RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ?

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RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 4:06:19 PM

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quote:

All that said, Sissy, its been a recurring theme here that when a CD posts --- invariably there is a slew of posts from FEMDOMs which follow with a line of: "I don't like CDs." "I prefer alpha males.." etc.

In my own experience, for whatever reason, many women have a strong, fairly innate, and viceral dislike of CDs --- and for CDs --- as you probably well know, there's no way around that strong antipathy. So, being a CD and being attracted to women can be a very isolating experience.

Yup...were cursed.

I don't see this chaging any time soon either.

Oh well....life goes on.

If a woman thinks less of me or "not an alpha male" for it..so be it.

Mabye there's something wrong with HER...not me.

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 9/19/2006 4:07:50 PM >

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 4:11:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

My point to you was that sissy scored a point off of you. It was a good one, too. No one else really seemed to pick up upon that.

Sissy's main point, which is one I take well to heart, is try to see and have a curiosity in individuals --- as opposed to not seeing individuals because you are blinded by mass labels, generalizations, prejudices, and past experiences.

I think CDs have it tough enough as it is, w/o a bunch of piling on. Furthermore, CDs tend to be especially vulnerable, isolated, lost, and unpartnered. So, seeing sissy, who had intelligence, backbone, wit --- holding up the flagstaff while under a femdom assault was a bit inspirational to me.

Her core desire to be loved, appreciated, and not exploited is really, really, really resonate with me. I'm 100% in her corner on that one.

Thanks Cloudboy.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 4:20:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Trying to get in the last word while not really winning the debate or acknowledging the points of your opponents is a somewhat conceited posting strategy. No one is trying to make you like CDs, that's besides the point.

There was the hypocrisy issue of self centeredness is bad for them and good for us --- and there is the other theme of trying to see people as differentiated individuals. These issues transcend your own personal tastes, and require a bit of thinking outside the box.

The stereotype CD you infer from your ludicrous example below:

quote:

If a Man liked to wear women's clothing, I have no problem with that, but they will also put on the amenities and their version of a female persona.

Now with my said "girlfriend" example, he seemed to miss the painted (or glued) on facial hair and simulated potbelly.. add a deep voice to top it off. Not socks, prosthetic penis. Add that she insists you refer to her as SIR or He.

doesn't really exist. Why import it? Its distorted. It has all the classic earmarks of ugly bigotry attached to it as well. (Because its derogatory.)

The fact is, most CDs like to work WITH women, and they are more than open to negotiation.

No one, and this is basically an across the board truism, likes their partner to dictate elements of personal taste, dress, behavior and manner. Why you try to stamp this negative trait onto CDs, I don't understand.

What people seek is a synergy. What people typically seek here is a D/S synergy. What CDs seek is a gender bending synergy.

Would you not be better off trying to understand it as opposed to trying to categorize it with a closed and hostile mind?

Synergy requires two people working together. What a lot of femdoms have been trying to say in this thread and coming across wrong in doing so is that crossdressers are often inflexible. They have fetishes that are pretty much locked in. They reinforce these fetishes often and they are "non negotiable" -- it's crossdressing, or nothing else goes from there. Many of us have had experiences with crossdressers that reinforce this and it makes us hesitant to pursue them again.

There can be people who are rigid about *all* fetishes, but this is a large group, so it is singled out. Many femdoms have a wide variety of their own desires and fetishes, and it's a buzzkill to have to work your fetish completely around someone else's if they basically say "I must have this kink satisfied," or -- if they say "oh it's not a big deal" and then you find them sneaking around crossdressing behind your back.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 4:34:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Sissy's main point, which is one I take well to heart, is try to see and have a curiosity in individuals --- as opposed to not seeing individuals because you are blinded by mass labels, generalizations, prejudices, and past experiences.

Its MUCH easier just to LUMP one group together and make accusatory generalizations about them than to give them a chance.

All I can say is.....

YOU don't know that Individual...no matter how much you try to marginalize and vilify him.

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 9/19/2006 4:37:13 PM >

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 4:55:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve
If a woman thinks less of me or "not an alpha male" for it..so be it.

Mabye there's something wrong with HER...not me.

If I happen to prefer guys with facial hair because I personally find that attractive, would I "think less" of guys who didn't happen to have facial hair? Would there be anything wrong with me for having a personal and sexual preference?

The poster said that she, personally, preferred alpha males as subs. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her, or even that she "thinks less" of guys who are transgendered or cross dressers. It's just not her preference.

I think that guys who are genderbent or who play with gender can be pretty fucking hot, but the mindset has to be right for me to be personally interested. I don't particularly enjoy the traditional sissy maid thing with an emphasis on artificial feminization with props. I do like pretty, androgynous and slightly wild/feral elfboys with long hair who look good in slave silks or in nothing at all. I like genderbent energy from bois and T-girls who can call me Daddy Sir and mean it. I'd be more inclined to play with a sissy maid if they appreciated my own gender bending and could get into serving me as their Sir. But most of the sissy maids I've run into are not okay with that, so we aren't a good match.

Does that mean I "think less" of you for being a sissy maid who is into things I am not personally interested in? Heck no, any more than I think less of my male dom friends or my vanilla friends. What I think of someone and how I treat them has very little to do with how fuckable I think they are with a strap on and a lot to do with who they are as human beings. Foreign concept to some people, I know, but I really don't relate to the rest of the world primarily with my dick. LOL

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:07:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
And would you still be interested in your girlfriend if she sprung the fact on you that she can only get aroused by wearing a padded belly under her flannel shirt with a painted on beard and plastic penis shoved down her baggy jeans?

Oooh. Sounds pretty fucking hot to me. I'll have to give that a try, and go look for a hot boy to call me Daddy Bear. ;)

quote:

I just don't find women sexually appealing to me.. real or otherwise. I'm a gay male in a woman's body and I LIKE it in here :)

Me too, except that I do think T-girls and slutbois can be a lot of fun. I just can't get into someone who is completely female in both physical appearance and gender identity. Genderbent energy in almost any direction, me likey.

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:07:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

No one, and this is basically an across the board truism, likes their partner to dictate elements of personal taste, dress, behavior and manner. Why you try to stamp this negative trait onto CDs, I don't understand.

What people seek is a synergy. What people typically seek here is a D/S synergy. What CDs seek is a gender bending synergy.

Would you not be better off trying to understand it as opposed to trying to categorize it with a closed and hostile mind?

IF you have ever actually had a session with a FemDom... what was it like?

Did you bring your own clothing or take what she gave you to put on?

Was what she gave you to wear HER choice, or did you tell her what you liked to begin with?

If you are submissive.. how much did you surrender to Her? Or was it "I'll submit so long as I can wear the blue chiffon over there with the tierra"?

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:09:27 PM

crouchingtigress

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Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers?

i dont dig them personally.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:12:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

If you are submissive.. how much did you surrender to Her? Or was it "I'll submit so long as I can wear the blue chiffon over there with the tierra"?

I can't count how many times I have compromised being a crosssdresser and even SUPPRESSING it..in order to maintain a relationship...be it
D&S or Vanilla.

That is such a pile of crap.

I don't force my crossdressing on ANYONE.....you either can deal with the fact that YES sometimes I do...or hit the highway
and find a so-called "alpha".

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 9/19/2006 5:14:45 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:21:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve

I can't count how many times I have compromised being a crosssdresser and even SUPPRESSING it..in order to maintain a relationship...be it
D&S or Vanilla.

That is such a pile of crap.

OK.. did you EVER tell the person at the begining or a bit into the relationship before you got serious with her abut the real you? When you did tell her.. how did you do it?

Crap is what you make it. You brought it up, we are trying to discuss it and all you can do is get defensive and blame EVERYBODY else.

What was your best experience.. and what happened with it? What was your worst?

Is it ALWAYS everyone else's fault?

Wow.. if it is.. I gotta try that tack and quit trying so hard.

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:24:19 PM

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Well, actually, I don't entirely understand this fetish, so my answer will probably either be flamed (and by the way, know that I love you), ridiculed, or, ultimately be lauded as the masterpiece of logic that it inherently is.

(Said of course, in the most submissive of ways).

So....I think (bare in mind, I'm neither a Mistress, a Domme or a woman) that most women would find this at best, something that they appeased, probably didn't entirely understand and for the large part, tolerated.

As to Pro's, they get paid to "understand".

Now, considering that women are confusing as hell, and not a damn one of us (males) will ever understand them, and as complicated as they are, I personally can't figure out how the hell a woman would ever be able to understand some of the rather extreme fetishes a man has.

Not that we're all that complicated.

Women have exactly 8,947 working parts (no need to personally verify this...I actually counted). Each one of them works differently in conjunction with each other on Tuesday as they may and historically do...on Wednesday.

Now for those of you that haven't figured out women yet (and I certainly don't suggest that I have), let me just point out that once you find some kind of pattern in the way things worked on Tuesday, as against Wednesday...

Well, let's just say, you're basically fucked...because on Thursday, they run a whole motherfucking new algorithm.

Now, we (men) have exactly 6 working parts, they work exactly the same today as they do tomorrow, and they will work exactly the same tomorrow as they will 19 months from today.

If we tell you that nothing gets us hotter than to see you in a french maid uniform with nothing more on than a bow tie and a bowler hat, and we'd like to have a pot roast, potatoes and some sour dough biscuits just prior to....

You can bet...if you do that every night until the last social security check comes in...we're going to be pretty damn happy about it.

Which kinda brings us back to cross dressing;

I'm not a Domme, but I can imagine that, with exception....most women would eventually find some frustration in that in a man....and there could be some level of strife over time.

(Just my thoughts...I could be wrong....I was wrong once back in....)

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 9/19/2006 5:58:52 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:39:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

Well, let's just say, you're basically fucked...because on Thursday, they run a whole motherfucking new algorithm.

Damn straight. And as I've told both my submissive and my submissive/puppy, ya just got to learn to be flexible.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:40:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve
I can't count how many times I have compromised being a crosssdresser and even SUPPRESSING it..in order to maintain a relationship...be it
D&S or Vanilla.

That's not healthy. It works better if you are honest with your partner and explain that this is something very important to you, a real need that you have, and you can't be happy in a relationship if it isn't fulfilled at least some of the time. It isn't fair for anyone to expect you to suppress your real self and your own needs and desires to make your partner happy. It also isn't fair for you to expect that you should get your particular fetish fulfilled ALL of the time if your partner likes different things.

I think it would be harmful to decieve a partner who honestly prefers a completely masculine man into thinking that you are one if in fact you are not. It's perfectly okay to be a sissy maid. But it's not good to be a sissy maid pretending to be something else and getting into a relationship under false pretenses. Likewise a femdom who says she wants to be in a relationship with you should not lie and say she respects and encourages cross dressers when in fact she does not like them and plans to make you stop doing it. Lying to your partner and/or to yourself makes a relationship not work.

quote:

I don't force my crossdressing on ANYONE.....you either can deal with the fact that YES sometimes I do...or hit the highway
and find a so-called "alpha".

Being hostile and angry at people because they don't happen to like the same things that you like isn't particularly healthy or productive either.

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:46:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

That's not healthy. It works better if you are honest with your partner and explain that this is something very important to you, a real need that you have, and you can't be happy in a relationship if it isn't fulfilled at least some of the time. It isn't fair for anyone to expect you to suppress your real self and your own needs and desires to make your partner happy. It also isn't fair for you to expect that you should get your particular fetish fulfilled ALL of the time if your partner likes different things.

Its REALITY...like it or not. Ive had girlfriends that I never told...and others I have. 80% of the time they flat out reject and leave me. Eventually..they all do for something more "normal". I used to beat myself up over a lot. You know what? I don't anymore.

If I have to be alone...so be it. I don't want to....but one has to be REALISTIC about these things.

Screw getting emotional about it.

If they can't deal with all of what I am....even if its just once in a while...I WILL show them the door.

Which I have.

Hah..I can even remember doing just about ANYTHING to make her want to stay.

Yeah....unhealthy indeed.

To bad it took me into my mid 30s to figure that out.

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 9/19/2006 6:07:24 PM >

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:51:10 PM

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I guess what I'm suggesting is that you try to be flexible, and respect your partner's needs and desires without completely sacrificing your own.

If you're okay with a D/s relationship where you are allowed to cross dress some of the time but not all of the time, that broadens your horizons considerably and many more femdoms will consider you as a potential play partner or submissive. The rest pretty much depends on you, your personality and your individual chemistry with specific people.

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:53:45 PM

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Nah...Here...its "ONE SIZE FITS ALL" for crossdressers.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 5:58:03 PM

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this Mistress loves them as i was once in there heels--but now am full time TS

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 6:31:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve

Nah...Here...its "ONE SIZE FITS ALL" for crossdressers.

I wouldn't dismiss a cross dresser from consideration just for being a cross dresser. But an angry, bitter cross dresser with a chip on his shoulder the size of a small mountain.....um. That's probably more baggage than most people want in their relationships.

Yeah, your situation is tough. But you're not the only person in this particular boat. My current subbie was pretty sure he'd never find anybody who would even consider dating him, let alone a femdom, since he has cerebal palsy. But he didn't let it ruin his life or make him hostile or bitter towards women or femdoms. Consequently, he did eventually find a partner who really appreciates him for the person he is. If he had developed an angry, hostile or bitter attitude because of his long years alone, I would not have been interested in him. Not because of the CP, but because of the attitude, which I would have considered a far more serious handicap. He appreciated and respected his female friends without being angry at them for not being attracted to him, and chose to enjoy life to its fullest in the ways that he was able. That was what made him genuinely attractive to me.

Maybe there's a lesson to be learned here. Or maybe not. Who knows. The worst thing that could happen if you stopped being angry at women who don't want a sissy maid would be that you'd have less anger in your life.

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 6:35:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve

Its REALITY...like it or not. Ive had girlfriends that I never told...and others I have. 80% of the time they flat out reject and leave me. Eventually..they all do for something more "normal". I used to beat myself up over a lot. You know what? I don't anymore.

Tag team mud wrestling, next, on Springer.

The quote above was me, 15 years ago. I didn't have as much anger as I've witnessed here, and certainly nobody fighting me over my odd little quirks, but apparently there was something about me and my character that rubbed people wrong.

Then one day I woke up and decided I wasn't going to hide behind 'normalcy' any longer. I WOULD tell 100% of my partners about my sexuality. Not only that, I would CHOOSE 100% of my partners BASED upon my sexuality.

Weeks later, as I began my investigations into what all of this meant, my coworkers (superiors, actually) pointed out to me that something must have happened to me to somehow mature me, because those nasty little bits of my personality that was interpreted as 'asshole' had amazingly disappeared.

Ever since, I've had some wonderful relationships, and a few short periods of solitude. And I've never felt the impulse to fight someone wearing boxing gloves with a feather duster, no matter how interesting that sounded.

If you were really through with your insecurities you would take the passion that you rightly hold for yourself, and channel it into finding a partner who embraces you for what you wish to be.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

RE: Do Mistresses like Cross-Dressers ? - 9/19/2006 6:37:24 PM

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Im not angry at what others have done to me.....screw it...the main thing is they can't hurt me anymore.

I AM angry about GROSS, NON-Thinking, linear generalizations people here have about crossdressers.

Mabye some good will come out of this thread. Some young submissive crossdresser might save himself some pain and

hurt knowing WHO to avoid in a D&S relationship.

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 9/19/2006 6:43:42 PM >

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

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