quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

would you care to explain how you are where you are today in your  moment of honesty and clarity?
Sure i'm fine today thank you. Im in my livinroom and my honesty and clarity are just fine. Everyone involved knows everything and its all good.

Or will the right honorable member from Yorkshire withdraw from her stance of holyness and purity and refrain from disadvantaging others with her advice or must it be written in the record?
Im not saying i am holy and pure, i have admitted my mistakes and apologised for them.

Civil?  A girl test will result in different outcomes than you have fantasized............
I havent fantasised about anything and civil?

Ron

quote:

would you care to explain how you are where you are today in your moment of honesty and clarity?
Sure i'm fine today thank you. Im in my livinroom and my honesty and clarity are just fine. Everyone involved knows everything and its all good.

quote:

See i'm pretty much the opposite, i've been very independant since the age of 17 so struggle to be dependant on anyone. I've relaxed some what in this recently but still find myself wanting to do things and struggle through on my own. Maybe its my lack of ability to depend on people that causes my struggle to understand in this subject.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

everything as in honesty?

KIJU(think about it you got time), or he wouldn't be asking you for im histories
Ok that never started and he knew everything. The reason he asked for im histories because someone bitter and twisted gave him reason to doubt.
mr shibari master or he would kick you to the curb
I dont have a shibari master so where you get that from i have no idea. The only shibari i have experienced was done by a friend at a munch the day i first met my present Sir.
any one who has listened to your abcessed whining and has petted you
Ok whatever.
Another guy from NY who you shucked and jived
Who would that be, as i have no clue who you are referring too.
well that is enough for now.

LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

From the responses we've read we are living an "unhealthy", "unbalanced","needy","clingy","co-dependent"; life together. GUILTY on ALL counts and more. We live with the biggest fear being what would the other do if something happens to one of us. I'm very happy that I'm the Dominant in this situation because I ordered beth, and she's not allowed to die before me.

No we aren't "attached at the hip", if there were a choice on the physical side - the "hip" wouldn't be in the top 5 places. We are attached at the soul. No, I wouldn't believe it possible either, but as it happened, and as beth says; it happens whether you believe it of not.

In some regard I am not happy about the situation and was actually angry at myself for feeling so "co-dependent". Being an only child, I never had a problem going someplace or being alone. It was often a desire to be so, and another's company was never needed for entertainment, diversion, or to have fun. It is not the case in my life today.

Being with beth isn't necessary, but it is preferred. I don't want to experience anything without sharing it with her. I've stated my selfishness with beth and her time many times, sighting it as a reason I required she not work outside my house. One of the key reasons for that is, traveling often for business, I want her with me. Currently our time away is limited to my job, and I'm in process of eliminating or reducing that time. After 4+ years together that hug we share when I come home is just as tight and passionate as it was the first day beth took up residence with me.

But it only works because as I type this, beth's head is resting on my knee and she says she feels the same way. she was more open to the possibility than I was when we met. I didn't believe it possible. But there you have it - it happens.

Now to the questions...

What happened to the things you used to do before you hooked up / moved in with your partner? Did they get given up completely? Some yes. I used to golf a few times a week, now I don't. I used to jog, now I try to use a treadmill because beth's feet prohibit that type of activity. But other than those things we just share the activities we had separately. I still play the piano as much as I did, but now beth is there listening. beth gardens and I'll lug in the soil and watch her toil.
 
Were you just killing time with hobbies until you found 'the one'? No. You fill up spare time in your life the best way possible. I enjoyed my spare time activities then, I enjoy those I participate in now. The only difference is beth's there - that to me is a big improvement.
 
Does your life get taken over so completely in your servitude / dominance that you forget how to be just you and do the things you enjoy doing solitarily? No. We acknowledge to each other that for the first times in our lives throughout many relationships, this is the first time we can be comfortable and true to our nature with a partner - ALL the time. It is the reason we don't need "down time". We are "just you", doing, or better said, living is the ultimate way we enjoy.

One last item. Before anyone thinks that we're representing some Utopian existence that everyone should strive to obtain; I assure you that is NOT the case. I'd love everyone to experience it, but wouldn't recommend it. Life is tenuous, and short. In all seriousness, it is a scary thought to be without her, and I can see tears in beth's eyes reading this considering her life without me. Why seek something that ultimately will result in one of you feeling so much pain?

Meanwhile, we have more fun together than should be legally allowed. With any luck, fifty years from now we'll be attending the Folsom Street Fair with beth's wheelchair and the end of a leash attached to my wrist.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

From the responses we've read we are living an "unhealthy", "unbalanced","needy","clingy","co-dependent"; life together. GUILTY on ALL counts and more. We live with the biggest fear being what would the other do if something happens to one of us. I'm very happy that I'm the Dominant in this situation because I ordered beth, and she's not allowed to die before me.

No we aren't "attached at the hip", if there were a choice on the physical side - the "hip" wouldn't be in the top 5 places. We are attached at the soul. No, I wouldn't believe it possible either, but as it happened, and as beth says; it happens whether you believe it of not.

In some regard I am not happy about the situation and was actually angry at myself for feeling so "co-dependent". Being an only child, I never had a problem going someplace or being alone. It was often a desire to be so, and another's company was never needed for entertainment, diversion, or to have fun. It is not the case in my life today.

Being with beth isn't necessary, but it is preferred. I don't want to experience anything without sharing it with her. I've stated my selfishness with beth and her time many times, sighting it as a reason I required she not work outside my house. One of the key reasons for that is, traveling often for business, I want her with me. Currently our time away is limited to my job, and I'm in process of eliminating or reducing that time. After 4+ years together that hug we share when I come home is just as tight and passionate as it was the first day beth took up residence with me.

But it only works because as I type this, beth's head is resting on my knee and she says she feels the same way. she was more open to the possibility than I was when we met. I didn't believe it possible. But there you have it - it happens.

Now to the questions...

What happened to the things you used to do before you hooked up / moved in with your partner? Did they get given up completely? Some yes. I used to golf a few times a week, now I don't. I used to jog, now I try to use a treadmill because beth's feet prohibit that type of activity. But other than those things we just share the activities we had separately. I still play the piano as much as I did, but now beth is there listening. beth gardens and I'll lug in the soil and watch her toil.
 
Were you just killing time with hobbies until you found 'the one'? No. You fill up spare time in your life the best way possible. I enjoyed my spare time activities then, I enjoy those I participate in now. The only difference is beth's there - that to me is a big improvement.
 
Does your life get taken over so completely in your servitude / dominance that you forget how to be just you and do the things you enjoy doing solitarily? No. We acknowledge to each other that for the first times in our lives throughout many relationships, this is the first time we can be comfortable and true to our nature with a partner - ALL the time. It is the reason we don't need "down time". We are "just you", doing, or better said, living is the ultimate way we enjoy.

One last item. Before anyone thinks that we're representing some Utopian existence that everyone should strive to obtain; I assure you that is NOT the case. I'd love everyone to experience it, but wouldn't recommend it. Life is tenuous, and short. In all seriousness, it is a scary thought to be without her, and I can see tears in beth's eyes reading this considering her life without me. Why seek something that ultimately will result in one of you feeling so much pain?

Meanwhile, we have more fun together than should be legally allowed. With any luck, fifty years from now we'll be attending the Folsom Street Fair with beth's wheelchair and the end of a leash attached to my wrist.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


There is a big difference between living for Him or Her, which reflects a possible Co-dependency Dynamic

as compared to

Living for US and WE that reflects an Inter-dependent Relationship Dynamic.

Within a Co-dependency Dyanmic.. individuality and independenceare sure to suffer.

Within a Inter-dependent Relationship Dyanmic.. the individuality and independent identity is allowed to grow... but a new indentity also is born.. and that is the WE.  Many can't seem to reconcil the I and We can co-exist.  It's a question of balancing ... to much or to littl e water plant dies.. to much or to little sun and it is just as bad off.  Balancing the needs of the WE with the I is the key.  But I assure you.. if the I takes precedence in the long-term.. there will be no WE. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I will say this, there are others that know "the rest of the story" besides the two doms involved.  This is a message board, and sometimes there are personal interactions off the boards.  Not taking sides as this isn't my fight or involves me at all(and I will be through with the subject after this, and plan to treat everyone as cordially as I ever have), but when you put items such as http://www.collarchat.com/m_877032/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#877032you are calling for sympathy.. Wow, big change from hating hurting someone to calling them pathetic, don't you think?  There are two and sometimes 3 sides to the story, but all that was heard (and you brought it up first in that thread ) was your side, and man, it was truly made folks want to have sympathy.  It is always said though that we do not hear both sides to the stories , and therefore sometimes acquire opinions based on one side.  As you can see though, at least one was hurt, and I daresay that you keeping your sig line you have at the moment is probably not the most pleasing to others, since they are not speaking to you either, but again it is not my business.  I only responded to say that Ron is not pathetic by any means, and yes the people here will not base their opinions of him based on your words either, and some will judge you by your words here, and others will judge you by the ones you have made in private.