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Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:09:12 AM

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After reading a thread in ask a sub / slave about filling time when your Dom / Domme is unavailable i am feeling a little baffled !! Ok, so yes it's normal / natural to miss your partner when they are not around, but having to search for ways to fill your time / distract you from their absence just seems somehow wrong.
What happened to the things you used to do before you hooked up / moved in with your partner? Did they get given up completely? Were you just killing time with hobbies until you found 'the one'? Does your life get taken over so completely in your servitude / dominance that you forget how to be just you and do the things you enjoy doing solitarily?
Sorry i know it's a bit of a rant but it annoys me, i'm in a relationship and yes i miss my 'family' when they aren't around but i'm still me and quite happy to do the things i enjoy in their absence. I haven't given up 'me' and become just an 'us' and really struggle to understand anyone that does.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:16:39 AM

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There are many levels of submission, each with their own gifts. i am not sure if you are just wanting to rant, or if you are wanting to understand.

Master's dorei

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:18:54 AM

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i found it hard because i was moving 90 minutes away, leaving campus AND entering a city. Although i am now closer to my hometown, the transition, yea pretty much wiped out my hobbies, well that along with the winter [i am a gardener] i have been starting to get back into the swing of things, but unless its gardening, a lot of the time i am forcing myself to give space to Him. i dont know why, but like i stated in the other thread, my dependance on Him is no secret, but its something we are def working on.

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:20:40 AM

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To understand definately. Because my perspective of the subject is what it is i can't understand people giving up themselves to just be an 'us'. My view on this is very judgemental and i will be the first to admit this. I am hoping to gain an knowledge of this mind set so i can be less judgemental and more understanding about it.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 3/17/2007 11:21:29 AM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:27:11 AM

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Won't get any argument from me! I have never understood why when a couple gets together, they can no longer do anything apart. I think it is an unhealthy way to live.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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You teach best what you have lived.

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:27:48 AM

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its hard to describe phantom pains to someone who has never lost a leg. i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him. yes people will say complete yourself first, but the M/s for me is the last piece of the *complete yourself* puzzle and with this great devotion develops attachment and well it seems to me an easy transition. i just want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy to be.

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:28:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i found it hard because i was moving 90 minutes away, leaving campus AND entering a city. Although i am now closer to my hometown, the transition, yea pretty much wiped out my hobbies, well that along with the winter [i am a gardener] i have been starting to get back into the swing of things, but unless its gardening, a lot of the time i am forcing myself to give space to Him. i dont know why, but like i stated in the other thread, my dependance on Him is no secret, but its something we are def working on.

I can understand this, you moved to Him and it takes time to get into the swing of a new place etc. From what you have said you don't appear to have given up 'you' as you recognise the dependance and are working on it.

i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him.

But doing your own thing occasionally isnt being without him. Hes still there when you go home, finish reading or whatever.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 3/17/2007 11:31:20 AM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:29:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

Won't get any argument from me! I have never understood why when a couple gets together, they can no longer do anything apart. I think it is an unhealthy way to live.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

i agree and that is why i dont follow Him everywhere ie- a bar. i dont particularly care for the environment enough to be a team player so i let Him go alone, although the distractions needed that missturbation mentioned def come into play here

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:32:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i found it hard because i was moving 90 minutes away, leaving campus AND entering a city. Although i am now closer to my hometown, the transition, yea pretty much wiped out my hobbies, well that along with the winter [i am a gardener] i have been starting to get back into the swing of things, but unless its gardening, a lot of the time i am forcing myself to give space to Him. i dont know why, but like i stated in the other thread, my dependance on Him is no secret, but its something we are def working on.

I can understand this, you moved to Him and it takes time to get into the swing of a new place etc. From what you have said you don't appear to have given up 'you' as you recognise the dependance and are working on it.

ita actually a great battle for me because at a very young age my mother taught me about codependance, because well the fruit doesnt fall far from the tree. its actually something i find shameful but i am not going to deny or hide my emotions or who i am to appear a little more stable. but a lot of girls view it simply as pure devotion .. i can agree to a point but it is def also at the same time unhealthy, you know it is by the amount of sadness you say "this isnt normal" at least i do.

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:33:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
...

This rags my ass, Mixie---I saw the subject and saw the post by you on the feed, and said oh, good---now we are going to find out the rest of the story........

Paul Harvey--- Good Day!!

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:33:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

But doing your own thing occasionally isnt being without him. Hes still there when you go home, finish reading or whatever.

i know and these are the things i tell myself. its strange being so aware of a strange embraced/shunned type of disposition

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:34:37 AM

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patience is a virtue, or didnt you know?

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:36:31 AM

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See i'm pretty much the opposite, i've been very independant since the age of 17 so struggle to be dependant on anyone. I've relaxed some what in this recently but still find myself wanting to do things and struggle through on my own. Maybe its my lack of ability to depend on people that causes my struggle to understand in this subject.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:36:34 AM

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I think it's extremely important for partners in a relationship to each have a life separate from the other, other hobbies and interests and sets of friends. And then, meeting somewhere in the middle for the life that you share together.

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RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:36:51 AM

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There are things I enjoy doing that I'm not giving up for nobody. I need me time for myself, and overly needy submissive will drive me crazy. I firmly believe in a thing called balance. Between myself and the relationship. I have hobbies and activities I simply will not give up. I once made the mistake of focusing too much attention on a relationship in a past. Generally, a lot of time and engery is devoted to a newly formed relationship. Two people together for the first time, but sooner or later a balance needs to set in.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:38:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

But doing your own thing occasionally isnt being without him. Hes still there when you go home, finish reading or whatever.

i know and these are the things i tell myself. its strange being so aware of a strange embraced/shunned type of disposition

Well, i applaud that you are aware and trying to rectify the situation. Thank you for your honesty.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:39:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think it's extremely important for partners in a relationship to each have a life separate from the other, other hobbies and interests and sets of friends. And then, meeting somewhere in the middle for the life that you share together.

I couldn't have said it better

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to windchymes)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:41:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

There are things I enjoy doing that I'm not giving up for nobody. I need me time for myself, and overly needy submissive will drive me crazy. I firmly believe in a thing called balance. Between myself and the relationship. I have hobbies and activities I simply will not give up. I once made the mistake of focusing too much attention on a relationship in a past. Generally, a lot of time and engery is devoted to a newly formed relationship. Two people together for the first time, but sooner or later a balance needs to set in.

'Overly needy' may be a little on the harsh side don't ya think?
Whilst i can't understand giving up yourself when you get into a relationship i don't think it necessarily equates with the sub being needy.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:42:59 AM

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From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

See i'm pretty much the opposite, i've been very independant since the age of 17 so struggle to be dependant on anyone. I've relaxed some what in this recently but still find myself wanting to do things and struggle through on my own. Maybe its my lack of ability to depend on people that causes my struggle to understand in this subject.

in every other facet of my life it has been like this. being housed with my dad and brother since 4th grade then on my own before i was even 18. but then a man [i am in love with] comes into the picture and i am an emotional needy wreck, although i manage to control my clinginess so often they are not aware of how i feel inside. of course Master knows my ways, well b/c this is the most open relationship i have ever had.

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Attached at the hip !! - 3/17/2007 11:46:17 AM

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Needy people drive me nuts. I go out of my way not to appear "needy". I've always been the type of person who needs solitary time. I've found that people don't always "get" this about me. I often wonder how I would do in a 24/7 relationship because I've been on my own and enjoy it and I think I would resent having to share so much of myself all of the time. I know it's the opposite end of the spectrum, but it's something I think about.

I would suggest that those who need help filling their time do the following: take up a new hobby, enroll in a continuing education class, obtain a second job, join a non-profit organization as a volunteer.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to missturbation)

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