RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking?

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RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 10:01:27 AM

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
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There will always be a little comproise, but on the whole, both parties need to be honest and open as to what they really seek. On the whole I feel a lot of so called subs are not honest from the start and possibly do seek just play. All I can say is do not give up, there are true subs out there who ache for the same, and would give their heart and soul to the right person.

(in reply to petitedomme21)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 10:26:35 AM

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Joined: 11/19/2006
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I've been reading the posts on this thread a bit. I usually avoid posting due to past issues of drama on message boards. I usually go for the immediate communication of a chatroom. I have been in the chatrooms and have heard (and experienced in real life -IRL) a lot of what has already been said here about what was 'lacking.'
There is someone for everyone, and a few someones for some, I believe.
The one thing I don't see mentioned on the thread is what I've observed as the expectation from a sub/slave of a domme to 'control' and 'train' not only in the bdsm sense, but in a basic sense of 'curing' him of bad habits. If a person behavioral mental or emotional health issues that exist including addictions to sex, pain, drugs or alcohol, I am not for them.
I see BDSM as an interaction. I don't see it as co-dependence, but an inter-dependence, and not one based on a lack of self-control from either end, D or s.
Best to everyone.

(in reply to Unrepentant1)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 10:28:04 AM

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If anyone got the impression that I was pissed at or somehow flaming pixelslave, I assure I was not. I simply did not agree with everything he said and stated my thoughts, nothing more, nothing less. Disagreeing with someone certainly does not equal being pissed or flaming in my mind at least.

Tigress~FL

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 10:37:58 AM

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Joined: 6/20/2006
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Tigress,
I didn't think you were flaming. I think you voiced your disagreement in a reasonable way. And I, personally agree with the statement that we shouldn't allow negativity to get in our way.
Rock on!
With kind regard,
~Kara

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to TigressFL)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 10:59:33 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear pixelslave, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In your post #21 on this thread, I do believe what you wrote works both ways indeed.

As I have approaches, I do believe women such as I, have experience and or mileage and know what we want, what we will compromise on and what we consider deal breakers. It doesn't mean that those approaching and or applying are not good people, not good slave or submissive canidates but, for young individuals in the lifestyle chasing perfection are left with negative results. I mentioned in a post ages ago, that I would be thrilled to find a slave 80% of what I seek.

In addition, I think people who approach the lifestyle feel they will be empowered to 'change' people. Unfortunately people have to change themselves. Its done when that person wants and wills it.
Forced change of others is temporary and will buckle and or leave when they find someone who won't force change but, perhaps compromise to where its a mutual agreed behavior and or attitude modification. In seeing people seek, its more like seeking a packaged goods/product. Humans are more then a product. But, what has been typical of late; is when a 20 something comes in and being an emotional, mental and or physical vampire--sucking the life out of you; when you break ties--all of a sudden you are a Bytch or other foul series of names but, up until that moment--you got words of love and sugar. So, its not a surprise that Dominants like me who have this repeated behavior become extremely cynical. I'm sure it can be said for experienced slaves who aren't new to a lifestyle or the dynamics.

I find it sad--however, I must be able to look in the mirror and have my dignity as well as not putting myself in such a compromised position as to make someone happy by forcing over compensation on my part. It would be living a lie. Communications really is a key as well as being embarassing truthful. Exposure on both sides of what we really want, what we really mean and what we really have in our mind's eyes would save so many incidents of grief.

At this stage of my life and I've found my ceilings of preferences; as much as I dearly love people in general; I am not seeking a total novice. If I found a slave that has lived and experienced the lifestyle there is a better opportunity to understand the needs of what makes it work. I love teaching and mentoring but, I don't want to come home and do that there on a novice/beginner level.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

R

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:31:07 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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Well stated Lady Hugs, most of us want what we want.
TigressFL, your comment was fine, we can agree to disagree around here,
without turning it into a flame war.
I don't think most of us our seeking perfection, and if we settle to much,
why not just play with a vanilla man?

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/15/2007 12:32:23 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:37:10 PM

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Joined: 6/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

What I see more than anything, regardless of what people are looking for is a "shopping list" of qualities or characteristics they expect potential partners to have and no desire or ability to compromise when someone comes close to meeting their list. Its as if those who are looking forget that the others they are meeting are people too with their own unique talents. abilities and experiences they have to offer as an added bonus we don't always see. How rigid do we have to be on our lists of wants and desires? What's the cost to us in lost time and pleasure when we could be having fun with someone who we just might be very compatible with us?

Perfection is a myth. Unless you're truly perfect yourself, don't expect your ideal partner to be either. If you really think you are perfect, I'd suggest you seek help from a mental health professional. Having good self esteem is one thing, but being out of touch with reality and out of touch with what your strengths and weaknesses are is an entirely different matter.

Well done pixel and I couldn't agree more.

Perfect people and perfect matches are hard to find (although sadly, there seems to be no lack of people here seeking just that).

Btw pixel, did you ever get over to Shades or LeatherMasters here in town?

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 4/15/2007 12:41:18 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:39:21 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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LMAO, any more male "submissives" that want or need to tell Dominant women this again?
We did not get it the first time.
Tooooooooo funny.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:42:34 PM

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

LMAO, any more male "submissives" that want or need to tell Dominant women this again?
We did not get it the first time.
Tooooooooo funny.

Just for you sweety:

What I see more than anything, regardless of what people are looking for is a "shopping list" of qualities or characteristics they expect potential partners to have and no desire or ability to compromise when someone comes close to meeting their list. Its as if those who are looking forget that the others they are meeting are people too with their own unique talents. abilities and experiences they have to offer as an added bonus we don't always see. How rigid do we have to be on our lists of wants and desires? What's the cost to us in lost time and pleasure when we could be having fun with someone who we just might be very compatible with us?

Perfection is a myth. Unless you're truly perfect yourself, don't expect your ideal partner to be either. If you really think you are perfect, I'd suggest you seek help from a mental health professional. Having good self esteem is one thing, but being out of touch with reality and out of touch with what your strengths and weaknesses are is an entirely different matter.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 4/15/2007 12:53:52 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:47:05 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petitedomme21

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

When you elevate being a slave up and above being in a relationship with a guy, most will will balk. This does not surprise me in the least.

Sorry, you were referring to my comment?
If so, no, not at all. It's the other way round actually.

Since cloudboy did click on My response to make a reply, I am going to assume that he was, indeed, referring to Me. I am not surprised since cloudboy has always had a problem with My expectations and feels they are not reasonable. *Wink* And that is ok...I am well aware that he has reservations, for whatever reason, with My "consistency".
I think this entire discussion has pointed out similar concerns, over and over, in different ways. It is not 100% about the "do me" list. Those with the big, long ones wash out much faster because their focus doesn't even begin to approach the necessary core traits. It is about the attitude . It is about the demeanor. And it is paticularly disapponting when we have so many who beg for a Lady who will absolutely control them and their lives, yet as soon as we do, or begin to, they back off or find excuses to maintain autonomy in too many areas. And then it is a matter of the Lady being unreasonable. Not that the boy didn't think it through and now he is uncomfortable with what he signed on for.
I did not address pixelslave's response because I understand what he is trying to say. But I also feel it is a matter of the male point of view as opposed to the Female point of view. He thinks We seek perfection and that is not going to happen. I agree that perfection is not going to happen. I disagree that we are seeking it. We are seeking something that is outside of societal norms. And that makes it much harder to find. There are many who think they want this, but they really do not have the skills to make their normalcy the polar opposite of what they have been raised by family and society to understand is the male role and attitude. As long as they can put on the mantle of submission when it is convenient, they can usually pull it off for a while. But for many, the societal expectations are so ingrained, they do not even realize they are "balking". They think they are being reasonable.
I could also say that most males are very rigid and have unrealistic expectations of Dominas. I could state it as fact, if I go by the email that arrives in My mailbox. But I don't.
I can deal with most anything, even some temporary balking, as long as the sincere wish to please Me (not sexually) exists. I am more than willing to teach or "train", but the willingness to learn has to be there also. I find a big lack in that area. The boys are often willing to "learn" how to take the strap-on, but they "balk" at the simpler life lessons of being able to say "Yes, Ma'am" and be happy that they have this wonderful Lady who will steer their life with a natural emphasis on Her personal comfort and happiness. And I want the boy to be happy too. But I can't force him to be happy, if it is not in his nature or nurture to be fulfilled in this giving.
I do understand that things like this take time to build and that trust is an important element. Get to know the Lady and realize that she is not going to do anything to harm you. Don't dicate what you feel is acceptable. Or do dictate it, but then don't be surprised if you have a tough time connecting with the many "single" FemDoms who are also having a trying time finding the right "other half".
Since the Ladies have the privilege on Dominance in this scenario, it might behoove the boys to begin trying to learn to speak and undestand a little *Venution*.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/15/2007 12:48:20 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to petitedomme21)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:49:49 PM

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline

Women who don't find submissives seem to have the same reasons as men who don't find dominants.

The top reasons I get rejected are:
1. No picture
2. Height
3. Distance
4. Otherwise no attraction
5. When I say what I am looking for I am called a do-me.
6. My other family or work obligations are not acceptable to them

The top reasons I reject others:
1. Distance
2. Attraction (usually overweight)
3. They are involved with someone else (a common complaint from women about men)
4. They are not interested in a sexual relationship with a sub (see 3)
5..Kinks don't match ( I don't like heavy pain, they like/don't like activity ----)

Things that happen when I get a response
1. Never hear from them again (this is after they contact me and ask how to contact me)
2. Never want to talk or meet (no reason given)

Best/worst/typical reasons for rejection from women
1. Because you contacted me first (all time best)
2. Found someone else

Things I used to think were reasons for rejection
1. Looks (since most don't meet I don't think this applies anymore)
2. Income (hardly ever discussed)

Things I still think are reasons for rejection
1. Distance
2. Looks/attraction
3. Not that many dominant women (I do think there are plenty of submissive men to go around)

Just my anecdotal experiance over the years.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:53:15 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Bravo, I can never understand why a submissive would want to argue with
Dominant women under the Ask A Mistress section on here.
I read the Ask A Master section all the time, but I have enough sense not to stir the
pot over there if I do not agree.
**I am going to ignore posts or posters that want to engage in arguing and take the
high road now**

Wonderful post Dusty!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/15/2007 1:00:45 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 12:59:08 PM

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Bravo, I can never understand why a submissive would want to argue with
Dominant women under the Ask A Mistress section on here.
I read the Ask A Master section all the time, but I have enough sense not to stir the
pot over there if I do not agree.

Wonderful post Dusty!

I think you're the one stirring the pot dear. Besides, I'm a "submissive", remember?

Maybe you don't get it (actually you don't) but I'm not submissive to you. I don't subscribe to your point of view but I'll be respectful to anyone until they give me a reason not to be.

Here's a suggestion for you too - change your sig line. It should say something about you and/or what you believe.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 4/15/2007 1:05:55 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 1:18:44 PM

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

Height issues, age issues and being solely focussed on sexual domination !!

(in reply to PsyVamp)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 1:29:36 PM

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Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline

MzMia wrote:

quote:

Bravo, I can never understand why a submissive would want to argue with
Dominant women under the Ask A Mistress section on here.
I read the Ask A Master section all the time, but I have enough sense not to stir the
pot over there if I do not agree.
**I am going to ignore posts or posters that want to engage in arguing and take the
high road now**

Wonderful post Dusty!

This is a message board and a forum for discussion. This is not a scene. It is a place to exchange information and opinions. A certain amount of polite argument is a part of that. You can certainly ignore any posts that you like but I think you are wrong in suggesting that polite argument should not be part of this message board or even this section of the message board.

I have to agree with joyinslavery on this one.

(in reply to MzMia)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 1:51:48 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressFL

If anyone got the impression that I was pissed at or somehow flaming pixelslave, I assure I was not. I simply did not agree with everything he said and stated my thoughts, nothing more, nothing less. Disagreeing with someone certainly does not equal being pissed or flaming in my mind at least.

Tigress~FL

No, it was pointed at me that I was somehow getting my ire up. Clearly, if that were the case, everyone would know. There'd be no speculation LOL

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to TigressFL)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 1:57:38 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Bravo, I can never understand why a submissive would want to argue with
Dominant women under the Ask A Mistress section on here.
I read the Ask A Master section all the time, but I have enough sense not to stir the
pot over there if I do not agree.

Wonderful post Dusty!

I think you're the one stirring the pot dear. Besides, I'm a "submissive", remember?

Maybe you don't get it (actually you don't) but I'm not submissive to you. I don't subscribe to your point of view but I'll be respectful to anyone until they give me a reason not to be.

Here's a suggestion for you too - change your sig line. It should say something about you and/or what you believe.

Arguing and inteligent debate are good, but deliberately being smarmy and disrespectful is uncalled for.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 2:01:44 PM

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Bravo, I can never understand why a submissive would want to argue with
Dominant women under the Ask A Mistress section on here.
I read the Ask A Master section all the time, but I have enough sense not to stir the
pot over there if I do not agree.

Wonderful post Dusty!

I think you're the one stirring the pot dear. Besides, I'm a "submissive", remember?

Maybe you don't get it (actually you don't) but I'm not submissive to you. I don't subscribe to your point of view but I'll be respectful to anyone until they give me a reason not to be.

Here's a suggestion for you too - change your sig line. It should say something about you and/or what you believe.

Arguing and inteligent debate are good, but deliberately being smarmy and disrespectful is uncalled for.

Double-standard?

I think so.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 2:18:38 PM

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

Wow, how timely this post was.

I call it "adventures in the wild".

I'm single and have been for close to 2 years now. Yes, I have met submissives (said with a grain of salt).

Here's what I have encountered:

I'm too old. Ok, at 49, that's not going to change. I think I look younger but what does that matter LOL.

I live with 2 teens. Ok, that's not everyones cup of tea and I'm the first to understand I cannot offer 24/7 or anything close to it.

I'm not sexually attractive. Whoa.. allrighty. Understood. I'm not sexually attracted to everyone either although I'll be damned if I ever said that to someone.

I'm too short. Laughing.. Okkkayyy. I'm not the Lady Heather type and at 4ft 10 the only way my legs are ever going to be that long is stilts!

I've been stood up at a meeting where I was pretty sure the ball-less sub was there and changed his mind without even speaking to me.

Throughout all of this, my Dominant skill set was never a factor.

In the end, I've met some where there just wasn't a click.

I do keep my sense of humour though. You have to. I also have a healthy self esteem thankfully.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs and right now, I'm just kind of mired in the pond.

Regards,
MC

Ya know...this post was fairly kind to sub men...and I have to say, having spoken to 1 or 2 Domme women (or more)....they have to deal with a slurry of bullshit...a bunch of horsehsit that only women have to deal with (guys that are married...but forgot to tell all participants....guys that are 473 lbs....but have avatars that indicate 185 and buff...and easily as easy on the eyes as Robert Redford in his early days....)...but seriously....

Do you women have to paint every (male) sub with a broad brush that assumes he's going to be a slacker...a slimeball?

Not all subs are like this...(probably most are....I don't sit on the IM side of women who deal with this shit).

Some subs are great guys....you (Dommes) outnumber us 3 kabillion to one....it's not fair of me to ask you to give us a break...from what I hear....we're assholes, lying sacks of shit....and escaping our own little life....asking you to participate in our kinks....

But you know what?

Some of us are good guys...looking for the same thing you are.

Work a little harder....delve a little deeper.

Some of us really are good people.

< Message edited by Griswold -- 4/15/2007 2:27:21 PM >

(in reply to MsCameron)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/15/2007 2:30:04 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold
Some of us are good guys...looking for the same thing you are.

Work a little harder....delve a little deeper.

Some of us really are good people.

Some of you guys are alright, and that's why we keep plugging on, praying that eventually, someone will have a puzzle piece that matches. If we didn't believe this to be the case, we'd have taken off long ago and surely wouldn't endure the onslaught of "other fellows" who barrage us with their BS.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Griswold)

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