Nogimmicks
Posts: 38
Joined: 6/15/2006
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I am always fascinated by the range of perceptions regarding the concept of a submissive or dominant. This thread is a great examply of the diversity within the culture. I am reminded of the modern interpretation of the "Christian Submissive Wife" as described in Ephesians and Second Peter of the Christian Scriptures. Most Christians now interpret these passages as meaning that the wife should be submissive to the husband provided he is being submissive to the church, a conclusion brought about by virtue of common practice more than the text. Thusly, we now find "Christian Femdom" groups who explain that the femdom wife is really being submissive by virtue of the fact that the husband wants her to be dominant. She is therefore submitting to his need to be dominated. Okay, I can accept that concept. (Please bear in mind that my emphasis here is not on trying to bring religous theology into the discussion, but simply to illustrate the range of definitions and perceptions that pertain to dominant vs submissive behavior).
Similarly, there are many submissives who will be submissive to their "dominant" only when the moon is in the third orbit of Venus and as long as she/he is happy and as long as the "dominant" is getting his/her permission and as long as she/he gets to define the relationship and as long as the "dominant" isn't doing anything that annoys the "submissive". While such D/s relationships are every bit as legitimate and real as any other, the advice either I or Michael gave would be of no value to them whatsoever. If, in fact, the OP came from or desired one of these relationships, I would have stayed out of it. I have no reference point on how these relationships work. It just isn't my particular preference.
However, my reading of the OP's post indicated that he and his submissive were interested in the kind of D/s relationship where the dominant dominates and the submissive submits. The things that the OP pointed out that indicated this to me were (1), the part where he told her to stand in the corner and (2) where she apologized the next morning for not doing it. This second point indicates that she felt that, in fact, she was wrong for not adhering to his instructions. People should never apologize for behavior that they feel is not wrong. Thusly, I came to the conclusion that both he and she were looking for a relationship that is of the same type as that I adhere to.
Now, I certainly can understand that people get in bad moods and that there are times when a person isn't going to want to be told to go stand in the corner. They just aren't in the mood. However, even in my non-D/s previous relationships, if I had asked my wife to do something and her response were "Fuck that", we would have had a problem. For that matter if anyone (friend, employee, whatever) I know were to respond to me with "fuck that", we would have a problem. Let me scratch that, we wouldn't be friends anymore until the problem were resolved and then it had jolly well better never happen again. I do not have much tolerence for people in my life saying "Fuck that" in responce to a request made by me, I am kind of funny that way. I don't care if she is lying on her deathbed or if her favorite goldfish just died, it just isn't something I am going to be told. I have value and I am not going to be treated that way.
Michael's advice was spot-on in this instance. Not everyone would like it, and it certainly wouldn't work for everyone, unless they are actually seeking the kind of relationship that he (and I) espouse. If they want a relationship where the submissive makes the rules and the whole dynamic is about catering to the submissive's whims, then I agree, it was very bad advice. On the other hand, if the goal is to curb unacceptable behavior that might well destroy a potentially wonderful relationship, then again, it was right on the money.
Now, regarding my remarks about "dog and horse" training, please bear in mind that the onus was not on treating the submissive like a dog or horse, but about the process of instilling dominance in another being. It is something that can be learned.
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RE: Dealing with childish, bratty, selfish subs - 
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