quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

My partner definitely doesn't seem to consider me unselfish and uncaring.  But we both "get" humiliation and objectification and using someone without regard to their feelings...at least on occasion.

quote:


we are all sexual beings...its a big part of what makes us human, for a persons partner to not care about their "sexual response" is disreguarding a big part of them as a person and that is very selfish and uncaring. 

quote:

i faked probably hundreds of orgasms just to spare the ego of guys who seemed incapable of enjoying the sexual experience without some sort of validation that they were a stud who could get a woman off.

quote:

i am glad i have not met  the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:


we are all sexual beings...its a big part of what makes us human, for a persons partner to not care about their "sexual response" is disreguarding a big part of them as a person and that is very selfish and uncaring. 

We may indeed all be sexual beings, but we do not all need the same sort of attention paid to that sexuality.

Who are you to suggest another person SHOULD pay X amount/type of attention to someone in order for them to be happy and healthy? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
i'm not sure i understand your response. i said what i meant...i didn;t "TELL" anyone to do anything. i simply said i felt a person that doesn't care about their partners sexual response is selfish and uncaring.  if you feel differently thats great....and your right

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
i'm not sure i understand your response. i said what i meant...i didn;t "TELL" anyone to do anything. i simply said i felt a person that doesn't care about their partners sexual response is selfish and uncaring.  if you feel differently thats great....and your right

Then you are essentially calling myself, and my ex master, and more than handful of people on this site that they are selfish and uncaring.

Is that how you want to describe me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
you can corner me if you want....thats fine...i wasnt trying to insult anyone...i am merely stating how i feel...and that is ........in my opinion .......if my partner was not caring about my sexual response i would consider him selfish and uncaring and would look for a different partner...if that makes me bad or wrong then i guess i am....

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

I think you are equating orgasms with fullfillment, contentment and having your sexual needs met - some of us do not.  Some of us get our needs met through our servitude or our partners pleasure/orgasms.

quote:

i am glad i have not met  the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

i am glad i have not met  the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person.

I am going to ask the same that everyone asked

why do you equate such behavior in a dominant with being selfish and uncaring?

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia

quote:

i faked probably hundreds of orgasms just to spare the ego of guys who seemed incapable of enjoying the sexual experience without some sort of validation that they were a stud who could get a woman off.

Thankfully, my Dominant doesn't make my orgasms a priority.   Occasionally I do have them - but the majority of the time they are incidental to his pleasure which is the way I prefer it.   It's my opinion, and I'm sure many disagree - that only the most confident men can make it all about them.
 
I think dominant men like this are an exception.  Even in my limited experience in 'playing' with others - often times I find myself reassuring them that although our time together didn't end in multiple orgasms for myself - I still enjoyed the experience.  Although rarely, sometimes I resent the fact that I'm made to feel almost 'defective' or 'broken' because I didn't drown in a puddle of orgasmic bliss.
 
I'll add that sometimes it's like comparing apples and oranges - comparing dominants, that is.  It really depends on how you view D/s or M/s - and on the rules of your particular game.   My Master and I don't 'scene' and that may be what makes it different - I'm not sure.


I'd like to add - the deliciously flawed man I serve is a kind hearted,  caring man, he is generous with his time, his guidance, his money....
(The fact that my orgasms aren't his priority does not make him uncaring and selfish.)
 
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia
I think you are equating orgasms with fullfillment, contentment and having your sexual needs met - some of us do not.  Some of us get our needs met through our servitude or our partners pleasure/orgasms.

And some of us are blessed enough to have both.  Orgasms, for me, DO cause fulfillment and contentment not just because they feel awesome but because Master has permitted me to have them and has caused those feelings in me.  Does wanting orgasms for myself mean that i place any less value on my servitude to Him and His pleasure?  No way!  If it came down to it, i'd rather He have one than me.  But, thank God, it doesn't come down to that.  He gets all the pleasure He can possibly handle and gives me all i can handle as well.  i don't think it's an "either/or" issue.  i get my needs met through serving Him and one way i serve Him is by having all the mind-blowing orgasms He provides.  i don't think it's so mind-boggling to understand how He views that as controlling me.  When am i ever less in control, than when in the throes of a climax?   slave luci 

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
why do you assume that a Dominant who didn't care about a submissive's arousal was a selfish or uncaring person? perhaps they understand that a submissive's pleasure is not all wrapped up in physical responses, or perhaps they just want a submissive who's sole sexual focus will be service....this does not make them an uncaring, unfeeling or selfish person in general.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
the vast majority of Dominants i've encountered seem to be as wrapped up in the female sexual response as vanillas, even more so since they tend to view it as one more avenue of control. this boggles my mind to be honest.
so my questions are basically this....why do so many Dominants care so much about submissive orgasm and arousal? are they not aware that submissives will find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing them, but that doesn't necessarily translate to a wet, throbbing pussy? or is it an ego thing? and most importantly...where are the Dominants who simply don't care?

Surely you don't think it's wrong for dominants to be "wrapped up" in "female sexual response?"  i understand exactly what you are saying in that you would rather focus on serving your Daddy than worrying about "having" to have orgasms that it's difficult for you to have.  But surely you can see why many dominants are concerned about their subs/slaves physical responses and pleasure.  One can find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing her master and STILL have a "wet throbbing pussy," as you say.  As i said above, that "wet throbbing pussy" is one of the many avenues by which i DO please and serve Him.  As for my Master, it has nothing to do with ego.  It just has to do with Him loving the pleasures W/we provide to each other via sexual means.  This doesn't mean by a long shot that those are the ONLY pleasures W/we share.  i think imthatacheyouhav is getting treated a little harshly here.  She is simply saying that SHE would see it as uncaring and selfish if HER master didn't care about her sexual pleasure.  She is as entitled as any of us to her perceptions and opinions about HER relationship.  Sometimes, i think we are ALL guilty of assuming that our beliefs and relationships are the best way and it's hard for us to accept how others feel.  i see what she is saying and i personally agree.  i know it's not the "super slavey" response but i personally enjoy orgasms and couldn't be owned by someone who thought i should never have any......slave luci