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RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 9:40:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The reality is, and trust me, I know this after 8 years of experience in the scene, that almost all the people who get riled up about "protecting from the predators" are people who got scorned and want justification in their livess.

In one of the local communities, one particular dominant made a huge deal on the message board about speaking up and exposing the "predators" in the community. What was the cause of this noble and big huge crusade to rid the world of evil? Apparently his submissive got invited to a play party at a munch and nobody invited him, the dominant. He then proceeded to insult the community's board, making accusations that they didnt care for the safety of the members because they werent really taking him serious.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 9:55:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Now, what we need to know is this guy a real and true predator? I would doubt it. I have fuckin' begged to get on that list, and for good reason of drawing attention to myself, but as of yet, no emails from lustful women in my mailbox. so I guess, in getting to the brass tacks, is it gonna be a real and true list?

Hannibal Lector

I can persoanlly say, after 5 months of reading mnottertail's posts, that his Predator Alert Level is, AT LEAST, a very dark orangish-red.

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 10:41:20 AM

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While an unmoderated list of 'predators' based on unverified accusations (as opposed to sex offender registries, which are based on actual convictions in a court of law) is clearly a horrible idea for the reasons mentioned over and over again already in this thread, what might actually be helpful to new subs is a list of the 'red flags' experienced subs recognize. Even though these warning signs are typically things that should be clear to anyone with their grey matter properly located, posts here have time and again shown that an inexperienced sub can easily be convinced that such things are "normal" in BDSM.

I'll offer one such red flag just to get the list rolling...

1) Beware of anyone with the word 'Quiet' in his username. You know it's always the quiet ones.

QD
(He seemed like such a nice boy. Kept to himself, mostly...)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 3:43:58 PM

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PA have you read her profile? I have and it sounds like someone pitching a fit cause things didn't go her way. So based on her post here and her profile, I'm left to draw the conclusion that she is pissed off at someone and this is her way of venting. Unfortunately her chosen route has made her the villian and not the victim she was looking for. Her post and profiledoesn't sound like she was the victim of an assault, rape or any other real crime. She sounds like she came across a Dom or two that played a few head games and disappeared on her, or he made her think she was the only one only to find he was talking to a harem full of subbies. She said nothing about assault but did specifically mention liars and game players. So now that I pointed out the clues, do you still think she's talking about sexual assault?

< Message edited by simplyangelic1 -- 1/25/2007 3:48:11 PM >

(in reply to MadRabbit)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 4:37:07 PM

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Checking... to see if I listed camping in my collar me profile.....lol

Oh and btw, How come so many on line Dom's had their last r/t submissive killed in an automobile accident? Was it on the way to the same Fetish party ?

(in reply to Lorelei115)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 7:21:49 PM

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

I can only conclude by your post that you have NO knowledge or experience with the legal system in the US concerning the issue of sexual assault. Women who are beaten and raped in front of witnesses dont get justice and get raked over the coals, so women who are preyed upon or assaulted in less severe ways have little chance of being listened to, being believed, being supported.

Going to the local police and telling them that you have been assaulted or raped by a man who is Dominant, that you intitially consented to "play" with, will get you laughed at or insulted or riduculed at the very best. I cant imagine most women feeling safe enough to take that risk of going to the local police, risking their local communities finding out, especially is there is little chance of having him be arrested or be punished for what HE did. THIS is the REAL world we are talking about, when we mock someone for not running to their local police to press charges. In the make believe world of cyber land, sure, we can tell the cops and have them listen to us and believe us. LOL Dont know about YOUR local area, but mine is very conservative, narrow minded and judgmental. Hmmmm sounds familiar

I live in a rural county and even here the DA's office has an assistant DA who specializes in sex abuse and who does listen to all complaints. Twenty years ago sure, but in the years since Linda Fairchild ran the sex abuse department of NYC's police force the changes in NY State have been enormous.

So you have had dealings with your local police and they have had no victim sensitivity training? I find that difficult to believe. Consent to play doesn't mean rape can't occur anymore than a marriage license means that. And yes, they do prosecute marital rape here. Do they not where you are?

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 7:27:29 PM

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From: Sin City
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quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom

While an unmoderated list of 'predators' based on unverified accusations (as opposed to sex offender registries, which are based on actual convictions in a court of law)

Ya know, even sex offender registries can be unfair. In Massachussets, if you are caught having sex in your car you can be convicted of a sex crime and made to register every year. *shrug*

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(in reply to QuietDom)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 9:20:25 PM

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Ummmm, NY is very different from PA LOL guess you dont know that. This is the state that passed the first law that greatly reduced the power of Roe V Wade. This is the state that has some of the largest, most active groups of Neo-Nazi / KKK, Etc and backwoods armed militia groups. PA is NOT known for its open mindedness, for being liberal, or for being progressive on ANY issue.

So while we DO have some rape crisis centers in PA, most function as underground organizations, afraid to be very visible or active in communities. Local, more rural areas are even worse. So please do NOT ASSume that you know more about MY state or my local community than I do. That is an offensive, condescending, and arrogant attitude.

And while we do have some BDSM groups in PA, they are not very visible nor are they united to support or fight any problem as a single entity. Several members in various areas of PA have had their homes raided, have been arrested, and have been penalized for engaging in BDSM activities. That pushed many BDSMers even further underground. Again, dont tell me about MY state. I live here.

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/25/2007 9:41:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

PA have you read her profile? I have and it sounds like someone pitching a fit cause things didn't go her way. So based on her post here and her profile, I'm left to draw the conclusion that she is pissed off at someone and this is her way of venting. Unfortunately her chosen route has made her the villian and not the victim she was looking for. Her post and profiledoesn't sound like she was the victim of an assault, rape or any other real crime. She sounds like she came across a Dom or two that played a few head games and disappeared on her, or he made her think she was the only one only to find he was talking to a harem full of subbies. She said nothing about assault but did specifically mention liars and game players. So now that I pointed out the clues, do you still think she's talking about sexual assault?

No I dont see the "clues" you are pointing out. Perhaps you and others have spent WAY too much time interpreting her message and profile, too much time analyzing YOUR interpretation of her message and profile, and too much time trying to create a scenario that fits YOUR interpretation. Maybe your talents for reading clues would be better spent writing stories, writing good long FICTION stories!

One woman asked about predators and warning other women, and now after over 100 posts, you have decided she is a villian. HUH??? Now where did THAT come from??? You said she wanted to be a victim, but is the real villian here. Can you send us the flow chart that took you from her original message to you declaring her a villian???

I have not posted to most threads because I didnt feel called to respond. Even when I disagreed with things said, even when I thought most posters on some threads were wrong, LOL I just let it go and moved on to reading another thread. But THIS thread has kept me replying because I have seen so much ignorance, so much judgment, so much ASSuming and conjecture, etc on what I think is a very important issue for women that I felt such a strong need to keep sharing MY thoughts on this.

What most have done with her post is what happens when women speak up or even question what has happened to them. Even if she was used, jilted, lied to, played, dumped, whatever, doesnt she have the right to ask questions to find a way to understand what happened and to put things into perspective??? Had most posts simply tried to help her understand things, I think some of us could have learned from that kind of thread. But this thread instead showed newbies what happen if you bring up a topic some of you dont want to deal with or read here. And this thread has shown newbies its better to not ask any questions or to have any doubts about what has happened in a D/s relationship. And I wonder how many women will be less likely to mention anything "bad" happening to them???

If you have never been preyed upon, or if you liked it, then you are lucky I guess because other women have been preyed on and did NOT like it. If you have never fought off a rapist then do not pass judgment on what other women have done in that situation. If you have never been confused or not sure if something going on in your relationship is appropriate then again you are lucky, but dont mock or judge those of us who do get confused and need to ask for feedback.

Not all of us are the Grand Wizards of the Universe with all of the knowledge, experience, answers, and psychic abilities to know everything about everyone. Some of us are still learning and still need to ask questions and some of us are not perfect in how we ask those questions. Bear with us, and some of the time, bare us LOL

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 3:04:24 AM

susie

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Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

What most have done with her post is what happens when women speak up or even question what has happened to them. Even if she was used, jilted, lied to, played, dumped, whatever, doesnt she have the right to ask questions to find a way to understand what happened and to put things into perspective???

I have read the ops post again and I cannot see where she is asking questions trying to put things into perspective. What she is doing is suggesting that people here are warned of so called "Predators" What she, and anyone else so far, has been able to do is to come up with a way for that to work. That is simply because it cannot work.

quote:

ORIGINAL:PAsextoy4u

Had most posts simply tried to help her understand things, I think some of us could have learned from that kind of thread.

Understand what? She is not asking for understanding. It is a fact of life that there are fakes and liars in every walk of life. You cannot protect everyone from everything. One of the most important things in life is learning from your mistakes, yours not other peoples. It is the way we become the people we are. I well remember my parents telling me never to get drunk. I didn't listen as I had to learn for myself what it was like.

quote:

ORIGINAL:PAsextoy4u

If you have never fought off a rapist then do not pass judgment on what other women have done in that situation.

Where and how has rape come into this? The op did not mention rape in her post. She talks about "so called Doms" but for the life of me I can't see rape anywhere. If she is talking about rape then there are official ways of tackling that issue. Suggesting warning subs of "so called Doms" is a way different issue.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 6:49:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietDom

While an unmoderated list of 'predators' based on unverified accusations (as opposed to sex offender registries, which are based on actual convictions in a court of law)

Ya know, even sex offender registries can be unfair. In Massachussets, if you are caught having sex in your car you can be convicted of a sex crime and made to register every year. *shrug*

Agreed. In California, a 19 year old boy getting caught having sex with his one-year-less-than-18 year old girl (not sure if I can list an actual age under 18 and not be pulled) can be listed as a sex offender. The concept is good, but the defining factors are flawed.

(in reply to Lorelei115)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 2:23:49 PM

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From: NYS
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PA, the op to whom we are all referring to doesn't live in PA. She lives in Delaware which is a relatively affluent state with modern policies. So where do you come off assuming that anything that applies to you also applies to her?

And for that matter, I could as easily call you ignorant for not being knowledgable about NYS as you did me for being unknowledgable about PA.

If you have had difficulties then I am sorry for you. But even in a less progressive state many difficulties can be overcome if you have a good attorney representing you and prodding unwilling law enforcement personnel to work harder. I keep a lawyer on retainer, as I do an accountant and as I have a therapist. As much because when problems do arise, they are much easier settled with the help of an expert or two or three. Doing this without help is like doing open heart surgery on yourself, definitely not advisable.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 3:12:23 PM

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From: Seattle, WA
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This is the Internet. There is no way to know if someone is who and what he or she says they are. We each must take the same basic precautions that we do in real life. While an online predator list might be a wonder thing in a world where we all have the same ideas, morals, and beliefs, in real life it just won't work. Everyone has different criteria on what a predator is, and how would you stop people from using it as a weapon against other people? You can't.

Providing information to people on what to lookout for in general terms is a much better idea, as it allows us as individuals to make our own decision regarding another’s intent.

Just a thought.

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(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 3:23:06 PM

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Most that raise a stink within a group in most cases are those that aren't getting any play there.IN this world there are predators and those that are preyed upon.WE just have to weed out those that really prey upon the meek and stupid...WILLIAM

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(in reply to MadRabbit)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 3:32:07 PM

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"Chrissy- it's exactly the same in bdsm as it is in the vanilla world. If you can avoid them there, you can avoid them here."

LA, I agree with you for the most part, but I do believe that there are people who have to be told everything. I also agree that there would be a huge potential for abusing this list, which is why it will never happen. I attended college with several people who were smart as hell, but did not have a lick of common sense. Unless you told them that some things were dangerous, or that certain people were to be avoided, they simple didnt know. It doesn't excuse them, but certain people will always need guidance. They are and will always be, profoundly innocent(or naive).

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 3:51:15 PM

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A freakin men.

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 4:30:28 PM

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hers the problem with what to look out for is that everyone defines preditor differently, so a even a general guideline wouldn't be much good. And I'm convinced that the OP in this situation here is talking about real threats to our safety. Just from her comments about game players and liars, seems she's more jilted than a victim of a real preditor. But that is my perception.

(in reply to hersforever)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 10:05:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

PA, the op to whom we are all referring to doesn't live in PA. She lives in Delaware which is a relatively affluent state with modern policies. So where do you come off assuming that anything that applies to you also applies to her?

And for that matter, I could as easily call you ignorant for not being knowledgable about NYS as you did me for being unknowledgable about PA.

If you have had difficulties then I am sorry for you. But even in a less progressive state many difficulties can be overcome if you have a good attorney representing you and prodding unwilling law enforcement personnel to work harder. I keep a lawyer on retainer, as I do an accountant and as I have a therapist. As much because when problems do arise, they are much easier settled with the help of an expert or two or three. Doing this without help is like doing open heart surgery on yourself, definitely not advisable.

Where did I mention anything about where the OP lives??? I was replying to your comment about how wonderful the cops are and the laws are in your rural area, compared to where I live. I was stating some things about PA. Do you read posts to the end before you shoot off a comment???

And I never said I was having difficulties, so you dont need to expend energy feeling sorry for me LOL I am sharing information that is different from what you and some others seem to believe about some issues. Its possible to write about something without being guilty of something. LOL

And I can only conclude that you are very rich and powerful if you think that its easy to keep an attorney on retainer. Most people dont need do that or cant afford to do that. Or maybe you live in some wonderful fantasy world. An attorney on retainer in an area that has such great legal officers and a progressive movement for women victims... Sure sounds like a fantasy world to me LOL Too bad we all dont live where YOU do.

And I cant help wondering why you are so cranked up about the OP. What did she do to YOU to stir up such negative critical energy???

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 10:13:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

Most that raise a stink within a group in most cases are those that aren't getting any play there.IN this world there are predators and those that are preyed upon.WE just have to weed out those that really prey upon the meek and stupid...WILLIAM

For new submissives, being meek may be believed to be a part of it. And when you are new to something, you are stupid or not knowledgeable of what the norm is. So by your definition shouldnt the new submissives get some help and guidance so that they learn what is appropriate and what isnt?

And your post implies that if someone is preyed on they must be stupid and meek. IS that what you meant to really say???

A predator by definition preys on someone/something that is at least perceived to be weaker in some way than they are. That is what is so heinous about predators. They dont pick on someone their own size, so to speak.

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? - 1/26/2007 10:34:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1

hers the problem with what to look out for is that everyone defines preditor differently, so a even a general guideline wouldn't be much good. And I'm convinced that the OP in this situation here is talking about real threats to our safety. Just from her comments about game players and liars, seems she's more jilted than a victim of a real preditor. But that is my perception.

I just reread what I posted and meant to say isn't talking about real threats to our safety.....Damn typing too fast anyway. I should be spanked for being a poor typists some days.

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

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