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RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 2:54:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

If I could not bring my partner to orgasm on a fairly consistent basis, I would feel as though I was not pleasing them. Most people want to know that their partner desires them and is turned on by them. An orgasm is a physically visible testament of that desire and arousal. I would have to think that many Dominants view their submissives orgasm in much the same way. Wow....I made you have an earth shattering, eyes rolled back in your head, couldn't breath, lost all control of yourself orgasm that probably just registered on a Richter scale somewhere. Validation that I am desirable and skilled.

I think it's fine to enjoy that validation when you get it. At the same time, feeling bad about it when you don't get that is inappropriate. Orgasm isn't the end all and be all of sex. It's quite enjoyable sometimes to just bonk for awhile and then quit. The act itself is enjoyable, it doesn't always have to have a big bang at the end, and if you think it does, you're just cheating yourself out of a lot of fun IMOP.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 2:55:49 PM

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Thank you, daddysprop, for acknowledging and understanding my response.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:00:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
i'm not sure i understand your response. i said what i meant...i didn;t "TELL" anyone to do anything. i simply said i felt a person that doesn't care about their partners sexual response is selfish and uncaring. if you feel differently thats great....and your right

Then you are essentially calling myself, and my ex master, and more than handful of people on this site that they are selfish and uncaring.

Is that how you want to describe me?

"S'cuse me ladys, this thread should go into :Ask a Mistress"
It discribes me...
As a matter of fact, I get asked if I am that way and get extra bounus points if I say yes. I actuaully feel so much more love for being this way.
So Yes, I am uncaring and selfish when it comes to my submissive's orgasms. They are to concentrate on me and my needs and wants. Total service is a form of orgasm in itself.
RPrincess

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:12:47 PM

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quote:

Does wanting orgasms for myself mean that i place any less value on my servitude to Him and His pleasure? No way!

Nor should it.

Diversity is a wonderful thing, eh?

The point of my response was to say I couldn't agree more with the daddysprop. How fortunate i feel to have found the Master of my dreams. Compatibility is a wonderful thing. Yay me!

It was also to acknowledge that while there is nothing particularly wrong with a Dominant making his sub/slaves orgasms priority, personally I wouldn't be interested in a long term relationship with such a man.

I think to assume this makes the man i serve or any other man whose put their own pleasure first, second and third - selfish and uncaring - is a bit narrow minded to say the least.

quote:

Sometimes, i think we are ALL guilty of assuming that our beliefs and relationships are the best way and it's hard for us to accept how others feel. i see what she is saying and i personally agree.

And i personally disagree.

quote:

Sometimes, i think we are ALL guilty of assuming that our beliefs and relationships are the best way and it's hard for us to accept how others feel. i see what she is saying and i personally agree. i know it's not the "super slavey" response but i personally enjoy orgasms and couldn't be owned by someone who thought i should never have any

My relationship is the best way. For me.

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:16:27 PM

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I would like to make a point that I have not seen addressed here: There is a certain percentage of the female population that simply don't have vaginal orgasms. Some women are actually born without a G-spot. I myself have never had a vaginal orgasm, but can orgasm clitorally.

It's not always that there's something wrong in your head. Some of us are just built that way. I faked orgasms for 8 years for an insecure husband, and I'm not going through that again! Just because I don't have an orgasm doesn't mean I'm not having a good time. The screaming and moaning and begging should give you a clue *lol*

boundkitty

(in reply to RopePrincess)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:29:26 PM

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia
Diversity is a wonderful thing, eh?
It certainly is.
The point of my response was to say I couldn't agree more with the daddysprop. How fortunate i feel to have found the Master of my dreams. Compatibility is a wonderful thing. Yay me!
Yes, yay for you and yay for ANY of us who have found the One with whom we are compatible
It was also to acknowledge that while there is nothing particularly wrong with a Dominant making his sub/slaves orgasms priority, personally I wouldn't be interested in a long term relationship with such a man.
Exactly...just as neither of us (me and imthatacheyouhave) would be interested in a long term relationship with a man who didn't consider our need for orgasms. There's that diversity you mentioned again...........
I think to assume this makes the man i serve or any other man whose put their own pleasure first, second and third - selfish and uncaring - is a bit narrow minded to say the least.
Perhaps...but no more narrow-minded in my opinion than saying that just because a dom DOES place emphasis on it that that makes him ego-driven and less than one who doesn't

Sometimes, i think we are ALL guilty of assuming that our beliefs and relationships are the best way and it's hard for us to accept how others feel. i see what she is saying and i personally agree.
And i personally disagree.
Yep....totally your right to do so, of course.

My relationship is the best way. For me.
As it should be.....mine is the best way for me and Master as well

Threads like this one kind of start out stilted insofar as someone is basically saying "This is how i like it. It boggles my mind to think anyone else would like it differently. Why do you other people like it differently from the way me and my Master do?" It's bound to lead to heated debates because there is that starting assumption that there is a RIGHT way when we all, of course, know that there is not. Thank God for that diversity.............................slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to tricia)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:31:32 PM

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daddysprop,
Great thread. i am glad that Puella brought up the question about why you aren't interested in having an orgasm. i think you had made it clear it isn't about some emotional problems or issues. i respect how you feel but i could never handle being with a Master who didn't care.

minnetar

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:37:16 PM

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slave luci,

contrary to what you seem to think, i don't think there is some universal "right way" in this matter. i do not find it silly or odd that there are Dominants who care about a submissive's sexual response...i can understand some desiring to control that particular aspect of their submissive, and i can even understand a Dominant simply wanting to make sure that their submissive is sexually fulfilled. what i don't understand, and what boggles my mind, is that sooo many Dominants don't simply "care" about a submissive's sexual response, but place such a huge significance on it, to the point where they can't/won't tolerate a submissive who is nonresponsive. i also don't understand why more Dominants don't understand that a submissive's sexual fulfillment doesn't have to equate to an orgasm.

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:50:54 PM

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I didn't look at the prior responses, just the OP and part of LA's response. Nonetheless, I can sufficiently say that my answer was not said in so many words in any of the prior responses.

My partner's orgasms are very important to me, moreso than my own.

Why?

Men are accused all of the time for seeing/meeting someone and thinking with their dick. That's the type of response I want out of a female partner. Knowing what I can give her, that she want's 'that' as often as possible and believing that nobody can satisfy her better.

For my ego? Maybe, but I should be entitled to 'something', shouldn't I?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 3:54:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
slave luci,
contrary to what you seem to think, i don't think there is some universal "right way" in this matter.
contrary to what YOU seem to think, i didn't mean that you personally feel there is one "right way." i was commenting on the nature of many threads that start out with some assumption that there IS a better way than others. Just an observation, not an opinion about you.

what boggles my mind, is that sooo many Dominants don't simply "care" about a submissive's sexual response, but place such a huge significance on it, to the point where they can't/won't tolerate a submissive who is nonresponsive. i also don't understand why more Dominants don't understand that a submissive's sexual fulfillment doesn't have to equate to an orgasm.
i didn't realize there was such an epidemic of this going on and i also wasn't aware that there was a huge proportion of subs who are nonresponsive. Consider me enlightened............slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 4:01:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I didn't look at the prior responses, just the OP and part of LA's response. Nonetheless, I can sufficiently say that my answer was not said in so many words in any of the prior responses.

My partner's orgasms are very important to me, moreso than my own.

Why?

Men are accused all of the time for seeing/meeting someone and thinking with their dick. That's the type of response I want out of a female partner. Knowing what I can give her, that she want's 'that' as often as possible and believing that nobody can satisfy her better.

For my ego? Maybe, but I should be entitled to 'something', shouldn't I?

Jeff

isn't her devoted, focused service, and unwavering obedience "something"?

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 4:18:03 PM

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Master couldn't give a flying fuck if I orgasmed or not.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 4:21:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

so my questions are basically this....why do so many Dominants care so much about submissive orgasm and arousal? are they not aware that submissives will find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing them, but that doesn't necessarily translate to a wet, throbbing pussy? or is it an ego thing? and most importantly...where are the Dominants who simply don't care?

For my owner there are a few reasons why he actually wants a submissive who is actively engaged and aroused:

1) He wants for anything he has me to do that I approach it with an enjoyment and pleasure. He doesn't just want me to slog through something (although he'll certainly tolerate me doing it), his preference is me completely embracing whatever that thing is. Whether its a decision, or an SM activity, or sex he wants full enjoyment, not just gritting teeth and bearing it. But since the topic is specifically about sex, he also wants full and active enjoyment of sex (and full active working to ensure he enjoys it also, but part of his enjoyment of sex is having someone that actively wants and enjoys to be there), he doesn't want a lump. Its his preference and thats what matters.

2) I had to earn the privilege of having sex with him (as well as intimacy), and so given that its something i'm extremely greatful to have, again it makes sense to me to be actively involved, joyous, and engaged in the activity that I worked hard to earn.

3) My owner likes to feel a connection (doesn't mean love) with the person he's having sex with and considers himself fairly empathic and so if someone is just cold and slogging through it, then their loggy energy effects his energy and makes him feel disinterested in sex. Since he's a fairly sexual person, he just doesn't want that loggy "is it over" energy that comes with someone who'd be just as happy painting a wall.

And I will echo some of the comments of a serious lack of interest in sex and/or inability to orgasm over time typically points more to emotional damage and/or physical damage which is again a person that my owner at this point in his life would rather not be engaged in.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 4:33:03 PM

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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greetings daddy's prop,

for some of us, service occasionally or often ends up with arousal, and for some dominants, that's a source of pleasure for them. He is pleased by the fact that i can orgasm for Him and have multiple orgasms sometimes. before i was with Him, and even when we first got together, i saw things very similarly to you - i was not one to orgasm during sex and enjoyed sex and service without it. i still do. the difference is, He enjoys my orgasms and my pleasure, for whatever reason, and i am capable of doing it regularly where i wasn't before.

i don't think it makes Him any less dominant, just different from some who might not be so "wrapped up in the female sexual response." plenty of dominants get some fulfillment out of our sexual response. some do not. for Him, it has nothing to do with feeling like a stud because He can get me off...He knows i'm happy regardless of whether i get off, as long as i'm pleasing Him. this is just one more way to please Him, because it's something He happens to enjoy.

i agree that it's mostly an issue of compatibility. caring about your submissive/slave's orgasms or sexual response is not indicative of a lack of dominance or confidence, or the presence of ego, to me. nor is not caring indicative of selfishness or carelessness, to me. i will say that this is just one more way that He and i fit well together, but this is why there are dominants who care and who don't care, who could care less or who would use it as a tool or who just like to see their submissive/slave in pleasure...just as there are submissives who care or don't care. i still don't see the orgasm as some sexual goal, though; i don't think i ever will, mainly because our sex involves so much before AND after it happens, when it happens, and so much when it doesn't happen...those few seconds are nice and i have learned a few things about myself and my body since becoming able to achieve orgasm, and of course it pleases Him, but it's never likely to become of very much importance to me in and of itself.

i also agree that a submissive or slave shouldn't be made to feel less because they are incapable or don't desire to achieve a sexual response. that said, there are some dominants who just want somebody who can, and it may not be an issue of ego...they may just like making a woman cum, or they may like the fact that orgasm denial is a tool they can use, or whatever...He is one of those. He wants to turn me into a more sexual creature, and that just wouldn't be possible if i were still the same person who didn't care at all about my own sexual response.

annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 4/26/2007 4:39:55 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 4:37:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
3) My owner likes to feel a connection (doesn't mean love) with the person he's having sex with and considers himself fairly empathic and so if someone is just cold and slogging through it, then their loggy energy effects his energy and makes him feel disinterested in sex. Since he's a fairly sexual person, he just doesn't want that loggy "is it over" energy that comes with someone who'd be just as happy painting a wall.

Said better than I would have and I'm a sacred freakin whore ;)

This is why I wouldn't use you for sex Prop- the energy just wouldn't mix well. Your issues over sexual pleasure just interfere too much.

Not that you aren't hot and perfectly worth using- you are and should be often.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/26/2007 4:38:33 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 5:11:24 PM

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Personally I would like to add that a totally nonresponsive at all times sub/slave indicates I am doing something wrong. If she only wants to please me then showing that she is happy because I am happy is responsive. As for why do so many concentrate on a female's orgasming, probably because so many of both sexes are trying to make it all about just sex. When they do that. it eliminates the entire idea behind service as they have to have sex for them to consider themselves a happy sub/slave or whatever they want to consider themselves. Look at the profiles of the submissives on here. How many say they are most interested in doing something to please their potential Dominant or Master ?

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 5:31:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raphael

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

If I could not bring my partner to orgasm on a fairly consistent basis, I would feel as though I was not pleasing them. Most people want to know that their partner desires them and is turned on by them. An orgasm is a physically visible testament of that desire and arousal. I would have to think that many Dominants view their submissives orgasm in much the same way. Wow....I made you have an earth shattering, eyes rolled back in your head, couldn't breath, lost all control of yourself orgasm that probably just registered on a Richter scale somewhere. Validation that I am desirable and skilled.

I think it's fine to enjoy that validation when you get it. At the same time, feeling bad about it when you don't get that is inappropriate. Orgasm isn't the end all and be all of sex. It's quite enjoyable sometimes to just bonk for awhile and then quit. The act itself is enjoyable, it doesn't always have to have a big bang at the end, and if you think it does, you're just cheating yourself out of a lot of fun IMOP.

Whoa....I think you missed a few "key" words in my post. "If I", "fairly consistent basis", "I would feel as though I", "many Dominants"....

Nowhere did I say "every time" or even "most of the time". Nowhere did I say that orgasm was the end all and be all of sex, or that just bonking isn't fun at times. I'm not sure what I said that tripped your trigger and put you on the defensive but I can assure you that I wasn't trying to tell you "how" to have sex.

As for cheating myself....you'll just have to believe me when I say that I don't cheat myself out of anything in life.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Raphael)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 5:32:03 PM

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From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
3) My owner likes to feel a connection (doesn't mean love) with the person he's having sex with and considers himself fairly empathic and so if someone is just cold and slogging through it, then their loggy energy effects his energy and makes him feel disinterested in sex. Since he's a fairly sexual person, he just doesn't want that loggy "is it over" energy that comes with someone who'd be just as happy painting a wall.

Said better than I would have and I'm a sacred freakin whore ;)

This is why I wouldn't use you for sex Prop- the energy just wouldn't mix well. Your issues over sexual pleasure just interfere too much.

Not that you aren't hot and perfectly worth using- you are and should be often.

ha ha! well thanks for that LA, i think. ;)

tho i think Wildfleurs went to another extreme in her descriptions...personally i'm not the "loggy" type, and wouldn't be just as happy painting a wall. i'm a very sexual person, i need sex, crave sex, and enjoy sex, in my own peculiar way. i get very on-edge and irritable after just a few days with no sexual activity of some kind. i'll just spit it out...i'm a slut. just not the uber horny, dripping all over myself type of slut.

but i do think that many people, Dominants and otherwise, have that impression about nonresponsive (and by that i mean no physical responses of arousal) women. that sex is just some ho-hum, grin and bear it sort of thing for us and in many cases that couldn't be further from the truth. if i'm with someone who has the need to feel that i'm "there" with them and appreciating what they are doing to me, and they aren't able to read my energy because i'm not sighing, wimpering, wiggling, dripping or cumming, i let them know verbally, usually thru gratitude. that way they know i'm grateful, i want it, i need it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 5:46:03 PM

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From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

ha ha! well thanks for that LA, i think. ;)

tho i think Wildfleurs went to another extreme in her descriptions...personally i'm not the "loggy" type, and wouldn't be just as happy painting a wall. i'm a very sexual person, i need sex, crave sex, and enjoy sex, in my own peculiar way. i get very on-edge and irritable after just a few days with no sexual activity of some kind. i'll just spit it out...i'm a slut. just not the uber horny, dripping all over myself type of slut.

but i do think that many people, Dominants and otherwise, have that impression about nonresponsive (and by that i mean no physical responses of arousal) women. that sex is just some ho-hum, grin and bear it sort of thing for us and in many cases that couldn't be further from the truth. if i'm with someone who has the need to feel that i'm "there" with them and appreciating what they are doing to me, and they aren't able to read my energy because i'm not sighing, wimpering, wiggling, dripping or cumming, i let them know verbally, usually thru gratitude. that way they know i'm grateful, i want it, i need it.

But if someone is physically nonresponsive and literally not aroused, I really can't see how their energy says, "I'm here, I want to be here, I'm joyous about being able to have sex with you."

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submis... - 4/26/2007 5:47:17 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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i know men that have cars that they put gas in, pay the insurance and thats all the thought they put into them.

i also know men that baby their cars, they wax and buff their toy, they make sure its running in mint condition, and when ever they get the chance, the take it out on the road and open her up, to see how far and fast shell go.

honestly your post comes off as though you have disdain for the latter type of man, and i dont understand why, because it seems to me that you are alway in here taking a stand for folks to have an open mind about your type of slavery...maybe you could do the same?

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to slaveluci)

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