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RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 4:39:44 AM   
kittensmailbox


Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
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..


< Message edited by kittensmailbox -- 3/8/2007 4:55:04 AM >


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~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 4:44:10 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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I just did tell him, about 45 minutes ago in an e-mail, I also asked he leave me alone, because instead of the info I'd asked for, I got two pages of reasons I shouldn't find it necessary - none of which made all that much sense to me, nor did any fulfill my request for the information. That was a real trust-builder, there.

Maybe I will go, and just have fun. I dunno. My head is spinning and I was crying half the night over this. I seem to have set myself up for this - but believe me, I am a fast learner (despite appearances in this case). It won't happen twice to me, that you can bet on. 

He offerred to pay for the motel - I insisted on paying for it, because I didn't want to feel "obligated" (I know myself) if things did not, for some reason, go well. I am also out the deposit on the motel room. Plus a $200 vibrator, new lingerie that I'd never ever have purchased for myself. Plus 2 new other nice outfits. And it's too bad, too - because he seemed nice. But this was a huge red flag to me, and I don't care what he thinks about the "reasonableness" of my feeling that way. I have never met this person, and he's a pretty sizeable person accoridng to his picture.  

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/8/2007 5:32:06 AM >


_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to nissa)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 4:44:25 AM   
calamitysandra


Posts: 1682
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline
You did the right thing.
Be proud of yourself and reward yourself with something nice. A good meal, a new book, whatever.

_____________________________

"Whenever people are laughing, they are generally not killing one another"
Alan Alda


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 4:46:11 AM   
nissa


Posts: 125
Joined: 2/28/2007
From: Carson City Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I just did tell him, about 45 minutes ago in an e-mail, I also asked he leave me alone, because instead of the info I'd asked for, I got two pages of reasons I shouldn't find it necessary. That was a real trust-builder, there.

Maybe I will go, and just have fun. I dunno. My head is spinning and I was crying half the night ove this. I seem to have set myself up for this - but believe me, I am a fast learner (despite appearances in this case). It won't happen tiwce to me, that you can bet on. 

- Susan
- Susan

You made the right decision. Now just stick to it. Like I said though, you paid the money to go anyway, and since it is non-refundable...go anyway and spend the time just enjoying yourself.

_____________________________

nissa

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 4:49:11 AM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
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I'm so sorry, Susan.. =( I know you're feeling awful about this, but I'm glad you trusted your gut-instinct and opted out. You're an intelligent and interesting woman with a lot of worth, you know? Don't be too hard on yourself, either. We've all done things in our lives that we had to regret a little, later. But as somebody mentioned before.. you're worth much more then $250.

Want me to beat him up for you? ;)

Stella

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 4:50:25 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Thanks for the support, I will be fine. I am just mad at myself and also mad at him. How stubborn and unreasonable can you get?

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to nissa)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 4:53:45 AM   
kittensmailbox


Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Thanks for the support, I will be fine. I am just mad at myself and also mad at him. How stubborn and unreasonable can you get?

- Susan


i too am sorry you had to deal with such crap... Things happen for a reason...  Truly i do not know what to say to make things better....

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:07:00 AM   
KCwarrior


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline
I am happy to hear that you are going to stay safe. One small after thought (now that I am awake and maybe it was addressed and I missed it), if he was so worried about privacy, why didn't he insist on flying to you and staying in a motel where no one knows him?

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:10:07 AM   
SusanofO


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Joined: 12/19/2005
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This shouldn't be that hard for him to do, IMO, and this early in a relationship when trust has not been established fully, is no time to start playing power games. I am not messing around with this, and I don't consider  myself to be unreasonable.

The reason he didn't fly here is he has a job and right now, I don't. I suppose he coud have flown here, but I offerred first. And if I had t to do over, maybe I'd ask him to fly here - but right now, I am too pissed off.

I also let him know I cannot think of ANY females I know who wouldn't also request the same, and if he's had "no luck" this is undoubtedly a major reason why. Although I am sure he doesn't see it that way. Oh well. It would have been fun and he was nice, but I am just so depressed now, about this. I am really batting 1000 this year. Screw it. I am going to take a nap.

Thanks for the support, the good advice, and the kind ear. I appreciate it. Sorry to bitch. Maybe I will fly there, just to reward myself, I need to think on it, and get some sleep. I was up half the night crying over this - I don't talk this kind of decision (or make one like it) very lightly. I was really excited over this. I've been working out, and buying new clothes, etc.

Then last night I started thinking (when he hadn't given me the info and appeared (still) to not want to do it - and then w/the two different first names - I asked myself: What do you really know about this person, and why isn't he willing to tell you anything, really? 

It wasn't just nervousness on my part, I was much more looking forward to meeting himthan I was nervous- and this was a very hard decision for me to make  - it was that this chould be considered very basic, and not divulging it let me know just how much he really (doesn't care) female stalkers or not, aside. I was convinced he would tell me, but for some reason, he won't.

Thanks for listening. You don't know how much I appreciated it. It isn't "nice to know"' others have been through the same thing (in that I want anyone to have to do this, too) but is was nice to know I am not alone in this having happened to me, and also that I am not crazy for half wanting to believe him, but having just enough of a little cautionary voice telling me to not believe everything I am (not) hearing to hold back unti I tried to (one final time) get two very basic pieces of information.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/8/2007 5:47:12 AM >


_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to nissa)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:14:10 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

My question is: If you are going to visit someone in another state, and have your plane ticket, etc. and they had promised to give you very basic identifying information about themselves before your visit, and then refused to do so, what do you do?

I mean their street address, and their last name. Also, suppose you found out they had also not been truthful about their first name, even?



When a stranger (which he is until you actually meet him and begin to get to know him in person) is unwilling to give you real identifying information about himself such as a real first and last name, telephone number (not a cell), home address, and even send a copy of his drivers license, I think that's a clear sign that he's either paranoid to the extreme or hiding something. I have no idea if he's dangerous because if I were you, I would not be traveling to find out. Life is too short and precious already. Be grateful that you saved yourself the time and trouble of beginning a relationship with a person who is unreasonable and obviously unconcerned with making you feel safe. A dominant is responsible to make you feel safe at all costs, above and beyond, especially during a first time meeting. You're footing all the costs willingly to make a trip that requires a plane flight and he can't even give you the truth about who he is?

To the curb, I say..lol, and try not to waste another hour dwelling on it, though I know you will and you're probably real sad. Hang in, hon.

mischievous

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:17:25 AM   
SusanofO


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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Thanks for the support. I am going to take  nap. Screw it.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/8/2007 5:19:41 AM >


_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:19:37 AM   
chrissyslave


Posts: 95
Joined: 1/13/2007
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Susan,

I think you did the right thing for all the mentioned reasons, but in my view it came across as more anonymous sex then the beginning of a M/s relationship.  Motel, toys, sexy lingerie, and "don't look at my face" all speaks of fun times with little chance of a L-T relationship...at least of the type you are looking for. 

Note that I had a suggestion for the lack of information which could have been agreed to provide his particulars (then you by cell phone communicate to you contact friend) before leaving the arrival airport, but the "don't look at his face" was enough to very much spook me as a listener.  That's just plain wrong!

As for using your plane ticket, do what you mind and heart will allow you to do, but I suspect you flying to the same location would be with too much discomfort being so close to this guy, and you might be tempted to contact him once there unless it was to see another potential contact.  Instead I would consider calling your travel agent or airline and say anything to get it changed to someplace else, and if you can go there with a friend (likley a change fee would be charged).  At worse just donate it or burn it as a symbol of this brief negative experience, but also in celebration of you worth as a person and woman. 
chrissyslave





_____________________________

Healthy living, diet and exercise...and you say that's a bad thing?!!

(in reply to kittensmailbox)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:22:24 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
Enjoy your nap, you already know you made the right decision.  Anyone who wont give you their information should be discounted immediately.  Ther eis no justification for not sharing if someone is going to be meeting you face to face. If you are willing to take the step and meet, then you should be willing to let them know who you are. Mind you, sharring and address and all, yes i can see why that might not happen. Thats irrelavent and risky, but names at the very least.
I had a sub who did this, though.  He did share his name, which I found out after meeting him was a fake name, and to make sure he wasnt found out he had a whole background built around the fake persona.  It was his "security" for when he didnt want people to kow who he realy was to make sure nothing leaked over into his real life. IT rang to me of a way to dodge accountability, since if anything happened he would be imposible to blame.  To anyone but me, he didnt exist.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:25:50 AM   
Llyren


Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline
I'm really glad you're not going.  To say the whole thing sounds fishy is a gross understatement.  If you don't or can't donate the ticket, perhaps you can put it and the hotel deposit on ebay as a mini-vacation?  You might recoup at least part of your costs. 

As far as the clothing is concerned, YOU are worth new outfits.  And one never knows when spiffy lingerie can be useful.  I know vibrators always are.  I know I haven't all the facts, but it sounds as though you've been giving far more in this relationship than he has from the beginning.  You bought the toys, the clothes, everything.  So enjoy them, and enjoy that you have enough self-esteem to take care of yourself.  No matter how submissive any of us might be, if we don't take care of ourselves, we're of no use to anyone.  Do something fun during the time you would have gone, but I really don't think you should go, even to use the ticket and hotel room.  He knows where you were staying, and he doesn't sound like someone you want anywhere near you.

(in reply to chrissyslave)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:29:24 AM   
sweetlady41only


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/3/2006
Status: offline
I'm sorry this happened but glad you were smart enough to see him for the player he is.  Maybe you can find a way to enjoy the lingerie and the vibe?    If it helps any, I did the same thing recently...listened to my gut and backed away from a first-time meeting that sounded "wrong" in some ways.  I didn't regret it.  Here's to better days ahead!

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:36:55 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
Susan,
 
i didn't read all of the posts here but i imagine most said exactly what i would say.....you are making a reasonable request and he is just ignoring it.  Now....is that the type of partner you would really want anyway?
 
i know how hard this must be for you....and i really do feel for you 
 
i had to cancel a plane trip one time and was told i could use the ticket within a year but there would be a cancellation fee when i did go to use it.  That was okay with me. 
 
When i was going to meet someone LD, i always knew their name, address, home phone and where they worked.  By the time i met them, i had even called them at work.  One guy, i even called at his mother's house!  Why?  Because when you are traveling that far, you need some protection of some sort.  When i met guys who were local, i wasn't as stringent because i was meeting in an open place to begin with, and i could always just get in my car and leave if something went wrong.  But when you are in another state and have nowhere to go, what can you do? 
 
But any dom i ever asked this info of freely gave it....and i'm not sure why this guy is giving you so much grief.  He obviously does not trust you....i wonder why you should trust him, with your life, when you haven't even met him yet.

He may seem nice but i don't see that as any sure fire indicator that he could not turn out to be something else.
 
Maybe just waiting and holding on to the ticket....and maybe he'll reconsider and you can always remake the plans if necessary.  i know i would never leave my 'safe area' to meet someone whose name i didn't even know, with no car and no one else around that i knew.  Something in my gut just doesn't set well with that.
 
Best wishes to you Susan.  Whatever you do, please be safe.
 
Edited to add: i could use the plane ticket toward any flight, anywhere.

 
DG

< Message edited by adaddysgirl -- 3/8/2007 5:41:58 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:41:45 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Thanks, folks. Hope ya'll have  good day.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:47:59 AM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline
Susan,

I would avoid flying there "just for the hell of it".  He may be watching for that.... did he know the flight details?

Am I judgmental?  Hell yes.  Based on the information you have provided I judge the following:

1.  He is NOT who he says he is.
2.  He has NOT been honest with you, even with his first name.
3.  His intentions were NOT in your best interest.
4.  He is either married/involved or just a common predator.

And, one more thought... if he doesn't want to be "outed" what is he doing picking up a woman at the airport that isn't allowed to look at his face.  As a people watcher, I would notice that right off.

All of the advice given here was spot on.  If this fellow put up any more red flags it would be hard for me to see how.

Glad to see you came to your senses!  If one of your girlfriends told you she was about to fly to a different state to meet a guy whose real name and address she didn't know - what would you tell her?

And the money you spent?  Enjoy the lingerie and toys (you don't need him to enjoy those) and consider the 250.00 plane ticket a VERY inexpensive lesson.  I bet your going to be a lot more careful in the future.

Finally I do understand the whole "privacy" thing.  BUT, when your trying to establish a relationship you SLOWLY let the other into your zone of trust.  A reciprocal exchange of VERIFIABLE information MUST take place before you meet.  Don't be lazy and "just believe" the information given is correct - check it out.  The internet has a ton of resources.  Not following these basic concepts is putting yourself at risk.  Be safe.  Have fun.  Live Long.

Peace and Light
Terry


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:50:07 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
Susan,
 
i feel badly for you, in this situation.  i have been in a similar predicament.  Before i met my current Master, i was so excited about another Master who had written to me on Yahoo, before i even knew about CollarMe.  He seemed really terrific and, not really understanding how things should be when a slave is seeking a Master through the internet, i was afraid to ask too many questions or "demand" information from Him.  He told me that He was going to take care of the logistics to move me from Georgia to Virginia, where He was.  He told me a lot of things.  Long story short, i drove from GA to VA to meet Him at a hotel, that i paid for, and i sent Him $400.00 to secure the moving truck.  He paid for nothing and then sent me an email, at the last minute, telling me that "He had found God and was taking a different path in His life" and He wished me well.  It was a rude awakening and a very hard lesson for me, but it was a lesson.
 
When i found out about CollarMe and put my profile on here, i got very lucky by stumbling onto Master David's email to me, that was nearly lost in the pages and pages of emails from others, He made it very clear from the start that He would not have me come to NC to meet Him, without first giving me His real name, First and Last, His phone number, Home as well as cell, along with a lot of other personal information.  W/we spoke at great length on the phone and exchanged a lot of emails before it ever got to the point of Him taking me under "serious consideration" and giving me His personal information.  It was only 3 weeks from the time He first wrote to me until i went up to NC to meet Him, but W/we covered a lot of ground in those few weeks and i never would have agreed to go to meet Him without His being able to trust me enough to give me His information.  TRUST works both ways and HONESTY & OPENESS, from both Master and slave, are essential.
 
That was my big lesson.  If He can't trust you enough to give you the information that you should have to really know who He is, then you shouldn't trust Him enough to go to meet Him.  It can be hard for a submissive to say to a prospective Master, "i need to have this information from You before i can really trust You enough to visit You", but, you deserve that information and He is not yet your Master, He is a "prospective" Master.  You need to protect yourself and He should understand that.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 5:53:03 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


I've asked (twice this week), and been told: "You will find all that out when you arrive".


Susan, people can be anything online.  It is possible that he has been misrepresenting himself and fears that disclosure of identifying information will be all you need to call him out on his lies.  I hope this is not the case, but it's the first thing I would think of.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 60
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