White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" word.

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White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" word. - 10/8/2007 8:29:05 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

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From: Illinois
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hiya! :)
alright y'all, I have another question.
i am black...well....1/2 black 1/2 white, but they say "if you have 1 drop.... you black." so...i'm black. lol and i prefer a White Dom. i also enjoy racial humilliation. actually, i enjoy it very much. but it seems like a lot of the Doms i talk to are scared of this.

my question is why? i'm assuming it is because they don't want to come across as a racist. or maybe they have black family, and it is offensive to them. or maybe they are scared of what others will think if they enjoyed such a thing. i guess all of this could be true.

i've been told by white doms that i should work on my self esteem....that i am disrespecting myself by thinking this way. in this lifestyle, you wouldn't tell a woman who loves to be called a slut & a whore that she needs to work on her self esteem. that would be considered HOT...right? so what is the difference?

if you are a White Dom, and it is offensive to you, i am curious to find out why. is it a moral issue? is it a social issue? is it a matter of wanting to be seen as politically correct? is it something where you SAY it makes you uncomfortable, but if you were with someone who enjoyed it, you'd give it a try?

just trying to pick your brains a bit. :)

blessings....

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blessings...

biracialsub

***Please respect that I am OWNED & not seeking a Master. Thank You***

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 8:33:06 AM

Koala

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Wouldn't be an issue for me... if a sub enjoys humiliation, then I like to find the extreme limit of what she can take, and get her as close to it as I can. With that said, it would never be said outside of play, any more than I would call her a whore in front of others. It's our dirty little secret.

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 8:33:56 AM

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LOLOL.....

Yanno, it is like the one drop shit. Society is a powerful and limiting force. Something gets pounded in your head one way all the time, well-----

There has been so much railing against it----it is like a man sitting down to pee---just really hard to get over the indoctrination.

You'll find it.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 8:46:22 AM

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My personal thoughts are if that is what is agreed upon then its ok, however, I do think its a social thing. As a white male I was brought up with many Black friends so to me I would never say that out in public, I wont even use it when we get mad with each other.

I would not have a problem with a Black slave, would not mind keeping her caged for days at a time. I just kind of feel like I am disrespecting my friends and myself when using the "N" word.

Now with all that said, if we talked about it and she requested it that would be a bit different, what is said in the dungeon stays in the dungeon.

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 8:46:34 AM

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     There are a few things with this that I can see. First is you say that you have a drop of blood is your skin Black ? Are your features that of a black persons? If not it might be hard for them to give you what you want if they cant see the diferance. Second. If this is something that you enjoy then seek it and you shall find it. Personally If you were my sub I would do it for you only because you enjoyed it and it would be considered a compramise. Yes some Masters do that as well.
    I have herd so many people say that there race has stoped them or slowed them down from being the Top or bottom just because of the color of there skin and I have told them time and again that it has nothing to do with that. Then here you are wanting to flaunt your skin so it is a bit baffling to me when we fight so hard to turn a blind eye to color,sex, or sexuality.
     White,Black,Purple,Pink,Yellow, we are all people and no mater what we seek if we seek long enough we will find what we seek. The question is can we handle it once we find it?

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 8:54:36 AM

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It all comes down to Safe, Sane, Consensual. Find those things you got yourself a winner!

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 9:21:35 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

Posts: 109
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From: Illinois
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IamJustMe2C

There are a few things with this that I can see. First is you say that you have a drop of blood is your skin Black ? Are your features that of a black persons? If not it might be hard for them to give you what you want if they cant see the diferance. Second. If this is something that you enjoy then seek it and you shall find it. Personally If you were my sub I would do it for you only because you enjoyed it and it would be considered a compramise. Yes some Masters do that as well.
I have herd so many people say that there race has stoped them or slowed them down from being the Top or bottom just because of the color of there skin and I have told them time and again that it has nothing to do with that. Then here you are wanting to flaunt your skin so it is a bit baffling to me when we fight so hard to turn a blind eye to color,sex, or sexuality.
White,Black,Purple,Pink,Yellow, we are all people and no mater what we seek if we seek long enough we will find what we seek. The question is can we handle it once we find it?

Hi IamJustMe2C,
i wanted to reply to your reply! :)
you mentioned me using the 1 drop rule to determine my "blackness". i do have more than 1 drop, yes. :) i am 1/2 African American. my Father was balck. i am light skined, but i do have black features, in that, when you look at me, you can tell i am black. although, i do get mistaken for Puerto Riccan A LOT.

as far as me flaunting my skin, i didn't look at it like that. i do love my skin. :) i think it is beautiful! :)

i don't walk arround all day, wanting someone to call me the "N" word. i love black people, and people of all races, i have quite a mix in my family. but when it comes to sex....and being controled.... i can't help it...it is a turn on. and i especially love it when it is used in an endearing way...sort of like a pet name. i guess it is the irony of it.

< Message edited by biracalsub4wmDom -- 10/8/2007 9:24:14 AM >

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blessings...

biracialsub

***Please respect that I am OWNED & not seeking a Master. Thank You***

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 9:22:29 AM

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well as a black submissive and slave, i can't say i've ever had any difficulties coming across white Dominants who were comfortable using the "n" word and other verbal racial slurs and degradation. but it wasn't something i ever went looking for, i just seemed to constantly attract those types. it was quite off-putting the first time this happened to me, as i was a newbie with very little experience and also someone who despite growing up in the rural south had never experienced someone calling me such names directly to my face before. it hurt, definitely...but at the same time something about it just felt right, so i can understand the appeal you find in it.

i would say the most difficult issue with this subject would be distinguishing between Dominants who will use racials slurs and engage in racially slanted D/s for the purpose of "play", and those who truly view it as reality and use the guise of play to cover their racism. and of course you have to ask yourself...which one are you looking for?

(in reply to slaveelle)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 9:48:37 AM

RRafe

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I'm pretty color blind overall. I don't think I'd have an issue if the girl was really into it. It's sort of odd-I don't feel I'm a racist-I just don't care for anyone with a victim attitude.

Being pointed at at as "the man" just for being born white pisse me off. I wish people would just let go of the hate-it serves no one.

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 10:04:42 AM

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Wow, you really got me thinking there. I have had relationships with women from very diverse racial backgrounds. I just never thought of them as "japs", "dot heads", "niggers", "spics" or any other such racially derogatory term, to me they were women. Many of the terms used to humiliate others always seem to be personality based (slut, whore) and are universal rather than racially based. So the idea of using such a term to humiliate someone does seem a bit foreign to me, perhaps the people you have met have a similar view. If it was something you brought up to me as a turn on to you then I am sure we could find some common ground. It seems oxymoronic that a Dom humiliating you would tell you to work on your self esteem though. Thank you for your thought provoking post.

(Edited for spelling error, I hate that!)

< Message edited by sundownhawk -- 10/8/2007 10:05:50 AM >

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 11:49:44 AM

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I'd take it as a compliment on you picking intelligent and caring people.

But there's a huge amount of socialization to overcome to use those sorts of words and doms have rights to their limits also.

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 11:51:34 AM

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What an interesting question.

There was a class on this very subject in the Bay Area a while back, given by an old acquaintance. I asked her if this wasn't playing with fire, since it is so politically incorrect.

She said the class went well. I suppose it attracted a group not offended by this. I also feel that the bdsm D/s community is so accepting of mutually-satisfacting behavior that this would be less offensive in this context.

I wish I had attended the class. I could better answer your question.

As for me personally, I'd find it difficult to use the 'n' word. Whites have been drummed from birth not to use this word. Other racial slurs are the same, really. Who's going to call an asian the 'c' word, or a jew the 'k' word. These words are meant deliberately as insultive, 'fighting' words. They are designed and used to provoke an extreme reaction.

Really the only group you can get away with this are whites. The 'h' word and others are offensive, but used more frequently, I think.

Bottom line, you have to find a dom you trust and who trusts you completely. That takes time. It might be hard to find on a first date, lol.

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 12:15:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom

i've been told by white doms that i should work on my self esteem....that i am disrespecting myself by thinking this way. in this lifestyle, you wouldn't tell a woman who loves to be called a slut & a whore that she needs to work on her self esteem. that would be considered HOT...right? so what is the difference?

blessings....

I would say there isn't any difference at all.

How one likes their degradation/humiliation delivered is a personal and individual thing. I really don't think it has anything to do with self esteem. Unfortunately, anytime race or color comes into the picture most people automatically put it into the taboo catagory. My guess is they fear it, and they fear the judgement that comes with it from the PC brigade.

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marie.

I give good agita.

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 3:25:27 PM

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Interesting post. I think there are several issues here to explore.

The first is that many in the lifestyle enjoy objectification. I don't know you personally, so I'm just guessing that racial humiliation is a form of objectification. I've known other submissives who enjoyed being called slut, slave or whore. It seems that these are all a form of objectification, which may be similar to what you desire.

The second issue is boundaries. As for race, there are so many fuzzy lines on what is acceptable that most people walk carefully never knowing where a ticking time bomb may be hiding. We have to be extremely careful not to say something that can be misconstrued unintentionally or even intentionally. We can lose our jobs and be socially ostracized if labeled a racist. There are real consequences for crossing these fuzzy boundaries even with the best intentions. I think we have become conditioned like Pavlov’s dogs not to get too close to these boundaries.

In addition, I think there is a lot of confusion about the concept of racism. Traditionally, it was an idea that the white race was the intellectually and morally superior race. I don't think this concept is nearly as pervasive as it once was. What is considered racism now seems more of a cultural thing rather than a feeling of biological superiority. Lot’s of people don’t like to see pants down to the knees, but are afraid to be too critical. The result is that many people feel uncomfortable even discussing race because they don’t understand what constitutes racism and what is simply cultural.

For this reasons, racial humiliation is something that most whites would be extremely uncomfortable doing. I’m guessing that it’s not really a moral issue, but rather a social boundary issue. It might be something that you can eventually work on together.

Tristan

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 3:45:02 PM

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I don't have any great answer to your question....I know I have gotten request and have passed on white men that want me to racially humiliate them. I just can't do it. People are people, and if we continue to use such words it's just never going to end. Not saying that not using a certain "words" no matter what it is will stop all racism, but it certainly doesn't hurt either.

with that being said....if that's your turn on have at it. But as you have a preference, let the ones that choose not to have theirs as well. As you think there is nothing wrong with it, they have the right to believe that there is.

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 4:04:35 PM

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words are not good or bad...the people that use the words are good or bad...nigger is not a bad word...its 8 letters, arranged in a certain way that means "black person" or "dark-skinned person" (like sand nigger...thanks drunk ass neighbor o mine)...its the person using it that makes it bad or good....bad...drunk ass neighbor o mine....or dumbass red neck at walmart who is insulting the trainee cashier who just happens to be black but really just doesn't know how to work the register really fast cause its the first 5 minutes of her first shift...good...i guess (for what its worth)...lol...i earned the right....lol....to be called a nigga in the circle of black people i ran with...as in - she's cool, not a cop....yay for me...or just in general the reclaiming of the deragatory word and using it in a strengthening/uniting manner instead....same with bitch/slut/fag/dyke/so on/and so forth....

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RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 7:03:59 PM

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Interesting question, are you telling them you want to be called that, or waiting... hoping that they will?

If it's the latter, I can predict disappointment, I don't think many would be willing to cross that line without being invited...

Personally... I find it exciting that you wish to be humiliated in that way.. my advice is to tell your next partner you'd enjoy it. If they don't want to... then I'd be a little concerned - after all, as the others said - its just a word... some feel "cunt" is as demeaning a word for a woman as possible... frankly, I feel that they don't get out enough.

If you get off on being called that, then find a person who gets off on you getting off on being called that - match ;)

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 8:46:27 PM

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Excellent thread. Great topic and one that will have people spinning. Now, I'm going to share with my thoughts, views and mindset on this topic.

Personally, I'm not racist. However an asshole is an asshole regardless of color.   I Judge people on something else besides skin color. Now I have met some black people that totally hate white people. I have a 1/2 sister that actually dates black men, and some of these guys family hate the idea of their boys dating or being with a white girl.   Racism is a two way street. It's not something that's exclusive to America either! Amazing though you'd think us american's have the bragging rights on slavery and racism going on.   Racism exist in this world, and it's not all a question of black or white.

Now, the big bad "N" word! When I was in the Navy I had the great opportunity to get to know some black guys from some tough cities and no so tough rural parts of America.   Now, amazing is the use of the word "N" in an endearing or joking term.   Oh wait... I'm a "Cracker". LOL.    Now, that was a word used in fun and endearing context, and yes even directed at me.   Now, I learned how to Make "Cracker" jokes as much as I heard the "N" word going on.   To the point, they even got me to saying it comfortable with it.   No big deal.    The point is saying it in "Good" context verses the "Bad" context. Gee.. look can say the word without any Hatred and only Love involved.   Mind you, yes it is a racial word.   But come on, white is white and black is black.   Besides using it in such a loving Manner actully transform the word from an UGLY hateful one to one of LOVE.   Basically, it's called HiJacking the use of the word and changing it meaning from something UGLY and BAD to something not so BAD.

Personally, I wish the whole world would start using the "N" word in a Joking, Endearing and Loving Manner. It would kill off the Ugly meaning altogther.   However, this is not the case.   Whew, anyways there is a time and place that the "N" word can be used. It all depends upon around whom regardless of their color. BTW some of the Best and Funniest "N" jokes I've heard come from black people. Go figure!

Personally, I'd be up for using the word just as I would slut or whore, without it squicking me out to death. I'm certain any White Cracker Boy that's hung out with some brothers that use the "N" word for awhile, damn well knows what I'm talking about here. Anyways, I'd better get my white cracker ass back going now.

Excellent Thread!!!!!!! A++ one to bring up.

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 9:57:33 PM

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Whoa! hold the horses here, lol. I know intent is everything, but this would make me uncomfortable. In my mind it envokes some of the darker moments in history. We have finally gotten to the point where whites and blacks dont distrust one another and fear alterior motives.

Keep in mind that the very nature of the BDSM lifestyle means that most involved are very open minded, racists wouldnt be very common here. To use a word such as this, even in the context of a scene, carries alot of baggage with it. This certainly isnt an issue of being politically correct as I would like to take that garbage and just throw it out the window. For me personally, it is an issue of decency.

I am curious though, why do you not embrace your white heritage as well?

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

RE: White Dom/black sub....afraid of the "N" ... - 10/8/2007 10:02:42 PM

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I think it's pretty clear that if she wants a WHITE dom to remind her of her BLACKNESS, she is embracing BOTH SIDES of her heritage.

Personally, I think the whole thing is sizzling hot.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllforFun

I am curious though, why do you not embrace your white heritage as well?

(in reply to AllforFun)

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