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RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:05:31 AM   
valkyriesdaughte


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

...no wonder it ended up in divorce ahem*ouch*


Who ever said there was a divorce? Still in existence, thank you very much.

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:09:43 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		whops my mistake..after all you said vanilla marriage. But seriously I just don't get the point you're trying to make with this post of yours.

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:15:02 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte

QUIT WHINING!


I agree

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(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:19:40 AM   
valkyriesdaughte


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

whops my mistake..after all you said vanilla marriage. But seriously I just don't get the point you're trying to make with this post of yours.


My point is that a relationship should not be about material things; there are a number of Dom blog entries regarding the greediness of "subs", and I've heard from more than one in chat that this is a common topic.

My point is also that people need to look beyond the immediate. Circumstances change- layoffs, health issues, and everybody will get old some day. It's helpful to have a little nest egg so to speak, and the ability to "make do" during such times.

Maybe it's just my Yankee ingenuity and farm heritage showing through. But I'm convinced that one of the main reason that my marriage is still intact is that we've weathered 2 lay offs, and then there was that time the bone cruching docs rearranged joints. I didn't whine about the decrease in income; I picked up overtime shifts, and we dug into the pantry some ( another habit of mine- tuna on sale 3 for a buck- I'm buying a case or two! Maybe that's why it's a vanilla marraige, I'm using the "dungeon" for a pantry)

(in reply to MissyRane)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:35:08 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Some people wear their misfortune as a badge of honor.  my mother does this.  She can whine about her poverty (my folks between pensions and social security make as much money as i do) to the point where i hate talking to her.  She brags about thrift-store shopping like that makes her better and that i throw money away if i mention buying anything NOT from a garage sale. 

However, it was the same woman who taught me that to buy the best quality i can afford is cheaper in the long run because better quality lasts and isn't replaced.  i have the same livingroom furniture i bought 30 years ago because i was careful to buy very high quality in neutral color and classic style that does not make my house look outdated.  Leather, by the way, is a good investment as it doesn't wear and fray the way cloth does.

Go to the most expensive dress shop in your area and try on the most beautiful things and then go to the fabric store and find a similar patter and fabric and make the dress yourself.  Go to the elite department store and try on the best things and then go back frequently to catch the desired item on clearance.  There are ways to look great for not much money.

If a slave is the reflection of her Master do you really want your Master to look like a thrift shop?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:43:48 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		You have been and still are in a vanilla marriage for 17 years. Congratulations! That really is an accomplishment in today's world. I got you so far.

But then you say that you are relatively new to this lifestyle and you are making these assumptions based upon a couple of postings and some chat room conversations. That's where you lost me. I can't really speak to what goes on in a chat room because it's not something I participate in. I tried once or twice but I couldn't seem to find anything there that even resembled the reality of living in a D/s or M/s relationship. It seemed to be a medium that was saturated with those that had some fantasy view of what all this is about.

Maybe because the words subs and slaves are added you are trying to filter it through a different lens than you do in the vanilla world. Maybe you have a preconceived notion that this world is somehow different. It's not. I don't see anymore golddiggers here than I do outside of WIITWD. Really. 

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:46:57 AM   
valkyriesdaughte


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe we have quality thrift stores around here or something, because I've gotten several things that still had the tags on them- Old Navy, Lane Bryant, Worthington, (and a black leather mini skirt). i'm choosing when I bargain hunt.

I do buy quality when it counts- like my sneakers when I worked 12 hours shifts on my feet, on hubbys RedWing work boots (I still waited until they were on sale after Christmas), my dining room table is solid oak- and using a tablecloth and liner will help it last for years.  And a private school education and well selected activiites for offspring is a priceless investment.  And then there's my supercrew truck

It has noting to do with misfortune etc. i thas to do with spending wisely, instead of for immediate gratification.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 5:49:14 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		In my opinion there's no difference between vanilla's and this lifestyle whatsoever except for more kinks? It always takes two to be in a relationship that means both have to bring something to the table. My parents have been together for uhhhhhhh 24....years and really..they do buy stuff for themselves yanno! And *newsflash* it doesn't take its toll on the relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 6:16:18 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		WOW - what a rant ...and that comment is coming for a very spoiled submissive-daughter

(oh btw, did i mention i was spoiled yet?). 

Daddy encourages me to "brag" about the gifts He has given me - read my journal ...most of my entries about my gifts received from Him - right now i'm totally loving the ankle chains HE  bought for me.  i don't beg/ask for these treasured momentos of His love however He feels that it's HIS job as my DaddyDom to spoil me with such things because He (insert *shock and awe* here) loves me!  also i enjoy getting prettied (manicure, pedicure, hair styled, etc) for Daddy and don't think nothing about the money spent to look good for someone else other than me.



_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 6:23:21 AM   
littlekitten1


Posts: 160
Status: offline 		I still dont get what the point with all this is? Everyone knows that there are who are spoiled and people who are not... And it's not only subs... As people said there's no difference in this between the vanilla and bdsm world. There are people who think more about what brand they are wearing, rather than buying something cheap, but of quality.
We're all differen't, and if you don't like the subs whining about not having nice stuff, and simple solution would be closing your eyes.... or the window. Whatever. I don't see this as a thing to get hyped over though. It's not like it's affecting your way of living.
And I don't see these people as less or a person either. Maybe its a bit silly in my eyes, to complain about the next sub having more stuff... But it's nothing I loose sleep over. Some Masters like spoiling sub I guess, and good for them.

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 6:26:16 AM   
littlekitten1


Posts: 160
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

WOW - what a rant ...and that comment is coming for a very spoiled submissive-daughter

(oh btw, did i mention i was spoiled yet?). 

Daddy encourages me to "brag" about the gifts He has given me - read my journal ...most of my entries about my gifts received from Him - right now i'm totally loving the ankle chains HE  bought for me.  i don't beg/ask for these treasured momentos of His love however He feels that it's HIS job as my DaddyDom to spoil me with such things because He (insert *shock and awe* here) loves me!  also i enjoy getting prettied (manicure, pedicure, hair styled, etc) for Daddy and don't think nothing about the money spent to look good for someone else other than me.




IMO that's very very cute :p

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 6:51:28 AM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte



Maybe it's just my Yankee ingenuity and farm heritage showing through. But I'm convinced that one of the main reason that my marriage is still intact is that we've weathered 2 lay offs, and then there was that time the bone cruching docs rearranged joints. I didn't whine about the decrease in income; I picked up overtime shifts, and we dug into the pantry some ( another habit of mine- tuna on sale 3 for a buck- I'm buying a case or two! Maybe that's why it's a vanilla marraige, I'm using the "dungeon" for a pantry)


Dear valkyriesdaughter,

Actually, I think what your posts are showing is a certain judgemental attitude about others. Two things came up in my mind as I read your words.

One - You don't understand that "gifts" for some people are a major love language. You may like that, you may hate it, but that is irrelevant, it is how they feel loved. When I take those little love language tests, gifts tend to come dead last for me, but I know many others where gifts are much higher, even at the top. How do you know that that submissive/slave's owner isn't just doing things that make them feel profoundly loved. You clearly have a connection to your worth that relates to how frugal you are. It is something you take pride in and can't imagine anyone else might not have the same  value set. Some folks have a differant value set, that is neither better nor worse than your own.

Two - Lots of submissives/slaves work, work hard, and make good money. Lots of Dominants do too. Some don't, some do, it's all about what works in their household. Taking care of themselves, haveing a great house, or jems around their neck instead of leather is what works in their dynamic, more power to them. It's not an odd race where cheapest wins, or wealthiest wins, if folks are happy together, so be it. Why do you feel the need to judge someone who can afford a weekly manicure or the 250$ pair of shoes?

Oh, and one final thought, just in case you are wondering, I am super frugal too. I come from a penny pinching family and so I struggle to spend money on myself, it's something I'm working to get into a better balance. Thrift stores are a blast. Cooking at home is something I really enjoy. On a different toned thread, you and I could probably natter on endlessly about our "good deals" and "penny pinching toy construction" ( I make really beautiful rainbow floggers that take a lot of time, but just a bit of cash in materials.) It's a topic I can have a lot of fun with, but not when it degrades and shames others for having a different style and aproach.

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 7:20:05 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Looking in on other people's lives and making judgments, using your own yardstick is IMO a questionable activity.   Number one, you don't have all the info.  Number two, you may not share values.  Number three, why get so riled up over other people choices.

So yeah I am spoiled.  I spoil myself most of all and have done so for years as a single woman.   Cause it makes me happy.  Because I personally can afford to.  Cause it fits my values.  And I wear me on my sleeve. And found someone who is good with me as I am.  Just one more area of compatibility.


_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 7:27:56 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

LOL....Master has to order me to spend money on myself I tend to be very frugal with money


Sounds like my Daddy... he takes me shopping and I can always find excuses not to buy things for myself

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 7:47:36 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

My point is that a relationship should not be about material things


My point would be that you also are about material things except instead of having them you are jealous of others having them. You assume that what a people have or do reflects their relationship. Why? It doesn't represent their relationship it represents what they do with their money. If you have 10 floggers costing $500/flogger made of elephant foreskin what does it represent? Who does it impress? Why should it make you jealous?

A competition based upon whoever dies with the most toys wins always ends in a tie - death. There's never been a U-haul trailer heading behind the hearse full of stuff for the stiff to take with them.

People have all kinds of reasons to buy what they buy, live where/how they live, and spend or save money. Short of being Bill Gates, there is always someone with more. I guess there is also always someone with less you can flaunt what you have; but it takes a insecure person, lacking self confidence to be effected by another's bragging or flaunting. It if helps, consider the tax they have to pay, the extra insurance, or how difficult it is to get "good help" now adays.

Enjoy yourself and don't worry about what someone else has or is doing and comparing it to you and yours. If a blog where this is going on effects you so much, I recommend the same as I do when someone is moved getting emotional of anything posted on the internet - move away from the computer and turn it off.

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 8:10:12 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		all the relationships that i've been in in my lifetime, vanilla and/or otherwise, i have been treated as a 'princess', which i expect!...

i don't, however, expect to be showered with things/gifts, and there has certainly never been an allowance given to me; i actually work for a living and stand on my own two feet, thank you very much!

i actually had to be taught to accept gifts, and to take joy in being treated as the princess that i am, because i am deserving of such!

now if a person that started off treating me like a princess turned around and tried to use that as a manipulative bargaining tool, or to make me feel guilty for it later on down the road, etc., then i dump them. why? because gifts don't come with strings attached, and i'm far too good and valuable to put up with that shit!

i know how to and do contribute to the relationship, own and operate my own business, cook, be frugal, raise a family, improvise, make do with what i have, be a good submissive and be spoiled as a princess should be, all at the same time! oh, and guess what? all the people i've ever been involved with are happiest when they see me focusing on myself just once...

so it is possible to be spoiled, be a pretty little plaything, life-mate, and/or submissive, as well as bringing my partner great happiness, all at the same time!

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 8:11:48 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: valkyriesdaughte

Maybe we have quality thrift stores around here or something, because I've gotten several things that still had the tags on them- Old Navy, Lane Bryant, Worthington, (and a black leather mini skirt). i'm choosing when I bargain hunt.

I do buy quality when it counts- like my sneakers when I worked 12 hours shifts on my feet, on hubbys RedWing work boots (I still waited until they were on sale after Christmas), my dining room table is solid oak- and using a tablecloth and liner will help it last for years.  And a private school education and well selected activiites for offspring is a priceless investment.  And then there's my supercrew truck

It has noting to do with misfortune etc. i thas to do with spending wisely, instead of for immediate gratification.


You judge very quickly around here, and for no reason.  How do you know where we all buy things, I don't remember most of us saying where we spent money.  I buy things at thrift stores, I also buy them at great sales in the mall (75% off takes something down to thrift store/Wal-mart levels).  My hair and nails look wonderful, no one knows where I got them done.

You can be thrifty and still have nice things, it's all about where you buy them.  If someone does have a lot of money and wants to buy a $300 purse, what does it really matter to you? 

The people in bdsm aren't any different than the ones outside of it, though I do like to think our minds are more open to things.  You have sat around a couple of chatrooms, which I don't use either and have no clue what happens in, and then you come on a board and whine, judge, and complain about every sub/slave out there.

If a Master/Dom wants their sub/slave spoiled, it's no ones business.  Good for you in being married so long, that is hard in any world now.  My brother and his wife have been married for over 20 yrs and are still going strong.  They like money, they have it, and they spend it....yet they are still together and very much in love.  See, just because you have this long marriage, it doesn't make you an expert at anything, it's just doing what works to you two, and only you two.

There is a lot to learn here about bdsm, probably more than on the msg boards.  I agree with mistoferin, that most of it is fantasy world talk and nothing more.  You will find those that whine, but you will also find those that happily are there for you and share knowledge about things.  Maybe you should stick around on this side for a while and see what "reality" is more about.  Most of us are either in real time, or have had "real" relationships..we don't bow down at every single doms feet as he enters the room (minus Level), or ask a computer chat room if we can go pee.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to valkyriesdaughte)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 8:15:03 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


A competition based upon whoever dies with the most toys wins always ends in a tie - death. There's never been a U-haul trailer heading behind the hearse full of stuff for the stiff to take with them.



Love this!!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 10:17:32 AM   
BreatheinToMe


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


A competition based upon whoever dies with the most toys wins always ends in a tie - death. There's never been a U-haul trailer heading behind the hearse full of stuff for the stiff to take with them.



Love this!!!!


Me too, but I loved the $500.00 flogger made of elephant foreskin first !  lol

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: "Subs/Slaves"- Spoiled and Otherwise - 6/16/2007 10:27:12 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Using Fast Reply~

The only people I've seen clamouring about the things that must be given to them are dominants, nor would I consider the blogs on dominant's profile an accurate gauge of the submissive/slave community.

If blogs are accurate gauges, then most dominants are fake, HNGs who have no more mastery then "On your knees and suck my cock bitch".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BreatheinToMe)
Profile   Post #: 40
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