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RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 2:28:54 PM

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I've never posted here before, but I want to agree with and emphasize some of what's been said here. It's important not to stigmatize someone with a desire to submit because he or she has certain fetishes or needs. I agree with those who have said that the cornerstone of submission is subjecting yourself to the will of your partner. However, a relationship must address the needs of both participants. It doesn't make someone less of a submissive because he or she has a given fetish that needs some attention, just as it doesn't make someone less of a submissive because he or she won't participate in a given fetish. Obviously, the solution is, like anything else, open communication and finding a partner whose needs and desires are compatible with yours. If a dominant woman has fetishes, say urine or scat, that just don't appeal to her submissive male partner, it does not somehow invalidate his submission because he does not want to participate.

I don't think distinction between "bottom" and "submissive" being made here is completely invalid--there is certainly a difference between someone who gets off on submitting to someone else's will and someone who gets off solely on fulfillment of fantasies. However, it is not the case that "submissives" should never have fanasies or fetishes or see them fulfilled. I'm wary of any a line of thinking that wants to judge the level of submission in another person. I could see this taken to unhealthy extremes, where a misguided dominant says, "If you were really submissive, you'd do X" or something along those lines.

I know that nobody here is advocating for unhealthy relationships, and I'm not looking to scold or criticize anyone here. I can also appreciate that some of the posts that inspired me to reply took umbrage at the notion that dominant women "should" be into forced feminization, which is obviously an incorrection idea. I just felt that some of the topics brought up in this thread needed to be addressed with a greater degree of specificity.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 2:45:09 PM

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I enjoy forced feminization when it's really forced - that is, the guy had no idea and had never considered the idea of being in a pair of tight pink panties until it happened, then he's totally humiliated but turned on at the same time. Or some variation of that. Otherwise, I can find amusement and enjoyment out of the pushing of existing hot buttons, but not when I'm expected to do it or it's the entire theme of the relationship.

Mmmm, I'd love to have my memory wiped and not know that I wanted to be forced into fem. MMMMMMMMMMMMM

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 4:25:29 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

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quote:

Mmmm, I'd love to have my memory wiped and not know that I wanted to be forced into fem. MMMMMMMMMMMMM

A big plus for convincing a potential domme that you are sincere and interested in pleasing her would be not behaving as if you were using what we see as discussion and conversation on the boards here as fantasy material for yourself.

Just a thought.

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to skirtboy43)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 6:05:16 PM

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MMMM Ms Sonnet Marwood,
Now that's a great idea! Unfortunately, most potential doms would probably check out my postings - maybe I need to re-emerge as, somebody else pick...
dressy boy
skirt man
Swishy Mc Skirt
Tie me up and abuse me (okay, that's too long)
frilly boy (some...feminine words, for want of a better term, just drive me wild!)
skirt sissy
petticoat boy
fancy boy (a bit gay perhaps)
sissy-slut boy
Nah, I'm not in love with any of those. Anybody got anything better?
Love to you all,
Skirt Boy

_____________________________

"Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil" F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 6:09:56 PM

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MsSonnet Marwood,
p.s. I just had a chance to look at all the posts on this string, and I note that this is not the first good idea you've had. MMMM, who doesn't love a smart dom? Your servant,
Skirt Boy

_____________________________

"Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil" F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 7:22:56 PM

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Oki i like rapy play, that mean i like to be held down and foced to have sex, now sinse i have requested this of my Dom, it is not realy forced now is it, yes it is forced right then and there, but not originaly. It would be the same whit you and cross dressing.

Also, now i am just a slave that have the premission of my Master to seek out a bottom to play out my sadistic side on, but i would have wanted a frindship whit that bottom, even if not a love affair, and i would recoil from somone that could only talk aboute one fetish and nothing else, that had that fetish in his or her nick and seamed tho think nothing but that fetish, i am looking for a prson first, and their fetishes later.

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(in reply to skirtboy43)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 8:14:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Wow, we women sure do have a lot of power. [sarcasm]I guess it is a good point that we have dictated fashion trends and men have strictly abided by our orders.[/sarcasm] Maybe men...society and all who make that up may have played a bit part in all that too? Regardless, women should wear whatever they damn well please. When we look for a partner (or partners) we should attempt to find those who are compatible with us and accept us for who we are, inside and out. Men should do the same. Want to dress in traditionally feminine clothing? Knock yourself out, nobody's stopping you. Want to find someone to accept you for that? Find someone who does. Nobody ever said it would be easy but it's not impossible.

Want to affect change? Best way is to actually do something. Fashion trends and sexuality acceptance in all its varied forms has grown only because of those who are willing to cross those demarcation lines, real or imaginary.

Where do you get the idea I want to effect change? I was just describing the world we live in, that's all. I thought my post was more about societal roles and what is accepted and unaccepted -- and it had little to do with "power." I don't really see how the balance of your post has anything to do with what I said at all.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 8:42:45 PM

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OK, I see some seem to be taking my post out of context here, so I will further explain what I meant. I am not judging anyone's "level" of submission here. I am not saying that being a sissy or a CD means that you cannot be submissive. I am not saying that submissives have no needs to be filled. I was merely stating that the OP's statement:

quote:

ORIGINAL: skirtboy43
I want a mistress who wants to do to me what I want done to me, but if I tell her what I want then I've spoiled the possibility of something new and, I assume, the dom is no longer dom if she's working from my script.

Sounded more like the statement of a bottom than a submissive. I suggested that a service top might be a better way to go, as they will only do exactly what you want them to do to you.

Clear as mud?

And just for the record, I do like sissy boys AND CD's. I dated a CD a long time ago and its one of the only relationships I regret ending. I have a sissy boy hopefully entering my service soon, and I intend to have lots of fun dressing him up.

< Message edited by Lorelei115 -- 2/13/2007 8:45:05 PM >

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(in reply to skirtboy43)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 8:59:34 PM

MzMia

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I am not putting down cd's or sissy maids, BUT all the ones that I have talked to at length,
tended to be bottoms in the long run.
I personally avoid them because I am not catering to someone else nor am I a TOP.
I also don't want someone in the mirror longer than I am, or someone with higher heels!

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(in reply to Lorelei115)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 9:37:40 PM

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Hi Everyone,
I've so enjoyed your posts, perhaps as a reward for my efforts in coming up with the question you mightconsider swinging by "Am I a bad girl?" That's my other string in this same forum (I HAVE been a busy sissy!), why not come by, pull up my skirt, pull down my panties and give me a good spanking...I have been a bad, bad girl.
Skirt Boy

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"Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil" F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/13/2007 10:57:05 PM

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Hi,
Has everyone gone leaving this poor little sissy all alone in his nice new little, black skirt? What am I to do?
Skirt Boy

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"Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil" F. Nietzsche

(in reply to skirtboy43)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/14/2007 8:01:46 AM

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From: Houston, TX
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I have no idea if you want to affect change or not. That wasn't my point. But there are those who complain, ad nauseum, about how things are but don't try to do anything about it and that was the crux of my point.

My direct response to you was actually more humorous because it tickled me when you wrote about how women made the demarcation lines. I don't think that's so. Yes, they are there but I don't think women were the sole ones who put them there.

quote:

Has everyone gone leaving this poor little sissy all alone in his nice new little, black skirt?

Yes.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/14/2007 2:40:16 PM

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I've just found out about something called a "Munches." Does anyone know how I find out about one here in NYC? Thank you darlings!
Skirt Boy

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"Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil" F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/14/2007 2:43:20 PM

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google

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~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to skirtboy43)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/14/2007 4:21:49 PM

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Sorry, I got a little confused about our exchange. I couldn't tell if you were being funny, cheeky, or cutting.

IMO, some women just don't want men poaching in their field. There is also something visceral too. One time my wife and I were having brunch with some lesbians. One woman had a TS as her new girlfriend.

My wife was kind of turned off by it, almost repulsed. I just replied to her that I thought the TS looked pretty good --- and that going from one gender to another is not easy. The hope was to defreak her out about it.

I think there is operational thinking that men should want to men, otherwise something's wrong with them. This comes from the F side and M side of the equation.

Anyway, I can see how women or femdoms might tire or become exasperated with CD fetishism, as Aakasha and others allude to ---- for something more compelling than clothing should key a relationship, but I don't readily equate CDs and TVs with diaper, rubber, or other such fetishists. I think there are gender issues in play with the former, which is something more inimical and personal than just a straight a fetish response.

Hence why "rejecting the fetish" often feels or comes across as rejecting the person.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/14/2007 4:44:05 PM

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Amen to that cloudboy. You just keep on hitting the nail right on the head =^_^=

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/15/2007 5:34:26 AM

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This is my stand on the subject as well. Now I have met sissies/CDs who were *very* submissive... but they identify as sissy/CD and expect to be treated (read: catered to) as such. No matter HOW submissive they may be, they're gone if you don't let them cross dress. I hardly call that "depths of submission" would you??? Being dressed as fem is their *primary* motivation, and their first priority. Frankly, I want and expect my slave's first priority to be ME!

Secondly, not to put too fine a point on it, I am looking for a slave whom I am attracted to. You know... physically :) And I like men. Men who look like men. I just don't find CD's attractive, no matter how cutesy their clothes.

Third, for me, half the fun of D/s is in the mind fuck, and the sissies/CDs I've met are far too wrapped up in thinking about being submissive through their dress, to even notice the little nuances that give me such pleasure.

Now, I don't mean this as any kind of indictment. I have nothing against sissies or CD's, etc. I just don't want to *own* one, as my personal choice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

"the very depth of submission" is someone SUBMITTING *gasps of shock all around*

What a person wears while submitting is completely inconsequential - how a person goes about submitting is the important thing. I would much rather have a boy dressed comfortably (or undressed *grin*) who doesn't object to doing just about anything that I ask, than a boy who insists on wearing dresses as a sign of his "submission." I want someone who does what I want him to do (or what Holly wants), not someone who only feels submissive if we cater to his idea of a submissive.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/15/2007 11:56:43 AM

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Men are generally not that attractive in women's clothes. It's not about that for me.....it's about treating MY man that way.

(in reply to FemmeOwner)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/15/2007 12:11:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: skirtboy43

I've just found out about something called a "Munches." Does anyone know how I find out about one here in NYC? Thank you darlings!
Skirt Boy

I'm pretty sure the Applemunch is still around.

I didn't create it but we went for many years and I was the hostess for a few of those.

It last met at the Moonstruck Diner not far from one of the subway lines in Manhattan.

I think other bourroughs now have munches too.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to skirtboy43)

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? - 2/15/2007 12:14:54 PM

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For me, I think that generally what we are seeking is someone whose fetishes match our own. My Master enjoys that I am a masochist and he, being a sadist, likes to hurt me, so we match up nicely. He has also led me to understand that I cannot experience all kinds of pain as pleasure and delights, being a sadist, in finding the things that ACTUALLY cause me pain to mix in with those that blur the line between pain and pleasure.

And so, we enjoy our fetishes together and enjoy pushing the boundries of what is good for the other person. It would make sense to me that a dom with a crossdresser might indulge/enjoy that fetish most of the time, but might find ways to make it evil other times. Choosing to not allow them to wear the clothes sometimes or choosing feminine clothes that were mismatched or unflattering might assert the control and divert from the possibility of feeling scripted.

I personally love CD, sissies, TV, TS, and genderbending in general whether it be as a fetish or to fulfill how you know you were meant to live. There is such truth, strength and beauty in doing what you need to do despite what society may throw at you. My husband is the only person I have ever known who used to crossdress, not as a sexual thing at all, but a) because skirts were comfy and b) because it amused the heck out of him that he could "pass". I thought it was sexy. He hasn't really felt the need to do it in years, though.
Anyway, the basic answer is that some doms like it and some don't. Find the ones that work for you.
People in general just don't want to feel like your fetish is more important than they are to you.

(in reply to BreakHim4Me)

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