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RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 6:58:34 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I would ask who gets to rate us? I rate myself a perfect 10, and my partner in crime get a 9 3/4s, for one he has exquisite taste in women. I am slightly prejudiced mind you, and I have no trouble at all with that concept....

I don't have any missing front teeth.
So, Ive got that going for me.
Which is good.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 81

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 6:59:23 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

If you are an 8, look for another 8. Stop pining away after a 10, because you have little to nothing in common with a 10. And it's not going to be a fair exchange

June, although I see your point I look at it slightly different. I am a 10 in my league so only another 10 who fits into my league is a fair exchange. I refuse to think less of myself to lower my numbers. ~ But then again, what do I know, I'm Old, a size 14 and way tooooo picky.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 82

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:02:48 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I would ask who gets to rate us? I rate myself a perfect 10, and my partner in crime get a 9 3/4s, for one he has exquisite taste in women. I am slightly prejudiced mind you, and I have no trouble at all with that concept....

I don't have any missing front teeth.
So, Ive got that going for me.
Which is good.

Howabout the stocking collection, that at least gives you a nine girl!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 83

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:12:57 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I don't have the face of a model, but I'm damn sure not ugly.

Beauty is deeper than the flesh!

I'm not sure how to take that, but I see nothing wrong with someone like me of average looks seeking a man who is also of average looks. As for personality, I would much rather be with a man of average looks than a perfect 10 asshole. Judging from your pic, I'll bet your subs are average or above.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 84

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:15:45 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

1. Must be employed and have his own transportation (any woman with any self esteem doesn't want a freeloader)
2. Must have all front teeth. (I have all of mine, and his can be real or caps, just no unsightly gaps right in front)
3. Must be average in looks, don't mind if he weighs a few extra pounds (since I do, which means I'm being fair)
4. Must have all of his hair (I have all of my hair......on my head anyway)

1. I'm employed, but have no form of transportation (Hell, I refuse to take public transport) So cabbing everywhere makes me unworthy.
2. I have a slight chip in one of my front teeth. Out again.
3. I am above average in looks. Strike 3, going for four.
4. I am starting to grow my forehead. Strike, ummmmm... 4?

Shit. Outta luck.

Oh well, everything happens for a reason.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 85

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:18:49 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I would much rather be with a man of average looks than a perfect 10 asshole.

Why do people assume that "perfect 10"s are assholes, or bimbos, or whatever? I mean, I'm sure they're out there, but the chance of a perfect 10 being an asshoel are similarily high as for a 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, or a 1.

And if you don't want to date an asshole. just say "I don't want to date an asshole, no matter what he looks like."

Nobody likes a looks elitist, no matter where their bias lies.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 86

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:43:04 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

nah, you earned that with your passive-aggressive behavior in private e-mail to me; kind of like what you're doing right now.

some people buttons are just too easy to push...

Yup... sent you an email about your profile... and you didn't like the message.... I don't like negative profiles or negative people... I laugh when those some individuals want to pawn it off as being a Realist. So this very thread is very much expressive of individuals like yourself.

The fact is some individuals are so focus on the negative reality they loose sight of the fact that the message they send shows an uglyiness about them. It doesn't have to be Fat Chicks or Bald Pricks that own the right to being entirely to negative of the world and of other people. It really is a equal opportuntiy proposition for anyone to demonstrate an ugliness of themself. To be a Realist is not about pointing and warding off all the subjective ugliness that one sees from their perspective. Being a Realist is accepting that negataive things are out their and that one can take positive actions to avoid them. But without question every now and again one is going to be stepping in it.... it just the realistic thing to expect.

Yup.. I demonstrate some ugliness about myself from time to time... I have been called an Asshole, Prick, Bastard, Insensitive, Stubborn, Thoughtless and that was just from Mom. I agreed completely with her... because I am those things at times... hell.. If she would of called me a Son-of-a-Bitch... I would of agreed with her again too... but dang she never called me that... don't know why.

But, I am other things as well... like mmmmmmm ummmmmmmm mmmmmmmm ... well ok can't think of anything... but my point is... besides havng realistic expectation... we need to express a postiveness about ourselves if we want to connect with others. Pretty though to find someone that is attracted to uglyiness of a person. So... one thing I noticed about the whiners and complainers of all the jerks in the world is they tend to have an ugly attitude as well as unrealistic expectations.

editted to add: Oh yeah.. thanks for coming out to play..... she has also called me Sarcastic... go figure uh

oh dude, please, you're making yourself look really bad here! why? well because you are the only person on this site who took offense to my profile and felt the need to cram your opinion down my throat via e-mail; i get tons of e-mails daily complimenting me on it...

what's the matter, does it reflect your mirror image in it or something?

with that said, i won't be responding to any more of your passive-aggressive attacks of me on here, just so you know; you fight too much like a girl, ha, ha, ha!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 87

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:54:05 PM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I think what is important is realizing your own 'league' (not just physically, but in other areas as well) and sticking with it. If you are an 8, look for another 8. Stop pining away after a 10, because you have little to nothing in common with a 10.

This reminds me of the verse in a song from West Side Story (A Boy Like That)...

Forget that boy, and find another
One of your own kind,
Stick to your own kind

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 88

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:57:44 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

<sings a Neil Diamond song>
You're so sweet,
Horseflies keep hangin' 'round your face
Kentucky moonshine
Could never take your place
And your eyes
Could give me goose bumps down to my toes
Feel like the only rooster in the hencoop, and I guess it shows.
I can't forget (oh, no) When we first met (first)
Well, it was bull wrestling time
At the county fair rodeo(or is it ro-de-o)
And I almost cried (wept)
When you took first prize (first prize, sweetheart)
Well, You just looked them critters in the faceAnd down they'd go (they never had a chance)
Mary Lou Jane (oh Mary Lou Jane)
Oh what a fine name (what a fine name)
And you're nothing like them females From Dover City(nothin' at all)
Front teeth missin' (hee, you got your front teeth missin')
And that's fine for kissin' (oh, feels so good)
You're more loyal than my dog Sam,
And twice as pretty (and that's goin' some)
You're so sweet, Horseflies keep hangin' 'round your faceKentucky moonshine Could never take your placeAnd your eyes Could give me goose bumps down to my toesFeel like the only rooster in the hencoop, and I guess it shows. You're so sweet, Horseflies keep hangin' 'round your faceKentucky moonshine Could never take your placeAnd your eyes Could give me goose bumps down to my toesFeel like the only rooster in the hencoop, And I guess it shows

< Message edited by catize -- 1/15/2007 8:02:53 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 89

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:57:51 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

with that said, i won't be responding to any more of your passive-aggressive attacks of me on here, just so you know; you fight too much like a girl, ha, ha, ha!

aaaaww picking up your toys and going home uh... not surprizing.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 90

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:58:04 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

If I understand the OP properly, it's about making the best of yourself. I have in me the potential to be anything between a 5'10", 300# slob in a dirty shirt and without a job to being a 5'10", 180# athlete in a pressed designer suit, making a few hundred grand a year. The reality lies in between.

If you want to get the best, be the best. You control your destiny. Stand out from the crowd.

Yours,

benji

regardless of what the original post meant, i like the way you put it...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 91

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 7:59:28 PM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

I have read through all this and I am not perfect either. I am an older woman, 52 and proud of it. I love younger men. Why? Because men, older men, not all, seem to think that sloppy, unshaven, uncombed hair, comb-overs are the way to get a woman. I take great pride in how I present myself to others. Even if I am wearing jeans and a tshirt, I am always neat and put together. My age is a handicap as many older men want that young thing. That's fine too. Many are looking for kinky sex..That's great but there is more to D/s than that. I want to use the skills I have taken great pains and time to learn..Kinky sex is just a great by-product of this lifestyle we choose to lead.

I am a bit overweight <have lost 10lbs. already>, I have had a double mastectomy, hystorectomy <both due to cancer>, and I am very lucky to be here. I treasure my life, whatever it entails, but I can't live up to the tall, lith, drama-free and so forth woman. Can anyone feasibly be totally drama-free or anything that has been discussed here? I think not.

As some have stated, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I have seen skinny women and heavy women in great relationships. It's a matter of finding the one that clicks. Being into bdsm/D/s, we have a much smaller pool. If you are in a smaller town, rural area and such, it's even more difficult. We all have our needs, wants and desires. Is that so bad? There isn't a PC way for any of it. It is just what it is. We all grow and change. Our wants and needs change..Therefore, in time, we all look for different things. It's not about the lifestyle, it's about being human..

Sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 92

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:14:58 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I agree. You are an attractive woman. And you have the right, just as Michael does, to set your own bar.
My own expectations are,
He must be employed
He must within an acceptable (to me) level of intelligence.
I would expect him to be average in looks. Brad Pitt's tend to end up with Angelina Jolie types.
And he must be of a similar age.

These seem like reasonable requirements which have worked well for me. In my life, either they have been met, or I have not languished because I opted to be alone.

Some people however, set limits beyond reality. I am of the opinion that many of them do that, not because they demand the best. But because they would rather stay alone than fail at their fantasy.
And that is where I can see Michael's point.

As for your own part in the topic. I don't see anything unusual or out of the scope of reality in what you want. I would not worry about changing them unless you find life is dragging by and nothing has changed in terms of getting your needs met.

And, I certainly would not let someone who is not important to you, shame you into changing that.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Therefore I have not set unrealistic expectations. Anyone who thinks I am too ugly to want an average looking man is welcome to view the pic on my profile. I don't have the face of a model, but I'm damn sure not ugly.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 93

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:17:55 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Why do people assume that "perfect 10"s are assholes, or bimbos, or whatever? I mean, I'm sure they're out there, but the chance of a perfect 10 being an asshoel are similarily high as for a 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, or a 1.

And if you don't want to date an asshole. just say "I don't want to date an asshole, no matter what he looks like."

Nobody likes a looks elitist, no matter where their bias lies.

Benji ---

This is the second serious post in the same thread. You feeling okay, hon?

And a long overdue thanks for all the laughs you bring us!

Cheers,

DC

< Message edited by dcnovice -- 1/15/2007 8:19:18 PM >

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 94

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:20:51 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Some people however, set limits beyond reality. I am of the opinion that many of them do that, not because they demand the best. But because they would rather stay alone than fail at their fantasy.
And that is where I can see Michael's point.

sometimes it's not where you set the bars.. being to High or to Low... it's what your doing between the bars.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 95

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:33:17 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I agree. You are an attractive woman. And you have the right, just as Michael does, to set your own bar.
My own expectations are,
He must be employed
He must within an acceptable (to me) level of intelligence.
I would expect him to be average in looks. Brad Pitt's tend to end up with Angelina Jolie types.
And he must be of a similar age.

These seem like reasonable requirements which have worked well for me. In my life, either they have been met, or I have not languished because I opted to be alone.

You don't even want to see my list.... Starts off with intelligent, charming, well travelled, funny, spontaneous, self confident, independant, adventurous, responsible and goes from there.

I like being alone, apparently.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 96

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:35:18 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

Would I want someone who only wants me because he is shallow and superficial ... Because he can't do any better on the 10-scale of appearance?

What if something really bad happened ... say, I had to get a mastectomy? If whatever relationship I am in is based on me being an 8 (or whatever), I'd lose more than a breast.

Good friends make good lovers ... I'm betting they make good Dom/mes too (and good submissives).

MaryT

I would ask who gets to rate us? I rate myself a perfect 10, and my partner in crime get a 9 3/4s, for one he has exquisite taste in women. I am slightly prejudiced mind you, and I have no trouble at all with that concept....

I wish more people felt really good about being them, it certainly would make the world a more cheerful place to be

*mumbles something about nitwit submissives who dont realize he is the be all and end all and deserves a perfect 10*

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 97

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:42:22 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I totally agree. I feel that setting the bar too high is really fear of getting what you want. Setting it too low is expecting things to go wrong, and giving yourself an excuse for failure.
Kyst

Wow..I think that is soo true..I never thought of it that way but definitely see where that may have been a pattern for me..

Thanks for making that point~

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 98

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:43:09 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

This thread confirms it: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly (in spirit or appearance) goes right to the bone.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 99

RE: Unrealistic expectations - 1/15/2007 8:48:01 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

And lets not forget Emperor Sir..

"You cant fix stupid"

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 100

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