Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 7:34:44 PM)

I am inquiring about this strictly out of personal curiosity.  I'd like to know, if you are a male Dominant (or a Domme) I am most interested in your answer - but submissives and slaves, or Switches, please feel free to answer as well. In your relationship, who pays for (or do you split the cost, or does the submissive pay) for things like:

0) Plane tickets and hotel rooms for travel to visit the other person. 

1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)

2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)

3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)

4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials

5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)

6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)

7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.

Thanks for any responses, they are appreciated.

- Susan 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:39:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)

We each pay our own, though we've considered consolidating to lower bills.

quote:

2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want oe buy for yourself that may be sexy because you like it)
3) BDSM Toys (floggers, etc.)
4) BDSM books and-or magazine or instructive materials
5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)
6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)
7) Anything else that is bdsm related that two share in a realtionship that you can think of.

We usually buy our own unless we want to surprise the other person or make it a gift.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_73308/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#73308
Where does money come into it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_85402/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#85402
Money Matters

http://www.collarchat.com/m_86294/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#86294
The control of money

http://www.collarchat.com/m_140655/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#140655
Money and sexism in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_276420/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#276420
financial decisions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_472811/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#472811
In the beginning, money issues




SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:40:45 PM)

LA, thanks  for the reply, and the links!

I opt for splitting the cost, or each paying their own, just want to know what others think.

- Susan



nissa -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:43:59 PM)

Anything that is mine, is just that; MINE. I have paid for it and it remains mine.



ChainedExistence -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:45:32 PM)

!. Calls are local...so no costs there
2. Sexy clothes- we pay for our own clothes, never thought about asking him to pay for anything like that.
3. Toys- he mostly buys them, but I have bought him some as a present
4. Books- Me, probably...only because I am a researcher by nature and when I was 'discovering" this side of myself, I read EVERYTHING I could get my hands on, and still do.
5. Expensive equipment-you can do amazing things with items that cost a dollar, but I'd say expensive equipment would fall under his side because I couldn't afford it.
6. Most everything else...(I'm talking dinner dates, and such) him, it's sort of an old fashioned southern thing...he just does. I certainly buy him presents and do things for him because I want to, but he doesn't expect me to pay.
7. Household expenses- we maintain separate households and I'd never expect him to pay my rent, or my car loan, because I am an adult, and that's my responsibility. I'm sure if I asked for help, he would help me because that's the kind of person he is, but I also wouldn't ask, because that's the kind of person I am.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:46:46 PM)

I buy what he tells me to buy; He buys what he chooses to buy.  Our cell phones have free long distance and we both have unlimited data plans, so there is no added cost there.  If he tells me to buy myself something, then I do, whether it's toys, clothes, electronic devices, airline tickets, etc. If he wants me to make a particular toy, then I buy the supplies and make it.  If he chooses to make a purchase for me, then it's a gift.



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:49:49 PM)

Thnaks or the replies. I am very generous, btw. But have bought some items I'd never have thought to buy for myself, (not a huge deal or hardship, btw) but was just wondering what others do in these situations, because I don't want it to become as issue (and it could).

- Susan



juliaoceania -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:51:49 PM)

I pay for my phone bill

He pays for special sexy things that suit his tastes

He gives me books all the time, non-BDSM related

He buys toys, and anything else for our play

Here is one you did not ask.. who pays for travel costs... I have paid for trips, but the vast majority of the time he pays my way to see him and to feed me and for anything I need when I am here with him. He likes spending money on me and taking care of me that way




SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:52:42 PM)

Thanks for the reply, juliaoceania. Can I ask - does he call you mort often, or do you call him more often ?- Or, is it mostly equal that way, or is there a difference as far as who makes more, and longer calls? If there is, has it become an issue for either of you? 

I know some folks have phone plans that allow for free long-distance calls, maybe I should look into that.

- Susan



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:53:45 PM)

Angel and I survived on free cell minutes. There was never a phone bill to be contended with, even though we spoke every night for hours at a time.
I have purchased all the toys we actualy play with, though aside from his chastity device none of them are technically BDSM related, they are all more related to his femenization.

I buy him clothes I would like to see him in, and he does the same for me.

DV



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:54:52 PM)

Toys, I've always paid for. Who pays depends on the relationship also. My previous sub used to live a 100 miles away and paid for lots of things, not because I necessarily wanted for her to, but just because she had lots of money, it was her way and I wasn't around her all the time. 

CE lives in the same town I do and has a house and all, much like you, Susan, I guess. I wouldn't ask her to pay for any trips, clubs, toys or what have you. After all, I spend lots of time at her house. Not that she is poor, but her budget is tight with kids, grad school, etc.



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:57:02 PM)

Thnaks, Ex-Steel and DiurnalVampire.

- Susan



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 7:58:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)


we both  have separate plans however my ex pays for the mobile phone bill as part of the divorce agreement and Daddy calls me.

quote:

2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)


if Daddy and i shop together, He chooses and pays for the lingerie, hosiery, shoes, etc. He does have excellent taste and knows my exact sizes too. now if i go shopping on my own, i tell Hm what i bought that day.

quote:

3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)


Daddy

quote:

4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials


N/A

quote:

5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)


N/A

quote:

6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions)


N/A - not interested

quote:

7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.


Daddy has bought and paid for my silver chain and 2 collars (3rd one coming by Friday). soon we'll be picking out my anklet and ring. He does want to take me out shopping for my "whore" clothes.



amaidiamond -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:00:41 PM)

Hmmm - very thought provoking question - so far in my experience of having a LDR the cost is split - He callas me more as has free europe mins, I pay half he pays half for my plane ticket, he also puts me up - I pay for my clothes, He pays for his etc, and I have a habit of buyinmg little pressies to spoil him



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:01:01 PM)

Funny, but I didn't see CE had already posted on this thread. Oh well, at least the posts were consistent. You guys see I don't make things up. Ha.



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:01:47 PM)

juliaoceania: Well I am paying for this upcoming trip entirely - and I requested it be that way. I like him, but in case things for some reason did not go well, I did not want to feel obligated. The plane ticket wasn't that expensive, and the hotel is nothing fancy. He did offer to pay for the plane ticket (in which case I'd have paid only for the room). But this time, I am paying for both.

I am not sure what will happen in the future, if we continue. Part of the reason for this Q. I am a very generous person, normally. It's no hardship for me at this point in time. But I am not surre how other people handle this type of situation. He is not suffering any financial hardship either, and can afford things like plane tickets, and hotels, presumably.

- Susan



juliaoceania -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:02:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Thanks for the reply, juliaoceania. Can I ask - does he call you mort often, or do you call him more often ?- Or, is it mostly equal that way, or is there a difference as far as who makes more, and longer calls? If there is, has it become an issue for either of you? 

I know some folks have phone plans that allow for free long-distance calls, maybe I should look into that.

- Susan


I have in the past spent a lot of money on my cell because we would talk for hours during the wrong times.. and the same for him... large large phone bills... not an issue anymore. We call each other about equal. There are some days he calls me off and on through out the day and some days I feel the need to talk to him a lot... he often wakes me up in the morning and I often call him before he goes to sleep...

I really like sitting in private message and surfing the internet knowing he is doing the same. It is fun and saves the cell minutes[:D].  



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:07:01 PM)

juliaoceania: Thanks for the  reply.

Ditto to sambamanslilgirl, and amaidiamond, ownedgirlie, and all.

- Susan



SCDommie -> RE: Who pays -Do you split the cost, and for what? (3/6/2007 8:10:29 PM)

We are engaged.   I am the Domme in the relatioship. We live separately.  That makes it better for us, and can be challenging at times with finances.
 
1) Phone bills if it is a LTR and you phone eachother a lot (every other day, every day or so)
We use  a cell phone.  We both have one.  He pays the cell phone bill. 
 


2) Sexy clothing - Lingerie, corsets, hosiery, shoes -  or whatever men would wear (if a submissive ) in a bdsm scene - IF it is requested by the Dominant specifically (not just what you want or buy for yourself, that may be sexy that you buy because you like it)

He does not purchase me much in the clothing department because there is not a local dungeon in my area yes.   We are planning on opening one soon. 

3) BDSM Toys (floggers, vibrators, electrical toys, small whips, etc.)
He purchases all toys or makes them including the subscription to the English Mansion.
4) BDSM books and-or magazine, or instructive materials
He is good at finding people who will help me.  He has found two nice Dommes within the state that have been most gracious and kind to me.  Lady Annie, and Mistress Susan have taught me a lot from doing rather than reading a book.

5) BDSM equipment that might be more expensive than average (medical tables, suspension equipment, cages, etc.)

He is handy with  making equipment like that.    We just purchased the cb3000.   I love it.  He will be making some floggers, and a slave toilet.

6) Tickets to play parties or bdsm events (conventions) We did not have to pay to get in our Dungeon in Columbia.   We instead hosted a dinner party for the Domme in charge which consisted of steaks and Alaskian snow crabs.


7) Anything else that is bdsm related, that two share in a D/s relationship (because it is a D/s relatonship, specifically) that you can think of.
We both like to teach others.  We have these kinky friends who came over for dinner Saturday night.    My friend, Mistress Faye, ordered my slave around like a puppy.   We like to do that for people.   Love watching a friend come into their own.

SCD



SusanofO -> RE: Who pays or do you split the cost for what? (3/6/2007 8:12:07 PM)

I also am buying a corset, and have puchased a vibrator (very top-of-the-line, expensive one), lots of lingerie, and a digital camera. I'm not complaining, it was my choice to do or not do, but am wondering if there needs to be some sort of plan for how we will work this out in the future. I do plan to discuss this with him, and he is open to discussing it. I appreciate all replies. Thanks a lot for the replies, people.

- Susan



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