RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy?

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RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/25/2014 10:50:38 PM

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GoddessManko. you're probably right I have noticed a large decline in everything over the past years, i may be old and stubborn. thank you for your insight, you are the second person who has explained to me the things that I'm feeling. sometimes you just need to hear it from an outside party. thank you.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/25/2014 11:04:35 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: budda1488

sorry to sound disrespectful to others, I already have had me situation answered. the rest of this is just is just some input.

Not to be rude or anything but, when you start a thread, you don't get to choose who answers it.

NBMG

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(in reply to budda1488)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/25/2014 11:30:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: budda1488

sorry to sound disrespectful to others, I already have had me situation answered. the rest of this is just is just some input.

Not to be rude or anything but, when you start a thread, you don't get to choose who answers it.

NBMG

Lol NBMG, it is weird being the one to concur to such a statement for a change. I think the OP has led a rather charmed life with his compliant wife and figured I had to present him with the harsh realities of present time dating in a way that wouldn't ruffle his feathers too much. I kind of know the feeling of being on the outside of the dating world for a long time, only to return and be completely bewildered and asking the same seemingly nonsensical questions.
Only in that aspect is my take even remotely unique.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 12:06:34 AM

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From: Surfside Beach, SC
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I really have no clue why you haven't found someone since you're so accommodating and easy to talk to.
And you clarify your thoughts so well!

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(in reply to budda1488)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 12:17:26 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Fast reply - but I have read the whole thread.

It seems that you feel that since you are willing to give them lighter play, they should return the favour by indulging your heavier play. It seems heavy play is very important to you, and you feel lied to when someone can't take as much as you like.

So don't play with new people. Only play with those who have extensive experience. No matter how wild a person's fantasies may be, they just can't know how much paddle they can take unless they try it. Pick someone you've seen play at a party to avoid disappointment, since it's clear you won't be happy if they turn out to not be as tough as you want.

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 3/26/2014 12:18:09 AM >

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RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 3:59:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: budda1488

yes i do but I give for them and I would expect them to also give for me, at times when i need. I believe it is 2 sided i submit and by that I mean i go softer for them when they need it and i expect them to do the same when i need it. otherwise I look at it as greedy

I think it all comes down to mindset. Some people view impact play as a fun activity but, like other hobbies, they have decided what they enjoy and want to stick to that (doms and subs).

Some people view impact play as punishment or something that their master enjoys and that they must do.

My own mindset is...I get off on him getting off...I can and will tolerate whatever is thrown at me if I know he is enjoying it (&, of course, at this point, we have been together nearly a year and there is both emotion and trust invested).

So...you need someone that is not just a masochist but who leans more "slave" in mentality...someone who is happiest when you are happy. One side note, I have found that my tolerance changes during the month. Right before my period, I cannot take as much...more physically sensitive. Those times, he has to watch to make sure I am ok and call a stop if he knows it is too much for me.

(in reply to budda1488)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 4:14:46 AM

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FP

I read the whole thread too.

Not gonna quote but some things I'd like to address. There was one post where you mentioned when you have just started, the woman complain too hard on the pressure. I am not surprise, some people needs really gentle built up. And then you said something like, when you were hitting hard, it was not hard enough, that confuses me, because, I thought you liked hitting hard! That should be music to your ears.

If I were you, I'd be completely brutally honest about what turns you on is how much pain a woman can take from you. The more pain she takes, the more pleasure you will receive. If you were honest and put this forward to them from first conversation, I am sure you will save yourself less grief.

Sometimes men claim they are clear upfront, but they really did not communicate clearly what they want. I have helped you, you might wanna cut and paste my exact line to make it very clear to any new woman what exactly you need.

I think when finding exactly what you want, clear communication is extremely important.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 5:36:47 AM

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FR:

Budda, I have to tell you that the problems you're experiencing are all down to you. You are extremely arrogant, ignorant, and seem to think the world owes you a masochist to whale on. It doesn't.

That you and your wife were married for a mere 6 months is quite telling: You are incapable of building the kind of relationship where a woman wants to submit to you and take pain for you.

Certainly your arrogance and poor communication skills are a factor, but I'm guessing there's a lot more in play, and part of that is tied up in your need to be an intense sadist. I most strongly suggest seeking a therapist. I don't say this to offend you, but to help you at some point become the sort of person who can inspire the sort of submission you crave.

In my mind intense sadists *really* need to know who they are and what their about before they go looking for masochists to play with. And you're not there, not even close.

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RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 5:50:25 AM

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This really puzzles me, as a sadist, I could have carpal tunnel before I'm through with all the willing masochists, but I'm not a beating and slicing machine. Playing with somebody who's offering his or her pain threshold and trusts me, that's much more satisfying than just letting fly until I'm physically exhausted.

OP, dunno if that helps, but I actually scaled back on heavy play for almost a year, because I was worried that I might do something I will regret (with willing partners, but at the end of the day I have to live with myself and the consequences of what I did, even if the other party consented fully), taking it up a notch is always easy, but both parties coming away from a scene with a glowing feeling, that's where it's really at.

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Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 5:56:13 AM

searching4mysir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: budda1488

you'e right but if they read the earlier statements then they would have know it was covered. no disrespect but I have not time for repeating myself. i don't do it with my slaves and I don't do it with anybody else. but thank you anyway

I read the entire thread before commenting. I didn't see that it was covered, at least not clearly.

Personally, I couldn't give a rat's ass what you think you have time for. You will find the subs and slaves on THIS side (the collarCHAT side) don't roll over for every duminant who puts a D next to his name and calls himself master.

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No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to budda1488)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 6:58:07 AM

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Okay, fella. You're not responding well to people's comments thus far. You need brutal bluntness. Here it is.

You don't have any clue what the hell you're doing.

Yeah, I know. 22 years and you call yourself a Master and all. But you don't.

1. Find a spanker who knows what he's doing and WATCH him. LEARN.

2. There's something called a warmup. You spank at a slower pace and reduced intensity for a few minutes, and THEN step it up. Spankers who know what they're doing use it.

3. You view the spanking as a disembodied action, unconnected with anything else. Women don't. If they like the guy who's playing with them, they'll have a more positive view of the spanking itself. In other words, learn to talk and indulge them in some conversation before.

4. Aftercare. Learn what it means and do it.

5. One thing that I find amazing is that you feel no guilt for having pissed off and hurt women. I'm not sure what the technical name for this is, but is there a way that you could develop an empathetic side to your personality? One that cares about others?

I've been to several spanking parties and anyone who had more than one complaint against them would be in danger of being banned to future parties. Things must be lax where you attend, but unless you're the host, you're getting close to being banned.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 7:05:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
2. There's something called a warmup. You spank at a slower pace and reduced intensity for a few minutes, and THEN step it up. Spankers who know what they're doing use it.

Yes, spare me from inexperience spankers. Frankly, my x used to beat me with his belt, until he breaks my skin. But the problem was, I felt absolutely no pain because I was so in the throes of it and was getting high from it. And I quite like my bruises and wear it with pride. But to get me there, takes alot of gentle build up and getting me sexually high enough to dull the pain.

But then I met a self-proclaim expert spanker, who spanked me too hard right from the beginning, and then told me, I was lying that I enjoy spanking, because I can't even take mild pain.

I reckon, OP needs to improve on his spanking technique. Different spankers invokes different results and responses, and if all the women he met did not enjoy his spanking when he increases pressure, it's probably his amateur technique and not the woman being greedy.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/26/2014 7:09:50 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 7:40:47 AM

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One point that I think bears emphasizing from what have already been said is that many masochists, if not most, endure the pain for the sake of their masters, not for the sake of pain itself. If you inspire your subs to devote themselves to you, they will take more pain for you.

That said, there are masochists out there who are just in for the pain. They don't care who's beating them as long as it's hard. Those seem like your type of playmate, not the D/s play involving pain. What may suit you better might be simply to look for pain pigs and not a regular submissive who happens to like some pain.

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To each, their own kinks, and may they suffer beautifully.

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RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 8:08:45 AM

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Joined: 3/19/2014
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thank you all for your input . I find it interesting how one can be an expert on why I asked what was asked and gave so little info to even make a decent observation. I've had 2 out of all the responses, with whom i pm and received the direction needed . I thank them very much, the rest especially those who don't feel I take criticism well , thank you for entertaining me.

(in reply to frunandsins)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 9:20:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: budda1488
I find it interesting how one can be an expert on why I asked what was asked and gave so little info to even make a decent observation.

People can only go on the information they're given. So, the responses you're getting are because your posts are convoluted and confusing.

I bypassed reading the thread because it was headache inducing.

Not to mention the title is an offensive generalization. You're complaining about how you don't like the way some women are bottoming to you by insulting all of us that live as a submissive in D/s relationships.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to budda1488)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 9:37:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: budda1488

why is it so hard to find a slave who can handle the blessings i give through the paddle or whatever? I have needs also.

Well the first that jumped out at me was the lack of any descriptive information on your profile. Nothing? About who you, what kinds of things you do for hobbies and fun times. Nothing? About your tastes in dining, theater, music or any of of the arts really. Yes you did express a preference in pretty much everyone of the hard data searchable categories. And doing that makes that list seem unwieldy to read and process.

I say this out of a sincere hope to help you out. Not as a snark or a effort to belittle you.

Maybe work on that profile stuff. Maybe add a few journal entries discussing your desires in a scene with a submissive partner. Perhaps a journal entry expression you viewpoint on the concept that paddling is a blessing that you bestow on your slaves and how they should appreciate it.

Anyway, the point being, you are going to stand a better chance of attracted the slaves that are compatible with your style and form of Domination if you give them a description to start with and place from which to start asking questions. I'd include some language about the importance of safe first meetings in public places, with safe calls in place and no play on those first encounters. This is not a magic decoder ring answer, but it might be helpful.

Wishing you all the luck there is!!

(in reply to budda1488)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 9:39:47 AM

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Joined: 3/19/2014
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again thank you all for the input. but this had nothing to do with the severity of my paddling, that is what I mentioned cause that is where i saw the problem, but it had do do with, for the sake of generalizing atmosphere . don't ask but how it was explained made sense. it was like a dent in the car, i focused on the dent and not the fact the car behind me lost its breaks and hit my car causing its dent. again I apologize for offending anybody, I know I'm not good at expressing myself. I did enjoy this discussion, i found it enlightening.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 9:52:21 AM

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Yes, I observed the same. I'm new to this world and looking for someone to explore and learn. I can see many sub/slave have given their messenger id but when you add them ...they ask for money. OMG...I dont think Im gonna find someone real... :(

(in reply to budda1488)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 9:56:53 AM

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From: Northern New Jersey
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It can be very easy to give suggestions on finding someone who might be a better fit for what you want to dish out. However, given the way you communicate your problem is so horrifyingly terrible, people are going to see more to your problem.
I look at your posts and see how you said you were incredibly cruel in your relationship with your wife and it was "befitting." Now perhaps you mean just in the play, but when you later say the marriage only lasted 6 months I tend to doubt it was only during play.

You are over 40 (or is it 50) and have never had a long term relationship. That says a lot about you and none of it is good.

So while you seem to think the people who you PM'ed with have answered your problem, don't be surprised when it still doesn't work.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: why are so many slaves/subs greedy? - 3/26/2014 10:00:30 AM

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Yup, you do need to work on communication and how to communicate clearly, because I am baffled by your analogy, maybe I am slow.

This communication is very crucial to attracting the perfect woman for you. Because what's happening is, women are misinterpreting what you mean and then you think they are lying or just being selfish, taking and not giving.

(in reply to budda1488)

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