RE: Attached at the hip !!

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Attached at the hip !!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Attached at the hip !!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:46:44 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

i agrre with whiplashsmile
balance is the key to all things... from global salt/freshwater ratio to a child taking its first steps...
life is a delicate balance.
to be submersed i n your relationship on a long term gives way to inattention and hurt later, then both are dissillusioned and worse off for it.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:47:04 AM

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

its hard to describe phantom pains to someone who has never lost a leg. i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him. yes people will say complete yourself first, but the M/s for me is the last piece of the *complete yourself* puzzle and with this great devotion develops attachment and well it seems to me an easy transition. i just want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy to be.

Mixie,
i agree with the feeling that i want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy but that just isn't possible since both of us work full-time. Since W/we know W/we have to spend all that time apart, both of U/us have been very careful to maintain the "separate," individual activities W/we so enjoy. Yes, as i'm going along doing some of them, i often think of Him and feel that ache for His presence of just His voice, but i know that it won't be long until i have that again, so i focus on enjoying whatever i'm doing while W/we must be apart for a bit. As i just stated over on another thread about this, Master insists that i cultivate all aspects of myself by reading, hobbies, time with friends and family, etc. so that i can be the best slave i can be for Him. And i love the idea that He has other interests that i don't necessarily share (such as some online gaming, etc.) that make Him happy. That way, 2 well-rounded, interesting individuals can come together and help make their relationship a better one by adding things to it that perhaps their partner can learn from.........slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:49:29 AM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

often wonder how I would do in a 24/7 relationship because I've been on my own and enjoy it and I think I would resent having to share so much of myself all of the time. I know it's the opposite end of the spectrum, but it's something I think about.
I too wonder how i'd do! At present i am part of a poly family where the primary partner lives with Him and i live on my own. I spend a lot of time with Him / them but i also get time (not as much as i prob need) to myself to do 'me' things.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:49:57 AM

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

its hard to describe phantom pains to someone who has never lost a leg. i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him. yes people will say complete yourself first, but the M/s for me is the last piece of the *complete yourself* puzzle and with this great devotion develops attachment and well it seems to me an easy transition. i just want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy to be.

Mixie,
i agree with the feeling that i want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy but that just isn't possible since both of us work full-time. Since W/we know W/we have to spend all that time apart, both of U/us have been very careful to maintain the "separate," individual activities W/we so enjoy. Yes, as i'm going along doing some of them, i often think of Him and feel that ache for His presence of just His voice, but i know that it won't be long until i have that again, so i focus on enjoying whatever i'm doing while W/we must be apart for a bit. As i just stated over on another thread about this, Master insists that i cultivate all aspects of myself by reading, hobbies, time with friends and family, etc. so that i can be the best slave i can be for Him. And i love the idea that He has other interests that i don't necessarily share (such as some online gaming, etc.) that make Him happy. That way, 2 well-rounded, interesting individuals can come together and help make their relationship a better one by adding things to it that perhaps their partner can learn from.........slave luci

we too are very different [software engineer vs gardener; beer connoisseur vs wiki junkii] and as of next week also will be both working FT. yes it is always a good feeling to know you have gotten through *separate time* and in fact arent to dysfunctional after all

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 3/17/2007 11:50:29 AM >

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:59:58 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I had a dominant who was online only and if I wasn't on when he was we didn't get time at all. That's turned me into someone who's unwilling to be out of contact range for a long time I am fine with 20 to an hour away after that I get anxious that I might miss his call.. With my new dominant, I am of the mind set if I go off and do anything with out him I am going to miss something, or I am somehow depriving myself of his attention.

One of the things we're trying to work on right now is that I will not be depriving myself of any of his time if I want to go to bed early, or I want to watch tv instead of focusing soley on our phone conversation. Last night for instance I chose to go to bed at 12:30 because I was tired, instead of hanging in till one out of some misguided sense that I'd be depriving myself of him if I l eft early. He actually preferes I go to bed early ifI wish because he knows I am awfully tired if I want to go early.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i found it hard because i was moving 90 minutes away, leaving campus AND entering a city. Although i am now closer to my hometown, the transition, yea pretty much wiped out my hobbies, well that along with the winter [i am a gardener] i have been starting to get back into the swing of things, but unless its gardening, a lot of the time i am forcing myself to give space to Him. i dont know why, but like i stated in the other thread, my dependance on Him is no secret, but its something we are def working on.

I can understand this, you moved to Him and it takes time to get into the swing of a new place etc. From what you have said you don't appear to have given up 'you' as you recognise the dependance and are working on it.

i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him.

But doing your own thing occasionally isnt being without him. Hes still there when you go home, finish reading or whatever.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:07:30 PM

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

in ask a sub / slave about filling time when your Dom / Domme is unavailable i am feeling a little baffled !! Ok, so yes it's normal / natural to miss your partner when they are not around, but having to search for ways to fill your time / distract you from their absence just seems somehow wrong.
What happened to the things you used to do before you hooked up / moved in with your partner? Did they get given up completely? Were you just killing time with hobbies until you found 'the one'? Does your life get taken over so completely in your servitude / dominance that you forget how to be just you and do the things you enjoy doing solitarily?
Sorry i know it's a bit of a rant but it annoys me, i'm in a relationship and yes i miss my 'family' when they aren't around but i'm still me and quite happy to do the things i enjoy in their absence. I haven't given up 'me' and become just an 'us' and really struggle to understand anyone that does.

Well since we don't get to spend ALL of our time together, I can't say that we'd ever get tired of eachother. I know we do enjoy spending time alone on the computer and that we do like having space on occasion.

But thus far it's only served to make us more greedy. I can and do make trips on my own, as does he. But they are rare and we miss eachother a lot when it happens.

It might be pathetic, but it's true. We really do enjoy doing just about everything together. We love the same shows, we love the same food, we met because of our similar interests outside of kink.

We are in many ways one of those couples you hate because we're kissing all the time and constantly together- though we aren't rude and make people feel excluded when we're in a social environment.

It can be a dangerous slope to lte your life be taken over by the other, in our case we just happened to want the same life together and didn't have to give up anything.

Again, we're not identical- he loves pizza, me not so much. I love some shows he hates. We are perfectly happy saying "OK you go get that tonight while I get this" We still eat together, just different foods.

Maybe it's because our relationship is vanilla in terms of authority dynamics, but we want to make sure the other person feels as fulfilled in who THEY are as much as possible. If either of us felt the other was supressing a part of them it would be a serious issue for us.

So far I haven't seen anything unhealthy between us, though I can see how when describing it to someone else it might sound like that. I know *I* certainly never thought I'd be this pathetically needy to be with someone. Thank god he's as pathetic as I am.

< Message edited by EmeraldSlave2 -- 3/17/2007 12:09:35 PM >

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:14:11 PM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I dont think you are pathetic at all. You share a lot of interests but also have seperate ones. Sounds very healthy to me

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:19:38 PM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Perhaps finding compatible levels of neediness is the answer.
I know if I were expected to be in service mode 24/7 and have no time for myself, I'd go crazy. Even more, I can't envision being happy in that scenario. That's why I sometimes feel below par as sub material. And I don't mean in a negative way, just in a "perhaps I'm too independent for all of this lifestyle stuff" sort of way.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 3/17/2007 12:20:26 PM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:23:52 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I simply do not know how to not be attached at the hip. I see him every two weeks for one day, after that it's all phone time, and I do not know how not to feel deprived or anxious if I want to or think of something to do away fromhim.

Like work for instance, I want a part time job, but I know then I won't be avalible all the times he is, he says it';s ok and I say no it's not ok. I do not want to be unavailible when he's availible. He says he'll wait for me to get off work no big deal, I feel yes it is a big deal those 5 hours I was at work could of ment 15 hours with him instead of 10 hours. stuff like that.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:24:20 PM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Perhaps finding compatible levels of neediness is the answer.
I would definately lean towards agreeing with this. I seem (fingers crossed) to have this level in my relationships at present. I love staying with my 'family' but i love coming home too and am usually ready to by the time i do.
I know if I were expected to be in service mode 24/7 and have no time for myself, I'd go crazy. Even more, I can't envision being happy in that scenario.
Ditto.
That's why I sometimes feel below par as sub material. And I don't mean in a negative way, just in a "perhaps I'm too independent for all of this lifestyle stuff" sort of way.
Again ditto. I have an inner struggle with my 'two sides' for want of better words. Im every searching for serenity in my mind set.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:28:10 PM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I simply do not know how to not be attached at the hip. I see him every two weeks for one day, after that it's all phone time, and I do not know how not to feel deprived or anxious if I want to or think of something to do away fromhim.

Like work for instance, I want a part time job, but I know then I won't be avalible all the times he is, he says it';s ok and I say no it's not ok. I do not want to be unavailible when he's availible. He says he'll wait for me to get off work no big deal, I feel yes it is a big deal those 5 hours I was at work could of ment 15 hours with him instead of 10 hours. stuff like that.

I'm sorry but to me this is just plain unhealthy. I can understand that the time you have available for each other is limited but still .........
Life needs to get in the way of life sometimes and think you are going to have to let this happen at some point.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:31:34 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I think it's unhealthy too. I just don't know how not to be anxious about being availible when and if he is, or feel like I am some how depriving myself if I want to be away from him. I think I have taken some steps in toddling away from the nest so to speak by joining the SPCA as a volunteer, I'll be gone during the day mostly, but I will be away from my house, and unreachable for the most part.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:34:35 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

LOL

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:40:16 PM

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Won't get any argument from me! I have never understood why when a couple gets together, they can no longer do anything apart. I think it is an unhealthy way to live.

I agree it is unhealthy. However, in a power relationship, does it really surprise One to hear that a sub craves constant contact and desires to be always in the presence of their Dominant? Thus, to My thinking, it is up tot the Dominant to ensure that the sub keeps a healthy balance in their life. I encourage My pet to keep up his friendships and hobbies, his other relationships and I tell him frequently how he can only serve Me if he keeps being who he is when he met Me. And that includes all of his life interests and the people who are important to him staying firmly in his life.

A sub needs a full and rounded life outside of their primary D/s relationship. Sometimes they need to be shown this is the case however.

And don't get Me started on what I think of Dominants who try to cut off all other ties in their sub's life, with some weird idea of it binding the sub closer to them. It is unhealthy.

_____________________________

~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=
It is not enough to know how to conquer; One must also how how to seduce." --Voltaire

(in reply to SirDominic)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 12:46:01 PM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

LOL

Hey ....... you taught me some good shit

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 1:00:45 PM

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Judgeing from the tone of your OP, you'll continue to struggle to understand for a long time.

When I get attached, I get very much attached. There's no little bit, or half-way for me.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 1:08:20 PM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I couldn't find another way to put it - no offense is intended.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to gypsygrl)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 1:09:06 PM

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm having a bit of the opposite problem.

I enjoy being with myself so much that I'm having trouble letting go enough for there even to BE an 'us'.

The fact that there are no 'likely suspects' at this time makes it easier.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 1:13:44 PM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I'm having a bit of the opposite problem.

I enjoy being with myself so much that I'm having trouble letting go enough for there even to BE an 'us'.

The fact that there are no 'likely suspects' at this time makes it easier.

Jeff

Lol, i know the feeling

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 1:14:07 PM

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Oh, I don’t know. It depends on the situation. I mean some subs know how to cling without making you want to put on a fake mustache and catch the Orient Express wherever it goes. I think I would rather feel like I was being clinged to, too much, than wondering why she was never around. Ha.

Actually, I may use her neediness as a way for both of us to enjoy the situation by pointing out her helplessness. That is a real, total power exchange that emphasizes her situation and the total power exchange. We may both find pleasure in the realization.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to missturbation)

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Attached at the hip !!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.063