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ORIGINAL: cturcott
Some of the fights seem mundane or petty, and some less so.  Last night for example, when she had trouble sleeping

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 I suggested that she read a book I got for her recently "The Tender Heart:  Conquering your insecurity"

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 and she said she didn't want to read it after watching happy, cheery cartoons because she feared it would cause her to have bad dreams if she dealt with a topic she considers a downer. 

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 I told her the root of the problem needs to be dealt with as well, which the book is there to help her overcome,

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and she became upset and ranted in a defensive posture for quite some time. 

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 I tried in vain after that to tell her that I understand the need to cope in the short term, but that in the long term causes of fears need to be addressed as well.

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I tried to be accomidating to her desire to cope, with the caveat that long term healing must also be a priority.  Eventually when it seemed she wasn't listening, I made it clear that I was not willing to live with someone who has fears and inner demons who only desires to distract herself from them and never address the root cause.  The intended message was only that I want her to find the causes of her fears and heal from them but she ranted for several hours and didn't seem to understand the incredibly simple message I was trying to say.

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Finally, I saw from her posting that this is the same relationship in which you both decided to move in together with you BOTH somehow forgetting to bring up you wanting another woman.  How could you have NOT mentioned that before moving her in?  You dump that on her and expect her to deal with that when she's OBVIOUSLY got a lot of other serious issues to take care of before you can even THINK Of adding another poor soul into this huge mess.

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Here's my ideal version of that conversation:

Her:  I'm having a hard time going to sleep tonight.
You:  Is this common?  Is there a way you typically use to get to sleep?
Her:  Not really, any ideas?
You:  Well, for tonight, take some tylenol PM to get you down and we'll talk about it and work on some ideas tomorrow

Now, if she starts to argue with this idea- simply say that this is not up for discussion right now, she can do what you say or she can go sleep or lay on the couch in silence and deal with further consequences later.

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juliaoceania
I apologize if my questions to your post were based upon my misreadings.
I wanted to point out that I misread the post...

(in reply to HypnoticDan) 

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ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Let's not leave anything out now.

1)      Don’t whine or complain.
2)      If your behavior displeases me, stop immediately and ask how to become pleasing.
3)      When told how to be pleasing, seek a way to do it without protest.
4)      Do not offer explanations, give them only when asked.
5)      Don’t protect either of us from my judgment; only ask if I am sure it’s what I want.
6)      Believe I’m right whether you believe I am or not, make it so, never second guess me.
7)      Like something because I like it
8)      Dislike something because I dislike it
9)      Have confidence in something because I do
10)   Lack confidence in something because I do
11)   Check with me to determine how to feel about something
12)   Agree with everything I say, never disagree with anything I say.  Be a “yes man”.

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ORIGINAL: SirHedonicsslave

From my experience, the level of frustration by the OP so early on in the relationship is a definite sign of immaturity &/or inexperience.  It takes time to make any relationship work, and less than two months is not enough time to expect her to be in absolute alignment with your wants/needs/thoughts, if it will ever even happen at all.  You say you'd like to have a "Kate," but from what I remember of that, it didn't happen overnight, or in a week or a month....but that is what you seem to expect.  He went through a LOT of effort to make that happen....let's remember it is a play...fictional....but even if it were real, it wouldn't/couldn't happen overnight (note: i am NOT advocating taking the extreme steps that he took nor am i saying i necessarily agree with the whole idea)....also, in the play, i believe they were together pretty much 24/7....ummmmmmmmm....can you both quit your jobs to have that kind of time to invest?  Reality is a friend.....a harsh friend sometimes...but it is a friend.

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ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra

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ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Let's not leave anything out now.

1)      Don’t whine or complain.
2)      If your behavior displeases me, stop immediately and ask how to become pleasing.
3)      When told how to be pleasing, seek a way to do it without protest.
4)      Do not offer explanations, give them only when asked.
5)      Don’t protect either of us from my judgment; only ask if I am sure it’s what I want.
6)      Believe I’m right whether you believe I am or not, make it so, never second guess me.
7)      Like something because I like it
8)      Dislike something because I dislike it
9)      Have confidence in something because I do
10)   Lack confidence in something because I do
11)   Check with me to determine how to feel about something
12)   Agree with everything I say, never disagree with anything I say.  Be a “yes man”.

Hello akbarbarian. Very "romantic", but "realistic?

You should try these first: 1-defer, 2-obey and 3-follow. After you get your sub to have proper attitude, behavior or demeaner by "working" consensually (baby stepping) on her daily conduct, you will probably be too "tired" to want anything else.

In order for her to defer, you have to be a respectful strong (not muscles!) person (from her point of view). In order to obey, you ask reasonable, understandable requests that can be done (from her point of view and "level" of abnegation). In order to follow? That's the hard part, you have to lead, be an example of reason, patience, wisdom and discipline (from her point of view).

The way I see it, it is better to have guidelines or principles. With time and patience, the "Magic" arrives by itself, you have an "happy" submissive and you are "happy" too. Or you may have a "perfect" unhappy submissive that you can't fix by tacking on rule 13) Be happy!

I wish you good luck and suggest you bring down the pressure a little, as there is certainly no rush in these things. Flowers don't grow faster when you pull on them. RL.