quote:

ORIGINAL: ThunderRoad
Welcome to married life, eh?
only in hell - certainly not MY definition of what married life should be. 

I guess my quandry is this.  When a stubborn bratty (in the definition of being a 4 year old) bitchy sub just plain refuses to accept a punishment or play along, what's a dom supposed to do?  
Put his/her foot down and let the "brat" know what is expected.  IMO, brattiness is an excuse to be disobedient and disrespectful (please, don't all the bratty subs shred me - i said IMO and this means in my relationship).  i accept that roleplaying "brattiness" can be fun for some and i suppose i can see why.  But, as a way of life, it would embarrass me to act in such a dishonorable way to my Master. 

Last night, for example, we were lying in bed and she got mouthy and I tell her to go stand in the corner and her response is "Oh fuck that and she just rolled over." 
To me, that doesn't sound like someone who is sure she wants a D/s relationship.  i would have politely told her to take her disrespectful, "bratty" ass into another room until she understood how to act. 

This morning, she apologized for her behavior (unprompted)
yeah, most disrespectful "children" do apologize after they've had their fit and realize they better start being nice in order to get what they want again.  i'm sorry, i just simply cannot imagine my Master tolerating this kind of disrespect.  If she's angling for a spanking or something like that, that would be the last thing i would give her.  She needs to learn how to respect you and if she's unwilling to learn to do that, i think you have some serious soul-searching to do, my friend.........slave luci
 
(edited for clarification and after chilling out a bit)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarling
I use to be a bratty sub. I'd act out, then beg my Master to fogrive me. One day, he and I talked about it, and I realized it was because something was missing from our relationship. I wanted more than what I was getting. Apparently, it was all subconscious. Once I realized what it was, he and I were able to fix it. And from then on out our relationship was wonderful.
Talk to her about it before you cast her aside. There may be something that bothers her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
i couldn't deal with a bratty sub like that.  i'd have to tell them to get out and find one who would show some respect.  i'm so glad i'll never be in that situation ........slave luci

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It doesn't take much to remind me of my place

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Luci, if they had gotten into this relationship fully basing things on a clear set of expectations and standards of behavior, if he'd listed off all the things he's tried and all the methods he's used which sounded a lot like the suggestions I'd given, if he'd mentioned that they were both making eachother unhappy and having doubts- my advice would have been a lot like yours.

But it wasn't that situation at all.  It's a couple who have been together awhile and want to make a real transition INTO ds, who have made a serious commitment to eachother but are not rushing into it, and a guy who was venting because he seems to sincerely want to make it work and just doesn't know how to see the path.

So that's why I gave what I did.  See, I really do put a lot of thought into what sort of answer to give and the same type of question can get quite a wide range of responses.
Great points.  You did put a lot of thought into your response and so did all the other posters before me.  i was pleasantly surprised at how thoughtful and insightful everyone really was (dom and sub alike).  You really can get a huge array of answers to the same question.  i went back and edited a bit because emotion had gotten the better of me.  i just pictured this happening between my Master and me and was appalled.  As i admitted, i would make a horrible dominant and i realize that.  i was simply looking at it solely through "slave" eyes and couldn't imagine such a scenario happening with me and Him.
 
Frankly, in 6 months, if he's genuinely tried all the steps I listed (starting with making sure there isn't a deeper issue going on), if he's sincerely been consistent, if she continues to be hot and cold, then it really might be the time to discuss whether this relationship will fit everyone in the long term.

Until then, I see a lot to work with.
i see what you mean.  i'm glad those with cooler heads prevailed, so to speak, and answered him offering sincere, helpful advice.  i guess sometimes subs/slaves judge each other much harder than doms do .  Thanks, slave luci 

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny
Some really fantastic advice was being given, then it seems like something happened and instead of advice the posts turned negative.
I just don't get that.
He is asking for advice on how to handle and change the situation for the better yet so many say 'dump the brat'. It feels to me that he is planning the future not seeking a way out.
Some of the positive responses are going to be things that I read again for my own self.

You're very right cjenny.  i pretty much recanted my initial response (please see my reply to LA ).  You are very right and i give the OP much credit for not having done what i suggested he should have.  It was a gut reaction, not a well-thought out plan of action.  Thanks for the gentle reprimand....................................slave luci

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

losttreasure

quote:

It doesn't take much to remind me of my place

Which is why my advice wasn't directed at you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

As for treating a submissive like a child, I wasn't perhaps clear.  When I say that I mean as a dominant one is modifying the behavior and molding someone to behave the way you desire them to be for you.  Submissives crave attention and if you aren't careful, you can start to reward them with attention when they act out.  So you must be very aware of which behaviors you reward with attention as well as the sort of attention you give them.  That isn't the same as treating them like immature children or as incompetent adults.  As someone else stated, it is the same with training a dog, and while eating out of a bowl may be hot for some, few want to shit in the yard and sleep outside in a dog house.

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My point is simply that there is no "one size fits all" remedy.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

My point is simply that there is no "one size fits all" remedy.  

Thanks for that newsflash, I simply had no idea.  I was stupid enough to base my opinion on what the OP said, I guess she could also be a secret Gorean Kajira and he should sprinkle TARN piss on her or something too.  I will do my best to remember that not all women are the same.