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Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 3:18:49 PM

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I'm sure I'm not the only femdom that has turned down a sub who propositioned me, only to have him respond in a really ugly way. Perhaps a few emails have been exchanged -- nothing major -- but once he is told that she doesn't think he's right for her, the way he deals with it often shows his true colors (and ruins any future chances with her, should her situation change). Here are a few of my favorites in the category of worst.

When a potential sub is rejected, he:

1. Says something like, "Oh, ok. Do you have any female friends I can contact or submit to?" (this is especially annoying if you barely know the guy -- he's just looking for someone, anyone -- and it's obvious.)

2. Says, "Your LOSS!" or something negative in a huff. Or "You don't know what you're missing."

3. Does not take no for an answer.

4 Says something totally insulting -- like "You're ugly anyway" -- the guy just previously slobbering all over your photos.

5. Claims that you must not be a REAL femdom then. Or says, "I knew you were a fake."

6. Tries the, "Well, it's obvious you think you can't handle me, then. Admit it, you can't handle a real man!" and/or insults those that submit to you already.

Any other good ones? Subs, have you ever responded less than gracefully to rejection? Ever said anything you regretted?

Akasha

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RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 3:56:49 PM

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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You pretty much covered the ones that we have gotten in the past - although most of them also included derogatory names.

Just remembered one that a particularly bitter 'submissive' sent: "it's no wonder you can't find what you are looking for, it doesn't exist and you'd better learn that" (of course, this was in response to the fact that I requested to no longer hear all of his cuckold fantasies that I had already told him we weren't interested in ... and honestly, I have yet to talk to a Domme that I would consider reputable who would be interested in his fantasies long term).

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 8/14/2005 4:00:35 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 3:58:54 PM

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Joined: 6/29/2005
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I was once chatting with a "sub" who, once he saw that I was not interested in feminization as my main fetish, told me "you Dommes are doing a horrible job of matching the needs of subs out there". He then made some insulting comments about my physical appearance and then became verbally abusive.

Amazing.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 4:01:45 PM

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Joined: 3/23/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I was once chatting with a "sub" who, once he saw that I was not interested in feminization as my main fetish, told me "you Dommes are doing a horrible job of matching the needs of subs out there". He then made some insulting comments about my physical appearance and then became verbally abusive.

Amazing.

Be well,
Julie

I'm sorry, but that was just too funny. I can honestly see it happening, too. (not the latter part with the insults, but the first statement he made)

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 4:15:05 PM

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Most of the non matches for me are fairly classy and take it fairly well, but when I get a virulent response, it usually is very bad (refraining from the obvious because you've seen it on the boards directed at me Akasha), like you're fat anyway... To which I reply you have an astute grasp of the obvious, you Loser! Than I block. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 4:20:30 PM

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I'm sure I'm not the only femdom that has turned down a sub who propositioned me, only to have him respond in a really ugly way. Perhaps a few emails have been exchanged -- nothing major -- but once he is told that she doesn't think he's right for her, the way he deals with it often shows his true colors (and ruins any future chances with her, should her situation change).
<snip>
Any other good ones? Subs, have you ever responded less than gracefully to rejection? Ever said anything you regretted?

Akasha

I believe you are right, that many of us, if not all, have dealt with the angry, abusive rejectee. I'm familiar with the list you provided, and really can't add to it.

Most of the time, I ignore their abuse, but if it's particularly nasty, I respond to them, by "thanking" them for showing their true colors, and confirming to me, that I made the correct decision in rejecting them.

Rejection is hard to take, for anyone, but it certainly isn't carte blanche to become abusive. If the two people are not compatible...they are just not compatible.

K

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 6:44:53 PM

saret

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

ARG. ARG, I say!

You have hit the nail on the head - I've recieved lots of these, in many permutations. I even get them when I don't reply with "No, thank you", from users I ignored.

I even get letters from dom guys, usually having the tone of "Yer a purty lil' filly, you just need some breakin' in!"
Strangely, they seem to take "No thank you" better than a lot of subs.

-S-

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/14/2005 6:48:45 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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I have gotten every one of those.

How about the ones that have a particular kink/fetish that you would list as a limit. I have had individuals such as this continuously explain the wonders of their own kinky ideas with hopes that they may sway my interest.

No means no.

I am not a fan of the block features, but as of late I find that I am using it more often. Strangely enough, a day or so after I block someone I see that that they close their account.

MstrssPassion

ps... I have yet to hear back from support about the online stalker I have. If a mod happens to read this can you tell me if I should write support again.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 2:00:22 AM

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Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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Someone from Australia sent me an email. He seemed pleasant enough at first. He requested a chat via Yahoo. He continued to come across as respectful - right up until he learned my financial status.

Apparently he wanted a rich, American bride to use and abuse him as a poor pool boy of some sort - he did not want a student, currently struggling to put together a corporation. He said that wealth equaled power and I was nowhere near "powerful" enough to suit his lofty needs.

He also tossed about words like "fake" and "much too young anyway" - despite having fawned over me moments prior to learning that I had no intention of wedding him.

Oh... And there was this one icky Dom who had some rather strange ideas about what I needed. He elaborated with about forty lines of shoddily composed text. At first I really wanted to boil over and toss a searing reply his way but I figured if he was going to get a verbal humiliation session out of me he ought to be paying for the pleasure - so I instead wrote back with red pen corrections. He replied in a surly fashion, "thakn u madam typin teachr". I guess my lesson failed to penetrate.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 2:52:23 AM

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Joined: 10/30/2004
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*chuckle* nice list Aakasha.

You pretty much covered them all with only some slight variations. I tend not to get too agitated by these responses. I figure that they have been let down, too, so this is their venting moment. Just like accepting other people's kinks, I accept that other people respond to my "No, thank you" in whatever way they need to in order to move on.

As was mentioned by someone earlier, the worst ones usually have deleted their profiles before I have a chance to respond anyway. That just tells me that it was a temporary flight anyway, and they weren't in it for the long haul yet. The serious ones will try again, and hopefully learn from the experience. By being honest with them about how their message did not suit my needs, they may have learned something.

Purr

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 3:09:25 AM

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

I am submissive and I initiate communication with
women only.
But men still contact me. So this might cause me to
have had a different experience.
Other than someone who was stalking me here for
a while, I have never gotten a negative "rejection" reaction
from anyone here at CM.
I really try to avoid sending out negative responses.
If they are rude to begin with or I feel they have not read my
profile, I just Block them.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 2:28:05 PM

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This subject used to come up quite often after we'd close down the bar, clean up and have a few cocktails. The consensus opinion was ; The re-buff always needed to be viewed as part of the hustle - Put the smile back on your face and knock on the next door ; }

- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 2:41:01 PM

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Joined: 8/2/2005
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My online relations seem to end 1 of three ways.
1. the woman in question stops writing (discussed in another thread).
2. I say that while I have enjoyed talking to her I don't think we quite match up as well as I'd like.
3. She says somthing like #2.

Since I almost entirely initiate contact with locals, I go to great lengths to be polite and respectful. Even when the woman is a sub, untill we agree to enter into some kind of Ds relationship she deserves at least that much. One reason I do this, is I try to be a decent guy even tho I am awful at e-mail. And second, since I am talking to folks in my local geographical area I don't want to get the reputation of being an assclown. I fully intend to begin attending local munches/socials soon (may be this weekend if no family obligations).

Some people tho think the anonymity of the net is an excuse to be a putz.

Nuke }:-

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 3:04:56 PM

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Status: offline

Hey Brother. I just say no matter what, never give up. The best advice I've seen here so far; is approach the whole thing in a vanilla manner, and then work it from there.

- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to Nuke718)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 3:45:21 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn
I was once chatting with a "sub" who <snip> told me "you Dommes are doing a horrible job of matching the needs of subs out there".

That's priceless! I love it! It's a classic! Can't say I've heard that one yet.

***************

Akasha, I regularly get 1 through 5; #6 doesn't invade my turf because I take a very strong stand against anyone who attempts any sort of protocol and honorifics during introductory interactions. That always colors the spotlight differently.

This isn't even a Dom/me-sub "thang." It's a ploy that's used by people who have no clue how to handle any perceived lack of acceptance and/or those who reject others before the others have a chance to do the rejecting. Here's an example from everyday life:

I was in my laundry room in the basement of my apartment building around 10 or 11 PM on a Saturday night. (Hot date, eh? LOL) The laundry room used to take up the entire back area of the building. The landlord decided to build a few basement apartments. (Dubbed "garden" apartments -- talk about a spin doctor notion!) That reduced the laundry room to one-third its original size; there's an apartment door that can only be entered by walking into the laundry room. The windows in the laundry room face into the building's backyard/garden.

So, there I was, minding my own business, doing laundry -- both mine and Herb's (my long-term partner) -- when I heard someone tapping on the window. When I looked up, there was a slightly soused guy out there. He gave me a cock 'n bull tale about how he was supposed to meet his friends, who lived in the adjoining apartment, and since it was chilly outside, but they weren't home yet, could I let him in to wait for them. If you'd see the configuration of my building, it would be apparent that the only way he'd know about the back apartment was if he'd been in it already.

Granted, people can manifest ugly sides of their temperaments when drunk. Maybe this guy would have been different when sober.

He initially started chatting me up with idle chit-chat, but after a few moments, his questions clearly turned toward an interest in getting into my panties. There was an inherent assumption that I must be lonely and alone if I was doing laundry on Saturday night. I demanded that he leave and wait for his friends outside. He became livid. I found myself being verbally assaulted with every manner of insult about what a loser I was. Beyond the issue of why would anyone assume that I have no partner -- simply because I was doing laundry (we had some shindig or trip or something that I was preparing for, in actuality) -- a precious few minutes before, he was pushing hard to bed down l'il ol' loser moi.

As inappropriate as these sorts of hostile reactions are, they make sense from the perspective of psychological defense mechanisms. Here's what I have yet to discern on a level that's logical to me:

This dynamic has become an ongoing feature. I've decided to archive (as screen shots) this select group of e-mails sent to me. Why screen shots? Because they're so outrageous, that should anyone ever attempt to accuse me of having an overly active imagination and making up tales out of whole cloth, I've got proof to back my claim. (I'm still deciding what to do with these preposterous e-mails. They'd surely make a good book.)

There's a segment of guys who read my profile's stipulations for my "minimum" requirements and go bonkers. My request for a college grad is, apparently, a major threat to a segment of guys who either never completed college, or never went past high school. Keep in mind that I've never had any contact with them. All they've done is read my profile. Instead of just shrugging and moving to the next profile, they take it upon themselves to let me know where I can stick it, along with the horse I rode in on.

Sheesh! Talk about guys who are insecure to the nth degree!

~ Ti ~

** Edited by Ti due to CollarMe server's failure to post what I typed. I thought it was only my mail service that became corrupted. (Can no longer send or receive mail on CollarMe. Apparently, my Message Board abilities are starting to degrade, too. This surely bites the big one!) If the post remains incorrect when I hit that OK button, it will remain impaired. Curses to the server's corruption propensities! **

< Message edited by TiNeedsHouseboy -- 8/15/2005 11:57:39 PM >

(in reply to sarbonn)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 5:20:36 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
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From: Arizona
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Just remembered one that a particularly bitter 'submissive' sent: "it's no wonder you can't find what you are looking for, it doesn't exist and you'd better learn that"

You mean I am not the only one looking for the impossible?
One of the best I had is the boy who sent Me a one liner telling Me he was available on chat ID XXX@XXX and he even had a webcam! Like right now! I did not even respond, yet I got a "two liner" the next day telling Me I was a fake and obviously not real since I didn't rush straight to his webcam display the night before!
I guess the fact that I was not interested in his webcam party consituted a rejection?

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 5:31:16 PM

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Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
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quote:

I guess the fact that I was not interested in his webcam party consituted a rejection?

You missed the opportunity to see his penis! Of course he took it personally, sheesh.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/15/2005 9:38:13 PM

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Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I'm sure I'm not the only femdom that has turned down a sub who propositioned me, only to have him respond in a really ugly way...

When a potential sub is rejected, he:

1. Says something like, "Oh, ok. Do you have any female friends I can contact or submit to?" (this is especially annoying if you barely know the guy -- he's just looking for someone, anyone -- and it's obvious.)

Actually I'm trying to think of a time a sub was intentionally personally rude to me (though a number of Doms come to mind...) My most unbelievable sub reaction was when one was annoyed because I said I wasn't interested in relocating (he was "bound" to his location), he then offered to pay me a $500 finder's fee if I came up with another Domme for him who would.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/16/2005 12:05:28 AM

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger
The consensus opinion was ; The re-buff always needed to be viewed as part of the hustle - Put the smile back on your face and knock on the next door ; }
- The Ranger

That's the ticket! You should always dust yourself off and try again in life, hopefully always with a sense of humor instead of bitchy thoughts. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

RE: Worst rejection reactions -- subs, what NOT to do - 8/16/2005 6:52:26 AM

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

That's the ticket! You should always dust yourself off and try again in life, hopefully always with a sense of humor instead of bitchy thoughts. M

Damn staight! There's just too many pink houses out there not to give it another whirl. LMAO!

- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

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