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RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:34:42 AM   
VieVivante


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you, mist. I will read into this some more.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:36:18 AM   
Abraxus


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Dark I agree with you whole heartedly Excelent example.

_____________________________

Master Sage

"There is no sacred law than that of my own."
~unknown

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:36:31 AM   
wintersbreath


Posts: 23
Status: offline
~Fast reply to no one in particular ~
The debate over the use of safe words has been around so long; sometimes I am amused that at it.
If a person feels safer and more at ease using a safe word; so be it.
If a person feels that safe words are useless in the ‘height’ of increased sensation; so be it. When one engages in activities that could possibly become dangerous and out of control; the only thing that matters is they feel comfortable and at ease, and if having a safe word in that situation will give them that measure of peace; more power to them.

In reply to the OP; it was only in my second relationship that safewords were utilized; even then though, it was simply enough to tell him that I had had enough and he needed to stop. No red, no yellow, no green, no orange; no purple headed bafoon... simply stop please.

(in reply to tinkatoy)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:41:56 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VieVivante

quote:

Reacting to hearing whatever safe word used to stop or slow down by stopping or slowing down indicates that the "submissive" is using the "dominant" as a sensation facilitator. Whoever controls the activity, or has the ability to control the activity by the use of a word or gesture, is the dominant partner.


Actually, this point of view by Merc has been the most thought provoking to me. I'm not sure I agree with him or not; going to have to think on this a bit.


Exactly-the only way to be safe is to communicate-or have a safe Top who watches carefully.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to VieVivante)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:43:49 AM   
VieVivante


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline 		Darcy, one point on which me both agree, which MadRabbit put well, is that a safeword in no way should substitute for the Dom's close attention to the sub and the situation at hand. Personally I consider a safe word a point of last resort, i.e. despite my best efforts and focus, I have missed something. I allow them because I have no pretensions that I am incapable of error.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:44:17 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I can't stop people from using them if that is what they ultimately wish to do, nor is that my goal. My goal is to point out the opposite side of the equation. My main issue with safewords is that the safe word mantra is touted in this community as though it is the only acceptable way to proceed, and that simply is not so.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to wintersbreath)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:45:25 AM   
Abraxus


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		wintersbreath stattes "If a person feels safer and more at ease using a safe word; so be it.
If a person feels that safe words are useless in the ‘height’ of increased sensation; so be it. When one engages in activities that could possibly become dangerous and out of control; the only thing that matters is they feel comfortable and at ease, and if having a safe word in that situation will give them that measure of peace; more power to them."
I have to state this, It is My opinion that safe words give submissive and Dominants a scence of false hope. Safe words are not only unreliable they are placing people at risk in My opinion. For instance to think a safe word will save you in the hands of a preditor is tottaly wrong. You are only as safe as your jugement of whom you choose to play with.

< Message edited by Abraxus -- 11/6/2007 11:49:24 AM >

_____________________________

Master Sage

"There is no sacred law than that of my own."
~unknown

(in reply to wintersbreath)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:51:18 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tinkatoy

What do you use for safe words?


The standard: yellow and red.

I don't actually use the green word option because I personally do not need to know that things are ok, only when things aren't. I can usually tell when they are good but there is no way I can just "see" or "hear" if some issues pop up that are not ok because my partner will have his own mind, his own feelings, and his own body that I know I can never be as fully aware of as he can be.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to tinkatoy)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:53:13 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		mistoferin,

Sorry about that... CM's software added that "in response to..." automatically. I was making a gerneral comment, and not just refering to your post alone.... I apologize for the confusion.

And to the rest of you who severely trounced my lifejacket/safeword anology: YES, I know that BDSM is not the same thing as sailing. YES, I agree that the use of lifejackets and safewords doesn't help unless you know their proper use. (you can say the same thing about owning handguns, something else I advocate.) YES, I know that everyone has the right to either use them, or not. 

But I still maintain that it is better to have one, and not need it... than need one, and not have it. (shrug) Sue me. I always err on the side of saftey and staying alive... wherever possible.

My first post on this thread stated that my Domme and I like using the common stoplight style signals. The reason we do so is simple: we like to have a constant stream of communication during a scene. The fact that she "checks in" wanting to hear either green or yellow, especially when she is pushing the limits of where we've gone before, is one of the things that help protect our scenes from veering off into accidental abuse, or unintended damage.

Dialing 911, and waiting for the ambulance tends to kill the romance, if you ask me. This could happen from a sudden drop of blood pressure, heart arythmia, accidental blockage of the airway, feeling a drop in blood glucose (I myself am Type II), suddenly feeling a joint pop out of it's socket, being in a bad position for vomiting when you feel a wave of nausea coming on,  and any number of other possible medical or psychological trap doors that could open up during a scene. 

I'm sorry that so many of you seem to think that this is a "do it my way or it's the highway" issue. It's not at all! These are just statements of opinion. Oh, and the (implied) "rank amateur" statement... well, how do you think your advocating of NOT using basic saftey precautions comes off? A lot of new folks read this message board, looking for quality information... if you DON'T use safewords, could you at least mention the fact that you have been in the same relationship for years, and can now practically read each other's minds? Or at least give a better detailed set of reasons why you don't, so the hypothetical newbie reading your posts don't just blow off basic saftey principals because "people on CM say it's not really needed." 

Just my opinion... I could be wrong.



(in reply to MasterMataeo)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 11:53:37 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I don't use safewords. I use open communication. It's what works for me. If others choose to use safewords, that's their choice and I have no problem with that per se, however I do have a problem with the use of them being touted as the "one true way" or pushed as the safety measure when in fact they are only as good, as safe as the top. Never rely on a safeword alone to save your ass. It's not a magic fix all word.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to Abraxus)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 12:38:25 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I'm sorry that so many of you seem to think that this is a "do it my way or it's the highway" issue. It's not at all! These are just statements of opinion.

I'm not a linguist or a language expert but this quote seems to indicate "judgment"; "Funny how you change the context of the arugument slightly, and the whole saftey issue takes on a different light... " Unless the "light" isn't a reference to enlightenment.

quote:

Oh, and the (implied) "rank amateur" statement... well, how do you think your advocating of NOT using basic saftey precautions comes off?
Speaking only for myself, my "advocation" is in NOT playing, or sessioning, or whatever you label it, unless/until you know the person/persons well enough to NOT need to use a safe-word and using it to maintain control over what happens during the experience. If you think advocating for time and effort to get to know the other person involved represents an "unsafe" position you'll need to explain it to me. Appearance and reputation are irrelavent. Using your natical reference, seeing a freshly painted boat that has just crossed the Atlantic shouldn't make you feel safe because the paint could be a coverer up of dry rot. Better to check out the vessal in more detail, or just come aboard with a life jacket?

While at it, you'll need to answer how a word or action designed to be used AFTER the experience prevents you from feeling the experience? Yelling your safe word at the top of your lungs may prevent the second bull-whip strike from occurring, but it won't eliminate the scar from the first one. Change bull-whip to paddle, electric current, flogger, clover clamps, needles, or the first ounce of 4 quart Tabasco enema; and you still have an 'after the fact' RE-action NOT a safe preemptive prevention.

quote:

A lot of new folks read this message board, looking for quality information...
Great point - it's why I think the false security of safe-words should be pointed out every time they are mentioned regardless of how redundant it seems.
quote:

  if you DON'T use safewords, could you at least mention the fact that you have been in the same relationship for years, and can now practically read each other's minds?
Not necessarily, I've not used them from first contact. I was taught long ago that they provide a false sense of security both from the submissive and Dominant's perspective. In my "worst case" illustrating the point, I had a VERY intense session that lasted for two days, breaking only for food, drink, and a few minutes of sleep. I only acquired the 'mind reading' skill over time. And although beth sometimes doesn't agree with the level of my 'reading skills' I think I've gotten better at it since that "worst case" example of our meeting 5 years ago.

quote:

Or at least give a better detailed set of reasons why you don't, so the hypothetical newbie reading your posts don't just blow off basic saftey principals because "people on CM say it's not really needed."
Many have already been raised, but this is one of my personal favorite reasons. Being "human" safe-words can be seen as a test. The submissive can test themselves to see how long they can last before being "made" to say the safe word. The Dominant, especially insecure and lacking experience variety, can belief that without at least hearing the "orange" or warning safe-word that they aren't being intense enough.

In and of itself that thought process isn't necessarily dangerous and doesn't always end in disaster, but; in my not at all humble opinion, both parties are missing something. Their concerned about evaluating each sensation on an intensity scale precludes them from using that part of the brain and those emotions and feelings which may direct the sensation to a more intense emotional and/or mental place. To me, abandonment of self and trust in another is a facilitating path to a cathartic experience. Needing to evaluate and to keep a safe-word in mind and thought is a barrier.

And if it is your position that passing that barrier is a state commonly referred to "sub-space" that can and does occur even when the people involved used safe-words I'd say your experience with a 'sub-spaced' submissive and/or slave is NOT in any way similar to mine. A person without the ability to speak their own name - can NOT remember that "elephant" is code for stopping the sensation.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 11/6/2007 1:27:13 PM >

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 1:25:56 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have never been a fan of the safeword, though if the new person I am playing with asks, I will do the red/yellow.  With people I am used to, it just doesn't occur to me.  I am not interested in causing damage to my playmates, and if they are physically DONE, then they are done, regardless of what their endorphin-raddled brains might say.

I do think that anyone can have a bad day, be they bottom, sub, or slave.  ANYONE can have a sudden freak-out during a bondage scene, have an alarming chest pain, or any number of things that are unpredictable.  So far, I've been able to distinguish the sincere, "we have to stop this NOW, something's wrong" from "stop, this isn't as fun as I thought".  Communication?  Plain good luck?  Lots of practice?  Probably some combination of the above. 

I do fall into Merc's camp that safewords are an act of dominance and scene control by the submissive.  Some scene educators talk about "eliciting constant agreement" (a paraphrase) throughout the scene, but in my corner of the universe, you say yes ONCE, and are in my capable hands for the duration.  No one ever accused me of being SSC.  :) 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 1:32:27 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
<snip>
beth hasn't needed to dominant me by using either thus far.


clarification please? would you consider it specifically beth dominating you, in your case only, if she used a safe word?
or do you consider it a submissive dominating a Dominant to use a safeword?


Sure...
If beth had a safe-word and/or used one, she would be the dominant in the activity. I don't distinguish her from any other slave. "submissives" are different in my mind, however yes the same opinion applies.

Reacting to hearing whatever safe word used to stop or slow down by stopping or slowing down indicates that the "submissive" is using the "dominant" as a sensation facilitator. Whoever controls the activity, or has the ability to control the activity by the use of a word or gesture, is the dominant partner. You can use any name or label for the parties that you'd like. Action / Reaction indicates dominance. Saying "red" or whatever you use, and having the result of stopping the scene means you are in charge of the scene. To me, that represents dominance.

Unless you are using safe-words as short cuts to getting to know the person, or to address lack of experience and/or confidence then they serve that purpose. Assuming safe-words have an expectation of being respected and have the power those that use them say they do, the power rests with person who maintains the power to say them even if they never use them. 

Clear?

and if i told the Dominant i was playing with that i refused to acknowledge a safeword and/or use a safeword that they gave me what kind of submission/slavery would that be?

yes i have often used safewords as a short cut because i play casually... you don't...that doesn't make either of us any better than the other...and it doesn't make me any less submissive...there is a female Dominant i submit to on a regular basis that refuses to play with me if i do not feel that i will use safe words to let her know when something is not right...she doesn't really need them, but she needs to know that if she misses the signs that i will let her know, its like having those life jackets on the boat as well as knowing that i am a strong swimmer, because, i am so glad that you don't expect any storms on your ocean, but there are plenty on mine...and ocassionally an underwater (no land?) mine....

quote:


Edited to add:
quote:

i have found that i safeworded when the energy was not flowing between me and the Top...nothing to do with the implement...because if you take a look at my back...there are scars aplenty from the play i have done...but i have also called red to end a scene because it hurt so bad 10 minutes in....

Went back to re-read and saw this quote from you.

Regardless of the scars, you obviously were in charge in both cases. The first because you just weren't into it; with no or little consideration if the sensation facilitator you were using at the time was. In the second case - it was too much for you, again not considering what was wanted by the facilitator but the fact that the scene stopped showed who was in charge.

These were good illustrations of my point and shouldn't indicate any qualitative judgment of "better" or lifestyle "dogma". It doesn't imply the facilitating of sensations or the receiving of them is "bad" or not as good as the alternative. It is simple pragmatism based upon observed or documented action / reaction.


actually no...the first and the second were not seperate scenes...and they hurt in a bad way because the energy was not flowing...and had nothing to do with the person's skill or judgement or experience in the lifestyle...and i was not in charge, until that point when i ended it...for my own safety...because i do no good permanently harmed....

protect the property at all times, even if that is from the owner (it hasn't been yet, but i will if i have to)

clearer?
edited to add: "er"

chelle

edited to add: i use code words because i love consensual non-consensuality, "no Daddy, please don't, that hurts, please stop" really means, "omg that feels so good, please do NOT stop"

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 11/6/2007 1:53:37 PM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 1:40:15 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I do fall into Merc's camp that safewords are an act of dominance and scene control by the submissive.  Some scene educators talk about "eliciting constant agreement" (a paraphrase) throughout the scene, but in my corner of the universe, you say yes ONCE, and are in my capable hands for the duration.  No one ever accused me of being SSC.  :) 


To me this is exactly like saying deciding what to serve for dinner is a dominant act or making sure one's owner takes their meds is a dominant act. If the dominant in question desires for X to be done, how is doing it a dominant act? Or it is a dominant act with submissive intentions? By my book that makes it a submissive act.

Sometimes, in order to study and get my schoolwork done effectively, I have to tell Valyraen to go away and leave me alone. Is that dominant because I am telling him to go away or is it submissive because he orders me to finish school and do whatever is needed to fulfill that order.

For whatever reason Valyraen wants the safeword in place along with the safety scissors, the knife, the first aid kit and the phone. What is the dominant act: Obeying or saying "Oh no Sir, I can't do that because to even allow you to put a safeword in place and respect your wishes would make me dominant! You have to confirm to my ideas of dominance!"

Safe-words may be over-relied on and I can understand pointing out their shortfalls but to call obeying one's owner a dominant act is something I do not understand.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/6/2007 1:48:04 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 1:46:20 PM   
bostontwo


Posts: 43
Status: offline 		We've generally been asked us to use color-codes--red, yellow, or green, depending on whether I need a complete stop, lessening of sensation, or wish to give the okay to continue. Although my natural reaction has just been to call time-out, as I don't usually safeword for a lessening or a slowdown, only when things get totally unbearable.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 1:53:46 PM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

to rely upon honest and forthright communication instead of trusting my safety to some pre-scripted made up word that has been attached some magical property of safety.


While i do think there are certain folks for whom a safe word can be a useful tool, for myself i do not use them.
 
The first time we scened right before he tied me up Scooter asked" what is your safe word and do you want to use it?"
 
I replied "well, if i say Hey! Fucking stop that ! He could consider that my safe word if he wanted to".

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 2:07:44 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

i was not in charge, until that point when i ended it

So, you were not in charge until you were in charge and ended it - I get it.

Casual, long term, or using a leather strap attached to an electric fan when you can flip the switch or say a word to stop you are in charge. And if you are concerned about safety before, or especially during a scene, the decision to scene is the questionable one not whether or not to use a magic word to stop the sensation. Counting on the safe-word to be honored by the same person jeopardizing your safety is the only thing I can image less reliable as a source of safety than the safe word itself.  
quote:

clear?

Yes chelle, its clear you like to have the ultimate authority and dominance in the session and control over the sensations you experience. I don't have any problem with that. Enjoy!

quote:

AquaticSub: To me this is exactly like saying deciding what to serve for dinner is a dominant act or making sure one's owner takes their meds is a dominant act. If the dominant in question desires for X to be done, how is doing it a dominant act? Or it is a dominant act with submissive intentions? By my book that makes it a submissive act.


A.S.,
If your dominant wants or needs reminding of taking his meds doing so is submitting to that desire; same as cooking dinner without being specific to its menu. If by that same token he demands you have and use safe-words again that's his prerogative for his reasons.

When you use the safe word though and he stops you can say his dominance ceded that authority to you, but the power to stop the sensation was, and is, ultimately yours. I won't put any label to the result, but ask the question. If someone says stop and the sensation stops who had power and exercised power? Who stopped the scene? Who dominated? Saying you did, but on authority granted by your Master may be factually accurate, but the semantics of words don't reflect the reality of dominance and/or control. 

What you call that person doesn't change what occurred or what dynamic you maintain in the relationship. I know in my relationship I'm the only one with that power, and beth doesn't. I'm her Master in the context of the relationship between us and she a slave in that same context supported by our 'dogma'. she does not have to ability to stop what is occurring only I do. I don't abuse it and I do consider my partner's feelings and personal safety more so than she does in many situations.

quote:

Sometimes, in order to study and get my schoolwork done effectively, I have to tell Valyraen to go away and leave me alone. Is that dominant because I am telling him to go away or is it submissive because he orders me to finish school and do whatever is needed to fulfill that order.
Well, this is a completely different matter. I'm on record with my opinion that it's impossible to "serve" two masters whether they be people or school or career or employment. This situation confirms my belief and makes the point. However if he orders you to do so - all we have is different opinions and not reason to go to war. No "better" "best" or the converse "bad" or "worse" implied. I trust you are as confident and un-threatened by opposition to your positions as I am in mine.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 11/6/2007 2:15:01 PM >

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 2:20:12 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:


Yes chelle, its clear you like to have the ultimate authority and dominance in the session and control over the sensations you experience. I don't have any problem with that. Enjoy!
 

wow, that was closed minded of you...i have ultimate authority and dominace in a session because i am following orders of the relationship...if thats the way you want to see that, far be it from me to change your mind...i didn't think i needed to point this out, but..... a safe word does not automatically equate the session stopping unless the Dominant decides that the session should stop...

and i hate having authority and dominance...thats why i end sessions where i have it...i get nothing out of them...


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 2:20:42 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
A.S.,
If your dominant wants or needs reminding of taking his meds doing so is submitting to that desire; same as cooking dinner without being specific to its menu. If by that same token he demands you have and use safe-words again that's his prerogative for his reasons.

When you use the safe word though and he stops you can say his dominance ceded that authority to you, but the power to stop the sensation was, and is, ultimately yours. I won't put any label to the result, but ask the question. If someone says stop and the sensation stops who had power and exercised power? Who stopped the scene? Who dominated? Saying you did, but on authority granted by your Master may be factually accurate, but the semantics of words don't reflect the reality of dominance and/or control. 

What you call that person doesn't change what occurred or what dynamic you maintain in the relationship. I know in my relationship I'm the only one with that power, and beth doesn't. I'm her Master in the context of the relationship between us and she a slave in that same context supported by our 'dogma'. she does not have to ability to stop what is occurring only I do. I don't abuse it and I do consider my partner's feelings and personal safety more so than she does in many situations.

Perhaps we should consider why a scene is stopped. It is Valyraen's desire to not inflict non-erotic pain most of the time. While I would endure it for him, he has no interest in inflicting it. This being the case he wants to know when non-erotic pain is being inflicted. Because he is not me, I must tell him. We also enjoy very intense scenes of non-consent where I will fight him. He does not want these to trigger any bad memories or emotions for me, so I must tell him if they do. I do not see it as my stopping anything because if he wanted it of me, I would endure the pain and bad memories. Therefore, in stopping something that he does not want to happen from happening, I am obeying and submitting to his will.

I suppose I do not feel the power is mine because he can take it away and how much do I really have if it can be removed at any time?
quote:


I trust you are as confident and un-threatened by opposition to your positions as I am in mine.

Naturally. It is just something I do not understand but I suppose it is not something I need to understand. I only need to understand the workings and rules that I must live by after all.

At any rate, I must scurry off to class or I will face corner time when Valyraen gets home!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Safe words - 11/6/2007 2:59:42 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I guess here comes another anology that you guys can ridicule:

To me, a BDSM relationship is like being in one of those driver's ed cars. The driver (the Dom/me) has control of the wheel, and the accelerator pedal... but both they, and the person in the passenger seat (the sub) have a brake pedal that they can use, just in case. The Dom/me controls where the scene/relationship goes: but they both have a way to stop it, if they see a danger. This stoppage is not nessicarily a permanent thing. It could just be that one or the other of them saw that they were headed for a cliff. That's what safeword is to me: the brake.

It in no way becomes the submissive's way of "dominating" the Dom/me. I just can't fathom that. It's like saying the ripcord on your parachute is there to spoil your skydiving experience. (In my opinion.)

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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