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RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 7:47:06 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomwithHSV

School two: are the people who are disgusted, freaked out, or befuddled by my decision to put HSV in my name. I am not HSV. It is only something I have. I am a complex (yet sometimes simple) man, with many passions, loves, interests, etc., which have no bearing on this virus I have. Yet most who even hear mention of "herpes" will only consider me "contagious." It is the way of the world.

the responses to this post are varied. Some suggested to seek elsewhere. 

I guess I just wished to know in this self-proclaimed enlightened site if things might be different than in the vanilla world. I now realize there is little difference here than elsewhere. There are the ignorant, the foolish, the crass, the disinterested, the semi-informed, the fully informed, and yes, the truly compassionate.

It is just a slice of life here; a random drawing of people with a great difference than the vanilla world in their kink, but much the same in other ways.


Yep - its a pretty accurate sample of general society here - the only selection factor being that the members are people who happen to share some general interests in common; and your description is accurate; ignorant, crass, disinterested, semi and fully informed and compassionate. Try talking about transgender identity, and one finds exactly the same range of views - the majority seemingly unable to distinguish any difference between the likes of me (TS) and the TV/CD/sissy/maid types. Some because they just dont know anything about it, and some because they dont want to know as its not relevant to them.

Does it affect how people relate to me? Yes and no. Yes, because I get seen as just another fetishist, yes because people are confused about what I am and what I want, yes because there is this view that I must just really be a gay man pretending to be a girl (how that makes sense I dont know). Yes, because I register as female just to avoid all these ignorant notions. On the other hand no, because on the boards at least, I'm judged by what I contribute, rather than what I am/might be.

I've been told to seek elsewhere too; on trans dating sites. Again, not me. If it were me, then I'd have no problem would I? I wouldnt be alone if thats what I wanted. I'm a girl, and thats that. How many other girls rely on trans dating sites I wonder? (possibly the creepiest places on the net, btw). Sure I'm not done with transition as yet, but that doesnt mean I want the sort of things that are on offer on those sites. I want to be wanted for who and what I am, not for what I was. Transition is exactly what it says - a phase from one state to another. I dont want to be trans, I want to be what I really am.

However, all of that is ignored by majority society and by many CM members. It matters not whatever else I am, it matters not what interests, abilities, aspirations or anything else that I have - I am labelled and boxed as just another trannie by many. Its like any other condition or disability - people use it to define who you are, and what you are like. Grossly unfair but thats the way the world works, and all of us categorise others in similar way - but whats interesting is, we only do that it seems with regard to those we would rather not deal with; differentiate and ignore.

Here's another label to discriminate against me; I have had ankylosing spondylitis for the last 20 years. Doesnt that sound great? Doesnt it just conjure up an image of someone in a wheelchair, dribbling and contorted? What a useful way to write someone off in a world where everything should be perfect. Its arthritis of the spine, and its under control; I can walk, run and do almost everything anyone else can. But wow, what a useful label to put on a box in the ignore pile.

I could get angry and bitter about all this. In fact I often do. In fact I believe firmly that I shall be alone forever, because whatever my good qualities, no one will ever see any further than the labels slapped on me. But what the hell - anyone who cant see past those labels, isnt fit to kiss my ass anyway and its no loss to me. Dont get me wrong - I get plenty of interest; I look like a girl (and apparently I give off female signals even just by my posts, so I'm told!) after all. But its funny how they run for cover when they read the label.

So, really it makes no difference whether you advertise one aspect of you in your screen name or not. Sooner of later it will come out, and then you can expect judgement and rejection from those not fit to kiss your ass. But maybe, just maybe, someone might come along who says "so what?" and then you have it made, because they will be the one who sees past the label and values you for you.

E





_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 10:31:10 AM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I love Lady Ellen

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 10:45:18 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		Me too!  Lady Ellen contributes a great deal in the most intelligent and thoughtful manner to the boards here.  If I were in the UK, she'd certainly have my interest!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to sophia37)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 10:54:18 AM   
DomwithHSV


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomwithHSV

Interesting information here, thanks for all the feedback.

I guess it comes down to a few schools of thought:

The first school is probably the biggest: those completely misinformed about herpes (genital). The facts are this: I doesn't matter if you take the medicine or do not have an outbreak, you can give someone herpes AT ANY TIME whether you are currently active or not, whether you are medicated or not, or whether you know you are afflicted or not. Anyone can have it, and everyone can have it. Symptoms mean NOTHING. I have an outbreak once a year, yet can give it away at anytime NO MATTER if safe sex is practiced or not.

School two: are the people who are disgusted, freaked out, or befuddled by my decision to put HSV in my name. I am not HSV. It is only something I have. I am a complex (yet sometimes simple) man, with many passions, loves, interests, etc., which have no bearing on this virus I have. Yet most who even hear mention of "herpes" will only consider me "contagious." It is the way of the world.

School three: are those are those who try to begin to understand the dilemma those like me face in love, lust, and passion.

the responses to this post are varied. Some suggested to seek elsewhere. Some thought putting HSV in my name was "freaky." Some said they were not afraid. Some even admitted having it themselves. Some used it to talk about crabs and cleanliness.

I guess I just wished to know in this self-proclaimed enlightened site if things might be different than in the vanilla world. I now realize there is little difference here than elsewhere. There are the ignorant, the foolish, the crass, the disinterested, the semi-informed, the fully informed, and yes, the truly compassionate.

It is just a slice of life here; a random drawing of people with a great difference than the vanilla world in their kink, but much the same in other ways.

It's good to be here.

Thank you for your thoughts.




You seemed to have forgotten the fourth school...those who feel that it isn't the right thing for THEM to put personal medical info in their profile. They choose to divulge that info to people that they may have intimate relations with and not the entire Collarme population.
But you've already decided that unless everyone makes the same decisions that you have with your profile, then they are somehow wrong and you are wholesome and much more righteous. I know how to read between the lines of your sweetly worded posts...especially where I've highlighted above.
You may have listed your status prominently within your profile, but that doesn't make you any less of a dick than anyone else, myself included.

*I debated whether or not to use a different word than 'dick', but decided to keep it in since I lumped myself in that group also.

You have a chip on your shoulder about a lack of a partner and have found a convenient excuse.


This is not true. I haven't "decided" anything about me or anyone else. What they or you do is their own business. I was just surprised that so few would not openly admit to HSV. If you had HSV you would not write as you do. I have had little trouble finding partners in my life. Yet now I just explore putting it out there first, and seeing how it goes. That's all.

I tire of having "the conversation." You would too if you had HSV. I tire of enjoying someone's company, wishing for more, and knowing that neither my character or capacity for love will often prove meaningless at the end of the day, when so many will just say "No, thank you."

I am kindred to those with AIDS even though thankfully I am not afflicted with such a horror. My virus gives me little problems in health other than a once a year tingle.

If you had HSV, you would not write the way you do. That is a fact.

There is no enemy here and no need to be so offended or offensive.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 10:55:36 AM   
DomwithHSV


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Probably most would bring it up later, not broadcast it on a profile. If I had an STD I would probabaly be upfront an honest about it but not put it on a profile. I applaud you for being so honest about it but you could see why some may not want to flaunt it.


Yes, I truly see why others do not wish to put it in their profiles.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 11:13:57 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomwithHSV

This is not true. I haven't "decided" anything about me or anyone else. What they or you do is their own business. I was just surprised that so few would not openly admit to HSV. If you had HSV you would not write as you do. I have had little trouble finding partners in my life. Yet now I just explore putting it out there first, and seeing how it goes. That's all.

I tire of having "the conversation." You would too if you had HSV. I tire of enjoying someone's company, wishing for more, and knowing that neither my character or capacity for love will often prove meaningless at the end of the day, when so many will just say "No, thank you."

I am kindred to those with AIDS even though thankfully I am not afflicted with such a horror. My virus gives me little problems in health other than a once a year tingle.

If you had HSV, you would not write the way you do. That is a fact.

There is no enemy here and no need to be so offended or offensive.


I have no idea what it's like to have HSV but I do think that I'd tire of having * the conversation* too. It would make me seriously heart-weary.  It's easy to be critical when you've no experience of something and it's easy to say * I'd do this, or that*..... I know that THINKING about how I'd cope with something and ACTUALLY coping with it has been very, very different.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 2:07:15 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

If you had HSV, you would not write the way you do. That is a fact.

Why? Does HSV cause some kind of brain damage so she wouldn't get annoyed at your sanctimonious attitude about advertising your std and repeatedly implying that those who don't are dishonest? Or does it create a sense of brotherhood with everyone else who is similarly afflicted so that they all hold hands and sing kumbaya even when one is acting like a dick?


_____________________________

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(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 2:45:00 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

Or does it create a sense of brotherhood with everyone else who is similarly afflicted so that they all hold hands and sing kumbaya even when one is acting like a dick?



Thank you for the mental image of people holding hands, singing kumbaya and wearing "HSV FOR LIFE!" shirts. I can now go study for my music class.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 5:45:16 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		The more I read about HSV, the more convinced I am that most people have it. Anyone who's had the chicken pox has herpes zoster. Anyone who has had a cold sore on their mouth has herpes 1. A man can get herpes on his genitals from a blowjob if his partner has a cold sore. A women can get herpes on her genitals if her partner goes down on her and has a cold sore. If the virus sheds and can be spread with no symptoms present, that means one could get herpes from oral sex with someone who didn't even have a current cold sore. If someone shared a drink with an individual who had oral sex with someone, that person could catch HSV 1 or HSV2 with no sexual contact whatsoever. The statistics show that 1 out of every 5 people have been diagnosed with  herpes. I think a survey on the amount of people who engage or have engaged in oral sex would much better indicate how many have been exposed to HSV. Most of the hysteria is caused by drug companies who want to make money. If they admitted that most people have it anyway, whether they show symptoms or not (it is possible to have it for years and not show symptoms), they would suffer a decline in profits because people would stop worrying about it.

(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 6:01:58 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		In my case, I don't like much of anybody so I ain't singling anyone out...............

It ain't all personal, know whadda mean?

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 6:06:56 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You have the right to put what you want on your profile as long as it doesn't violate TOS. I can tell you most people online aren't as honest as you about a medical problem. Heck, alot lie about alot of other things also.  Most online tend to lie and bring it up later. I think you want to be honest and that should be commended. I am sure you are right that many that do have HSV do not admit it but keep being honest and you will find the right one. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 6:12:54 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
<SNIP>


Wow.  Not a bad post, actually.  I'm sure there are flaws in the theory, but the reasoning seems well built up.

That having been said, I know nothing of herpes, so I have no idea if the facts are correct, but it seems reasonable.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 6:22:35 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Why thank you Benji.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 7:01:01 PM   
poplolly


Posts: 159
Joined: 10/7/2006
From: Edmonton
Status: offline 		LadyEllen, I stand in awe.  You are magnificent!

_____________________________

"I am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't ACCEPT me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"
~~ Marilyn Monroe.

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 8:55:39 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomwithHSV

I am here to develop a personal relationship. That is the only reason I am here.

If it's not already been said in the 4 pages of posts -- not everyone is here to meet someone and have a relationship. 

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 12/10/2006 9:08:41 PM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 8:59:09 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomwithHSV

Yes, herpes is the AIDS of the alt.world. Drag!

Really?  Did it take 10 years for the federal government to acknowledge that HSV was actually a disease and not just "a cancer"?  Are all of our friends and lovers dying around us of this unknown plague in the "alt" community.....only to finally put a name to the face of death? 

I've just spent the last hour looking at CDC statistics and can't seem to see the correlation between deaths from AIDS and deaths from HSV.  It just doesn't compute.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 9:04:22 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

    well i feel kind of lost. not on herpes but on my profile which begins with my disabilities. should i NOT post that? it seems like a lie, to not post it. i've times where i am in bed for days upon days and not in bed for fun lol. i have memory issues. i run fevers. i am on an immense amount of medication.

There's a difference between letting folks know, and advertising to the point of throwing a public billboard up, "Why am I the only person who is honest about my issue?"  Yours is respectful and polite.  The other; not so much.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 9:07:31 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomwithHSV
If you had HSV you would not write as you do.
*snip*
If you had HSV, you would not write the way you do. That is a fact.

*blinks*
Color me dumb.  What does HSV have to do with someone's writing?  (Unless of course, you've got herpetic encephalitis or a neuropathy (shingles, etc)?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to DomwithHSV)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 9:12:56 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I agree with Pandora.  How someone writes doesnt have anything to do with their medical conditions.  Not everyone necessarily will agree with how you see things.  HSV or not, or any other medical condition that might get in the way.  Personally, I see putting a major thing like that into your profile as oversharing.  In a vanilla position, you wouldnt announce it to the public at large, so why do so here? I have my own medical issues, but I dont talk about them unless I have to. I have "that conversation" all the time. And I will continue to do so, becasue until I am in an intimate position with someone, they realy do not need to know anything about my medical history.

Just my 2 cents.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Mmmm...no one like me I see (i.e. HSV) - 12/10/2006 9:21:41 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
<SNIP>


Wow.  Not a bad post, actually.  I'm sure there are flaws in the theory, but the reasoning seems well built up.

That having been said, I know nothing of herpes, so I have no idea if the facts are correct, but it seems reasonable.

Yours,


benji


All I know is my doctor said not to freak about giving a blowjob with my tiny cold sores. Maybe there are different types of mouth herpes?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 80
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