quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

like you, i am a slave, and i have no limits. also like you, i have my share of war wounds. whether or not the two are related, i really do not know, i try not to let myself dwell in that space too long...but yes, i suppose it's a likely possibility.

from an early age, the idea of my death was a happy thought. it seemed the only escape to the neverending cycle of pain that was life. my apologies in advance for the jumbled, confusing way in which this is likely to come out. it started around 5 y.o...rape, bondage, torture, humiliation. i never once tried to fight him...that weak submissive in me i guess.  i still have so many vivid memories, things more clear and alive to me than anything that happened last week. like hiding in his bedroom closet, nude bound and gagged, because it tickled him to have me there close to him with his wife walking around the house, clueless. or leaving me outside tied to a tree for hours, sometimes til nightfall. or the time i got a whoopin from my mother for ruining my new white pants..they were stained brown and yellow from crotch to toe...she thought it was mud. it was actually my own blood and pee, but how could i tell her that? every night i would pray with all my heart to god to please let him kill me...please let me die, just please god let me die. by 8, i was an expert at things many grown women never learn.  early on i learned how to just zone out...physically i'd be listening to his every word and doing everything he told me....mentally, emotionally i had left the building.

this became my natural sexual state on into my adulthood. emotionless, cold, clinical, but very active and functional. earned the label slut in the teen years because all the boys knew i never said no, and i did EVERYthing they wanted. never got asked on dates, to dances, etc. but pretty much every day at some point i'd be in the boys' bathroom, or in the stairwell, or in the woods behind the school on my knees sucking off some guy or other. it was all i was familiar with...and seemingly all anyone wanted me for.

so fast forward to my discovery of the D/s lifestyle, and of the slavery possible within that slavery. it spoke to me. instantly i knew that this and only this was what i needed. all that i read a heard: a slave has no limits...a slave has no power...a slave doesn't say no or fight....this was me! there was actually a place for me...Men who want this?? it seemed too good to be true. some question how one can "instantly" have no limits upon becoming a slave...well it is easy when one never has limits in the first place. and maybe it is so easy for me to say and mean, "i have no limits", and say that yes i would put a gun to my head and pull the trigger if my Master demanded, and yes i would put him even before my children, because of my scars and the general outlook on life they have given me. a part of me still welcomes death...sees it as a happy place where the pain will finally stop. that part grows a bit smaller with each passing year my Master showers me with his love and need, but it is still there and likely always will be.


edited to add, Bita you are much farther along on your journey than i am. i can only hope to reach the state of contentment in which you now thrive. tho i love/adore/worship my Master, even he cannot kill all the darkness within me and show me the light. it may be true that lasting happiness can only come from within. i do not look to him to heal or cure me. only to give me a place and purpose in this life, which he has done, with the added bonuses of love and support and guidance and care beyond measure. the things this Man has endured because of me! i shudder thinking of some of the things i've put him through...but still he has not given up on me, has not released or sold me, and still thinks i add great value to his life and to the world, which is far more than i ever imagined possible for me. so while no i am not generally "happy", i have no complaints. life is no longer hell. i laugh a lot. someone loves me as much as i love them. in general, life is good.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Let me start by thanking Celeste for yet another wonderful post.  You write so well and your willingness to share is most appreciated.  You give a person so much to think about…thank you so much!
 

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I believe that we set up psychodramas in order to heal ourselves, whatever shape they may come. The onus is always on us to heal ourselves and create our own reality. When we truly want peace we will find it. Sometimes peace can come from unexpected places, like a D/s relationship, but we must first create the groundwork for this to happen.  ...

Julia, you never cease to amaze me! 
 
Obviously I started a post BEFORE I read this thread.  Perhaps this is a better place to include a link that I found quite interesting:  http://members.aol.com/rebelcoupl/rgpg10.html   It says better than I why it is I don’t need safewords.  The one and only time I freaked during play ( http://www.collarchat.com/m_141160/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#660164 ), I didn’t/couldn’t use a safeword anyway…yet all play stopped immediately.
 
Thank you all for a most interesting thread; every one of you has given me much to consider,
beverly

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a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse.

I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives.  In my case, that is not true.  And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse.

I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives.  In my case, that is not true.  And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable. 

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ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Mmmm if you are gaged and your safeword is snapping your fingers. If your fingers are snapping does that really mean stop or is it a reaction from the chainsaw?

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have read this article, highly interesting, and things we have discussed. He is right about consenus.. but I would add this, Sinergy is gaining veto power all the time. If one looks at the checks and balances within the relationship as if it were a small government, then there is always the final decision. He gets the final decision on things...

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse.

I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives.  In my case, that is not true.  And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

a submissive nature does in fact make one more vulnerable to abuse.

I think that comments such as this perpetuates thinking that subs are weak and not in control of decisions they make in their lives.  In my case, that is not true.  And I think many others would agree that being a sub does not make them vulnerable.