julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: impetuousone
Lots of good opinions here, as usual, to keep this situation from happening, but no one here seems to have heard the sirens and saw the flashing lights (no pun intended) like I did! ...."involve the police".... WOW! Imagine the permanent damage following through on that threat could do to a person...
I heard them. It's just that I'm seriously at a loss as to how to address them. I mean yes, of course, if she is in a place where she's facing significant harm (verses hurt), then that is always - and it could be argued, should be, her right. However, from her post, there's just no way of telling what in the world she meant by "damage." And the damage that would ensue from calling the police in a situation that was not deadly would be greater than I could advocate for.
So, I tended to focus on my standard rant regarding personal responsibility. In the end, we ALL take a risk, whether we allow ourselves to be bound to receive, or take up a flogger to give.
The police, no matter what, should be, in my opinion, a last resort, and there'd better be a darn good reason beyond "he beat my ass" to make that 911 call. So, I guess it's a right, but a right that should not be an option unless every single other option has failed.
There just HAS to be some personal responsibility in action here! If you AGREE to be tied up to be hit, then for goodness sake, you are due a significant share of the responsibility in how it turns out!! And you do NOT get to blame the dominant.
When something bad happens though, in my world, you get to find your way out of that situation, and do some heavy duty - and I do mean HEAVY DUTY introspective work as to what YOU did wrong that could be changed the next time with someone else. Or you need to decide that this just isn't right for you. Even if the dominant was wrong, you still get to shoulder some of the blame for that situation because YOU AGREED to be there. And being responsible means owning up to your share of the consequences of that agreement.
And before anyone tags me on this, it is NOT a case of blaming the "victim." It IS a case of not assigning "victimhood" where previous to getting hurt, there was consent.
An example: Someone once played with someone they'd talked to online for a while. They took all sorts of precautions. They played with that person at a party. They made sure there were people there who could help them out if he got too rough. They got themselves bound to a cross and the dominant began playing with them. Eventually, he did get rough. (Oh yea, he'd warned this person that he played hard, and other people warned this person that his style of play was something that was rather out of the submissive's league)
The person bound never said stop, never indicated to him or anyone else around there that there was a problem. Afterwards, and for months afterwards, the person bound went on and on about how unsafe he was. Finally, getting sick of hearing it, I simply asked "what did you do to stop things?" And that person didn't have an answer. That person had never said a word and just expected the dominant to "know." When the dominant didn't know, he became a "predator" and "unsafe" and all sorts of other things that damaged his reputation significantly. In my view, that person on the cross had some significant responsibilities that they shirked. And worse yet, made the responsibility for how THEY felt, the responsibility of a dominant they barely knew.
So, while I heard the bells and whistles (in this case the lights and sirens), I just really couldn't, in good conscience, remark on them.
juliet
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RE: going too far - 
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