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hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 6:58:06 AM

slavebarry

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

Post #: 1

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 7:29:00 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline

Well THAT sort of attitude-- "What's wrong with females on here?" Certainly won't get you anywhere.

As it has been stated before, there is an icredibly high ratio of males to females on this site, and an even higher one of subs to Doms.

Basically, you have to make yourself stand out from the sea of male subs that are already begging at the Domme's feet. The way to do that is to read her profile CAREFULLY, and respond in kind with a well thought out letter. If you need help with your profile or introductory letters, there are a plethora of threads already published on that topic.

Good luck in your search!

Edited to add: You certainly seem to be on the right track with your profile.. its very well written and well thought out, and you include a decent picture of yourself. That alone should make you stand out from the crowd.

< Message edited by Lorelei115 -- 10/18/2006 7:32:05 AM >

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 2

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 7:49:47 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

You're asking a question many of us have asked many times before. Unfortunately, I don't really see any good advice other than to keep trying. Yes, you'll hear from lots of dominants who will say that they broke the mold by taking someone from the statistical slush pile of so many submissives, but you're shoveling uphill for miles, and unfortunately, unless you have the perseverence to continue doing the same thing in hopes of achieving success, you'll fall by the wayside like so many others that fall into a game theoretic design and quit the search.

If you're sincere, you are different from the flock. But you're going to have a difficult time attracting anyone because the flock is just as good as pretending to be what you might actually be. You're competing with the ad campaigns of a lot of companies that promise great products but have no manufacturing plant to deliver an actual product.

To be honest, I don't know how to break out of the pack. The few times I've succeeded, it's usually been with people who aren't local to me, or heaven forbid, aren't what I'm looking for (there seems to be this irrational belief that because there are so many of us and so few of them that a sincere submissive is required to accept whatever comes his way; which is interesting because one of the most common complaints is from women who can't stand men that put out so wide a net that they're considered as good as any other dominant woman to the seeker).

You're doing what I don't do, so you should at least be guaranteed a bit more success than me: You're actually contacting dominant women in the hopes of finding someone. I'm more of the reactive passion, indicating that I realize so many of us are inundating women with emails that I rarely contact anyone, and when I do, it's usually for conversation that has nothing to do with serving (and even when I do that, I rarely get a response anyway, so it just feeds into my belief that contacting women for potential service is a futile, useless effort).

So, what I've started to do is create an informational site that other submissives can access to kind of share an older school style of what it means to be a lifestyle, service submissive. Sure, it means I've kind of given up on finding anyone and have become more of an information source than anything else, but the alternative is to leave the community completely, which is not something I'm yet willing to do.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 3

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 7:53:35 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Yes, what IS wrong with us? I think I have reached my monthly quota for the "what is wrong with us dommes" threads so I will let the others try to tell you what is wrong with US.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 4

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 7:56:11 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Your profile doesn't give any clues to what kind of a person you are. If you're funny and irreverant, it should show it. Caveat - humor is different read than spoken and sarcasm in general tends to be misinterpreted. If you volunteer to socialize dogs, you should mention it. Basically after reading your profile I still have no sense of what you as a person are like. Considering there are more than 100 male subs for every domme, you need to show your personality.

Remember, she can always teach you how she likes the towels folded, but she can't change your personality. So she needs to know immediately if your personality and hers might mesh. And that includes vanilla activities because we spend a lot more time working and running errands than we do being tied up.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 8:03:47 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

The "no fee" Dommes are in demand. It's all supply and demand.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 6

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 8:11:05 AM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Yes, what IS wrong with us? I think I have reached my monthly quota for the "what is wrong with us dommes" threads so I will let the others try to tell you what is wrong with US.

What's wrong with women? Apparently you aren't apologizing to him for not taking his whine seriously. You aren't willing to be topped from the bottom by him and it also appears that you must have some character flaw for not instantly wanting him as your slave (i.e. dump whoever else you have and pick him up immediately)

Then again, I could just be very sarcastic in this response - who knows ;-)

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 7

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 8:38:14 AM

heartfeltman

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

I question the message that you're sending out there. I also agree with those who have also suggested you change your attitude. As one submissive man to another, I can assure you that there are many women out there who would cherish the opportunity to have a devoted man in their lives. Their motivation would be the same as yours....happiness and the ability to express themselves with someone they deeply care for.

I understand that there are other women out there who are financially motivated and they exist because they fulfill a need just as well. They deal in providing experiences and are not looking for an emotional connection. How they market themselves may fall into a gray area, but you need to be clear about what you want...and not simply fall into the "hungry sub wants..." camp.

Approach this as you would a vanilla relationship. Court someone who appeals to you. Make it clear that you're looking for an intimate relationship that transcends ropes, chains and safewords. If you only communicate your needs...you're going to attract those who will cater to your needs...when in fact it should be the other way around.
just my opinion
heartfeltman

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)

Post #: 8

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 8:40:53 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

You're kidding, right?
I've lost count. This is at least the 4th post on this identical topic from folks who have 3 posts or less in the past.....oh, week?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 9

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 9:06:04 AM

MistressSophia

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

Here is a clue, whats wrong with you.? First you start with an insult. Next do some work on your self. teach yourself some skills that make you stand out. Proper table setting. wines. cooking. do you have any domestic skills? or should we just take a slave " I USE SLAVE LIGHTLY". just so I can say I have a slave.. NOT!!! Impress us.. Start with whats wrong with you?
I come from the old school. Before the internest. slaves are humble. respectful,. honest. To be very honest I find most slave on this site to be do me . needy whinny ,without a clue of what is expected of a slave. there are two excellent books out. slave craft, and becoming a slave. start there. Calling your self a slave doesn't make you one!

_____________________________

A whisper in the dark of the night, freezes the soul. and sets the heart on fire!

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 10

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 9:17:49 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

Here's a little twist of advice that differs from the others : If you can't find what you seek here....grab yourself a vanilla girl to play with in the meantime - They are lots of fun. Don't give up on women just because you can't find one with a whip.

- R

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 11

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 9:18:06 AM

MistressTruth

Posts: 117
Joined: 2/22/2006
Status: offline

To be very honest I find most slave on this site to be do me . needy whinny ,without a clue of what is expected of a slave.

Right on.

On some level yes I like to train a slave to fulfill my specific desires but there is an incredible lack of healthy humility inherent in most "slaves" I have encountered on the collarme site. Complaining about the comparatively small number of non-pro Dommes isn't going to get a "slave" anywhere, rather it'll very well drive the small number of non-pro Dommes away.

(in reply to MistressSophia)

Post #: 12

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 9:21:52 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

Do you honestly think we as non-fee-collecting dominas have the searching so easy here when the guys who don't wish to pay (our target audience) show their ass, whine and proclaim to be things that they're not? Come on now. What ever happened to pushing beyond, bettering yourself, reassessing how and who you're approaching that you're getting nothing but pros, and being prepared for the next woman who you approach?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 13

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 9:24:26 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What ever happened to pushing beyond, bettering yourself, reassessing how and who you're approaching that you're getting nothing but pros, and being prepared for the next woman who you approach?

i think all that went out in the late seventies, along with tie-dyed shirts, bell bottoms, disco and political intelligence

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 14

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 9:42:45 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

The real question you want answered isn't "don't they want a real slave?" but "why don't they want me?" You need to take a look at WHY you have value, even without a Mistress.

There are some reasons why the Fem Doms who charge (and who make respectable Pros look bad) are seeking you out 1) you're a male submissive. 2) the fetishes you listed are commonly seen in those who seek out Pros. 3) This is the internet. These things happen.

There are also some reasons why you aren't getting responses, the main reason being the quality of your profile. While I'm sure that you mean everything you say with the utmost sincerity, it really doesn't do much for us. We hear grandious statements all the time. What we want to know is: What do you REALLY have to offer us? How will you serve? Who are you inside? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Think about these things, then revamp your profile. If you have a better picture, post it. You're looking scruffy and casual. Something along the lines of a passport photo in which you are neatly groomed would go a long way to helping.

And, in the end, you simply must be patient and learn to weed. If they want money and you don't want to give it, they are not a match. Move on. Believe me, we ALL have to weed.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 15

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 10:39:27 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

lol Oh no another one of these threads. Ok let me give my stock answer.

No Domme wants a whiner or someone with an attitude that needs adjusting!

Not ALL Domme's want money from you either. I am a Domme, I have a sub and have never asked him for a penny. Nope not even tribute or shopping trips, nothing but his submission, obedience and love. Thats ALL I have asked of him and in giving me all of that I put my collar around his neck.

Perhaps you could learn something from that. Work on the attitude, find a local BDSM group and mingle. Act intelligent and not jaded and you just might meet someone. As far as CM goes, work on your profile and put up the best pics you have.

Good Luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 16

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 10:59:28 AM

VampX

Posts: 23
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

I am seriously considering selling my computer when I see posts like this...

_______
bloodthirsty

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 17

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 11:02:23 AM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

**FOR SALE: one Personal computer, only used to rants and rages on CollarMe...Sale price: $2.15**

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to VampX)

Post #: 18

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 11:03:30 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampX

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

I am seriously considering selling my computer when I see posts like this...

_______
bloodthirsty

Well, it's good to finally see someone located closer to my home than usual. (you have to read the profile to understand the joke)

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to VampX)

Post #: 19

RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female - 10/18/2006 11:08:16 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebarry

please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave.

Some of the issue might be right in that sentence.

If you are randomly writing to nearly every dominant female on this site, then you're not looking for a human being. You're looking for "A Dominant Woman", and it doesn't matter to you who she is as a human being as long as she has tits and a whip.

That is the attitude that's going to turn most of us off. Most women have no interest in a random horny guy who is looking for a random horny woman, with no care whatsoever for any of the human aspects of the relationship. Dominant women are no different.

Try introducing yourself in your profile like a real human being and relating to other people you find on this site like human beings, chatting about non kinky interests you might have in common, seeing how you get along outside of the dungeon, etc.

(in reply to slavebarry)

Post #: 20

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