterosexual women in the main seek out men who look like and act like men. A man who wishes to look like and act like a woman, is not going to be very interesting to them. This is not bigotry, this is simply a matter of sexual orientation. Lesbian women too, are not likely to find a CD man that attractive. They seek women, not men who look like or act like women. This is not bigotry either, its simply a matter of sexual orientation. Even bisexual women are not likely to find a CD that attractive, since in my experience they tend to want one or the other (male or female), not a mixture - again, not bigotry, but simply sexual orientation. I think this is what is being overlooked in this case - that interest in any partner, is based on sexual orientation, and even Sean Connery in stockings and heels would be a turn off for most heterosexual women, just as he wouldnt get very far with lesbian women dressed like that.
People generally like and desire what/who they are wired for. This is not a 100% hard and fast rule, I don't think; it is not uncommon for someone to find themselves attracted to someone/something they never thought of before, but that is likely just a bit of programming that hadn't surfaced in the past. That's life. If one does not fit enough of the requirements in another's "checklist" it's not going to happen.
Sean Connery in a dress...hmmmm...not really working for me either.
On the other side, it would seem that CDs are doing in regard to women, what they feel women are doing in regard to them; that is lumping them all together as one, in this case, antagonistic group hellbent on rejecting and ridiculing them. However, although many women here have expressed a non preference for CD males and some have used the word dislike, not one woman here has said or even inferred that CD males should be dragged out and shot. Its just that women of all persuasions tend to prefer a man to look like a man.
Some CDs certainly are. I can't pretend to know the experiences that have shaped them, but some people carry a lot of anger and resentment and are overly quick to share that when their particular ox is being gored. Of course that applies just about universally, not just in this particular subset of society.
sissify - I know that there are support groups in the UK for CDs which also include branches for natural women who are partners of, or attracted to CD males. There must also be similar groups in the US and everywhere else. Have you sought out anything like this please? Mail me off thread if you want information OK?
As I said at the top, I can sympathise and empathise with sissify's frustration (though the anger is not healthy or helpful) - I'm in a similar situation after all, but perhaps more resigned to it. Women of all orientations dont seem to want a TS, men of all orientations dont seem to want a TS. The situation seems to be, that if I dont want to live and die alone, my only choice is to become part of the TS ghetto and find someone there - but no; I dont belong there, and I have to say from my encounters with it, its not a healthy place to be compared to where I am which is fully integrated in normal, everyday society (well, apart from you lot of course LOL!).
I know a number of MtF TSs in the offline world, some of them quite well, and they would share your aversion to the TS subculture, I think. It is not a healthy environment in many cases, though (just my opinion...no studies, research, exhibits to back it up) I think many who do find themselves there are emotionally damaged people.
The TSs I know well are, like you, regular functioning members of society.
Now, I look like, speak like, move like and act like a woman so well that even living in the worst area of town I get no hassle and I can run a business with multiple offices all over Europe that I have to travel to and from regularly without so much as a second glance at passport checks and my mainly male employees know nothing about my past. According to my "groping neighbour" (see bad advice thread), I even smell and taste like and feel like a woman, (though he still doesnt fancy me of course, 'cause I'm "a bloke"; strange situation or what?). To misquote the advert "nine out of ten penis owners couldnt tell the difference" - that kind of thing, but more like 99.9% couldnt tell.
That is largely true of my friends as well (though if they've had the groping neighbour experience, they've not mentioned it.)
So, a question to the disgruntled CD males; if I were to seek you out, and say yes, I love you crossdressing, and yes I will take you as a sub/slave etc - what would you do?
Well, I'm reasonably gruntled, so I may not be a representative specimen.
I'd probably be skeptical at first, as I would be of anyone approaching me in that manner. After all, as the saying goes, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."
For me, at least, your not being a genetic female wouldn't be an issue. What would be an issue would be you as a person, and how we meshed as potential partners, of whatever sort.
I strongly suspect like every other heterosexual man I've encountered, you'd run a mile.
Maybe...maybe not...but can I change out of my heels first? 
E
Tasha
_____________________________
"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen
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RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 
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