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RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 9:19:38 PM

MySweetSubmssive

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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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Right. And I'm saying that her dominant not caring about her orgasms means not "I don't care about *you*" but "your orgasms are a non-priority for me."

MSS

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"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 9:22:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

Right. And I'm saying that her dominant not caring about her orgasms means not "I don't care about *you*" but "your orgasms are a non-priority for me."

MSS

Except again to be specific and clear she was asking also about arousal, not soley orgasms. Nor did she actually talk about priority of orgasms.

Your interpretation of her post is now how the thread is moving, but that wasn't what her actual initial post contained at all.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 9:24:59 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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Threads do that, change focus.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 9:26:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

Threads do that, change focus.

MSS

Except that you weren't talking about the thread change, but rather the original post.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 9:26:56 PM

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From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

She may have meant something entirely different, but I'm a pretty literal person so I literally answered why my owner cares about and wants me to be sexually aroused.

Focus on the submissive's part and priority of orgasms are entirely different issues.

C~

Edited for formatting and redundancy.

you didn't misinterpret my meaning. i'm also a very literal person (don't get a lot of jokes for that reason), and i meant my questions exactly as i worded them, just not without the negative connotation that some have applied to it. MSS enlightened me on that point, that those who feel and believe a certain way (namely, that they want and love orgasms and want their Dominant to want and love their orgasms) might assume something negative based on the way i worded my post. but yes i certainly meant all i said, i'm not the figurative language type.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 9:28:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

you didn't misinterpret my meaning. i'm also a very literal person (don't get a lot of jokes for that reason), and i meant my questions exactly as i worded them, just not without the negative connotation that some have applied to it. MSS enlightened me on that point, that those who feel and believe a certain way (namely, that they want and love orgasms and want their Dominant to want and love their orgasms) might assume something negative based on the way i worded my post. but yes i certainly meant all i said, i'm not the figurative language type.

Ok, I'm glad I read your original post correctly.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 10:10:59 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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See, I do not see how you can speak for every one single entire human beeing. How do you know that every single billion trillion being on this plannet is a sexual beeing. Not every one cares about or wants sex, or orgasms or see's it as important. I know that I do not care much about sex. Once in a great while I want it and expect it, but on a large average it means nothing to me. I am very rarely horny or aroused or could I care less. I can and I do go when I was single many months with out sex with not a problem.

we are all sexual beings...its a big part of what makes us human, [/quote]

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Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

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RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 10:23:55 PM

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prop, I think that you are well aware that the dynamics of your relationship are far outside of the majority. Sometimes I think that when people are confronted by something so entirely different they can easily take it out of context and assume things that you may have had no intention of implying....or just simply not be able to relate to it on any understandable level.

Take this post for example, you were speaking about men to whom their partners arousal and sexual fulfillment is important and you stated that once you found that D/s lifestyle you thought "finally! an end to all of that silliness!". That could be interpreted that you are implying that men who want positive and active sexual feedback during an encounter are silly....but while you may view that as silliness, that is not a commonly held view. For most people sexual arousal and sexual fulfillment are pretty high up on the scale of what is important in a relationship....or even in a sexual encounter.

Then you went on to ask "are they not aware that submissives will find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing them, but that doesn't necessarily translate to a wet, throbbing pussy?". That could be inflammatory because it presumes that the mindset of "submissives" as in "all submissives" are geared strictly toward the pleasure of their Dominant with no thought whatsoever to their own fulfillment....and that is just simply not true. Many submissives, while yes, their primary goal is to be pleasing, would not be happy for long in relationships where their own NEEDS were not being fulfilled...and for many (myself included), sexual arousal and fulfillment is not a want but a need.

Further you went on to say that you think that "it takes an extraordinarily confident man to not only be comfortable with...but demand...that sexually it is simply all about them." which could imply that you believe that Dominants who want to fulfill the sexual needs of their submissives can not be "extraordinarily confident men".

The dynamics that you speak of are very difficult for many to relate to. As an example....I'll use the confident men....one of the qualities that I seek in a partner is "extraordinarily confident" and I must tell you that I have never met one in my experience that was uninterested in my sexual arousal and had I simply laid there and they had gotten no response, no active participation on my part or physical sign of arousal, pleasure or desire from me....well I can't imagine that they would have found that pleasing. A far greater probability would be that they would have likely taken my pulse and been very UNsatisified by the experience.

I just think that sometimes our situations are so far apart that it is impossible to relate and that just leads to a lot of miscommunication.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 10:37:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

The dynamics that you speak of are very difficult for many to relate to. As an example....I'll use the confident men....one of the qualities that I seek in a partner is "extraordinarily confident" and I must tell you that I have never met one in my experience that was uninterested in my sexual arousal and had I simply laid there and they had gotten no response, no active participation on my part or physical sign of arousal, pleasure or desire from me....well I can't imagine that they would have found that pleasing. A far greater probability would be that they would have likely taken my pulse and been very UNsatisified by the experience.

I dont imagine that's at all what she's like, or what she intended to convey. As I read it she's talking about *involuntary* responses, and it's just a fact that those vary from person to person. Some can be a very active participant, very focused, paying attention, and yes even enjoying the experience greatly without necessarily exhibiting the same involuntary responses that most would in the same situation.

And no one likes to be made to feel like they are inferior or flawed because of something beyond their control, which is the definition of involuntary response. That's humiliating in a very bad way.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 10:41:00 PM

MySweetSubmssive

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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raphael

And no one likes to be made to feel like they are inferior or flawed because of something beyond their control, which is the definition of involuntary response. That's humiliating in a very bad way.

Well stated.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Raphael)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 10:45:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raphael
I dont imagine that's at all what she's like, or what she intended to convey.

For the record, I don't either. I was simply trying to show how things could be interpreted in different ways and that I think that her situation is so vastly different from the majority that it is difficult to attempt to try to relate to some things from her viewpoint...as it is so foreign to many of us.

edited to add that I most certainly do not view prop as being inferior or flawed.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/26/2007 10:48:25 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Raphael)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 2:40:21 AM

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quote:

As a woman who no longer has a sexual response, I am not trying to poke a stick at you. But I do believe that it is an indication of a physical or emotional disconnect somewhere. Though certainly not mandatory for one's livlihood, orgasm is a response naturally built into every person.. unless something has happened in injurioulsy or developmentally to cut that response off., again, either physically and/or psychologically.

I am inclined to disagree that it is an indication of a disconnect somewhere. Much like daddysprop, I am one of those who almost never has an orgasm and it has been this way all my life ( and not because of lack of effort on my partners side ) I eventually got to a stage where it no longer mattered to me and I could just focus on my partner.

quote:

we are all sexual beings...its a big part of what makes us human, for a persons partner to not care about their "sexual response" is disreguarding a big part of them as a person and that is very selfish and uncaring.

Actually, to state that 'WE ARE ALL' sexual beings is quite a sweeping generalization. Not everyone is focused on their own sexual response; some really only care about that of their partner.

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Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
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(in reply to puella)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 3:31:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
anytime you read a reply that has nothing to do with what you posted its a good bet the person just replyed and you were the last person on the que...
its called fast reply, it bacsically means the poster does not know how or is too lazy (guilty) to find the post and reply to it directly.

quote:

LOL...well, i kind of figured that out after i'd replied but i wasn't 100% positive it WASN'T a reply to me, so i responded. i wasn't really thinking about fast reply. Thanks for the info ...... luci

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(in reply to crouchingtigress)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 4:23:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

i am glad i have not met the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person.
Edited for spelling

why do you assume that a Dominant who didn't care about a submissive's arousal was a selfish or uncaring person? perhaps they understand that a submissive's pleasure is not all wrapped up in physical responses, or perhaps they just want a submissive who's sole sexual focus will be service....this does not make them an uncaring, unfeeling or selfish person in general.

Dear pretty girl,
For lots of us, consistant orgasm and release is as much a functional need for health as eating regularly or exercising. So a dominant who didn't care about that would be neglecting a whole section of his/her submissives health, balance and well being. I'm open to the idea that you and others might not need a lot of personal sexual expression, pleasure or orgasm to be healthy, whole and high functioning, but I think for a great number of folks it's not optional, it's a necessity. Regular orgasm, makes me calmer, more even, happier in life, not just in the moment of pleasure. It also is a highly bonding activity to me, and one that my body habituates to. My clit has very specific and happy opinions about folks that know it and make it happy. It tends to sing about them when they are close. Now I don't know about your clit, but mine is very loud and somewhat like a toddler, it does abundant joy, sometimes it sulks, on good days it sings. It is very hard not to be nice to someone, when part of your body starts singing goofy little songs of adoration every time you are close to them, loudly, and with enthusiasm. That said, still there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect as you are and matched in a lovely way with your Master. We are all snowflakes, and your particular version of cut ice doesn't need orgasm to feel content and happy. From what you say, that suits your Master and you fine and that is all that matters. :)

Wishing you only well,
Master Jack's,
Willow

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 4:36:57 AM

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~Fast Reply~

I believe Valyraen would say that he provides me orgasms because he enjoys watching me squirm. No further justification needed. He is the owner after all. He might also add that it destresses me significantly to a degree that nothing else does. Orgasms are also good for your skin and release chemicals that have been to shown to alleviate depression. Orgasm can simply be part of regular maintance, much like grooming.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 4:39:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

because i lack emotional discipline....

I'll support you here. I'm going to give the answer that is true for me. "Why would I consider a Dominant that didn't give a toot about my orgasm's selfish and uncaring?" Because for me it is something that is profoundly important to my balance and sense of happiness in the world. Without it I feel off kilter, grumpy, unstable, needy, sad and diffusely lost and terse. Someone who would intentionally put me consistantly in those spaces would rate as uncaring to me. If they chose to consistantly take pleasure in interactions with me, and give utterly none back, knowing it was something I need for balance and health, then yes I would put them in the uncaring and selfish catagory.

That doesn't mean that I would consider you, or anyone else to be selfish and uncaring. When I look at it from a very personal perspective, knowing myself, thinking about being in the position with a partner who didn't care about my orgasms, then yeah, selfish and uncaring sure does pop up in my head.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 4:40:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia
I think you are equating orgasms with fullfillment, contentment and having your sexual needs met - some of us do not. Some of us get our needs met through our servitude or our partners pleasure/orgasms.

And some of us are blessed enough to have both. Orgasms, for me, DO cause fulfillment and contentment not just because they feel awesome but because Master has permitted me to have them and has caused those feelings in me. Does wanting orgasms for myself mean that i place any less value on my servitude to Him and His pleasure? No way! If it came down to it, i'd rather He have one than me. But, thank God, it doesn't come down to that. He gets all the pleasure He can possibly handle and gives me all i can handle as well. i don't think it's an "either/or" issue. i get my needs met through serving Him and one way i serve Him is by having all the mind-blowing orgasms He provides. i don't think it's so mind-boggling to understand how He views that as controlling me. When am i ever less in control, than when in the throes of a climax? slave luci

Brava!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 4:43:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

slave luci,

contrary to what you seem to think, i don't think there is some universal "right way" in this matter. i do not find it silly or odd that there are Dominants who care about a submissive's sexual response...i can understand some desiring to control that particular aspect of their submissive, and i can even understand a Dominant simply wanting to make sure that their submissive is sexually fulfilled. what i don't understand, and what boggles my mind, is that sooo many Dominants don't simply "care" about a submissive's sexual response, but place such a huge significance on it, to the point where they can't/won't tolerate a submissive who is nonresponsive. i also don't understand why more Dominants don't understand that a submissive's sexual fulfillment doesn't have to equate to an orgasm.

It may have something to do with basic sexual arousal. Males, the dominants I believe you have most experience with, are naturally visual creatures when it comes to arousal. It's why porn videos are so popular among men and written porn (nicely called erotica) is so popular among women. Seeing and feeling a wet and aroused vagina arouses them. A submissive or slave who does not have a sexual response simply may not be arousing to them enough to fill their needs. I can not say for sure of course, but it's a thought.

Edited 'cause I felt like it.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/27/2007 4:53:28 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 5:25:20 AM

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Dear puella,

It happens when people assume you are saying that your way is the right way or the best way or the only way when really all you're saying is, "i prefer my orgasms aren't a priority." "My Master isn't selfish and uncaring because he doesn't make them a priority."

I hate subbier than thou attitudes and personally refuse to give credence to anyone who has them.

I've said on at least one other occasion, anyone wanting to spar over who is a better sub because of this or that - will quickly find themselves boxing their own shadows.

(in reply to puella)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/27/2007 6:25:35 AM

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From: Sydney Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

Hm. I enjoy his orgasm way more when he isn't focused on mine. He likes to pleasure me while I'm trying to serve him. He has every right to, of course, but my natural reaction is, 'I'm not suppose to be feeling good. This is about your pleasure!'

I feel that way too. I love to give Him blowjobs but He likes to distract me while I'm doing it - helps Him last longer and He loves to see me try to keep my mind on the job

The times when I am fully focused on Him and His pleasure alone are wonderful. I do enjoy sex and I'm now orgasmic with Him whereas I wasn't before we met, although I was able to orgasm through masturbation. I am one who does not need to orgasm.....however I enjoy it when it happens

(in reply to junecleaver)

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