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RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/19/2007 12:47:53 PM

Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline

You guys really aren't all that rare. I know TONS of switches.
And really, decent male Doms are WAAY rarer than switches

_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

http://www.cafepress.com/scenedayware
--Discreet BDSM day clothes--

(in reply to Gauer666)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/19/2007 1:11:06 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyDee

You keep saying we're all so miserable....I'm not miserable....I haven't met any switches who are miserable, and I haven't read the entire ask a switch board or the entire archive of CM. I have yet to see any misery in any of the posting in this thread.
You're entitled to your opinion, I can respect that much.
PeggyDee~GW

Just type in " partners at the bottom search here and you'll find them

Here are just two I found, You can feel the angst:

Misery One: http://www.collarchat.com/m_21760/mpage_1/key_partners/tm.htm

Misery Two: http://www.collarchat.com/m_46750/mpage_1/key_partners/tm.htm

Ok..maybe we can come up with a resolution.

Everyone in a "box" MUST play with a switch no less than one time weekly.
All stables must include one male and one female switch"
The 3rd Tuesday of every month is "Take a Switch to Lunch" day
A Christian Switches Adoption Network will be put into place for 3rd world Switches

The following activities MUST be engaged in at least twice for fair evaluation:

Scat: giving/receiving
GS: giving/receiving
Adult baby play
Pony, puppy play
Toe Jam
Slamming one's dick in the car door
Poking yourself or having your partner poke you in the eye with a sharp sick.

If ANYONE does not participate in and Like the above activities.. well, then they are just close minded, judgmental, prejudiced "little box people" and should be shunned.

Don't take yourself so seriously- no one else does. (general comment to all of us here)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 4/19/2007 2:09:57 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to PeggyDee)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/19/2007 3:02:50 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

speaking only for myself of course, I am rare simply because of who I am... not what I am! For me, to deny either side would be shorting myself as a whole. Two halves make a whole and one without the other is not me. Also, being a switch allows me to understand the entire circle of D/s not just one side... "Do what I say!" or "Thank You Sir, may i have another?"

(in reply to biru)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/19/2007 3:17:30 PM

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauer666

I never realize up until recently that being a switch is such a rare breed. It seems a daunting and impossible taste task to find fellow switch partners. Is it more desireable to have a fixed preference? Perhaps I would be better off changing perferences and being in denial of my less dominate side.

Humans have an intrinsic need to name things to understand them. I was a sub. Now I am a slave. I had a Dom. Now I have a Master. Saying you are a switch is like saying "What are you? Well fuck I don't know what I am. What are you?" It lacks definity. It is too changable. And humans hate change.

Actually, I have no clue ... but that sure sounded good. ~smiling~

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Gauer666)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/19/2007 5:53:20 PM

Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

Okay, let me make something clear here,

I'm not trying to argue this point, I know precisely who I am, what I'm about etc, just as every other switch does. But you say things such as:

"My typewriter does not have the capability to "type between the lines". So please stop saying things I have never said!" When you've said precisely what I quoted you as stating. In fact, it reads precisely as I took it. Ask anyone reading it.

And then you state things such as:

"I keep my posts brief and to the point." When in reality, you keep your posts curt, and sarcastically repugnant, and quite a bit reflective of "racist" though I would think it might well be something along the lines of "orientationist"... Prejudiced against those that have a capacity to slip in one direction or the other according to the currents in the stream.

So, say what you mean. Because if what you've stated and what I've read is not what you meant, then there is something seriously in error here somewhere.

What I responded to is precisely what was written. And I wrote precisely what I meant.

And you're not using a typewriter... You're using a computer keyboard. Quite a bit of a difference there... Doncha' think? Okay, perhaps that was me sarcastically picking at something with little importance... But here's a perception of yours that is false also that IS more important to me...

"We have so many of the posts here about switches and why they are unpopular.."

Ha!! You really do crack me up, you know that??

*slaps his thigh and shakes his head as he laughs and laughs...*

So unpopular? Lady, I've got so many friends at the moment I literally have to tell people I'm not looking for more.. The ones that I like and align with are all that I need... I am not miserable...

In fact, most people in the actual community have a tendency to agree (4 out of 5 Tops agree) that a switch is fun to play with... LMAO!

Okay, I don't know if that's the ratio... My point is that, no regardless of your perception or experiences, it doesn't make us unpopular. People are seeming to be confused with the label.

Just cause I'm a switch, does not mean I'm not a person, a whole person like everyone else... Being a switch wouldn't make me unpopular... Handling my situations badly, being a liar, a thief, a cheat, etc.

These things would make me unpopular... Not my lifestyle identity. Which, incidentally is quite a bit more Top than bottom, but I'm able to slide into that mental space of a bottom on occasion... In fact, I do it on the fly, to understand the reality of my slave sometimes...

The meaning of a look, the stance of her body, etc... This isn't to say I "switch" with my slave. This is to say that I allow my mentality to shift into bottom mode when I'm thinking of somethng I need to understand about my girl...

On the internet, someone can only be so short and to the point, btw, and still get the RIGHT point they wish to get across, across to someone. Something about tonal differences, the way we speak naturally being disturbed by plain text.

"the constant lament of why they can't find a partner.." This is everywhere, by the way. This is with Tops, bottoms, S/switches, slaves, submissives, Dominants, Masters and Mistresses...

Some people will not be good at hunting, or even capturing and keeping that which travels within their nets, for very long. It has nothing to do with them being switches.

However, I will say that there are some ignoramii amongst us that seem to think that we're "wishy-washy" or "indecisive" or "choosey" or whatever other word they use as a descriptive which is inaccurate...

No.. We're not. We're capable. Plain and simple. And probably more so than those moron's that make statements like that. And no, not a direct swipe at you LotusSong, I haven't heard that precisely out of you...

Just a general statement towards those that are still not knowing. I aint miserable at all... IN fact, when it comes to opportunities, I find myself with more as a result of my switchiness...

"If you guys don't want a discussion from DIFFERENT view points.. then don't ask the question."

Then by all means, stick to the question, and don't digress into "switch bashing" as what you'll end up with is getting burned by some switches...

And yes, switch bashing is directly what you degenerated into... Try stepping into someones shoes who is a switch and look at your posts and tell me otherwise...

We have stuck to the question, why can't you? The question was "Why are we so rare?"... NOT "Why can't I get a date as a switch?"

Note the difference? I sure hope so, it's pretty obvious to me...

"Otherwise, I'll leave you all to huddle and point fingers as you commiserate." Please, I don't want to hear your plans for the day, any more than you want to hear mine... This much is obvious.

"If it's so fulfilling.. then why are all so miserable?" This is obviously where you don't get it... We are not ALL so miserable. Perhaps some are. But I wager those are yet to find comfort in their own skin and I doubt they even realize what they are doing, let alone know they're a switch. But that's just me, guessing here. I don't have hard data and facts and figures to back that up, and neither do you to oppose it.

I'm not miserable... I can only speak for myself... But as a switch, I'm nowhere near miserable. Please don't make blanket statements that, again, PIGEONHOLE us into a state of being... Miserable, Role Players, Wanna Be, Dateless, Nothing Going Right, etc. etc.

Please... Get real.

We're switches. We're flexible and capable. But unless something specific happens, rarely are we miserable.

As for taking this personally... No... Taking it as a slander to an entire group, that could damage the credibility of any one person that identifies with it, just like prejudice wants to do?

Absolutely... This sort of ignorance is what brings out my claws... So if we're going to agree to disagree, I think, LotusSong, you know what your best course of action is.

Peace.

Tora

_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/19/2007 6:10:59 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

You are just too funny for words.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to TigerNINTails)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/21/2007 12:00:06 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/25/2004
Status: offline

I think part of the perceived rarity of us is that in a lot of circles, switch is a dirty word. Because of that, some people are afraid if they label their profile as such, then it is the kiss of death response-wise. There are lots of people who would enjoy switching but don't admit it.

Actually, every one switches at some point during the course of the day. Even if you're in a dominant role at work, for instance, a manager, you still have someone you have to take orders from.

The same thing happens in relationships.

Example: A Dom comes home from a really hard day at work. His submissive partner notices, and she says something along the lines of "c'mere and let me give you a hug." He does, and she hugs and kisses him. Well, he did what she said, so that is a form of switching.

I guess any form of thought encompassing things from both sides is perceived as weak or wishy-washy. Witness all of the political talk shows where people who are liberal on some issues and conservative on others are labeled as fence sitters.

_____________________________

"Boy, if nature ever goofed off, the world would sure be in a mess, wouldn't it?"

Beaver Cleaver

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/21/2007 7:50:06 PM

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauer666

I never realize up until recently that being a switch is such a rare breed. It seems a daunting and impossible taste task to find fellow switch partners. Is it more desireable to have a fixed preference? Perhaps I would be better off changing perferences and being in denial of my less dominate side. Just a thought.

Gauer666

We're not that rare. Rarer? Yes. Everyone has tendencies both ways. It just depends on what doses they come in and what they choose to do with it.

In my opinion, repression is never a good idea unless it's a very bad tendency. This isn't one of them.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Gauer666)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/23/2007 5:15:24 PM

Posts: 33
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline

I dont have a need to switch positions in a relationship. i can be pure Dom or pure sub depending on who i am with and what they want. that i can switch doesnt mean i have to or even want to! but people seem to have this opinion that if you call your self a switch thats what you want to do in a relationship.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/23/2007 7:01:22 PM

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Rare? Damn dude you need to get over to London. Turn over any rock and half a dozen switches scurry out. They seem to be in larger numbers out on the London scene than those of us that DON'T switch

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Gauer666)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/24/2007 11:55:55 AM

Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline

Ronin,

That was much my point and many others I'm gathering. For example, I don't switch with my slaves. But there are Top females I know that I switch mid-scene with sometimes. But that's also because of the energy I'm reading at the time.

I'm really dominant with some people, and some people I look to for guidance. But I don't get the assumption that because you're a switch, you're going to just be out for yourself, or screw up the relationship by subbing to a submissive.

Poppycock I say.. POPPYCOCK!! lol.

Peace.

Tora

_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/28/2007 12:59:41 AM

Posts: 1
Status: offline

quote:

if one has the need/desire to dominate sometimes, and submit at other times, that to me is pretty much the definition of "vanilla" as most people are that way.

Even if it was true that "vanilla" people are usually egalitarian in their relationships, there are kinks that aren't about power dynamics. You could be kinked to New Brunswick and still not play a particular role all the time.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/29/2007 7:04:08 AM

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We're really not that rare, which is why it's amusing when so many think we are.

I think you are correct about how many switches there are out there. But I also think that there is a stigma attached to switching, and perhaps more would come to the fore if this were not true. Especially for those who are primarily seen as Dominant.

And yes, it's very amusing that so many think the numbers are few. I attribute that to the need for affiliation and worrying what other's think they are, rather than being comfortable in accepting oneself for who they really are.

LBO

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/30/2007 5:37:15 PM

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/29/2007
From: Clearwater Fl
Status: offline

Alright, I have to add my two scenst here

I am Bisexual Male Switch, you want to talk RARE!! In the ten yeras that I have bee a part of the scene I have met mabye five or six male and female bi switches. However I have met several either gay or straight male and female switches. Now just so you know a little background on me.

I started as a sub then a slave I was like that for quite a few years, then at a party (Not really a S&M or BDSM but most of the people I knew were a part of the sceane) a person was asking about Doming they were curious on how to whip and flog, a friend of mine a Master asked me to show them on his slave. (He had broken his arm in a wreck and could no use his other hand as well) Taking the whip I showed them, he was impressed. and told me I had a natural hand at flogging. I tild him I really enjoyed it, He was the first person to say the word switch to me and we made a deal, until his amr was heal I would be his ams. He in turned taught me how to be a Dom and a Master. his slave was my first. To this day I call myself a switch, now about switching itself

I have found that like me most switches tend to Top one sex and bottom for the other, I myself can either Dom or Master or sub or slave to females but I normally Dom or Master men, to date I have yet to sub or been a slave to another man

now back to the real question
No we are not as rare as you think but I also think that is can change with your location, in New Orleans it was switch mecca out here in FL I haven't seen half as many, in San Francisco it changed from day to day

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 4/30/2007 6:23:32 PM

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauer666

I never realize up until recently that being a switch is such a rare breed. It seems a daunting and impossible taste task to find fellow switch partners. Is it more desireable to have a fixed preference? Perhaps I would be better off changing perferences and being in denial of my less dominate side. Just a thought.

Gauer666

i don't know where you've been looking, but three quarters of the people i meet online and in real life are switches; you're not a rare breed.

(in reply to Gauer666)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 5/9/2007 10:29:46 PM

Posts: 64
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

I dont believe that we are rare. Fact is that we are all just a bunch of kinky-sex nuts, and thats ok! It brings us to places where people have picked sides and wejust want the opportunity to taste both sides! I am have a strong personality, but by nature i an a sub.. mostly because i enjoy someone ALSO strong willed enough to argue with. There are times that i am pushed hard enough, and suddenly im Toppoing, and the sparks fly. Its GREAT!

We are not rare.
We are not disliked!
We are simply the MOST open minded of the open minded kinksters

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 5/10/2007 2:45:14 PM

Posts: 98
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorddarkfall

I am Bisexual Male Switch, you want to talk RARE!! In the ten yeras that I have bee a part of the scene I have met mabye five or six male and female bi switches.

Make that six or seven.

I thought we were rare and discriminated against. It is nice to find out I was wrong.

_____________________________

This space was not taken hostage by iranians.

Het-flexible

(in reply to Lorddarkfall)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 5/10/2007 10:05:45 PM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

I wouldn't go so far as to say we're the most open-minded of open-minded kinksters, because I know an awful lot of closed-minded kinksters, including switches! However, we're certainly not a rare breed. Some of us are just less vocal than others.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to MasterMischief)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 5/12/2007 6:48:08 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/18/2007
Status: offline

I personally feel that being a switch is perfectly aligned with my multi-faceted personality. And as such, it only seems natural to me.
??? Does anyone else feel this way?
~naivetee

_____________________________

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Anais Nin

(in reply to Gauer666)

RE: Why are we so rare? - 5/26/2007 3:14:11 PM

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

i have had people tell me before they look at switch's as people who cant make up their mind. to me being swtich is just like being bisexual...you enjoy the best of both worlds. and..i think it helps you to understand the opposing role better. if you have never had a plug in your ass and crushing clamps on...you just dont fully appreciate what that person is enduring for you

(in reply to Gauer666)

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