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Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 1:35:41 PM

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It seems like there are plenty of femdoms posting here that are single, looking and sometimes frustrated. Yet, there are tons of regular posters who are submissive and haven't had any luck either.

My question for the femdoms is this. Assuming you probably have met, emailed, telephoned with many male sub suitors, what have been the "near misses"? What has been the reason for a "close - but not quite what I need/want"? Is there a consistent thing missing?

Akasha

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RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 2:10:58 PM

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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Wow, how timely this post was.

I call it "adventures in the wild".

I'm single and have been for close to 2 years now. Yes, I have met submissives (said with a grain of salt).

Here's what I have encountered:

I'm too old. Ok, at 49, that's not going to change. I think I look younger but what does that matter LOL.

I live with 2 teens. Ok, that's not everyones cup of tea and I'm the first to understand I cannot offer 24/7 or anything close to it.

I'm not sexually attractive. Whoa.. allrighty. Understood. I'm not sexually attracted to everyone either although I'll be damned if I ever said that to someone.

I'm too short. Laughing.. Okkkayyy. I'm not the Lady Heather type and at 4ft 10 the only way my legs are ever going to be that long is stilts!

I've been stood up at a meeting where I was pretty sure the ball-less sub was there and changed his mind without even speaking to me.

Throughout all of this, my Dominant skill set was never a factor.

In the end, I've met some where there just wasn't a click.

I do keep my sense of humour though. You have to. I also have a healthy self esteem thankfully.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs and right now, I'm just kind of mired in the pond.

Regards,
MC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 2:12:48 PM

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Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
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If I may...

FemDoms are from Elise Sutton, malesubs are from Men In Pain.

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 2:16:04 PM

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Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
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Most of the time it doesn't even come close.
The times that I've met people and it didn't work out, the subs didn't know how to communicate directly.
I met some really sexy subs online and e-mailed and chatted on messenger with them, and all they were interested in was sexy chat, not some kind of follow through.

I think the biggest thing that leads to me being single is that I'm a switch, I won't let male subs fuck me, and I'm looking for more than just beating someone's ass.

~E

(in reply to TheHeretic)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 2:26:07 PM

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Joined: 12/18/2004
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In most cases the subs who contact me have been much too young (20's to early 30's) and I prefer someone closer to my age of 54. Like Elorin, I've run across quite a few boys who are into sexy chat online and have no intention of following through, these are given a quick heave-ho. Then there are ones where there hasn't been any chemistry/click upon meeting in person. So, on goes the search.

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RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 2:26:39 PM

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From: Stourport-England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

Most of the time it doesn't even come close.
The times that I've met people and it didn't work out, the subs didn't know how to communicate directly.
I met some really sexy subs online and e-mailed and chatted on messenger with them, and all they were interested in was sexy chat, not some kind of follow through.

I think the biggest thing that leads to me being single is that I'm a switch, I won't let male subs fuck me, and I'm looking for more than just beating someone's ass.

~E

I could have written all of that, and I sign E too LOL!

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Elorin)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 2:33:31 PM

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All of the above. Then there are the ones that pretend to be submissive but secretly only want to be vanilla boyfriends...the ones that pretend they are what you want/need/desire only to figure out at the last minute that they are only sex subs and they know you want more....those that do come to the meetings to size you up to see if you are good looking enough to them or to see if your sex appeal is what they are looking for......those that stand outside the establishment looking around like lost puppies when you explicitely told them what you would be wearing and they should come to the table you are sitting at to introduce themselves...the list goes on....

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RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 4:15:58 PM

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Well I am another one that is searching.

Here is my current Top 11 List!

1. They talk all the right talk and then literally disappear once they realize that I am serious! They do not even say goodbye lol

2. Distance is an issue because it is much harder to really get to know someone without being face to face with them to me. I am not interested in spending 6 months chatting online and via phone with someone before I even meet them. Granted a little time is great but months and months is just not for me.

3. When the age difference is too great it is an issue for me. I am 35 (almost 36) and I prefer men or women "around" my age. There is leway but the gate is not wide open.

4. I am not looking for a male that wants to be sexual with other men or sissy boys .

5. I have ZERO interest in being a Service Top for anyone and many come to me obviously wanting that.

6. I have ZERO interest in switching.

7. I attend public BDSM events and groups which many are too "discreet" for.

8. I have no interest in being the dominant behind close doors only.

9. I have no interested in being "the other woman".

10. I have ZERO interest in taking on another dominant

11. I have ZERO interest in having an "online" anything.

Ok those are my top 11! lolol

It is a tiny pool that I am fishing in but I have faith that I will find the right person one day :)

Tigress~FL

edited to add the 11!

< Message edited by TigressFL -- 4/14/2007 4:29:50 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 4:43:41 PM

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I have a full time relationship but am on the look out for a sub. I tend to find females are more genuine in what they are looking for but like Tigress said, plenty talk the talk but wont walk the walk, especially men!

They want to know in great detail about what I am going to do to them. I reveal little and refuse to be used as wank fodder.
They want a relationship, I don’t.
They live in another county and I need someone closer to home.
They tell me they have experience when clearly they have none. Not that a newbie would put me off but the lies certainly do.
They want sex, I don’t do sex with male subs.

Im fussy but then Im lucky enough to be able to afford to be. When Im in the clubs I hate to see a slut sub that goes from Mistress to Mistress in the ever hope of finding one. The same goes for in here. A sub that sends an email that has obviously been copied and pasted to every Mistress on this site is not going to get a reply. I much prefer a sub that is more fussy. Quietly follow me round and stay in my shadow and I am much more likely to pick up the vibe and notice you.

(in reply to TigressFL)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 5:03:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

They want sex, I don’t do sex with male subs.

Puzzle solved

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 5:07:13 PM

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Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
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quote:

Well I am another one that is searching.

Here is my current Top 11 List!

1. They talk all the right talk and then literally disappear once they realize that I am serious! They do not even say goodbye lol

2. Distance is an issue because it is much harder to really get to know someone without being face to face with them to me. I am not interested in spending 6 months chatting online and via phone with someone before I even meet them. Granted a little time is great but months and months is just not for me.

3. When the age difference is too great it is an issue for me. I am 35 (almost 36) and I prefer men or women "around" my age. There is leway but the gate is not wide open.

4. I am not looking for a male that wants to be sexual with other men or sissy boys .

5. I have ZERO interest in being a Service Top for anyone and many come to me obviously wanting that.

6. I have ZERO interest in switching.

7. I attend public BDSM events and groups which many are too "discreet" for.

8. I have no interest in being the dominant behind close doors only.

9. I have no interested in being "the other woman".

10. I have ZERO interest in taking on another dominant

11. I have ZERO interest in having an "online" anything.

I pretty much could have written this save for #7 since I'm not all that involved in my community. Add in that I'm going to school and working and my time restraints pretty much mean anyone that isn't local is out of the question. While it may seem like I spend alot of time on the boards, it's up in the background while I'm writing a paper or taking care of other things.

About the only thing I have to add is that probably the closest I've come lately simply expected me to compromise far too much of what I want. I'm not going to compromise anything. I want what I want...either the right one will come along that understands that or he won't. Either way, I won't have settled for less only to be unhappy in doing so.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to TigressFL)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 5:19:48 PM

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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

If I may...

FemDoms are from Elise Sutton, malesubs are from Men In Pain.

Well that is until they encounter a sadist & then realize that pain actually hurts.... wusses

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MstrssPassion

(in reply to TheHeretic)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 5:46:54 PM

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Dear AAkasha, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Having several successful Master/slave relationships in many years past, I see in my mind's eyes that the 'courting' rules have changed so much--as well as the individuals involved 'intent' wise.

As times have changed and community has been more enlarged due to the Internet and so many communications inventions--so has the attitude of individuals which in turn influences behavior.

In my experience, I have not been any less selective in my personal tastes and I find that my 'mileage' in the lifestyle has given me some sense of peace in being a single female Dominant.
I also have had years in a relationship to which required work and rose colored glasses were off totally. In being single, I am 'FREE.' Freedom from responsiblity and accountability can be tempting to keep after being held in a role of leadership as well as Owner/Master/Mistress. But, my intent then as now, remains to form a long term relationship with my slave/slaves. These slaves are not arm charms, an easy sex toy/slut nor will I tolerate it from a slave's 'spirit of intent.' I know that relationships are not about sex or sexual conquests. I think in majority of approaches for consideration--sex is the driving force and not a long term partnership. In my mind's eyes it goes hand in glove with impatience exhibited by those who seek--regardless if male, female, slave/submissive and or Dominant.

Being single is not a sign of low standards or high standards but, the time in being single should not be negative or complaining about one's plight or current situation. The time is ripe during these days for discovering one's self. In seeking, often what needs to be sought is inside of us. Putting self in focus and reflection, expanding the lifestyle experience without being hindered into a M/s, D/s and or T/b relationship. Mastering one's self proffers dividends when you do find potential matches, it permits compromises, hard limits and or deal breakers and the winning qualities of those who court.

What is lacking are those who court and or approach, the realization that there will be more rejections then accepting placements. Even accepted, it does not mean the relationship is forever. Handling rejection with grace or class speaks volumes of the inner strength or mastery of self, to which permits a more profound 'submission' and 'surrender.' Unfortunately, too many individuals be it Switch/Dominant and or submissive take rejection badly and have a juvenile tirade. It use to be behavior and attitude that would not be tolerate. The same with abuse and so many negative things that intermingle with the community currently. Having such individuals as a majority will cause me to remain single--as I rather be alone and not be saddled with a jerk in my personal space and or circle.

Just some thoughts,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 7:06:01 PM

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**fast reply**

1. I don't wish to be #2 or #3 in line behind wife or girlfriend.
2. I intimidate men who aren't serious submissives. If you just want to be a slut for an afternoon you're not for Me.
3. I will not participate in [insert particular fetish here] and it is his reason for living.
4. I'm interested in something long-term and real time. Online won't cut it for Me.
5. The man was impolite, rude, inconsistent, inconsiderate and just plain disrespectful.

With kind regard,
~Kara

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"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 7:39:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

If I may...

FemDoms are from Elise Sutton, malesubs are from Men In Pain.

No, not really. FemDom's and their ideals are vastly different as far as what
each woman seeks as far as what works for her in a relationship.

Including as you, yourself mentioned "sex" with a sub. Some do indeed
desire it. A lot depends on the definition of "single" and "long term relationship".

It seems that a lot of men who are truly drawn to the overall premise of FemDem
that I have encountered, who profess to want to engage in this lifestyle, in the
end cannot truly submit. They themselves are dominant, strong willed, and just
cannot give over the control they have bared their souls to tell you they *must*
to be truly satisfied and happy.

Its truly a puzzling issue to me. Could it simply be that FemDom in general
has taken on so many hard line connotations?

_____________________________

Basque48

(in reply to TheHeretic)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 7:55:25 PM

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Joined: 10/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin
I met some really sexy subs online and e-mailed and chatted on messenger with them, and all they were interested in was sexy chat, not some kind of follow through.

I won't let male subs fuck me, and I'm looking for more than just beating someone's ass.

~E

Oh well, guess I'm going to have a rough time of it as well...

Psy

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Elorin)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 8:13:38 PM

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Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Having had many near misses before Angel, my main issue was that I needed someone who had enough backbone to carry on an opinionated conversation with me but who didnt forget his place if he didso. I have no interest in beating a boy or girl into submission, and I will not cross my personal comfort zones to verify myself to submissives. Many times, I met subs who either wanted to play right away or who thought that if there was no definate promise of sex there could be no submission. I am picky. I need my boy or girl to be physically attractive to me, to be mentaly attractive to me and to be emotionally attachable to me. I dont want a bottom, I want a submissive or a slave. I dont care about the sex, I want the service, I can get sex whenever I want it.
Personally, and I am sure there are others that feel the same way... I'd rather be single and frusterated than paired up and settling. It took me a long time to find Angel. It might take me even longer to find him a sister. However, I wont compromise what I want with her any more than I would with him.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to PsyVamp)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 8:24:09 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressFL

Well I am another one that is searching.

Here is my current Top 11 List!

1. They talk all the right talk and then literally disappear once they realize that I am serious! They do not even say goodbye lol

2. Distance is an issue because it is much harder to really get to know someone without being face to face with them to me. I am not interested in spending 6 months chatting online and via phone with someone before I even meet them. Granted a little time is great but months and months is just not for me.

3. When the age difference is too great it is an issue for me. I am 35 (almost 36) and I prefer men or women "around" my age. There is leway but the gate is not wide open.

4. I am not looking for a male that wants to be sexual with other men or sissy boys .

5. I have ZERO interest in being a Service Top for anyone and many come to me obviously wanting that.

6. I have ZERO interest in switching.

7. I attend public BDSM events and groups which many are too "discreet" for.

8. I have no interest in being the dominant behind close doors only.

9. I have no interested in being "the other woman".

10. I have ZERO interest in taking on another dominant

11. I have ZERO interest in having an "online" anything.

Ok those are my top 11! lolol

It is a tiny pool that I am fishing in but I have faith that I will find the right person one day :)

Tigress~FL

edited to add the 11!

Everything but # 7, not an issue for me usually.
Also a lot of # 4, I won't dwell on it, but a lot of # 4 types seem to approach me.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TigressFL)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 9:23:18 PM

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Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

DV,
Very well put. I agree completely, sex is easy to find, but a service slave that has a spine is a treasure. I thought I was the only one who had no interest in beating people into submission, now I don't feel so alone.

Psy

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: Single Femdoms - what was lacking? - 4/14/2007 9:28:42 PM

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressFL

Well I am another one that is searching.

Here is my current Top 11 List!

1. They talk all the right talk and then literally disappear once they realize that I am serious! They do not even say goodbye lol

2. Distance is an issue because it is much harder to really get to know someone without being face to face with them to me. I am not interested in spending 6 months chatting online and via phone with someone before I even meet them. Granted a little time is great but months and months is just not for me.

3. When the age difference is too great it is an issue for me. I am 35 (almost 36) and I prefer men or women "around" my age. There is leway but the gate is not wide open.

4. I am not looking for a male that wants to be sexual with other men or sissy boys .

5. I have ZERO interest in being a Service Top for anyone and many come to me obviously wanting that.

6. I have ZERO interest in switching.

7. I attend public BDSM events and groups which many are too "discreet" for.

8. I have no interest in being the dominant behind close doors only.

9. I have no interested in being "the other woman".

10. I have ZERO interest in taking on another dominant

11. I have ZERO interest in having an "online" anything.

Ok those are my top 11! lolol

It is a tiny pool that I am fishing in but I have faith that I will find the right person one day :)

Tigress~FL

edited to add the 11!

Everything but # 7, not an issue for me usually.
Also a lot of # 4, I won't dwell on it, but a lot of # 4 types seem to approach me.

I have a bit more window age wise, depending on the maturity level
#4, I'm not interested in sissys but bi's don't bother me
#10, hmmmm, I like to take on a Dom here or there when I'm feeling like going toe to toe in a fight for dominance (I've made a good friend or two that way)

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to MzMia)

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