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"service" - 10/22/2007 6:45:17 AM

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I just have to ask as I filter emails and messages and bullshit...(they all look the same at this rate)

How many women define service as play in some form?

I mean I read a ton of requests to "serve," (my reaction..."yay Isomebody else can do the fucking cat liter now!") and it boils down to the petitioner's idea of service being buttfucked or "working hard" to keep their genital region in a "desireable" state.

Is it really service to bend over and take it in the ass if the bottom fantasizes about it?

And is fantasy what makes it different?

I mean I know I'm weird and all...but I fantasize about Her being more "strict" with me when it comes to my chores around the house. I fantasize about Her getting out white gloves to check my work. Does that make it less of service?

What is "service"?

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 6:55:39 AM

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I know what you mean BoiJen, when I get emails from *s* types that tell me they want to serve me, my first thought is "Great! the lawn gets mowed" or something like that. And the ones that tell me they want to serve me online! Eek-- gotta have a magic lawnmower for that!

To me, service is when one does things to make my life easier. Not a sexual thing at all.

(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:02:34 AM

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To me, service also means doing things to make my life easier, the cleaning, the cooking, the liter box, drawing my bath, acting as my driver, ect. Possibly, with someone who I known for a long time, & have developed a close feeling too, it could mean bathing me, or even giving me a massage or a foot rub. For me, a service submissive really is not about sexual things at all.

A submissive who tells me they want to serve me by allowing me to do sexual things to, is not in my opinion, offering to give me service at all. I would feel like I was giving them service, & I already have a paying job.

(in reply to MamaDomme)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:15:38 AM

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From: Jersey
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I think service in the context of ds relationships can be basically anything your dom wants to use you for. Including sex or cleaning the kitty box or whatever it may be.

I don't think that enjoying something or fantasizing about something in particular, whether it's cleaning the floor or taking a cock up your ass, makes it any less of a "service".

I mean, if we're doing this shit right, both parties should feel fulfilled, and yeah, even enjoy it.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:16:55 AM

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Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
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G'morning all:

BoiJen, I couldn't agree more. I'll cut, copy & paste a saying from my journal. It's a quote I found in a submissive male's forum profile that nails service to the wall. It's not about doing something sexual for me. It's about making my life easier. A fact that many, woefully, just don't get.

I wonder how many of the "submissive" males which read this thread will respond, since we're essentially cutting off their nuts as they hunt for their fetishes. *chuckling*

"A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water." - Abraham Joshua Heschel

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:17:53 AM

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Hello again, boijen. Always good to see you pop up.

To be honest, this has been something that has been rolling around in My mind since the last thread it was discussed on. I'm rather glad it was posted on something else so it could be talked about.

My current boy isn't sexual service at all. He leans much more to the actual service aspects. In truth, there's been no sexual contact to date. It's been discussed and that's the end of it. Instead, he is much more (how shall I put this?) "real" service oriented. He actually gets disappointed that he isn't permitted to come to the house and do things more often. Yes, he's the type to clean the cat box, do the laundry, or any other chore that I ask of him. Of course, this also includes things like doing My nails or giving Me a massage, but I don't want that to distract from what I believe you're asking.

Having said all of that, yes, he also happens to be a delicious bottom. That's more of a reward to him than someone who wants to be beaten as a punishment. When there's talk of S/m "play", that's what it's done for..... The purpose of fun. The fact is that he enjoys pain and I enjoy dispensing it. A trip to subspace for him through pain is a treat, and he knows he has to earn it.

I'm very anxiously awaiting the other replies on this thread.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MissIsis)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:32:43 AM

WyckedIndulgence

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Service as I see it is something a butler, maid, personal attendant, gardener, repairman, or any other such service provider would do and has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. However, what I may choose to incorporate into that service could include various twists such as the previously mentioned "white glove" test or cleaning the floors and/or toilet with a toothbrush. Yet, the main objective is to make my life easier regardless of how I choose to have it done.

Unfortunately, many are under the misconception that service or being served has everything to do with sex and little else. Some Dommes may have the same perception but for me, it's all about cooking, cleaning, running errands, home maintenance, washing the car, preparing my bubble bath, etc. Anything sexual is simply a reward for exceptional service.

~ Mz P

_____________________________

Give it up boy... some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints!

(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:45:57 AM

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Service is doing things that make my life easier. Usually very very mundane things like taking care of the lawn or helping with dinner or shopping.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:57:46 AM

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Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I just have to ask as I filter emails and messages and bullshit...(they all look the same at this rate)

How many women define service as play in some form?

I mean I read a ton of requests to "serve," (my reaction..."yay Isomebody else can do the fucking cat liter now!") and it boils down to the petitioner's idea of service being buttfucked or "working hard" to keep their genital region in a "desireable" state.

Is it really service to bend over and take it in the ass if the bottom fantasizes about it?

And is fantasy what makes it different?

I mean I know I'm weird and all...but I fantasize about Her being more "strict" with me when it comes to my chores around the house. I fantasize about Her getting out white gloves to check my work. Does that make it less of service?

What is "service"?

When one serves me they become property and serve me at any capacity I see fit. This means domestic servitude as well as my emotional and sexual needs. Someone who is truly submissive enjoy relinquishing control and serving all the needs of a Domina. When you fantasize about her pulling out the white glove inspection that is simply just an express of the level of control she has over you.

Now I can totally get into a nonsexual relationship that involves intense control and unconditonal service.

< Message edited by DiannaVesta -- 10/22/2007 7:59:42 AM >

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(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 11:52:49 AM

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For me personally, service is defined as "Anything that makes Mistress' life easier and/or enjoyable" So, with that definition in mind, yes, "service" can include play but ONLY if it is something SHE desires it.

I am there to serve Her in any way She deems necessary/appropriate. Most days it's cleaning, secretarial work, cooking, errands....some days yes, it's play.

Call me warped but.... I take pleasure in all aspects of service to Her. Seeing the smile on Her face when I return Her car after having it all day washing/waxing/detailing it gives me as much of a warm fuzzy as being bent over taking a spanking that is destressing Her.

And yes BoiJen, I agree completely with wishing She would be more demanding/strict... gives me that little challenge to do/be more/better and a bigger "rush" when I accomplish it :)

Service calls-
pj

(in reply to BoiJen)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 12:07:41 PM

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I happen to agree with all the lovely ladies on this thread,so I wont repeat what has been said very well,except,I am so sick of receiveing emails telling me of their amazing "oral service",to the point I roll my eyes.

(in reply to softpjOS)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 12:17:31 PM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Can service involve sex/orgasm? Sure. Generally though, sex is a *reward*---and sex with me? So not likely.

I am not interested in having anyone clean the house or deal with the lawn, or do my nails, I have professionals for that. I DO want other things done, though, and those things that make my life easier are the service.

I used to have a line on my website that said if you are offering oral service it better mean that you can tell me a good story! I stick to that.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to guest44)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 12:34:58 PM

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Well this has been a great post and ontime... Just last night a "submissve" potential/prospect made it a point to tell Me he is not, "a domestic". When I actually talked to him this morning the conversation was quite interesting. he again told Me that he doesn't do chores, "or anything like that." I told him that he is not really "submissive" but his desire to be bent over, slapped, mentally, and physically controlled is his sexual fetish. Poor dear was "introduced" to the lifestyle by an old girlfriend. It would appear what he received is now his idea of what being a submissive is.

There were other things he told Me he would not do and NONE of it had to deal with sexual matters. he wants his Mistress that he has a life. It went on and on but after O/our conversation, he had some thinking to do about what his purpose and needs are. I don't completely blame him for not truly understanding the difference between lifestyle and sexual kink or preference.

I happen to feel if a "submissive" (I say that in quotes to indicate the ones that "think" they are because of what turns them on sexually) says what they want or fantasize about, it isn't service. As a reward for great service, I am only to happy to oblidge "some" things but may use another sub to provide the "fantasy" for serving Me well.

I do agree that B/both should enjoy the experiences (for the most part) but when the submissive is calling the shots I question if it's really service.

Oh what a complicated world W/we live in at times.

Mistress Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to guest44)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 2:38:17 PM

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Ha, this is off-topic from your question, but thanks for the idea of getting white gloves.........that idea never crossed my mind.......just like Mary Poppins lol ;)

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 4:27:16 PM

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i think most submissives are in the lifestyle to fullfill a need, be it sexual or just the need to serve and be seen to be pleasing. No one offers to serve, without there being some type of reward, ranging from an inner feeling of contentment, to maybe some sexual or bdsm play. Even submissives who say " i just love serving " are still doing it to fill their deep need to serve.

Some Mistress`s will seek a submissive just for domestic service, others will seek someone for domestic and sexual service. There is nothing inherently wrong with either, as long as both parties are content at the end of the exchange.

One of the best adds i saw simply said " Clean my house, then we play " No maybes or anything, just a straight forward statement of what was in it for either party.

(in reply to MistresssAria)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 6:46:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bella1965

"A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water." - Abraham Joshua Heschel

Bella

Wow... that is just profound. So profound I quoted it. LOL

I am always leary of those who just come out and say they wish to serve. I guess I have been burnt on the bum too many times by greedy lil subs that really only thier most major kinks fulfilled and figured that was thier easiest route to getting it done. Luckily I am the sort of Domme that no play or anything begins untill I know the sub as a person and I have a solid friendship with them first. This includes service. This tends to weed out the wankers and time wasters quite quickly... who is going to hang out with a Domme for months talking and getting to know them with out the bits being involved or any kink being involved if that is all they are after? None.

Even after we fully begin I am still leary about "Domestic Service" any more. Unless they live with me.. and they helped create it. *smiles* Now polishing my boots, conditioning my leathers, washing my delicates... managing my toy chest... polishing my daggers, and swords... that is just part of being a good slave or submissive in my eyes. I am looking forward to getting my Leather armor again so my slave can wax and polish it for me after tournements & so he can cheer me on with my girl. *smiles*

Also nothing quite like watching a slave clean and polish a saddle and tack.

I guess it is house work and chores I am sticky on...

*shrugs* who knew! *chuckles*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to Bella1965)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:17:12 PM

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There is a service thread on the general board, where Aakasha asks about motivation to serve. Most of the responses were from females, though they didn't get asked what their service consisted of.

While driving to work, it occurred to me that of COURSE men equate sex with service---if you were a guy, what would be more important to you, getting a blow job, or making sure that the laundry got folded? I think it comes down to an essential difference in priorities, if not outright needs.

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RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:29:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
i think most submissives are in the lifestyle to fullfill a need, be it sexual or just the need to serve and be seen to be pleasing. No one offers to serve, without there being some type of reward, ranging from an inner feeling of contentment, to maybe some sexual or bdsm play. Even submissives who say " i just love serving " are still doing it to fill their deep need to serve.

See, that's the flipside of the "you're not really a service sub!" thing that tends to get my goat... While i agree that it is disingenuous/profoundly naive for a male to position himself as a "sexual service only" sub to a Female Dominant, i think that the "no-strings-attached housework" Domme is in the same fantasy world... Even if that "string" is verbal correction when a job is done poorly, there's something. i do get some satisfaction out of just seeing the house clean and not a disaster, but the occasional physical reward or punishment for the job done is much more satisfying

Waiting for a stranger to come mow your lawn for absolutely nothing, out of the tens of millions of lawns in America, could be a long wait. Unless he does have a magic lawnmower (!

)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
While driving to work, it occurred to me that of COURSE men equate sex with service---if you were a guy, what would be more important to you, getting a blow job, or making sure that the laundry got folded? I think it comes down to an essential difference in priorities, if not outright needs.

That's a good point. It's also worth considering that there is a cultural stereotype that "the average guy"- you know, the one who watches lots of sports with his buddies, drinks beer, enjoys fart jokes, etc.- is an inconsiderate, selfish, and/or inadequate lover, and that there are women who have sexual needs that are not being met because they're not being given enough priority in the bedroom. Now, maybe it's just on cartoons and stuff since that's all i usually watch on TV, but i swear i'm not making it up! Somebody out there is selling the idea that women are sexual creatures!

It's all the media's fault!

< Message edited by petdave -- 10/22/2007 8:02:45 PM >

(in reply to Politesub53)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:42:20 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1

Well this has been a great post and ontime... Just last night a "submissve" potential/prospect made it a point to tell Me he is not, "a domestic". When I actually talked to him this morning the conversation was quite interesting. he again told Me that he doesn't do chores, "or anything like that." I told him that he is not really "submissive" but his desire to be bent over, slapped, mentally, and physically controlled is his sexual fetish. Poor dear was "introduced" to the lifestyle by an old girlfriend. It would appear what he received is now his idea of what being a submissive is.

There were other things he told Me he would not do and NONE of it had to deal with sexual matters. he wants his Mistress that he has a life. It went on and on but after O/our conversation, he had some thinking to do about what his purpose and needs are. I don't completely blame him for not truly understanding the difference between lifestyle and sexual kink or preference.

I happen to feel if a "submissive" (I say that in quotes to indicate the ones that "think" they are because of what turns them on sexually) says what they want or fantasize about, it isn't service. As a reward for great service, I am only to happy to oblidge "some" things but may use another sub to provide the "fantasy" for serving Me well.

I do agree that B/both should enjoy the experiences (for the most part) but when the submissive is calling the shots I question if it's really service.

Oh what a complicated world W/we live in at times.

Mistress Faye

See we each use terms differently.

To me, he sounds like submissive -- he submits for certain activities for a limited period of time, recognizing another person's authority for that time or for those activities.

In my household a slave provides me with service that is ongoing, 24/7, and of a very wide range.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

RE: "service" - 10/22/2007 7:45:29 PM

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I think it is the general almost dishonestly of some of it with some I have run across. I understand and cherish those who serve because it fulfills them from within to serve another. I know that when I do a good job at work, I like praise. When I go all out and cook one hell of a meal I love to hear the accolades. Why would anyone else be different?

I praise my girl all the time when she does things for me about the house. I also let her know when she does not.. LOL

However the game playing of " Oh.. no strings.. I only live to serve" then they act pissy and hurt because that blow job they thought was forth comming never materialized. My 2 boys served me, and learned from me for 3-4 years each before they ever had sexual contact. Most I never do have sexual contact with.. I am very picky on that. I guess this is why it sticks in my craw so badly that most say one thing out one side of thier face.. but expect another.
*chuckles*

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to petdave)

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