RE: Safe words

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Safe words

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Safe words

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 8:53:16 AM

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

<snip>

beth hasn't needed to dominant me by using either thus far.

clarification please? would you consider it specifically beth dominanting you, in your case only, if she used a safe word?
or do you consider it a submissive dominating a Dominant to use a safeword?

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 8:53:50 AM

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline

most lifers dont,, as for me,, i find when starting a new relationship it is a good thing to do,, ut as it grows ,, and as the knowladge of each other grows,,the use of a safe word ,, seems to fade away

_____________________________

remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 8:59:13 AM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

most lifers dont,, as for me,, i find when starting a new relationship it is a good thing to do,, ut as it grows ,, and as the knowladge of each other grows,,the use of a safe word ,, seems to fade away

I've never had a safe word with Sir. I just knew intrinsically that i didn't need or want one.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to MasterMataeo)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:10:10 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
<snip>
beth hasn't needed to dominant me by using either thus far.

clarification please? would you consider it specifically beth dominating you, in your case only, if she used a safe word?
or do you consider it a submissive dominating a Dominant to use a safeword?

Sure...
If beth had a safe-word and/or used one, she would be the dominant in the activity. I don't distinguish her from any other slave. "submissives" are different in my mind, however yes the same opinion applies.

Reacting to hearing whatever safe word used to stop or slow down by stopping or slowing down indicates that the "submissive" is using the "dominant" as a sensation facilitator. Whoever controls the activity, or has the ability to control the activity by the use of a word or gesture, is the dominant partner. You can use any name or label for the parties that you'd like. Action / Reaction indicates dominance. Saying "red" or whatever you use, and having the result of stopping the scene means you are in charge of the scene. To me, that represents dominance.

Unless you are using safe-words as short cuts to getting to know the person, or to address lack of experience and/or confidence then they serve that purpose. Assuming safe-words have an expectation of being respected and have the power those that use them say they do, the power rests with person who maintains the power to say them even if they never use them.

Clear?

Edited to add:

quote:

i have found that i safeworded when the energy was not flowing between me and the Top...nothing to do with the implement...because if you take a look at my back...there are scars aplenty from the play i have done...but i have also called red to end a scene because it hurt so bad 10 minutes in....

Went back to re-read and saw this quote from you.

Regardless of the scars, you obviously were in charge in both cases. The first because you just weren't into it; with no or little consideration if the sensation facilitator you were using at the time was. In the second case - it was too much for you, again not considering what was wanted by the facilitator but the fact that the scene stopped showed who was in charge.

These were good illustrations of my point and shouldn't indicate any qualitative judgment of "better" or lifestyle "dogma". It doesn't imply the facilitating of sensations or the receiving of them is "bad" or not as good as the alternative. It is simple pragmatism based upon observed or documented action / reaction.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 11/6/2007 9:17:40 AM >

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:12:33 AM

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

~fast reply~

I don't have them, per se, but "G**dammit M*****r F****r, that f****ng HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" is a pretty strong hint.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:17:50 AM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I do not use safewords nor will I consider playing with anyone who insists upon the use of one.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to tinkatoy)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:21:56 AM

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

most lifers dont,, as for me,, i find when starting a new relationship it is a good thing to do,, ut as it grows ,, and as the knowladge of each other grows,,the use of a safe word ,, seems to fade away

I've never had a safe word with Sir. I just knew intrinsically that i didn't need or want one.

good for you two,, everything jsut clicked,, that doesn't happen to often ,, wish you boththe best of luck

MM

_____________________________

remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:24:45 AM

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I do not use safewords nor will I consider playing with anyone who insists upon the use of one.

for me it's up to them ,, if they feel comfortable with me then so be it,,
I know my limits,, nad know how to read them on others,,
and i wouldn't play with anyone insist on them ,, for then the common problem of being topped fromthe bottom comes up,,
withme it's an option,, one that i respect ,, but dont require,,

MM

_____________________________

remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:30:47 AM

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Frequently a gasped HAIR. I panic if there's a hair in my mouth. So that gets him to stop and wipe my mouth until he removes it.

If I can talk, then I'll say "my wrist is getting numb". But if things are going bad then he judges by how panicky I get. Panic attacks and sexual arousal don't go together and he prefers by far the latter to the former.

When I'm gagged, which is often, if just one wrist is going numb, then I open and close that hand slowly while trying to rotate it a little in the tie, for other problems I open and close both fists rapidly. At that point he removes the gag and I tell him what the problem is.

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:34:44 AM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMataeo

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I do not use safewords nor will I consider playing with anyone who insists upon the use of one.

for me it's up to them ,, if they feel comfortable with me then so be it,,
I know my limits,, nad know how to read them on others,,
and i wouldn't play with anyone insist on them ,, for then the common problem of being topped fromthe bottom comes up,,
withme it's an option,, one that i respect ,, but dont require,,
MM

For me it doesn't have anything to do with comfort, or length of relationship, or familiarity, or trust, or topping from the bottom.

To me relying upon a "safe" word is just a very "UN-safe" thing to do.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MasterMataeo)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:40:20 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

We don't use them and never have. His feeling has always been that when he has played with someone using a safeword it is far easier to take things to the limit very quickly as you know the sub will safeword if it gets too much. Not using one means he has to take much more care and watch the subs reactions far more.

I know that only once have I got to the point with him that I would have safe worded if I had had one. It was just at that point that he stopped what he was doing. When I told him that he said he could tell by my body language I had had enough.

Works that way for us anyway.

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:41:40 AM

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMataeo

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I do not use safewords nor will I consider playing with anyone who insists upon the use of one.

for me it's up to them ,, if they feel comfortable with me then so be it,,
I know my limits,, nad know how to read them on others,,
and i wouldn't play with anyone insist on them ,, for then the common problem of being topped fromthe bottom comes up,,
withme it's an option,, one that i respect ,, but dont require,,
MM

For me it doesn't have anything to do with comfort, or length of relationship, or familiarity, or trust, or topping from the bottom.

To me relying upon a "safe" word is just a very "UN-safe" thing to do.

I understand

_____________________________

remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:44:01 AM

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

"Oh, we don't keep lifejackets on our boat. We've been sailing for years, and we've never needed to use them. We advocate to everyone that they don't need to have lifejackets either. (implied:) People who keep lifejackets on their boats are obviously rank amateurs."

Funny how you change the context of the arugument slightly, and the whole saftey issue takes on a different light...

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:51:44 AM

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

Diane and I never use safe words either for we believe some times a sub will use them as a crutch.We are very experience Dom's and know when enough is enough.How can you expand or push limits if all you hear 'damm that enough oh gawd that hurts' smile.Well dah its suppose to hurt dummy..Conversation and explanations before hand goes a long way to aleave the stress and fear.This is why we prefer an experienced sub for play...

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to susie)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:54:47 AM

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I use the English language... chiefly because my Russian is horrible.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:54:57 AM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber
"Oh, we don't keep lifejackets on our boat. We've been sailing for years, and we've never needed to use them. We advocate to everyone that they don't need to have lifejackets either. (implied:) People who keep lifejackets on their boats are obviously rank amateurs."

Funny how you change the context of the arugument slightly, and the whole saftey issue takes on a different light...

Where was it in my post that I implied anything about amateurs? I don't believe in safewords...period. Not when they are used by the brand new or the ultra experienced. I prefer to trust my safety to things like using common sense, making good fact based decisions, understanding and educating myself to possible risks, taking my time to actually get to know the person I am submitting to, listening to my inner voice and if, after taking all of the possible precautions, something does necessitate the ending of the scene....to rely upon honest and forthright communication instead of trusting my safety to some pre-scripted made up word that has been attached some magical property of safety. Silly me.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to bipolarber)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 9:58:44 AM

KinkyYoungCouple

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline

We've never needed one. I'm very careful and attentive and I pretty much always know how she's doing. We have one in place in case she ever needs it, though... Papa Smurf.

(in reply to bipolarber)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 10:05:32 AM

Posts: 18
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

"Oh, we don't keep lifejackets on our boat. We've been sailing for years, and we've never needed to use them. We advocate to everyone that they don't need to have lifejackets either. (implied:) People who keep lifejackets on their boats are obviously rank amateurs."

Funny how you change the context of the arugument slightly, and the whole saftey issue takes on a different light...

Hello bipolarber

Personally, this example that you have used is quite insulting. I HAVE been sailing since I was old enough for my parents to put me in a boat. We do keep life jackets on board, but we do not wear them. Anyone who comes on board knows how to swim or they don't sail with my parents. If something were to happen, sure, the life jackets would be used; but to ONLY use those in the case of an emergency is UNSAFE. You must also employ other safety measures.

I understood perfectly what Mistoferin was saying; in addition to the reason WHY she stated what she did. To rely ONLY on a safeword... is UNSAFE.

desiree

_____________________________

It is only in the silence of calm that the beat of the heart can be heard

(in reply to bipolarber)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 10:09:57 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

You can have more lifejackets than people on a boat - doesn't matter a flying fuck if you don't know how to put one on and use it properly.
Apart from the other obvious difference that a lifejacket is ones own responsibility - safewording would be between two or more people.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to bipolarber)

RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 10:12:52 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

"Oh, we don't keep lifejackets on our boat. We've been sailing for years, and we've never needed to use them. We advocate to everyone that they don't need to have lifejackets either. (implied:) People who keep lifejackets on their boats are obviously rank amateurs."

Funny how you change the context of the arugument slightly, and the whole saftey issue takes on a different light...

Perhaps to you, but unlike being on an unpredictable ocean, being in control of a Master or Dominant shouldn't have the the possibility of a storm coming to capsize the scene. I wouldn't suggest an ocean cruise on a boat listing 30 degrees to port regardless of the fact there were life jackets aboard. Similarly I wouldn't suggest a session with someone who you don't know well enough to 'cruise'. Besides in the worst case - life jackets don't help. Using a similar example, both in relevance and result; your position would mean that everyone dying in a plane crash didn't have the seat belts "securely fastened". Safe-words have the potential of providing the same sense of false security.

There was no "advocation" implied, and no "rank amateur" label used; at least from this side of the argument. My position is that they don't and can't do what they are intended and they can not prevent anything, since by their very nature they are said AFTER or DURING the sensation which caused their use in the first place. The exception of course is when you session with a clairvoyant who would use the safe word prior to the sensation.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 11/6/2007 10:15:03 AM >

(in reply to bipolarber)

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Safe words

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.102